


SANA - the story that could have been

by Julieseven



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Bullies don't win, Bullying, Eid, Father-daughter love, Girl Drama, Girl Power, Girls Kissing, Girls in Love, Mental Illness, Moroccan Food, Mother-daughter love, Multi, Muslim girl strugggles, Ramadan, Supportive friendships all around, girls supporting girls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-12-15 07:01:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 138
Words: 131,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11800887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julieseven/pseuds/Julieseven
Summary: My own version of Season 4 of SKAM. Updates will be posted in real time.





	1. "Teaser/Trailer"

**Author's Note:**

> Let me say first: I love love LOVE the fourth season of SKAM. I don't want to discredit Julie's hard work with my own version of Sana's season, not at all. I can't deny though that I do think there was some potential in there that wasn't fully used, which is why I decided to try and give Sana the story I feel she deserves! 
> 
> This work is a gift to the family I chose, the worldwide community of SKAMily! So many of you have helped me through tough times, made me smile and laugh and all of you are very close to my heart! I feel so loved by all of you and hope to give some of that love back with this work.
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) if you want! I like all kinds of feedback and love discussing ideas!

This is my own version of Season 4 of SKAM. 

 

This is not meant to be a 'better version' of season 4, as I deeply admire Julie Andem's work and don't want to disrespect neither the characters nor the stories she has created. The reason I wrote this is because I wanted to delve into Sana's story myself since I identify with her and her struggles so much.

 I will post "live" updates in the sense that I will update more or less daily, as if this were an actual season. The only difference will be is that the Events take place in spring, just like the actual season, so they will be posted a few months "later" than when they happened. I hope you will enjoy this ride with me! Let me know in the comments what you liked, what you hated and what needs to happen next. I can always make changes to my script ...

As would be in SKAM, I will not tell you when the season starts .. so stay tuned! <3


	2. Episode 1: Monday 10th April, 13:16: Thanks, Isabell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glossary for Episode 1:  
> Astaghfirullah: Arabic for “I beg Allah’s forgiveness”. Used in situations where you  
> just did something you’re sure Allah doesn’t approve of.
> 
> Insha’Allah:“If Allah wills it”, or “God willing.”
> 
> Maghrib: The early evening prayer, the fourth one of the day.
> 
> Wudu: The ritual washing before prayers. You wash your face and hands and  
> if possible also your feet three times before praying.
> 
> Makkah: The sacred city of Islam where the Kaaba stands. Muslims always face that  
> direction when praying.
> 
> Kaaba: Muslims believe that the Kaaba was the first house built for humans.  
> Therefore it’s believed to be the place where creation began.
> 
> Surah: A verse of the Holy Quran as well as a verse of a prayer.

 

Nothing takes your mind off everything that bothers you like shooting hoops on your own. You can totally forget everything around you, it’s just you, the ball and the basket. The steady, rhythmic sound of the ball hitting the concrete makes you feel grounded and confident, and just - like yourself. It’s almost one o’clock and thankfully, you have the court to yourself.

 

You are just about to take off your hoodie - the spring sun is warming you up, besides, you’ve been here for almost an hour - when you hear several male voices approaching. Sure, you’re wearing a long shirt under your hoodie, but the last thing you want is boys seeing you take off a piece of clothing. You don’t need that sort of comments today - not when you’re having such a good day.

 

The boys are on the court now. All three of them are tall and wearing tight tank tops that show off their rather muscular upper arms. You allow yourself to look at them for just a bit too long, until one of them catches your eye. Quickly turning away, you close your eyes and shake your head. _Astaghfirullah._

 

You adjust your hijab and pick up your ball, quickly making your way to the gate on your side of the court. The boys are talking to each other animatedly and you're grateful that none of them looks over at you again. Digging your phone out of your pocket, you take a deep breath and check your messages.

 

_From Noora: “Are you still coming?”_

 

You slap your palm against your forehead. _Fuuck!_ Playing basketball made you forget you had agreed to help Isak move out of the kollektiv and Noora to get settled in her old room again. Luckily, you spot your brother approaching your house the second you look up.

 

"Elias," you call out, and your brother stops, turning around to face you. "Are you going home?"

"Yes, why?" your brother frowns as you walk up to him and shove your basketball into his hands, smiling queasily.

"Can you please drop this off in my room? I gotta go somewhere."

Elias is about to toss the ball back at you but you quickly turn around and walk away. "Thank you," you call over your shoulder, ignoring your brother's protests.

You see a tram approaching and break into a run. A minute later, you’re sitting on the tram, panting slightly, and typing a quick reply to Noora.

 

_To Noora: “Sorry, took the tram in the wrong direction, am on my way.”_

 

Feeling a pang of guilt at the lie, you put your phone back in your pocket. Losing track of time is not something that happens to you often, which makes it all the more embarrassing when it does. And you really hate lying.

With a deep sigh, you tap on Isak’s contact on your phone and bring it up to your ear. He picks up after the second ring.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey, sorry to disturb you, I just … I completely forgot I promised to help you guys move,” you blurt out right away, but Isak merely chuckles.

 

“It’s okay, we’re already done,” he laughs again. “I don’t have much stuff anyway, and we already moved Even’s stuff yesterday with his parents.”

 

You sigh and lean back in your seat. “Is Noora very mad at me?”

 

Isak giggles and you hear Even laugh next to him as well. “Are you kidding? Noora just got her room back, she’s the happiest she’s been in six months.”

 

You both giggle at that.

 

“No seriously, Sana, the girls are in the kitchen celebrating. Just go and join them.”

 

“Okay, thanks Isabell,” you tell him, making him chuckle again.

 

“No problem, Sanasol. Also, if you want to help us unpack tomorrow …”

 

“Bye, Isak,” you laugh and hang up the phone, feeling much better already.

 

You arrive at kollektivet a short while later. Eskild buzzes you in and meets you on the third floor landing, wrapping you in a warm hug and cooing in your ear. “Welcome, welcome, come join us in the kitchen.”

 

The girls are all gathered around the kitchen table and cheer when you walk in. “There you are,” Noora says, and you’re glad to notice she doesn’t sound irritated.

 

You hug everyone hello and apologise to Noora for being late, but she just shakes her head with a short laugh.

 

“It’s okay, there wasn’t that much to do anyway. Plus, Vilde was late, too, she only arrived ten minutes ago.”

 

“I was busy fucking,” Vilde says without even blinking, making you stare at her in shock.

 

“Uh, what?” you ask, staring at Vilde in disbelief. “Don’t tell me we’re talking about your sex life again?”

 

Vilde crosses her arms in front of her chest, looking slightly annoyed. “What, why can’t I talk about my very fulfilled sex life with Magnus? I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and it’s like you don’t even care, Sana.”

 

You sigh deeply, clearing your throat. “I do care, it’s just … I don’t need to hear the details of what you do in bed every other day.”

 

Vilde takes a deep breath but before she can say anything, Eskild jumps in.

 

“I agree with Vilde, talking about sex is very important.” He walks up to her and wraps an arm around her shoulder. “I for one am very glad Vilde is getting laid on a regular basis, and you’re always welcome to talk about it.”

 

You have to suppress a groan. “I just think sex should be something nice between you and Magnus, and not something the whole world needs to know about, Vilde.”

The room goes quiet and you instantly wish you hadn’t said anything.

Vilde sighs dramatically and blinks a few times before she replies.

 

“I understand it’s hard for you to hear us talk about sex since you can’t have it, but …”

 

“I can have sex, Vilde, I just choose not to,” you snap at her, regretting it the second the words leave your mouth. _Why do those conversations always end up being about me?_

 

Thankfully, Noora clears her throat, stopping Vilde from saying anything else that might make you react even more aggressively. “Does anyone want tea?”

 

Both you and Chris throw a grateful look at Noora, and you’re glad to see Noora smiling compassionately. “Yes please,” you reply and walk over to help her.

Chris then asks the others if they have any idea what the five of you could do on the weekend, and a minute later, the conversation is light again.

 

At least until Eva clears her throat and sits up straighter. “Alright, I have to say something.”

She throws an insecure look in Noora’s direction, making everyone frown.

 

“What is it, Eva?” Vilde asks curiously, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Eva sighs deeply before she goes on.

 

“Okay, so you guys know I’ve been … hooking up with Christoffer for a while?” You all nod and something in your gut tells you you’re not going to like where this is going.

 

“Well, the last time I saw him, he said something that kind of - shocked me. He visited William in London like a month ago, and apparently, William has a new girlfriend.”

 

Eskild gasps and puts a hand on Noora’s shoulder. “Oh my God!”

Vilde’s eyes go wide and Chris’ jaw drops, and you feel a wave of anger washing over you. _That fucking bastard._

 

Noora however just smiles slightly and puts her hand over Eskild’s, craning her neck to look up at him. “It’s okay.” She looks over at Eva, reaching out for her hand as well, as if it was Eva who needed reassuring. “I swear, it’s okay. I didn’t exactly expect him to wait for me or to come back some day.”

 

“Still, you always said you weren’t really broken up,” Eva croaks and you realise she’s fighting tears. “I’m so sorry, Noora.”

 

Noora just shakes her head and crosses her arms in front of her chest, still smiling bravely. Her eyes however give away that she’s hurt. She doesn’t want to be, but you can tell she is.

 

“Don’t be. I was the one who left. I should have expected that William will move on.” Leaning forward, she takes both of Eva’s hands in hers. “Thank you for telling me. It’s good to know.”

 

After that, Eskild offers to open a bottle of champagne to celebrate “Noora’s new freedom”, which Eva and Chris happily agree to. You keep an eye on Noora however, and you notice that she doesn’t look anyone in the eye anymore.


	3. Episode 1: Monday 10th april, 17:02: Not your maid

You haven’t even closed the front door when you hear them laughing from the living room. For a moment, you consider hiding in the kitchen, but then you hear _his_ voice.

 

“What do you wanna say to people who can’t hear?” Yousef asks and you can’t help but smile to yourself. _Even his voice is cute, damn it._

 

You take off your jacket and hang it up, then walk over to the dresser in the hallway and touch up your lipstick, trying not to scowl at your reflection. Taking a deep breath, you put the lipstick back in your pocket and then open the door to the living room.

 

Your brother Elias and his friends Adam, Mikael, Mutassim and- your heart skips a beat when you see him- Yousef, are huddled together on the couch in front of Elias’ laptop, chattering and laughing in direction of the webcam, apparently recording a video. You remember Elias talking about making a v-log with his boys a few months back already. It seems he finally decided to give it a go.

 

You watch them silently, your eyes lingering mostly on Yousef. He’s taller than the other four, and his eyes sparkle every time he laughs. Other than Adam and Elias, whose voices always sound like trumpets, Yousef speaks softer and still, the boys always listen to him. And his hands - damn, his hands are so beautiful. Long but strong fingers, which emphasise every word when he talks about something that matters to him.

 

“Hello little sister.” Your brothers loud voice interrupts your reverie, and you hope you’re not blushing too obviously.

 

“Hello boys,” you say and step into the living room. Your brother is frowning at you, but you can’t help but look at Yousef’s face again. He’s smiling broadly at you, making your heartbeat speed up a little.

 

“Aren’t you helping your friend move?” Elias asks, getting to his feet.

 

“It’s five o’clock, Elias, we were done hours ago,” you tell him, making Yousef giggle slightly.

 

“Did it go okay?” he asks softly, and you nod, smiling back at him.

 

“Well, it’s good you’re back, cause you could make us some dinner,” your brother says, making you scoff.

 

“Are you out of your mind? Cook for yourself, I’m not your maid.”

 

Elias grins at you and if you didn’t know any better, you’d swear there is a hint of pride in his eyes.

 

“Alright, do you know when Mamma is coming home?”

 

“No, haven’t seen her since this morning,” you reply, trying not to sound too indignant. Your brother annoys you to no end as usual, but you don’t want to seem like too much of a bitch in front of Yousef.

 

Elias gives an annoyed “tsks” and turns back around to Mikael, Adam and Muttassim. “Boys, since my lovely sister will not cook for us, it appears we must starve.”

 

The boys - except Yousef, who looks a little embarrassed for Elias’ sake - all pretend to die on the spot, making choking noises. Mutta crokes: “Noo, Sana, why are you letting us die?”

 

You groan exasperatedly and throw your hands in the air. “See you later, boys.” And with that, you walk back to your room.


	4. Episode 1: Tuesday 11th April, 11:23: You go, girl!

**_Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

 _Eva:_ _How did it go with your room Noora? Are you_

_settling in okay?_

 

_Noora: Yes thank you. It’s so strange to have so_

_much space to myself after sleeping on the_

_couch _for so long.__

 

                                                                                           _You deserve it, Noora, enjoy it._

 

 _Chris:_ _YAS!_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Did you talk to William, Noora?_

 

 _Noora:_ _I am busy setting up my room,_

_no time for texting boys._

 

_You go, girl!_

 

 _Vilde:_ _But you have to ask what happened?_

_He can’t just leave you for another_

_woman_ _without saying anything._

 

 _Noora:_ _Thank you, Vilde …_


	5. Episode 1: Tuesday 11th April, 15:48: Off limits

Closing the door to your room behind you, you drop onto your bed with a relieved sigh. After spending two hours shopping for a new outfit for summer training, you’re really glad to be back home. Although you hate shopping, you’re happy with your choice: You found a black-and white long-sleeved shirt with Stephen Curry’s Jersey number printed on it, and matching black pants made of light material that shouldn’t make you sweat too much.

 

Sitting back up, you’re just about to take off your hijab when you hear five male voices from the backyard, laughing and shouting. You already know it’s the boys, but what makes you get up are the sounds of what must be a basketball hitting the ground. Elias doesn’t own a basketball, and you doubt that any of his friends do, either.

 

“Oh no, you didn’t,” you grumble and rush over to your window, checking the basket in the corner where you keep your ball. And sure enough, it isn't there. You pull the curtains aside and instantly spot your brother and his four goons, throwing YOUR basketball back and forth between them and heading towards the playground behind the house.

 

You close the window with an angry groan and rush out of the apartment. By the time you reach the playground, the boys are already trying to play. None of them know what they’re doing, of course. When he sees you approaching, Elias instantly drops the ball, holding up his hands in defense.

 

“I swear I would have asked had you been home!”

 

You scoff and catch the ball bouncing towards you. “You’ve obviously never heard of texting? Besides, you know my ball is off limits either way, particularly for morons who don’t know how to play anyway.”

 

The boys howl collectively, and Adam murmurs “Ouch”, making a face as if he’d been hit in the groin.

 

“Don’t get arrogant, little sister, I taught you everything you know about basketball,” Elias says, and that just makes you laugh.

 

“What are you talking about, mamma plays basket better than you!”

 

That makes the boys laugh out loud, and you have to force back a smile when you see Yousef giving you an approving nod.

 

“Ah, now you’re just being mean, Sana,” Elias says, putting a hand over his heart while pulling a grimace. “Come on, I’ll challenge you to a one-on-one, up to Eleven points, what do you say?”

 

The boys laugh again, and Mikael touches Elias’ shoulder, his expression a mix of concerned and amused. “Dude, no offense, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

 

“Yeah, I don’t think you want me to do that to you in front of your boys,” you agree with Mikael, grinning slightly. Yousef barks out a laugh and winks at you, and you hope to God he doesn’t hear your breath catching in your throat.

 

You already know Elias is not going to let this go, so you add: “If I were to do it, what’s in it for me?”

 

Elias grins and licks his lips. “I’ll be your slave for a week if you win. But if I win... “ both you and the boys chuckle at that, making Elias raise his voice a little. “If I win, you’ll be my slave for a week, making me food, bringing me stuff and so on.”

 

You nod with an approving grin. “Sounds good to me. Go ahead.”

 

Now the boys are properly howling and whistling, and Elias laughs confidently, as you throw the ball back to him.

 

It doesn’t last long.

 

Elias scores on his first try, but so do you, and after that, he misses the basket three times in a row while you dunk the ball easily every time. Your brother catches up then by scoring four out of five times, but you don't miss at all. The score is 9:5 in your favour now, and your brother is about to give up, so you decide to be a little mean and miss on purpose two times in a row. Elias scores in between, which makes him cocky.

 

“Turns out I’m not as bad as you think, eh little sister?” Elias laughs when he manages to score a second time.

 

You don’t even bother saying anything but simply run up to the basket and dunk the ball in a particularly elegant jump, making the boys cheer and clap. Elias misses again on his next try, and then you dunk the ball in for the 11th time.

 

The boys clap and cheer, but Yousef points his finger at Elias, laughing at him. “You honestly thought you could beat Sana, man, I can’t believe it.”

 

He winks at you again, and you’re glad you didn’t look at him while playing. The expression on his face is full of warm admiration and you wish the other boys weren’t here so you could talk to him alone. Although - knowing yourself, you’d probably choke up and not say anything.

 

“Thank you, brother, I look forward to you being my personal chauffeur for a week,” you tell Elias and put a hand on his arm. Your brother pouts for a second but then gives you a defeated smile and puts his arm around you.

 

“I accept my defeat, sister. You are indeed the best player I know. Congratulations.”

 

You can’t hide the blush on your cheeks as you smile at your brother, feeling proud of him. Elias may be a fool and a bit too full of himself sometimes. But he is not a sore loser.


	6. Episode 1: Wednesday, 12th April, 14:36: No plans

“I love ice cream,” Vilde declares and digs her spoon into her cup with a delighted grin on her face.

 

Eva nods in approval as she does the same. “Yep, it’s the best part of summer, definitely.”

 

All five of you are sitting on a stone bench at the harbour, basking in the afternoon sun and enjoying the first cups of ice cream this year. 

 

“Can I try some of your chocolate ice cream?” Eva asks you with fluttering eyelashes.

 

You chuckle slightly and hold out your cup to her. “Sure.”

 

“Thank you,” Eva giggles and loads a small piece of chocolate ice cream onto her spoon.

 

“So, what are we doing for the rest of the week?” Chris asks from the other end of the bench, looking bored.

 

Vilde sighs and shrugs. “I have not heard of any good parties yet. To think that Easter is coming up and we have no plans!”

 

Noora grins at the four of you. “I could just cook Paella for all of us at my place on Friday?” she suggests, making Chris shake her head.

 

“No offense, Noora, but I think I need to meet some hot guys. If I don’t get over Kasper soon I will lose my damn mind.”

 

Vilde grins at Chris. “Ah, I’m sure you’ll find someone soon and be happy like me.”

 

Eva groans. “Yes, Vilde, we know you’re happy.” She licks her spoon clean before adding: “Do you remember that it was you who gave Chris shit when she spent all that time with Kasper last year? Look at you now.”

 

Vilde rolls her eyes at Eva. “I am the only one of us who’s never had a boyfriend, so why don’t you just be happy for me?”

 

You feel a sting at Vilde’s words. _What about me?_ It hurts that your friends seem to think that just because you’re muslim, having a boyfriend is out of the question for you. To distract yourself and to direct the conversation back to a subject you’re comfortable with, you turn to Noora. You are just about to tell her you like the idea of her cooking for you guys when you hear a “ping” from your phone.

 

You had told Elias to let you know when he’s in town so you could decide whether or not he should pick you up. Digging your phone out of your pocket, you do see a text from him, however with unexpected content.

 

 _Elias:_ _“You didn’t tell me you had such pretty friends. Are you bringing them to our party on _Friday?”__

 

Rolling your eyes, you look up, and sure enough, there they are. All five boys are walking towards you with matching grins on their faces. _Fucking hell._

 

For a second, you consider telling the girls to run for their lives, but Vilde has already spotted your brother and his friends.

 

“Wow, speaking of meeting hot guys, Chris …” She motions towards the boys with her chin and you wish the ground would open up beneath you and swallow you whole.

 

That doesn’t happen of course.

 

“Hei Sana,” Yousef says shyly, and you try to smile at him without looking into his eyes, which proves to be impossible. Looking at your brother, you try to glare angrily.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“Walking in the city, which I believe is not illegal - yet,” your brother laughs and you roll your eyes at him. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?” he adds after a moment.

 

With a deep sigh, you wave your hand at the boys. “Girls, these are my brother Elias and his friends. Boys, these are my friends. Now, can you leave?”

 

But of course, Elias doesn’t get the hint or - more likely - deliberately ignores it.

 

He walks up to Noora and stretches out his hand to her. “Hi, I’m Elias, what’s your name?”

 

Noora smiles back and shakes his hand briefly. “Noora, hello.”

 

Elias introduces himself to Vilde, Eva and Chris in the same way and the rest of the boys follow suit, all of them grinning at you with a mix of pity and glee. Except for Yousef, who somehow seems to be a little embarrassed as well, laughing nervously every time he says his name.

 

“So, I suppose you girls have some days off too?” Elias asks and looks at all five of you in turn, making you scowl.

 

“No, we are actually just about to head back to school, Elias.”

 

Your brother chuckles slowly and rubs his hands together. “Good, good. So, do you have any plans for Friday yet?”

 

 _Oh boy_ , you think, closing your eyes and hoping you’re about to wake up from a very bad dream. Unfortunately that’s not the case, and before you know it, Elias has invited your friends to a party on Friday.

 

“Awesome, we will pick you up on Rådhusplassen at 8pm.” Elias is way too excited for your taste, but your friends are definitely interested. You have to suppress a groan when you catch Vilde staring lustfully at your brother. _No, please GOD, no!_

 

You consider telling your brother he has to stay away from his friends since he’s your slave this week, but that will only postpone the disaster.

 

“Where should I pick you up later, sister?” Elias asks after shaking your friends’ hands again.

 

“Forget about it,” you growl at him, making him grin broadly.

 

“That’s what I thought. See you at home then.”

 

And before you can hiss an insult at him, he’s thrown an arm around Yousef’s shoulder and disappeared with the boys around the corner.

 

“Wow, you didn’t tell me your brother was seriously hot, Sana!” Vilde sounds almost offended, and for once, you can’t bite back a remark.

 

“I don’t exactly think of my own brother as hot, Vilde. Also, don’t you have a boyfriend?”

 

Noora nods slowly with an indifferent expression on her face, but Eva wraps an arm around your shoulder and taps your nose with her finger.

 

“I can’t believe YOU got us into a party with some hot boys, Sana! Aoooooh!”

 

You just frown at her. “Don’t count on my brother keeping his word. They’re perfectly capable of not showing up. So don’t hold your breath.”

 

Vilde just giggles and gets up to toss her ice cream cup in the bin next to the bench. “Don’t be rude to your own brother, Sana. I’m sure they will be there.”

 

You turn to Chris, the only one who hasn’t spoken since the boys walked away. She grins queasily at you and licks her spoon clean. “Hey, I know it sucks that we’re hanging out with your brother, but I promise you I won’t hook up with him.”

 

That makes you laugh and you reach out to bump your fist to Chris’. “Thank you, I’ll take your word for it.”


	7. Episode 1: Wednesday, 12th April, 16:15: Aye captain

_**Chris** _

__For realz, girl: Would you mind if I hit o_ _

__one of your brother’s friends? I swear I_ _

__won’t _even think about it if you do!__ _

 

                                                                             _It’s your decision, really. My brother’s friends_

_are all idiots though._

 

_I guess you have to think that since_

__they hang out with your bro, eh?_ _

 

__

 

_I find them pretty funny at least._

 

_Honestly, do what you have to, but I wouldn’t_

_recommend falling for any of them._

 

_Aye, captain. Duly noted._


	8. Episode 1: Wednesday 12th April, 18:54: Works for me

**_Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

_V _ilde:_ _Girls! Noora just got a message from Mari__

__f _ _rom third year. She is selling her group’s___ _

____Russebus_ _and asks if we’re interested?_ _ _ _

 

_How much do they want for it?_

 

 _Noora:_ _Too much, we can’t afford it. 300’000 kroner!_

 

 _Chris:_ _Wooow, how big is that thing?_

 

 _Vilde:_ _I still think we should talk about it._

_Eva, can we meet up at your place_

_tomorrow?_

 

 _Eva:_ _I can’t host again, like, ever. My_

_mum’s a nerd._

 

 _Noora:_ _You can come to my place. Eskild is_

_working all day and Linn never leaves_

_her room_ _anyway._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Sweet, so shall we say, three o’clock_

_at Noora’s?_

 

 _Chris:_ _If I’m awake._

 

_Works for me._

 

 _Eva:_ _Yes. Noora, should we bring anything?_

 

 _Noora:_ _Just your lovely selves, Eva, that will_

_be enough._

 

 _Chris:_ _ookay then._


	9. Episode 1: Thursday, 13th April, 15:05: Don’t wanna jinx it

Vilde is just about to call Chris, when the doorbell rings. Noora goes to answer the door and moments later, she comes back with Chris in tow. Chris is panting slightly and mumbles “Sorry, missed the tram”, and doesn’t look any of you in the eye. You’re pretty sure Chris “missed the tram” just like you “took the tram in the wrong direction” on Monday, and you give her a reassuring smile once she sits down next to you on the couch in Noora’s living room.

 

“Alright, now that we’re all here,” says Vilde with a kind smile in Chris’ direction. “What do you think of Mari’s offer?”

 

Noora just shrugs and pours herself a glass of water from the decanter on the table. “I don’t see what we have to discuss. We can’t afford the bus, and I don’t think we’ll get 300’000 kroner together until we graduate. We’re just five people.”

 

Eva nods slowly. “Yeah, we have barely 50’000 kroner.” She pushes a strand of hair behind her ear and then frowns at Vilde. “How big is that thing anyway?”

 

“It has space for 25 people,” Vilde says, looking down at the piece of paper in her hand. “Mari’s bus group was bigger than ours.”

 

She then turns to Chris, who is reaching for some crisps and looks at her with a thoughtful expression. “I mean, I might get my hands on a pretty cheap bus, I just gotta talk to my uncle.”

 

Vilde stares at her, looking excited. “Really? What kind of bus?”

 

Chris munches on her crisps, pointing to her mouth. You take the opportunity to chime in.

 

“I agree with Noora and Eva, we can’t afford to spend money we don’t have. Besides, a bus for 25 people is too big for us anyway. Can anyone even drive a bus of that size?”

 

Noora shakes her head, putting her glass down on the table. “I don’t even drive at all.”

 

“Neither do I,” you add with a smile at Noora.

 

“Me neither,” Eva says. “I think the only one of us who can drive is Chris, right?”

 

Chris nods with a cheeky grin. “Yep, but the biggest car I’m allowed to drive is a Minivan, not a 25-seat bus.”

 

Vilde bites her lower lip. “Okay, I guess that settles it then. We’re gonna decline?”

 

You and Noora nod in unison, and Eva and Chris say “Yes”, shortly after one another.

 

Vilde nods as well and then puts down the piece of paper. “Okay, I will call Mari then.” She sighs deeply and turns to Chris again.

 

“What kind of bus did you say you might be able to get?”

 

Chris sits up straighter and clears her throat. “Well, my uncle runs a used car business, so he might be able to hook us up. I’ll call him to check if he has something that could pass for a bus.”

 

Vilde claps excitedly. “Alright, that sounds good. Let us know as soon as possible.”

 

Noora takes a deep breath and bites her lower lip for a second before she says: “I might … I could ask someone for help, too. No promises though.”

 

Vilde’s eyes go wide gain and Eva gives Noora a warm smile. “Who?” Vilde wants to know, but Noora just giggles nervously.

 

“I don’t wanna jinx it! I’ll … I’ll let you know when I get a reply,” she says with a sideways look at Eva, who grins uneasily.

 

You look from Noora to Eva and back again, trying to figure out what is going on between them. _What do you know that the rest of us don’t?_

 

Vilde shakes her head and writes something on her piece of paper before sitting up straighter and looking around at the four of you.

 

“Alright, it’s settled: We’re refusing Mari’s bus, and both Chris and Noora will see what they can find for us. This is good.”

She looks almost cheerful now, and Noora pats her shoulder.

 

“Well said, boss.”

 

You all laugh at that, and Vilde even blushes a little. It doesn’t matter to you that she’s a little naive sometimes; Vilde is a good bus boss, and you really like her - most of the time at least.

 

Vilde puts her notes away and soon you are talking about the plans for this weekend. “I still can’t believe Sana’s brother and his friends are taking us out tomorrow,” Vilde says and you suppress a groan.

 

“Mhm, that guy Adam seems to be really funny, “ Chris says, with a sideway glance to you.

 

You grin back at her and take a handful of crisps from the bowl in front of you. “He’s the clown of the group, I warn you. Don’t believe anything he says.”


	10. Episode 1: Thursday, 13th April, 21:28: I’ll take your scraps

**_Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

 _Vilde:_ _Ladies, don’t you think we should fix_

_Noora up with one of the boys?_

 

 _Noora:_ _Hallo, I’m right here. And I say no_

_thank you._

 

_Set-ups never work anyway. Plus I told_

_you guys, they’re all useless._

 

 _Vilde:_ _I don’t know, I think Yousef is pretty_

_sweet, don’t you agree Noora?_

 

_Noora: Nei. I mean, he’s nice and everything,_

_but the last thing I need right now is_

_another_ _guy._

 

 _Eva:_ _< 3 <3_

 

 _Chris:_ _I’ll take your scraps, Noora._

 

 _Noora:_ _Hahahaha go ahead Chris._

 

_....._


	11. Episode 1: Friday, 14th April, 16:14: Insha’ Allah

**_Mamma_ **

 

_Are you coming to the mosque tonight?_

 

_Sorry, I promised I’d go out with my friends._

 

_Okay. It’s just that Jamilla asked about you_

_the other day._

 

_…_

 

_I really think she’d like to hear from you._

 

_I don’t know what to say._

 

_Insha’Allah you will find a way to talk_

_to her._

 

                                                                        _Insha’Allah._


	12. Episode 1: Friday, 14th April,19:58: Hello boys

“Brr, how is it still this cold in April?” Eva complains and wraps her jacket more tightly around herself. Noora smiles warmly and hugs her, rubbing her upper arms.

 

“Awh, why are you wearing a summer jacket in spring?” she coos and Eva giggles, snuggling closer to Noora.

 

“It’s my cutest jacket, I wanted to look good.”

 

Noora taps Eva’s nose with her finger. “You always look cute, Eva.”

 

You smile at the two of them, wondering when Eva and Noora got so close.

 

Vilde is jumping up and down, and you’re not sure if it’s because she’s cold or out of excitement.

 “Is your brother usually on time, Sana?,” she asks you, and you have to fight the urge to roll your eyes.

 

“I think I told you my brother is not reliable, so no. Usually, he’s late, particularly when he’s with the boys.”

 

Vilde is about to say something, doubtlessly contradicting you, when Chris suddenly points to the other end of the square, chuckling quietly.

 

“Hello boys.”

 

You turn around on your heels and almost groan. Elias and the boys are actually here, walking towards you with matching gleeful expressions. Your brother winks at you, making you roll your eyes at him.

 

“Hey girls,” he says, smiling brightly and then the boys are greeting your friends with handshakes and hugs, as if you always hung out together, and you feel your heart sink, just when Yousef appears in front of you, smiling brightly.

 

“Hei Sana,” he says, and you can’t help but smile back at him.

 

“Hei Yousef.”

 

“Are you okay with the ten of us hanging out together?” he asks, biting his lower lip. “I imagine it’s a bit awkward for you.”

 

You shrug with a slow sigh. “What can I do?”

 

Yousef chuckles and you follow the others off the square. “You could kill us all, that would solve it.”

 

You laugh out loud, lightly shoving him. “My mum would never forgive me for killing Elias.”

 

Yousef sucks in a breath. “But you would kill me? No regrets?”

 

Pursing your lips, you grin at him, slowly shaking your head. “No, I wouldn’t kill you.”

 

Yousef’s warm laugh makes butterflies erupt in your stomach. “Oh, good, thank you.”

 

You walk in silence then, observing the rest of the group laughing and joking in front of you, and you’re about to ask Yousef how things are going with his job, when Elias turns around and frowns.

 

“Yousef, my man, come here,” he calls, and thankfully, Chris turns around at that and holds out her hand to you.

 

You catch up to her just as Yousef walks over to Elias and Chris puts her arm around your shoulder. “Are you okay?” she asks, and you feel a wave of affection for Chris. She is the only one of your friends who somehow always feels when you’re not at ease.

 

“Yeah, as long as none of you go home with my brother, I’m okay.”

 

Chris chuckles. “Well, I promise you I won’t touch him. Can’t vouch for Vilde though.”

 

That makes you both laugh, and then you’re already in front of the house you recognise as the building where Elias’ friend Unnar lives. They went to Elvebakken together and you should have known that the party would be at his house - Unnar’s parents both work abroad and are hardly ever at home.

 

The party is already in full swing and the boys start greeting people left and right while Vilde and Eva decide to go looking for booze. You’re about to ask Noora if you should go sit down somewhere when you realise you haven’t prayed Maghrib yet. The Adhan went off about an hour ago, and you have recently been trying to pray more regularly. With a deep sigh, you tell Noora you need the bathroom.

 

You find it at the end of the hallway, luckily empty. Performing Wudu, you already feel much calmer as the water trickles down your cheeks. You look at your reflection for  moment, taking a deep breath to ground yourself and focus on your evening prayer. Back in the hallway, you pick the first closed door you see to open and peek inside the room. It’s a bedroom, and thankfully, no one’s inside.

 

You slip into the room, carefully closing the door behind you and dig your phone out of your pocket. With the help of your praying app, you find out in which direction Makkah lies and even find a small carpet you can use as a prayer mat. You move the carpet with your foot so it points in the right direction and put your phone back in your pocket.

 

Taking another deep breath, you close your eyes, and then everything goes quiet.

 

_Allah hu akbar_

_Ashhadu al la ilaha illa-llah_

_Ashhadu anna Muhammadar Rasulu-llah_

_..._

 

You’re about halfway through reciting the second Surah when the door burst open. You jump and open your eyes to find Vilde, Eva and Chris staring at you.

 

“What are you doing in here?” Vilde asks, looking confused.

 

You feel yourself blush and clear your throat, blinking a few times. “Uh, I just … needed a moment. What’s up?”

 

Vilde beams at you. “Come on, we have to show you something. We are such good friends!”

 

You frown at her and catch Eva’s eye. She looks annoyed, but also a little sad and you almost ask what’s wrong, but something in your gut tells you that’s a bad idea.

 

Vilde pulls you out into the hall by your arm and you almost trip over your long linen pants.

 

“Let go of me, Vilde,” you tell her and free yourself, but Vilde doesn’t seem to hear you.

 

She’s standing in the doorway to the living room and pointing to the middle of the room.

“Just look, she’s finally getting over William, I can tell.”

 

Reluctantly, you follow Vilde’s gaze to see Noora sitting on a couch next to - your heart almost stops - Yousef. They’re talking animatedly, smiling broadly at each other, and if it wasn’t for Vilde staring at you as if today was Christmas and Easter combined, you would have cried out in despair.

_No, no, no, NO NOOOO!_

  
  
  
  



	13. Episode 2: Saturday 15th April 10:13: Out of your league

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glossary for Episode 2:
> 
> Fajr: The early prayer, first of the five daily prayers (Muslims have time to pray it  
> from shortly before sunrise until latest before the next prayer at around noon)
> 
> Zaalouk: A morroccan tomato and cucumber salad
> 
> Masha’Allah: “Allah willed it” or “Praise be to Allah”. The expression is used to compliment  
> someone’s looks, their achievements or their character.
> 
> Shokran: “Thank you” in arabic
> 
> Jazakallah Khair:“May Allah reward you.” This phrase is used to thank someone from the  
> bottom of your heart.
> 
> Ramadan: A month of fasting. Muslims fast from Sunrise to sunset for an entire month

You’ve just finished praying Fajr, but instead of peaceful, you still feel miserable about last night. It shouldn’t have surprised you that Yousef is interested in Noora. You’ve heard many people say that she’s the prettiest girl in school, and she’s smart as well, so obviously, Yousef would be smitten with her from the first second. But it still hurts. You thought he was different from other boys, not solely focused on how a girl looks. Turns out you were wrong. Oh well, maybe it’s for the best - he is your brother’s best friend after all, and that was bound to cause trouble anyway.

 

Taking a deep breath, you shake your head as if to get rid of your negative thoughts. It doesn’t work, but you decide you might as well go to the kitchen to get a glass of juice. You find Elias sprawled out on of the couches in the living room with his laptop on his stomach, apparently editing a video of him and the boys.

 

“Morning sister, can you bring me a glass of milk?” he asks, but you merely scoff at him, walking past the couch into the kitchen.

 

“You’re an adult, get it yourself.”

 

“Come on, Sana, you’re already there anyway. Be a good sister, please.”

 

You roll your eyes and poke your head out of the kitchen, already holding a glass in your hand. “You know, since you’re my slave this week, I should actually sit down and ask YOU to serve me.”

 

Elias holds up his hands in defeat. “True, I’m sorry. Forget I asked.”

 

Grinning to yourself, you open the fridge and pour yourself half a glass of juice before joining Elias in the living room, sitting down opposite him.

He sits up after a while, closing his laptop and looking up at you.

 

“So, last night was fun eh?”

 

You almost wince but manage to swallow around the lump in your throat. “I guess,” you say, shrugging slightly and taking a swig of juice.

 

Elias grins and nods. “The boys were delighted to meet your friends. Particularly Noora, she’s pretty hot.”

 

_You mean Yousef thinks she’s hot._

Biting the inside of your cheek, you hesitate for a moment before you reply.

“Yeah, I think she’s a bit out of your league.”

 

Elias chuckles and shakes his head. “According to you, every girl is out of my league.”

 

“True,” you say, grinning bravely.

 

“Well, we should definitely hang out together again, don’t you think?” Elias goes on.

 

You empty the rest of your juice and get to your feet. “We’ll see. I have to ask the girls if they even want to see you again.”

 

Elias bursts out laughing and you’re glad you’re already in the kitchen again when he calls: “Well, Noora talked to Yousef all night and they laughed a lot, so I guess our chances are pretty good.”

 

You put your glass in the dishwasher and take a deep breath to calm yourself down.

“Don’t count on it,” you call back, hoping your voice isn’t trembling as much as your hands.

 


	14. Episode 2: Saturday 15th April, 17:16: Dodged a bullet

The second you start bouncing the ball on the concrete of the playground, you feel better. Similar to praying, playing basketball always helps you to stop thinking. You can forget space and time and focus only on the ball and your breathing.

You’ve just hit the hoop again and are about to run forward to get the ball, when you stop dead in your tracks, sucking in your breath.

Yousef is standing next to the hoop, smirking at you with the ball in his hands.

 

“Hey,” he croaks, scratching the back of his neck and you have to bite back a smile.

 

“Hey,” you say, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

 

“Can I … can I play with you?” he asks hesitantly, and when you raise your eyebrows at him, he quickly adds: “I’m not stupid enough to challenge you to a one-on-one, I just want to see how useless I really am.”

 

In spite of yourself, you laugh and nod slowly. “What do you want to do?”

 

He throws the ball back at you and raises both eyebrows. “I could try and get the ball from you?”

 

You look down at your feet to hide the fact that you’re blushing. “Uh, okay,” you say hesitantly and turn around to make sure your brother isn’t about to show up. The last thing you need is Elias walking on you and Yousef fighting for your ball.

 

“The boys are at Mikael’s to borrow his brother’s basketball,” Yousef says as if he were reading your mind.

 

You look up at him with a grin. “Are they now?”

 

Yousef giggles. “Yeah, I guess Elias didn’t want to run the risk of you catching us using your ball again.”

 

You nod appreciatively. “Good for him.” And then you start bouncing the ball, throwing a challenging look at Yousef. “So are you ready?”

 

He lets out a nervous laugh, rubbing his hands together. And then he suddenly runs at you, diving for the ball in such an obvious move you have to stifle a laugh as you turn around, easily evading him. Yousef groans and almost stumbles over his own feet, but then he tries again. This time, he approaches you from behind and you feel his breath in your neck. You have to focus on the sound of the ball hitting the ground to stay on top of your game. Yousef reaches past you in an attempt to grab the ball and you easily switch hands. However, Yousef’s hand brushes your ribs when he pulls back, making you shiver.

After a few more unsuccessful attempts, Yousef gives up.

 

“Damn, you’re too good, girl,” he pants, taking off his snapback to run his fingers through his hair. You’re panting too, though not as hard, and you’re not entirely sure it’s just because of the - relatively minor - efforts it took you to block Yousef’s attacks.

 

“Thank you, I train two times a week for a reason,” you tell him with a wink, holding the ball in front of your chest.

Yousef laughs and puts his hands on his knees, looking at his shoes. If you didn’t know any better, you’d swear he’s hiding a blush.

 

When he looks back up at you, his warm smile sends a shiver down your spine. His eyes don’t leave yours when he says. “Maybe I should train with you to get better.”

 

You swallow hard and clear your throat. “Uh, I’m not sure I have time to teach a hopeless case like yourself.”

 

“Ah, well. Too bad.”, Yousef says dejectedly and takes a few steps back. You’re about to tell him he can train with you here on weekends when you hear the boys coming around the corner. Yousef’s eyes go wide and he turns around to wave at them.

“Over here, boys,” he calls and you move away from Yousef, making sure Elias doesn’t get the wrong idea.

 

“Where else would you be?” Adam says as he arrives on the playground, waving at you. “Hei Sana!”

Mikael, Mutta and Yousef follow close behind, chattering randomly. Mikael is carrying a beat-up looking basketball, and you decide you’re not going to stick around to watch them try and fail to play.

 

“I’ll leave you to it,” you tell them and wave at the five of them. Mikael laughs and nudges Elias’ shoulder with his own.

 

“Look, you just dodged a bullet. If Sana played with us you’d end up being her slave for the rest of the year.”

Elias protest, and you resist the urge to look back to see Yousef laughing. The sound of his laugh follows you until the back door swings shut behind you. Halfway up the stairs, you stand still for a second, shaking your head. _It’s nothing, get a grip, Sana. He was just being nice._ You take a deep breath and try to steady yourself. But the grin on your face doesn’t go away, not even when you find your mother in the kitchen, preparing dinner.

 

“Hello,” you say and hug her shoulders.

 

“Hei Sana,” Mamma says and leans her head against yours briefly, her hands busy cutting tomatoes. “How was it?”

 

You freeze for a second, thinking she’s asking about Yousef, when you remember she can’t know who you were with just a minute ago. “Uh, it was good, I’ll just … put the ball away, be right with you.” The words tumble out of your mouth a bit too quickly, but you’re already on your way to your room.

 

Dropping the ball on your bed, you sigh deeply and close your eyes for a second. _Focus. Don’t let Mamma notice what’s up with you, not now._ You open your eyes again and turn on your heels, walking back to the kitchen.

 

“Sorry,” you tell your mother, but she just smiles warmly.

 

“What for?”

 

You ignore her question, instead asking one back. “What’s for dinner?”

 

Mamma slides the tomato cubes she just finished cutting into a bowl and sets it back down. “Zaalouk with fresh bread”, she says and you gasp with excitement.

 

“Yes, great!,” you hug your mother’s waist. “Something to look forward to.”

 

Mamma laughs and leans her head back to look at you. “Have you spoken to Jamilla yet?”

 

You let go of her with an exasperated sigh. “No, mamma.”

 

Mamma puts up her hands in defense and then reaches for an eggplant in the basket on the counter. “I just think she misses you, and I know you miss her, too,” she says, her voice warm and kind, and you nod slowly, biting your lower lip.

 

“I guess I could try to text her,” you offer hesitatingly.

 

“Yes. I’m sure she would be delighted to hear from you, even if you just ask how she is doing.”

 

Nodding again, you put a hand on your mother’s arm. “Okay, I will try.”


	15. Episode 2: Sunday, 16th April, 11:19: Trouble in paradise

**_Isak_ **

 

_Do you know the difference between_

_Osmosis and Metamorphosis?_

 

_One has to do with biology and the other means_

_transformation” in Greek, why?_

 

_You are correct :-) Is everything cool_

_with you?_

 

_Yeah, thanks, I’m good. And you? How’s the_

_new flat?_

 

_Too many boxes, but we’re getting_

_there._

 

_Still getting along with Even? No trouble in_

_paradise yet?_

 

_Nah, he’s too good for me, as always._

 

_Awwh, aren’t you cute._

 

_No, but seriously, we’re good._

 

_Good to know._

 

_Sooo have you read the stuff for_

_biology already?_

 

_Yes. You?_

 

_I haven’t had time. Do you think I_

_could borrow your notes?_

 

_What will I get in return?_

 

_How about a home-cooked dinner?_

_Who’s cooking?_

 

_Who do you think?_

 

_You’re using your boyfriend’s cooking skills_

_to get my biology notes?_

 

_Well, are you accepting the offer?_

_I can’t refuse, now can I? You keep singing Even’s_

_praises, I have to check if what_ _you say is true._

 

_Alright then! Can you bring your notes_

_to school on Tuesday?_

_Sure thing, Isabel._

_Tusen takk, Sanasol._


	16. Episode 2: Sunday 16th April, 18:32: Is it a code?

“Where do you want this one?” Eva asks, holding up a framed photo of a beautiful park. Noora looks up at it and smiles at Eva.

 

“Ah, that one would fit over here, don’t you think?” she says and points to the spot over her bed.

 

Noora invited you and the girls to help her hang some pictures in her room. Vilde declined, saying she’s meeting Magnus and Chris is visiting her grandmother, so it’s just you and Eva. You’re looking through some photos of you guys from the past year, trying to decide which ones Noora should put in a big frame to hang up above her desk.

 

“Yes,” Eva agrees, and both she and Noora move over to the bed, Noora grabbing the hammer and a nail from the desk on her way.

 

You laugh suddenly, holding up a picture you took together last year in a photo booth in the city. Eva and Chris are pulling awesome grimaces, while Vilde, Noora and you are laughing. It’s the kind of picture that reminds you why you’re friends with those four lunatics.

 

“I love this one,” Noora says and laughs as well. Eva frowns at the photo for a moment and scoffs.

 

“How is it you love every picture where I pull a face?”

 

Noora giggles and squeezes Eva’s shoulder. “I think you look good in every picture.”

 

“Right,” Eva scoffs again, evidently not convinced.

 

Five minutes later, the framed photo of the park - Noora explains it’s Park Güell in Barcelona, where she went on vacation a few times while she lived in Madrid - is hung at the wall and you’ve picked ten photos for the big frame. Noora looks at your choices and smiles contently.

 

“I like your picks,” she says and rubs your shoulder. Then, she turns around and looks at you and Eva. “Are you guys hungry? I bought stuff to make this Spanish dish my friend from Madrid says I have to try.”

 

Eva squeals excitedly. “Yes, I’m starving! Plus, mamma isn’t coming back until tomorrow.”

 

Noora turns to you and you smile kindly at her. “Sure, if you have enough for all of us?”

Clapping her hands together, Noora nods and turns on her heels to head to the kitchen.

 _Insha’Allah it’s a vegetarian dish_ , you think and follow Eva out of Noora’s room.

 

While Eva gets three plates from one of the cupboards and walks out into the living room, you open the fridge and ask Noora what she needs.

 

“Uh, I’ll need sour cream, butter and the minced meat from the second shelf, please,” Noora says and you hand the three items to her, your stomach sinking. The minced meat is beef, of course.

 

You’re going to have to pick it off your plate. It’s in moments like this you curse yourself for not being braver. You wish you could just tell the girls why you can’t eat certain foods, but you’re afraid they will look at you differently if you do.

 

You take a deep breath and turn back to Noora, who has already turned on the stove and is chopping an onion.

 

Moments later, she pours some olive oil into the pan and adds the onion cubes, but suddenly she’s frowning. “Damn, I can’t remember if I have to add garlic to this.” She chews her lower lip for a second and then calls out to the living room: “Eva, can you check my computer real quick? I need the recipe.”

 

“Yep,” Eva calls from the hallway and seconds later: “Uh, what’s your password?”

 

“Experfive,” Noora calls, making you frown. _What the heck?_

 

Eva seems to think the same. “What?” she calls, and Noora giggles amusedly, looking at you.

 

“Go help her, it’s E-x-p-e-r and the number five. I will lose my voice if I have to dictate it to Eva from here.”

 

You smirk at her, biting back a comment about Noora’s weird choice of password and walk out of the kitchen.

 

Eva’s sitting cross-legged on the floor in Noora’s room, the laptop on her knees, scowling at the screen. “What did she say the password was?” she asks and hands you the computer as you kneel down next to her.

 

“E-x-p-e-r-5,” you spell out, making Eva frown.

 

“So I did hear it right. What the fuck?” she giggles.

 

“Tell me about it,” you agree as Noora’s home screen is loading.

 

“I can hear you girls mocking me from here, you know,” Noora calls from the kitchen, making you and Eva laugh.

 

“Well, you have to admit it’s a weird password, how did you come up with that?” Eva calls back, craning her neck in direction of Noora’s voice.

 

“Where is the recipe?” you ask and Eva repeats the question loudly for Noora to hear.

 

“On my email, it’s my hotmail account and the password is the same,” Noora all but yells, making both you and Eva laugh again.

 

Two minutes later, Eva has found the recipe and prints it out. You get to your feet to grab the recipe from the Printer and bring it to Noora who is already mixing tomato cubes with the onions.

 

You peer at the top of the page and then hand it to Noora with a frown. “It’s all in Spanish.”

 

“Yes, I told you it’s from my friend in Madrid, she doesn’t speak Norwegian,” Noora laughs and takes one look at the recipe.

 

“Phew, no garlic. I’m glad,” she says and then points to the fridge. “Can you get me the pot of sour cream please?”

 

You grin at her with a nod. “Yes, master chef.”

 

Noora giggles as Eva joins the two of you and hooks her chin on Noora’s shoulder, wrapping her arms around her. “Smells good,” she murmurs, sniffing the steam coming from the pan.

 

You put the sour cream on the counter next to Noora, who gently disengages herself from Eva’s embrace, waving her arms as if to say “I need space!”

 

“Thanks, Sana.”

 

You nod at her and then lean at the wall opposite the stove with a comfortable sigh, watching Noora cook and listening to Eva tease Noora about her password. “Are you trying to hint on something? Is it a code?”

 

Sure, sometimes you feel out of touch with your friends. But right now, you feel happy and content.

 

You’re just gonna have to think of an excuse why you can’t eat the minced meat.


	17. Episode 2: Tuesday 18th April 08:44: I owe you, Sanasol

Elias has dropped you off outside of school and you watch him drive away with a content smirk. Today’s the only day you’ve actually used him as your ‘slave’, but it was totally worth it: You got to wake him up and he couldn’t chase you away without breaking his word. And you know it was wrong, but you really enjoyed watching him drag himself out of bed and cursing his former self for challenging you to a basketball game.

 

Isak is already waiting for you at your locker, smiling shyly when you approach him.

 

“Hey,” he says, suppressing a yawn.

 

“Morning.” You smile at him, biting back a remark about Isak not being a morning person. “How was your Easter break?”

 

Isak shrugs, huffing out a laugh. “Too short. Who know moving in with your boyfriend could be so much work?”

 

You frown at him while opening your locker. “Did you spend the entire holiday unpacking?”

 

“Well not the entire week …” The cheeky grin on Isak’s face makes you wish you hadn’t asked.

 

“Forget it, I don’t need to know,” you stop him, holding up a hand.

 

Isak chuckles again. “I was only going to say we also cooked and watched some movies, what did you think?”

 

Groaning exasperatedly, you throw your locker shut and try to glower at him. It’s but a fruitless try though because you can’t stop grinning. “So do you still need my biology notes or what?” you ask him, raising both eyebrows.

 

Isak nods, a hopeful expression on his face. “Please? You’ll get them back tomorrow, I promise.”

 

Trying hard to hide a grin, you hand him your notes in a folder. “Chill, I won’t need them until next week.”

 

“Awesome, thanks. I owe you, Sanasol,” Isak says and walks backwards, trying - and failing - to wink at you.

 

“If you say so, Isabell,” you tell him, and with another chuckle, Isak disappears around the corner.

 

You close your locker and start making your way down the hall to the classroom where your English lesson will start in about ten minutes, still smiling to yourself.

 


	18. Episode 2: Tuesday 18th April, 11:33: Other plans

 

“So, are you guys in or what?” you hear Vilde ask as you approach the girls who are sitting at one of the benches in the school yard.

 

You sit down next to Eva who smiles at you absent-mindedly and then turns back to Vilde, a frown on her face.

 

“You mean you want us to go to a party the Pepsi Max Gang is throwing?” Eva asks and you stare first at her and then at Vilde, who is nodding slowly.

 

“Yes. I spoke to Ingrid earlier, and I think she still feels kind of bad about how they acted towards us last year or something.”

 

You frown incredulously and look over at Noora, who stares at Vilde as if she suggested you go Bungee Jumping. “Vilde, those girls … they’re not exactly the kind of crowd we want to hang out with, to put it lightly?” she says, waving her hand in front of Vilde’s face as if to wake her up from a trance.

 

“I agree with Noora,” you say while unpacking the sandwich Mamma made for you this morning. “Those girls are not to be trusted.”

 

Chris looks at the four of you and then shrugs, an unimpressed expression on her face. “I don’t care to be honest. A party’s a party, no?”

 

Eva frowns at first but then her face lights up and she grins at Chris. “You know what? You’re right. Let’s go drink their booze and steal their boys.”

 

Noora sighs and sets down her fork. “Seriously?”

 

Eva bumps her fist to Chris’s and turns to smile at Noora. “What? It’s not like we are actually fighting with them? And if Vilde says we’re invited anyway, why not go and take advantage of it?”

 

“Actually,” Vilde pipes up and pulls a face, sitting up a little straighter. “Ingrid said the party is at Sara’s house and she imposed the rule that if a group of girls shows up together without dates, they have to bring the same amount of boys to get in …”

 

She bites her lower lip and then turns to look at you. The second you meet her eye, you already know what she’s going to say. “Oh no, you’re not thinking of asking my brother and his goons to join?” you tell her, making Chris giggle slightly.

 

Vilde is still biting her lip and looks down at her hands before she looks up again. You see it in her face before she says it.

 

“Uh, I kind of … already asked Elias?”

 

You put down your sandwich and glare at Vilde. “How could you? He’s my brother, Vilde! And you’re using him to get us into some party with the Pepsi Max Gang without asking me first? That’s not okay!”

 

Vilde looks scared by the time you’re done talking, making you regret your outburst immediately. “I’m sorry,” she says quietly, and you try to smile at her although you’re still angry.

 

“It’s … fine, I guess. Just don’t be surprised if they don’t show. We got lucky on Friday, I don’t expect them to be this reliable twice in a row.”

 

Vilde sighs with relief and briefly touches your arm. “Thank you, Sana.”

She then looks at Noora and Eva. “I think this might be a chance for us to make peace with the Pepsi Max Gang. Who knows, maybe they’re actually really nice and just acted mean last year for some reason?”

 

You and Noora exchange a look, smiling at each other, and you’re pretty sure you think the same thing. Out loud you say: “Just wait for my brother to reply to you first. They might have other plans anyway.”


	19. Episode 2: Tuesday, 18th April, 19:26: On board

**_Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

 _Vilde:_ _Ladies, the boys are on board. We_

_are going to the Pepsi Max party._

 

 _Chris:_ _Awesome. Are there any other rules_

_besides the “bring as many boys as_

_there are _girls in your group” one?__

 

 _Vilde:_ _No, that’s the only rule._

 

_Wrong. One more rule: No one goes_

_home with my brother!_

 

_E _va:_ _Fine by me. Adam’s cuter anyway.__

 

 _Noora:_ _I will be going home alone._

 

 _Chris:_ _I told you Sana, your brother is off_

_limits. Got it._

 

 _Vilde:_ _I’m going home to Magnus anyway._

 

 _Eva:_ _So that’s settled? We’re going to Sara’s_

_house on Friday? Damn, there’s something_

_I _never thought I’d say again.__

 

 _Noora:_ _You can still change your mind._

                                                                                  _Noora <3 <3_


	20. Episode 2: Tuesday 18th April, 19:35: Stick together

**_Noora_ **

 

_I swear, if those girls so much as look at me_

__wrong on Friday, I’m leaving. Are you with_ _me?__

 

_Yes!_

 

_Let’s just see what happens and if it becomes_

_too ridiculous, I’ll treat you to a kebab_ _or_

_something. Unless that interferes with your_

_plan to eat “less meat”?_

 

_Should be fine, I can eat falafel. I’m in._

_Thanks, Noora._

_Us sane ladies have to stick together._

 


	21. Episode 2: Wednesday 19th April, 08:32: Play fair

 

You hear them before you see them. More exactly, you hear Isak’s laugh. Turning the corner onto Niels Juls gata, you spot the two of them about twenty steps ahead of you. Even’s arm is slung around Isak’s shoulder and his mouth is at his boyfriend’s ear, murmuring something under his breath. You can’t help but smile at the sight. They’ve been dating for more than six months now, but somehow, they never got out of the honeymoon phase. When they reach the gate to the A-building, the boys stop walking and Isak turns his head to kiss Even on the mouth. Even’s other arm coils around Isak’s middle and he kisses him back, smiling under his boyfriend’s lips.

You walk up to them and resist the urge to clear your throat. “Hello,” you say with a slight chuckle, making the boys turn to face you.

“Hello,” they say, almost at the same time and Even reaches for Isak’s hand. “Are you alright?” Isak asks cheerfully.

“I’m good, and you?” you give back, looking from Isak to Even, who is smiling a little hesitantly. You give him a reassuring nod before turning back to Isak.

“I’m still not entirely caught up on chemistry, but otherwise I’m okay,” Isak says and grins queasily. “But your notes have been helpful,” he adds quickly before you can ask, making you giggle. “Thanks for that, again.”

 

“No problem,” you say and point to the B-building. “I gotta go that way, are you coming?”

Isak nods slowly and reaches up to cup Even’s cheek with one hand.

“See you at lunch?” he murmurs and kisses him. Even hums appreciatively and nods, brushing Isak’s nose with his own.

“See you later,” he says and lets go of Isak’s hand. “Bye Sana,” he adds with a smile in your direction and then walks off across the school yard in big strides.

Isak clears his throat and together, you start walking towards the B-building. “Is it me or are you more cheerful in the mornings than last year?” you tease him, making Isak chuckle.

“Maybe? Why do you mean?” he asks, trying to wink. You laugh at that, gently nudging his arm with your elbow.

“Just saying.”

 

You’re about to ask if Isak is already studying for the mock exams when you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. Digging it out, you almost gasp at the sight of the notification on your screen.

_Yousef Acar sent you a friend request_

You put your phone back in your pocket and try to seem calm, hoping Isak won’t notice the sudden blush on your cheeks. Of course, you have no such luck.

“What is it?” he asks and opens the door to the B-building, holding it for you with a questioning look on his face.

“What?” you ask back, trying to look indignant.

 

The look on Isak’s face tells you he knows something’s up but he doesn’t ask. That’s one of the reason you appreciate him so much: He doesn’t assume that just because he can tell something’s up he has the right to know what it is.

“Nothing, I guess,” he says, and follows you inside.

By the time you sit down at your desk in biology, your fingers are itching to get your phone out and see if Yousef sent you a message, but you absolutely don’t want Isak to see …

 

“I won’t look, I promise,” Isak interrupts your thoughts from beside you, making you stare at him.

“Huh?”

 

Isak chuckles slightly and moves his chair away from yours, turning around so he’s facing the window.

“Whatever it is you don’t want me to see, I won’t look,” he says over his shoulder, and you feel the sudden urge to hug him.

Resisting it, you tap his shoulder. “Thanks,” you tell him and then dig your phone out of your pocket again.

Yousef has sent you a message and it’s all you can do not to squeal. You _never_ squeal.

_I want a rematch. You didn’t play fair on Saturday._

You smile and bite your lip before you type a reply.

_How did I not play fair? Should I have dropped the ball on purpose?_

After hitting send, you feel empowered for about two seconds before you start panicking internally. _Calm down for fuck’s sake._ You manage to take one deep breath before your phone pings again.

_No but your laugh kept distracting me._

Scoffing slightly, you type back:

_What’s wrong with my laugh?_

_Nothing, that’s the problem._

You suck in a breath and feel yourself blush. Next to you, Isak smiles at his phone and you could swear it has nothing to do with whatever he’s looking at on his screen, but you have other things to worry about right now.  Your thumb is hovering over your keyboard but before you can think of a witty reply, you see Yousef typing again.

_So, about the rematch?_

Breathing a sigh of relief, you grin at your phone. You’re not gonna give in that easily.

_I’ll think about it._

And with that, you close the messenger app and look at some of the photos on Yousef’s profile. On one, he’s messing around with the boys, and you smile at the way he and Mikael are huddled together. Mikael has always been like a little brother to Yousef and Elias, and in this picture it’s clear how much they all care about each other.

Suddenly, something hits the floor close to your foot and you jump slightly, putting your phone down on the desk.

 

“Sorry,” Isak says and dives under the desk to retrieve his pen. You duck your head to check if he got it but Isak’s already straightened up again and freezes, his eyes locked on the screen of your phone.

_Fuuuuuck._

Luckily, the teacher has just entered the classroom, which deprives Isak of a chance to ask about what he just saw. But the look on his face tells you he’s not just going to forget about it.


	22. Episode 2: Thursday 20th April, 07:20: How are you?

**_Jamilla_ **

 

                                                                                         _Hei Jamilla. I know I haven’t been in touch for a while, and I’m_

_really sorry for how we_ _left things. How are you? Maybe we_

_could hang out some time and catch up?_ _Anyway, I hope_

_everything’s good with you. <3 _


	23. Episode 2: Thursday 20th April, 11:35: SMS Roulette

Walking out of class, you’re hoping for a quiet, uneventful lunch break with the girls. But as soon as you walk up to your usual bench, you already know you will have no such luck.

 

Vilde is chattering excitedly, and when she sees you, she flashes you her brightest smile and announces:

“Your brother chatted with me yesterday, Sana.”

 

 _Oh shit._ You should have seen this coming, since Elias has a knack for embarrassing you in front of other people, but still …

 

Clearing your throat, you sit down on the bench next to Noora. “What did he say?” you ask, trying to sound as indifferent as possible.

 

“He asked for nudes,” Vilde giggles as if it were the funniest thing ever. Both you and Noora stare at her in disgust while Eva and Chris just burst out laughing.

 

“Seriously?” Noora asks and reaches out to touch Vilde’s arm. “That’s not funny, Vilde!”

But Vilde just shakes her head and pulls out her phone.

 

“It’s okay, he sent me this afterwards, apparently it was for a video they made.”

You frown and lean forward to get a good look at Vilde’s phone.

 

 _Right, the boys think they’re youtubers now._ You roll your eyes and sit back down.

 

“I told you, they’re all idiots.” Looking at Yousef's face, you can't help but smile to yourself for a second before you remember what happened the last time you looked him up on social media. Isak had seen a picture of Yousef and the boys on your phone yesterday morning. He'd asked about it after class, but you had pretended to be late for your next class and run away.

 

Eva laughs and pats your shoulder. “Come on, Sana, I know you have to think that of your brother, but you should watch the video. It really is kind of funny.”

 

You roll your eyes at her and force a smile while taking your lunch pack out of your bag. “I see my brother and his goons enough at home, I don’t have to watch videos of them at school.” _Besides, the last thing I need is you girls catching me blush at the sight of Yousef._

 

“But Eva, do you think I should tell Magnus about this?” Vilde interjects, suddenly looking worried.

 

“No, he won’t ever see this anyway,” Eva replies, and you bite back a comment like _“if you don’t want your boyfriend to think you're cheating, don’t reply to my brother asking for nudes.”_

 

Noora clears her throat and turns to you, swallowing a bite of her sandwich. “Are all your brother’s friends this cheeky?”

 

Scoffing slightly, you roll your eyes again. “Uh, yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

 

“Oh well, I don’t know, at least Yousef seems to be kind of … sane?” Noora giggles and your blood turns to ice.

 

 _Of fucking course._ That’s what you get for introducing your friends to your crush.

 

“Erm, sure, if you think so,” you mumble and add something about having to go to the bathroom. Before anyone can stop you, you run off and back inside, only realising when you’re already at your locker that you left your lunch on the table next to Noora.

 

Oh well, you weren’t that hungry anyway.


	24. Episode 2: Friday 21st April, 14:11: What the fuck?

**_Eva_ **

_Hey Sana, are you ready for tonight?_

_Sure, can’t wait._

_Me and you both. Listen, I know this is_

_kind of weird, but I have to ask you …_

                                                                       _Spit it out?_

_Do you think Noora likes Yousef?_

_.... Why do you care?_

 

_Come on Sana, just tell me what you think?_

_I think she’s interested, yeah. Why?_

_I don’t know it’s … I don’t really think_

_he’s her type?_

 

__…_ _

_What?_

_Do you mean he’s “not her type” because_

_he’s Turkish or what?_

_No, what the fuck, Sana? That’s not what_

_I meant?_

_Ok, I’m sorry then. It just … sounded like that_

_for a second._

  _It’s chill. See you later then!_


	25. Episode 2: Friday 21st April, 21:23: Enough is enough

You’re sitting on the stairs in Sara’s house, wondering why the fuck you agreed to go to this party. Your brother and his friends got into some sort of verbal fight with some people, and then left after only an hour. Elias muttered “damn racist idiots” in Darija on his way past you and ever since you can’t fight the feeling that you really shouldn’t be here.

 

After the boys left, Eva, Vilde and Chris started drinking heavily and Noora found Mari and went to get a drink with her in the kitchen. Soon later, the two of them disappeared and you haven’t seen them for the past hour or so. And once again, none of your friends seem to care about you in the slightest. You know they don’t mean it, but it still stings every time.

 

With a sigh, you get to your feet and decide to get a glass of water from the kitchen and then call it a night. On your way there, you pass a group of girls huddled together, and you would have walked past if you hadn’t caught a part of their conversation.

 

“But won’t you get in trouble for this? I mean, going to a party must be a sin in Islam, right?” one of the girls says, and you turn around with a frown. Only now do you see that the group is gathered around a girl wearing a hijab, and the looks on their faces aren’t exactly friendly.

 

You freeze on the spot and keep listening.

 

“Any kind of fun is forbidden in Islam, no? I mean, no offense but that’s kind of what your religion is all about, isn’t it?”

 

You don’t know the name of the girl who just spoke but you know she’s a part of Sara’s friend group. A tall, blonde mess of a woman who drank herself half to death at more than one party last year and always asks stupid questions, no matter if she’s already drunk or not. And to make things worse, you catch the hijabi girls’ eye and see that she’s utterly terrified.

_Enough is enough._

 

“Why don’t you all just piss off and leave her alone?” you say loudly, making the group of girls whirl around and stare at you.

The Blonde Mess scoffs and scans you from top to bottom. “Oh, look at that, it’s the hijab police,” she sneers and you have to close your eyes for a second to fight the urge to punch her.

 

“Just stop, okay?” you say, hating how broken your voice sounds. This situation is already way too similar to countless encounters you’ve had during your time at Uranienborg skole.

 

The Blonde Mess just laughs in your face. “Why?” She points at the hijabi girl. “She comes here into our country trying to be Norwegian when all she obviously wants is to go against everything Norway stands for. So why can’t we ask some questions?”

 

The disdainful tone of her voice makes your blood boil and before you can stop yourself, you take two fast steps towards her.

 

“If you don’t stop harassing her, I’ll call the cops, just to show you how very Norwegian our values are. We have a right to our beliefs, as much as you have a right to be as dumb as you please.”

 

The Blonde Mess gasps and is about to hurl a load of insults at you, but you hold up a hand to stop her. You’ve just noticed Sara standing a few feet away, watching you all with curiosity.

 

“Sara, since you’re the host, don’t you want to make sure all your guests feel safe and welcome?” you ask loudly, and that’s when you notice that half the room is watching you, The Blonde Mess and the hijabi girl.

 

Sara takes a sip of her beer and then puts it down on a side board, evidently aware of all the eyes on her. Clearing her throat, she walks over to you and scans both you and the hijabi girl with a look that makes your skin crawl.

 

“She’s not my guest,” she says coldly. “And neither are you. So I don’t see a reason to stop my friends from asking completely normal questions.” She earns a few laughs with that and picks up her beer again before adding: “Besides, I remember _you_ ,” she points her finger right at you, “picking a fight at another party in first year. So really, I should throw _you_ out before you cause trouble again.”

 

Your hands are shaking, but you manage to straighten up and put your arm around the hijabi girl. “Don’t bother,” you hiss at Sara and with that, you lead the hijabi girl out of the house. The vicious laughter of Sara and her friends follows you outside, so you keep walking until you reach the gate and are finally out of earshot.

Only then do you turn to look at the girl. She’s staring at you in shock, but also with something like admiration. “I can’t believe you just did that,” she exclaims and touches your arm. You flash her a quick smile and for the first time, you really look at her. Her skin is darker than yours, and has beautiful brown eyes and high cheekbones. Her smile shows off her full lips and perfect teeth, and when she laughs again, you can’t help but laugh with her.

“I’m sorry about that,” you tell her, but she frowns at you, shaking her head.

 

“Don’t be, I’m very glad you helped me. I never know what to say in theses situations.” She looks at her hands for a second and then smiles at you again.

“I’m Ayaan, what’s your name?”she asks and you take her hand in both of yours, smiling at her.

 

“I’m Sana,” you say and Ayaan emits a pearl of laughter that almost makes you forget what just happened in there.

 

“Masha’Allah, what a pretty name”, Ayaan says and you can’t help but laugh as well.

 

“Shokran, sister, you’re too kind.”

 

And just like that, all the tension falls from your shoulders and you smile warmly at Ayaan. “So why are you at this party?” you ask, and Ayaan sighs deeply.

 

“My friends were invited. They all have boyfriends and wouldn’t go without me. I know they mean well but one of them brought her brother saying he was ‘my ticket to the party.’” She laughs softly, and you let out a chuckle as well.

 

“I know what you mean,” you tell her. “My friends invited my brother and his friends without asking me, and I … I don’t think they understand how awkward it is for me.”

 

Ayaan rolls her eyes and takes your hand in hers. “Insha’Allah they will come to understand one day. They are your friends after all.”

 

You nod slowly and then reach out to give Ayaan a one-armed hug. “Insha’Allah, sister.”

 

“Do you go to the mosque often?” Ayaan then asks, and you chew your lower lip, hesitating for a moment before you reply.

 

“Not as often as I’d like.” You bite your lower lip, feeling guilty. You really want to go more often, but you can’t tell your friends about it, because you’re sure they wouldn’t understand why you’d not want to join them for parties on Fridays.

 

“Same,” Ayaan sighs and smiles uneasily. “I can’t tell my friends I would like to go to the mosque on some Fridays because I don’t want to lose them.”

 

You could kiss her for saying exactly what you’re thinking. “Yeah, it’s tough,” you say, letting out a long breath you didn’t realise you were holding. “I love my girls, but sometimes, I just wish they would listen more.”

 

Ayaan nods slowly and then pulls out her phone to check the time. “I promised my mother I’d be home at ten.” She giggles shortly. “Thanks to you I will be able to make it on time without lying to anyone.”

 

Only then do you realise that you stepping in could get Ayaan in trouble with her friends. But she seems to read your mind, because before you can say anything, she puts a hand on your shoulder and adds: “Jazakallah Khair for your help, Sana. I can deal with my friends, they will understand. And I hope yours will listen to you more, soon.”

 

She pulls you into a long hug. You hug her back tightly and are almost tempted to leave with her. But when you look over Ayaan’s shoulder, you see Noora sitting on the porch of Sara’s house, watching you with a soft smile. Fighting the urge to run, you gently disengage yourself from Ayaan and take her hand again. “I hope I’ll see you again some time,” you tell her and Ayaan nods with a knowing smile.

 

“Maybe some time at the mosque?,” she says with a soft laugh and then she’s out of the gate, waving at you while making her way down the street. “Good night, Sana.”

 

“Good night,” you call after her, waving back and then you turn back, almost hoping Noora has gone back inside.

 

Of course, she hasn’t. She’s still sitting on one of two long chairs on the porch, and as you approach her, her smile widens.

 

Biting your lower lip, you sit down on the chair next to her and bury your face in your hands. “How much of that did you hear?” you ask, peeking at Noora from between your fingers. Noora giggles and leans forward, putting her elbows on her knees.

 

“I heard enough to know you don’t feel like we understand you sometimes,” she says and the lack of anger in her voice makes you look up at her.

 

“You’re not mad?”

 

Noora laughs again and shakes her head. “No, Sana. I do wonder why you haven’t talked to us about it though?”

 

You cross your arms in front of your chest and take a deep breath. “I don’t really know …”

 

Noora nods slowly and then leans back in her chair. “I understand you, somehow,” she says with a deep sigh. “I mean, I haven’t exactly told you guys why I came back from London.”

 

You frown at her. “You told us you and William were taking a break.”

 

With another sigh, Noora sits up again, pursing her lips. “Yes, but haven’t you wondered why I wasn’t really surprised when Eva told me he has a new girlfriend?”

 

You shrug and hesitate for a second before replying. “You must have expected it. I just don’t know why. You kept saying you were still together.”

 

“I just didn’t want you guys to ask me what happened until I was ready to talk about it,” Noora explains, and you smile warmly at her.

 

“I understand that,” you say simply and Noora returns your smile hesitantly.

 

“You know, I actually came back to Oslo once before I moved back into kollektivet,” she says suddenly, and that makes you suck in a breath.

 

“What? When?”

 

Noora sighs and then goes on. “Do you remember Nico, William’s brother?”

 

You nod silently and Noora squares her shoulders before continuing. “The case I filed against him went to trial, and they asked me to testify.”

 

Suddenly you’re glad you’re already sitting down. You feel almost dizzy upon hearing that. “Oh my gosh, Noora, why didn’t you tell us?” _Why didn’t you tell me? I would have been there for you!_

Noora shrugs and chokes out a laugh, shaking her head instead of answering. She looks down at her fingernails and then goes on. “Anyway, I told William I was going to the trial, booked a flight and came here. The morning of the trial, I got up, had breakfast, got dressed and went to the tram stop. I got on the tram but got off at the next stop again.” Noora sighs and gives you a queasy smile. “I just … couldn’t do it. Facing him again after all this time … It would have been too much.”

You reach out to take Noora’s hand in yours. “That must have been tough.”

Noora nods slowly. “It was. Anyway, I went back to London, and when William asked how it went I told him it was fine and that was that. Until … two weeks later, I got a letter from the court, telling me the case was dismissed and Nico would go free without any consequences. William opened the letter and well … I tried to talk to him about it, but he just … wouldn’t let me.” She takes a shaking breath and then adds: “He was so hurt. I could tell that this whole thing just brought up the stuff he went through with Nico. But he wouldn’t talk to me. He just buried himself in work and hardly came home anymore. So, one day, after he’d left for the office … I just … packed my stuff and took the bus to the airport, bought a ticket and flew home.” She shrugs, as if this was the kind of thing everyone goes through on a daily basis.

 

And you’re scared to think that maybe, this situation wasn’t new for Noora. You know very little about her parents and about why Noora never sees them, but you can only imagine what growing up must have been like for her.

 

Squeezing Noora’s hand, you think for a moment. There is a lot you want to tell her about William, but you don’t think she wants to hear it. So you settle for repeating your question from before. “Why didn’t you call us? When you came here for the trial, I mean?”

 

Noora sighs and shrugs once again. “I guess I felt I had to face it alone or not at all.” You’re about to tell her that’s silly when you realise you do the same thing all the time.

 

“I guess that makes sense,” you say quietly, letting go of Noora’s hand and smiling gently.

 

Noora sighs and pats your arm. “I sometimes envy you, Sana.”

 

You frown at her although you have a suspicion about what she means. “Why?”

 

“For not having to worry about guys,” Noora confirms your inkling and you force a smile.

 

“I guess being muslim makes some things easier.” You could slap yourself for not contradicting her, but you just can't get up the nerve.

 

Nodding slowly, Noora lets out a small chuckle. “Maybe I should just forget about William.”

You should be happy about that. But you feel bile rise in your throat before Noora goes on, and when she does, you instantly know why.

“I could always go for Yousef,” she says. “He seems really nice:”

 

Clearing your throat, you shake your head. “I wouldn’t do that,” you say, hating how broken your voice suddenly sounds.

 

The frown on Noora’s face almost makes you scream. _Why is everything always about you?_ “Why not? Because he’s your brother’s friend?”

 

“No, because he’s muslim.” You clear your throat before you go on. “Muslims can’t marry non-muslims.”

 

“Right”, Noora says slowly. “But I’m not exactly looking for a husband yet, now am I?”

 

You have no idea how you manage to smile at her. Inside, you’re screaming your lungs out.


	26. Episode 3: Saturday 22nd April 03:41: Come back to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glossary for Episode 3:
> 
> Alhamdulillah: “Allah be praised”. The muslim version of  
> “Thank God”
> 
> Okhati: “Sister”
> 
> Roiboos chai: A south African type of tea
> 
> Sharmuta: “Slut” 
> 
> shishbarak: A pasta dish from the Middle East

You haven’t slept a wink until now. After that talk with Noora, the two of you decided to go home, and all the way to the tram stop you had battled with yourself to say something to Noora. _Don’t hit on Yousef. Just don’t._ But, being the coward that you are, you didn’t say a word. Instead, you hugged Noora good-bye when her tram arrived and tried not to panic on your walk home.

 

Thankfully, Elias wasn’t home yet when you got in, and your parents were already asleep. Still, you’ve been lying awake ever since, unable to so much as close your eyes for more than a few seconds.

 

It hurts. Everything hurts. Not being able to stand up for yourself, feeling like you have to lie to your friends so they put up with you. But mostly, it hurts to realise that no matter how much you care about your friends, they always seem to care less about you. Who said that just because you're muslim, you can't fall in love? Has Noora not known you long enough to be aware that you're just a normal teenager who has the same struggles as everyone else?

 

You let out a frustrated groan, instantly slapping a hand to your mouth. Elias’ room is right next to yours and the last thing you need is for him to find out you're not sleeping. Slowly, you sit up and reach for your laptop at the foot of the bed. Since sleep isn't’ an option right now, you might as well get some homework done.

 

Piling up all your cushions in your back, you try to remember what you have left to work on. Usually, you do all your homework as soon as possible. There is one assignment for Norwegian that you haven’t quite finished. It’s a small essay about the meaning of Easter in today’s society.

 

With a sigh, you open your email account. Noora sent you a few links to read up on what Easter even is, because since you don’t really celebrate it, you know virtually nothing about the traditions and rituals associated with that holiday.

 

When you open Noora’s email, it suddenly hits you that you haven’t forgotten her password. It is such a strange one, and the fact that she gave it to you and Eva while cooking somehow made it more unforgettable. And after what just happened with Noora, a big part of you wishes you had forgotten it the second you heard it.

 

But you haven’t.

 

Closing your eyes, you try to will yourself to forget the password and what you could do with it. It’s no use. You know you won’t forget it just because you want to, and before you can stop yourself, you’ve already logged onto Noora’s account.

 

The first thing you see is that contrary to your expectations, Noora has no emails in her inbox. Not just no unread ones, but literally none. _Wow, even her e-mail-account is perfect_ , you think with an eye-roll and feel a pang of guilt at the rush of jealousy in your heart. _Astaghfirullah!_

 

Without thinking, you move the cursor to the “Sent” folder then, and that one is just as empty as the inbox. So you scan the side bar and are surprised to see two folders with numbers next to them:

**Junk (3)**

**Drafts (12)**

Twelve drafts? That surprises you. Not just because the rest of Noora’s account is practically empty, but also - who saves that many emails without sending them?

 

Your heartbeat is in your throat as you click on the folder. All twelve emails are missing both a subject and a recipient, so you open the first one to see who it was to.

_Dear William_

You sigh deeply, not sure if it’s with relief or sadness for Noora. So she has tried to reach out to him.

_I know I left you with no explanation why, and I am sorry for that. However, I’m sure you understand that_

The email ends there, and you can’t help but feel bad for Noora. She must have gone through hell, and all by herself, too. William is the only person in her life who knows her assailant and you guess that’s why she wanted to reach out to him. He knows what kind of person Nico is and should understand how conflicted Noora feels. But instead, he left her alone in all of it, and ended up making her feel guilty for not being able to face the trial. The trial against his brother who took naked pictures of Noora and made her feel violated, but for William, it was still somehow all about him. A sudden wave of anger washes over you and you vow to yourself that if you ever see him again, you will give him a piece of your mind.

 

The rest of the drafts are equally short - none of them contains more than one complete sentence. And before you know it, you’ve opened the first draft again and start typing.

_William,_

_Leaving without an explanation was not a good idea. But I couldn’t keep waiting for you to talk to me again. I’m sure you know as well as I do that we need to talk. So if you still love me, you’ll come back to Oslo and we’ll figure things out._

_Regards, Noora_

 

You read the message again and again, and only with great difficulty do you finally manage to type _Dear_ in front of William’s name and change the word ‘Regards’ to ‘Love’. It stings to address him that way, but you think he wouldn’t believe the email is from Noora otherwise.

 

But when your cursor is hovering on the “send”-button, you hesitate. _What are you doing?_ you whisper to yourself, and then take a deep breath. If you do this, the worst that could happen is that William doesn’t reply and doesn’t come back and Noora gets together with Yousef anyway - but no one will ever know you sent the email. The best that can happen is that William does come back and works things out with Noora, and they will be eternally grateful to you for sending the email.

 

With that in mind, refusing to let any other scenarios form in your head, you squeeze your eyes shut and hit send.


	27. Episode 3: Saturday, 22nd April, 13:22: You've got to be kidding me

**_Yousef_**

_Hey girl, did you and your friends have a good_

_time at the party? Sorry we left so early last_

_night. Some idiots picked a fight so we thought_

_we’d leave before Elias starts throwing punches._

_You know how he gets._

_That’s ok. Yeah, it was alright. We didn’t stay_

_for too long either though._

_Too many people?_

_Too much noise mostly._

_Aah, well, I’m used to noise. Perks of working_

_at a kindergarden._

_Oh, you work in a kindergarden? How come?_

_It was the only job I could get._

_No, I really like kids, honestly. Plus_

_I learned how to cook._

_You've got to be kidding me! You cook?_

_Why do you hurt me like that?_

_Okay, I’m sorry. I think it’s great that you_

_work with kids._

_You don’t like kids?_

_I do fine with kids._

_We should discuss this in person. I seem_

_to remember you owe me a rematch in_

_basketball._

_Maybe next week, I have some homework_

_Now who’s scared of getting their ass_

_kicked?_

_Don’t even go there._


	28. Episode 3: Saturday, 22nd April, 17:54: Our plan is working

**_Vilde,Eva, Chris, Sana_ **

 

 _Vilde:_ _Ladies, did you see Noora talking to Yousef_

_last night? Again? Our plan is working!_

 

 _Chris:_ _He was barely there? The boys left after like an_

_hour because some idiots insulted_ _them._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Yes, but I swear I saw Yousef’s name on Noora’s_

_phone when I asked her what time_ _it was! They’re_

_definitely talking._

 

 _Eva:_ _Are you sure, Vilde?_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Pretty sure, yes._

 

 _Eva:_ _Well … I feel bad talking about this behind Noora’s_

_back. She said she doesn’t want_ _to be set up._

 

 _Vilde:_ _I thought we all agreed we need to distract Noora_

_from William?_

 

 _Eva:_ _Yes, but not by gossipping behind her back. I don’t_

_know, it just … feels wrong?_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Maybe you’re right. We can ask her on Monday if_

_she’s talking to Yousef._

 

Eva: 


	29. Episode 3: Saturday, 22nd April, 21:39: Alhamdulillah

You’re sitting on your bed, debating whether or not you should call it an early night. The boys weren’t here all day for once, which gave you the peace and quiet to finish your Norwegian assignment.

 

Despite not having left the house all day, you feel exhausted. Between writing the assignment and dealing with feelings of guilt about the email you sent to William, your brain is completely drained.

 

You’re about to go to the bathroom to brush your teeth when your phone pings.

                                                       _**Jamilla**_

_Hi Sana. So good to hear from you! It’s_

_been too long and I’m glad you texted_

_me._

 

Your sigh of relief shakes your whole body, so much you almost fall off the bed. Until now, you haven’t realised how much it hurt to not talk to Jamilla for so long. The two of you had been so close, and then all that crap happened last year … You’re just about to text back when you get another message.

 

_I agree we should definitely catch up! How_

_about we go for a cup of tea at our usual_

_place? I’m buying._

 

You look up to the ceiling with tears in your eyes. _Alhamdulillah!_ It takes a few moments to sink in. Jamilla texted back. She’s no longer angry with you. And then you suddenly can’t text back fast enough.

 

_Shokran, Okhati, I can’t believe you wrote back. I am so_

_relieved. Yes I would love to_ _meet you for tea at our_

_place, but of course,_ I _am buying._

 

Leaning back onto the pillows, you take a deep breath and then suddenly can’t hold back a giggle. You and Jamilla text back and forth a few more times, agreeing to meet at the Evita Espresso Bar in Sørenga after school on Tuesday.

 

After wishing Jamilla good night, you feel as if you could uproot trees. Well, you’re not going to sleep now. With another suppressed giggle, you get to your feet and scurry out of your room to the kitchen. You have to tell Mamma.


	30. Episode 3: Sunday 23rd April, 11:11: He just pays attention

_**Isak** _

 

_Hei partner, I’m done with your biology_

_notes, will bring them to school tomorrow._

 

_Sweet, thanks._

 

_Thank YOU. Even says you can come over for dinner_

_as soon as his exams are over,_ _which is going to_

_be next month._

 

_You don’t actually have to invite me_

_for dinner._

 

_Eh, Even’s already making plans for what he’s going_

_to cook, don’t take that away_ _from him. Oh, and he_

_knows Ramadan starts then, so he’ll make a late_

_dinner._

 

_Tell Even he’s amazing._

 

_Do you know why he knows so much about_

_Islam?_

 

_I guess he just pays attention._

 

_Is it because he was friends with Mikael? Is_

_he muslim too?_

 

_Why are you asking me this?_

 

_Do you know him well? Mikael I mean._

 

_Barely. Why do you want to know?_

 

_I think he’s an old friend of Even’s_

_from Bakka._

 

_Oh, that’s nice._

 

_How do you know him?_

 

_How’s it going with Even by the way?_

 

_Awesome. He cooks too much good_

_food though._

 

_Haha alright. See you tomorrow Isak._

 

_I guess so, secretive biology partner._

 

You put down your phone with a deep sigh. It feels wrong to keep things from Isak, but you’d cut your own hand off before betraying Even’s trust. Although he never told you to keep what you know about his past a secret, you still think that the story about Even’s past is his to tell, not yours. If only you had the courage to ask him about what happened exactly…

 


	31. Episode 3: Monday, 24th April, 14:24: Good news

**_Text: Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

 _Vilde:_ _Ladies, I have good news! We might get to party with the Pepsi Max Gang again._

 

 _Noora:_ _How is that good news?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Word._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Sara says they would like to party with us again, come on, girls! Let the past be the_ _past._

 

 _Eva:_ _Are you sure they’re really interested in being friends? They didn’t even look at us on_ _Friday._

 

 _Chris:_ _Why are we suddenly friends with them?_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Maybe they’re actually nice girls? Have any of you ever thought of that?_

 

 _Noora:_ _Alright, I guess if they don’t start messing around with us again, it could be fun. As_ _long as we don’t hang out with them all the time?_

 

 _Eva:_ _Sounds okay._

 

 _Sana:_ _I still don’t like them._

 

 _Noora:_ _Me neither, but eh, a party’s a party, I guess?_

 

 _Chris:_ _That’s my girl, YAS!_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Yes! They will let us know when they have something going on. It’s all about_

_networking._

 

 _Eva:_ _Sure thing …_


	32. Episode 3: Monday 24th April, 18:08: Breathe, please!

You've just come home from basketball practice, flopping down onto your bed with a relieved sigh. Today was a long day. And the prospect of studying for English isn't exactly appealing, so you close your eyes for a moment, breathing deeply. After a few minutes, you sit up and unpack your training clothes. You hang up the Stephen Curry jersey on a coat hanger, smiling to yourself at the memory of your teammates calling him your 'secret husband' when they saw you wear the Jersey for the first time.

Your teammates of the Høybråten Basketball Club aren't exactly close friends of yours, but you enjoy spending time with them. It took them a while to accept you - the first muslim girl to ever play on their team - but by now they actually boast to everyone who will listen that they have a hijabi girl on their team who is the best defense player they've ever had.   

Just when you come back from hanging up your towel in the bathroom, your phone pings.

 

Relieved that you have an excuse to not start with your English homework just yet, you reach for it and open the messenger app.

 

**_Text: Olafiaklinikken:_ **

 

 _Eva:_ _Girls,I’m freaking out!_

 

 _Sana:_ _What’s up?_

 

 _Eva:_ _I saw William’s car outside of school when I got out, and now I can’t reach Noora!_

 

Your stomach drops and your heartbeat speeds up. _Fucking hell, it worked!_ Writing that email was a gut decision, and you’ve been trying to forget about it and hope nothing would happen. But apparently, William took your message seriously. You should be happy, this is what you wanted. Instead, you share Eva’s worry. With shaking hands, you watch as Vilde types a reply.

 

 _Vilde:_ _Oh my gosh, do you think he came back?_

 

 _Eva:_ _Either that or his car swam here on it’s own. Did Noora talk to any of you? Sana?_

 

Biting your lower lip, you hesitate for a long moment, before you decide to tell the girls the truth.

 

 _Sana:_ _No, I saw her last in Norwegian this morning. She wasn’t in English this afternoon._

 

 _Eva:_ _Fuck. I’m worried._

 

 _Chris:_ _Why? They are probably fucking to celebrate their reunion._

 

 _Eva:_ _Don’t you remember, I told you William has a new girlfriend in London! And Noora_

 _told me several times she’s not into him anymore, so what if he hurt her or_ _something?_

 

Okay, Eva is obviously panicking. So without thinking, you open your contacts and dial her number. Eva picks up after the second ring.

 

“Sana,” she says, sounding exasperated and relieved at the same time.

 

“Eva, breathe, please,” you say, glad to notice that your voice is steadier than your hands. You’re not sure what to say, but luckily, Eva doesn’t have that problem.

 

“Sana, she always replies to me! Why would she not tell us that she’s happy about William being back? If she were happy, she would tell us, no?” You can hear Eva walking back and forth in her room, most certainly running a hand through her hair, and her voice gets higher with every sentence.

 

“Eva, Noora can defend herself if necessary,” you say, and Eva gasps.

 

“Do you think she has to? Would he really hurt her because she rejects him?”

 

Despite feeling horribly nervous, this causes you to frown. “Why are you so sure she would reject him?,” you ask, scratching the back of your head.

 

Eva clears her throat and is silent for a few seconds. Taking a deep breath, she finally says: “I … she only told me, so …”

 

You nod to yourself and don't wait for Eva to go on. “I understand, you don’t have to tell me.”

 

Eva sighs with relief. “So what should we do?”

 

You chew your lip for a moment and force yourself to take a deep breath before you reply. “I guess we should trust Noora to know what she’s doing? If she’s not at school tomorrow and doesn’t reply to us all day, then we should do something.”

 

The problem is, you know why Noora isn’t replying. Or at least you think you know. She must have figured out that it was you who sent that email, and she’s probably mad at you and is just too nice to tell the others what a backstabbing bitch you are.

 

“That sounds … okay, I guess,” Eva says, taking a deep breath. “Let me know if you hear from her, okay?”

 

“Sure, Eva! Try not to worry too much,” you say, fighting to hold back tears.

 

“Okay,” Eva sighs. “See you tomorrow.”

 

“See you,” you say, your voice shaking slightly and the phone almost falls from your hand. You put it on the nightstand and bury your face in your hands. Groaning with frustration, you try to think clearly. _What the fuck should I do now?_

 

A part of you wants to run to Noora’s place and explain everything, whether she already knows or not. But a more self-preserving side of you contradicts and tells you to wait it out and see what happens.

 

In the end, you lie down on your bed, almost rolling over your English schoolbook, and decide to go with what you told Eva. Tomorrow’s another day, after all. Besides, you might as well try studying for that damn test on Friday.

 

 _Try_ being the operative word.


	33. Episode 3: Tuesday 25th April, 15:27: Bitching doesn’t count

Leaving school is usually a moment when stress leaves your body. But not today. On the way to the tram stop, you keep checking your phone nervously, half because you want to be on time, and half because you expect Jamilla to cancel at the last minute.

 

You arrive at Evita shortly before four o’clock and order a green tea. Fidgeting nervously, you try not to think about what you should say to Jamilla. It’s been almost a year since you spoke, and you don’t know if you should just start apologising the second she sits down or wait for her or ….

 

Just when the waiter sets your cup of tea down in front of you, Jamilla enters the cafe. She’s wearing a beautiful chiffon headscarf, a denim jacket and black jeans. You are about to wave at her when she spots you, and you don’t know what you expected, but it certainly wasn’t Jamilla’s face lighting up with a bright smile.

 

She hurries over to your table as you get to your feet and throws her arms around you, pulling you close. “Sana,” she says at your ear and you have to swallow tears of joy as you hug her back.

 

For a long moment, the two of you just stand there with your arms around each other and you thank Allah for giving you the courage to text your old friend. _Why did I wait so long?_

 

“How have you been?,” Jamilla asks after a while, letting go of you and sitting down in the chair opposite yours.

 

Smiling hard, you sit down again and cover her hand with yours. “Better, now that you’re here.”

 

Jamilla’s smile grows impossibly wider and you both laugh. “When did we become such saps?,” she asks, pulling a handkerchief from her pocket and wiping her eyes with it.

 

“No idea,” you say and point to your cup of tea. “What are you having?”

 

“Roiboos chai, as always,” Jamilla says at the same time as you, making you both laugh again. “You remember?,” she wonders, and you gasp with feigned indignance.

 

“Excuse me, how can you say that? Why would I ever forget?”

 

Until Jamilla’s tea arrives, the two of you exchange pleasantries, asking about each other’s families and everyday lives. Jamilla tells you about her training - she’s becoming a nurse - and about life with her fiancee who is also your eldest brother, and you tell her about school and basketball.

 

After taking the first sip of tea, Jamilla gives you a long look and sighs. “It’s so good to see you, Okhati.”

 

You reach out to touch her hand again. “You too, Jamilla! It’s been too long.” For a second, you hesitate before going on. “I wanted to text you so many times, but I just .. I never knew what to say.”

 

Jamilla nods slowly. “I felt the same way. It was … we both made mistakes.” She takes another sip of tea. “I was such a bitch to you in your second year. I never should have said those things about your friends without knowing them.” She hesitates for a moment before she goes on. "You know what finally gave me the courage to text back?"

You shake your head slowly, watching Jamilla's face curiously. She giggles shortly. "It's a bit embarrassing, actually." Clearing her throat, she sits up a little straighter and looks into your eyes. "My cousin Ayaan was at my house on Saturday, and she told me about this amazing girl who defended her against a group of bullies at a party the night before."

 

"No way," you call out. "Ayaan's your cousin? Damn, the world really is a village."

 

Jamilla laughs brightly and nods in agreement. "Tell me about it. Anyway, she mentionned your name and I instantly knew it was you. There is only one muslima in Oslo who only wears black and would rather pick a fight with entire groups of people than watching someone being bullied."

 

You try to laugh your blush away, suddenly feeling warm from the inside out, and you know it has nothing to do with the tea.

 

"I guess that does describe me well," you say shily, and Jamilla bites her lower lip.

 

"It does. Anyway, that made me realise how wrong it was not to talk to you for so long. I'm sorry for judging your friends and making you feel like crap for no real reason."

Shaking your head, you lean back in your chair and raise your cup to your lips. “You weren’t entirely wrong. Plus, what I did when I thought you’d smeared my locker … was far worse!”

“We were both so childish, weren’t we?” Jamilla laughs and you purse your lips before putting your cup back down.

 

“Yes, we were.”

 

For a moment, both of you are silent, watching one another with content smiles. It’s a comfortable silence, but you know Jamilla is reading your expression like a book. She waits for you to say something, and when you don’t, she finally sighs and leans forward on her elbows.

 

“What is it, Okhati?”, she asks quietly, her eyes piercing yours, and you know that even after not talking for a year, Jamilla still knows you better than most other people. And you know that the reason for that is that you’ve always trusted each other with everything.

 

So with a deep breath, you lean forward as well and clear your throat. “I’m … sometimes, I’m not sure my friends are … really my friends, if you know what I mean?,” you begin.

 

Somehow, you expect Jamilla to give you a self-satisfied smile and tell you ‘I told you so.’ But instead, she nods slowly with a pained expression on her face, squeezing your fingers. “Why do you think that is? I mean, why do you feel they’re not really your friends?,” she asks softly.

 

Her kind reaction catches you off guard and you’re suddenly fighting tears. “It’s just .. the little things, you know? Like, sometimes they order food for everyone and forget that I can’t eat meat when it isn’t halal and I end up picking minced meat off a slice of pizza. Or … they talk about boys and Vilde says that ‘all of you have had boyfriends except me’, completely ignoring me. Apparently, me being muslim  means I never fall in love. Or whenever we are out partying, I just .. I always feel like they expect me to go crazy on someone. Like I did in first year when some bitch called Vilde a slut and I threw water in her face. For the longest time, they all just assumed I was defending my faith or something, it’s just … they’re supposed to be my closest friends, but still they reduce me to the ‘muslim girl with an attitude’ … It fucking hurts.”

 

You slap a hand to your mouth when you realise you’ve started talking louder and louder, and throw an anxious look around the cafe. Thankfully, there is only one girl sitting in the back, her face hidden by a book and you exhale deeply while Jamilla takes both of your hands in hers.

 

“You must hate that feeling,” she says gently, and you have to fight the urge to get up and throw both arms around her. If you did that, you would definitely start bawling your eyes out. You knew seeing Jamilla again wouldn’t be easy, but you would have thought it would be awkward because you haven’t seen each other in a year. Not in a million years would you have guessed Jamilla would be watching you break down because you feel like you’re losing your friends.

 

Biting your lip to stop the tears from falling, you nod slowly and squeeze Jamilla’s hands. “I just wish they were different sometimes. I know it’s selfish, but still. Why does Eva always have to sleep around with every guy she sees? It’s like … she doesn’t even care, as long as she’s never sober on a Friday night and never sleeps in an empty bed. It seems to me that Eva can’t have fun without drinking and sex, and that worries me and makes me feel … like an idiot sometimes. Or at least like Eva thinks I am one.” You sigh deeply and close your eyes a second before you go on. Jamilla just watches you with a worried expression but doesn’t interrupt.

 

“Also, why is it so hard for Vilde to understand that I can be muslim AND a Norwegian person, that those two things don’t contradict one another? She always acts like I am an alien when I mention basketball, and when I talk about my family she still assumes I will be married to my cousin some day. I really hate her for that sometimes, it makes me so angry!” Again, you have to close your eyes to calm down a bit. Vilde is a good person, you know that in your heart. But sometimes you could really strangle her for her blunt ignorance.

 

“And would it really kill Noora to admit that she doesn’t have everything under control? Like, she acts like she knows everything and is perfectly happy even though her boyfriend started seeing someone else behind her back. Now he … came back from London and for all I know she just took him back? She doesn’t talk to anyone, it’s almost as if she thinks I wouldn’t understand if she told me about her troubles.”

 

With that, you are done, and when you empty your teacup, you realise you feel exhausted, as if you’d just run a marathon. You look up at Jamilla who is now smiling gently, still holding both your hands in hers.

 

“Just say it,” you tell her, chuckling mirthlessly.

 

Jamilla shakes her head and sits up straighter. “You’re stubborn, Sana. You always have been.”

 

You blink at her a few times. “What?”

 

That makes Jamilla laugh. “It’s okay, I really like that about you. You stand by your principles, and that’s amazing, really.” She purses her lips and gives you a hesitant look before she goes on. “But sometimes, you have to talk to people, Sana.”

 

Sighing deeply, you consider this. You have tried telling Vilde she’s an ignorant idiot and challenging Noora’s views with pointed remarks. And it never seemed to lead anywhere. You’re about to tell Jamilla that, but stop yourself when you see her biting her lip, apparently fighting back another laugh.

 

“Bitching doesn’t count, remember?” You can’t help but laugh at that, and Jamilla joins in. _Bitching doesn’t count_ was a part of a vow you made to each other a few years ago. You had had your first fight because you had both chosen to passive-aggressively chastise each other instead of saying what was really on your minds. After not speaking to one another for almost a week, you had finally managed to talk it out. During that discussion, you vowed you would always be honest with each other, and that it would only count as real honesty if it wasn’t delivered in a passive-aggressive or mean way.

 

“Alright,” you say, rolling your eyes at your old friend, unable to hide a smile. “But what if bitching is the only way I can get them to listen?” You don’t have to look up to know Jamilla is shaking her head. The second the words are out, you already hear her reply before she opens her mouth.

 

“Did you ever listen when I bitched at you?,” she says, proving you right.

 

Biting the inside of your cheek, you let out a long breath and finally give up, looking up in Jamilla’s face with a shrug. “I guess I didn’t.”

 

Jamilla nods slowly and gives you a reassuring smile - maybe it’s also a tiny bit smug but you’re gonna let that slide. It feels too good to be talking to her again to be mad at her, particularly because you know she’s right.

 

It’s past six o’clock by the time you say goodbye to Jamilla at the tram stop with the promise to see each other again as soon as possible. On your way home you feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. And that’s when you decide never to give up on a friendship again, especially not on the one you have with Jamilla.

 


	34. Episode 3: Tuesday 25th April, 21.47: Back together?

Your relief about seeing a text from Noora in the groupchat right before going to sleep quickly turns into dread when you read the conversation that follows it.

 

**_Text: Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

 _Noora:_ _Guys, guys, I’m okay, stop freaking out. I’m home now._

 

 _Eva:_ _!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where have you been? What’s up?_

 

 _Noora:_ _I went out for coffee with William today. He came back from London._

 

 _Eva:_ _No kidding?! I saw his car outside the school yesterday!_

 

 _Noora:_ _Yeah, he wanted to pick me up but I told him I had to go somewhere and asked_ _him to meet me for coffee today._

 

 _Vilde:_ _OMG, are you two getting back together?_

 

Although your heart is in your throat, you still roll your eyes at Vilde’s naivety before typing a supportive response.

 

 _Sana:_ _Good on you, girl!_

 

 _Noora: I don’t think so. He came back because of some email I don’t remember sending …_ _Eva, do you know anything about that?_

 

Why on earth did you think William wasn’t going to tell Noora about the email? You can’t remember which part of you was actually stupid enough to believe he would be too proud to admit he didn’t decide to come back of his own accord.

 

 _Eva:_ _I swear, I didn’t do anything! I don’t even remember your password._

 

 _Noora:_ _Uhu …._

 

 _Chris:_ _Wait why would Eva be able to send an email to William from your account?_

 

 _Eva:_ _She gave me her password about a week ago so I could look for a recipe. But_ _honestly, Noora, I would never do that, you know me._

 

 _Noora:_ _I gotta go to bed. See you guys tomorrow._

 

 _Vilde:_ _I don’t get it. Who sent an email to William then?_

 

Well, now you’re really fucked. Noora thinks Eva sent the email and it’s your fault if their friendship ends over this stupid thing. Why couldn’t you just text Jamilla two weeks ago and have her put you in your place about talking to your friends already then? You never would have resorted to such stupidly desperate measures ….

 

You lie awake for too long, and only when you finally decide to tell Noora everything as soon as possible do you finally drift off into an uneasy slumber.


	35. Episode 3: Wednesday 26th April, 11:49: I won’t tell if you won’t

Having slept less than three hours, you’ve had trouble staying awake in class all morning. So by the time you reach your locker after lunch, you seriously consider ditching your afternoon class to go home and at least try to sleep for an hour or two.

You bury your English books in your locker and stare at your German folder, as if you were expecting it to tell you whether or not you should go to class after lunch. You rock at German, it’s not that difficult, so it really wouldn’t make much of a difference if you ...

“Halla.”

The deep voice interrupting your thoughts makes you jump, but not just because you didn’t expect to hear it. He sounds distraught, although he’s trying to hide it.

“Hei,” you say and look up at him. Even is wearing a denim jacket over a red hoodie and a smile that looks genuine, but his eyes are full of fear.

“How are you?,” Even asks, leaning on the top of the lockers with one arm.

You finally close your locker and turn to face him. “I’m good, and you?”

“Good, good.” Even’s eyes linger on the door to your locker for a moment. The word “Sharmuta” is not really readable anymore, but it’s still there. With a frown, Even looks at you hesitatingly before clearing his throat. “Did they never find out who did that?” he asks and points to your locker.

“No.” You shrug and give him a slight smile. Even nods darkly and then purses his lips, stepping from one foot to the other. You’re about to tell him you have to go when he clears his throat.

“Are you done for today?”

Staring at him in disbelief, you only think for a moment. “Uh, yes, I am”, you tell him and put on your backpack.

“I’ll walk you home”, Even says, making you frown. You don’t know where exactly he and Isak live, but you know it’s definitely not close to your place. Still, you decide not to comment on that. Even obviously has something on his mind and you’re not about to discourage him from talking to you.

“Alright, thank you,” you say with a short chuckle and start walking down the hall. “Aren’t you waiting for Isak?”

Even shakes his head. “He has two more lesson and insisted I take some time to study for my last exams.”

You grin at him. “Shouldn’t you go home and do that then?”

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” Even says with a wink, making you laugh.

Putting up your hands, you look into his eyes. The shy and slightly scared look on his face almost makes you want to hug him. “I swear I won’t breathe a word.”

Even nods slowly, holding your gaze and you know he is aware you aren’t just talking about not telling Isak that Even isn’t studying. “Thanks.”

He opens the front door for you and then walks next to you in silence until you’re a block away from the school. Finally, he takes a deep breath and throws a hesitant look at you.

“So … Isak asked me about the boys the other day,” he says, letting out a shaky breath.

Pursing your lips, you look into his face, already anticipating his question before he asks it. “Did he … talk to you about them?”

You keep looking into his eyes when you reply. “He only saw a picture of Mikael on my facebook once and asked me if I know him via text. I didn’t tell him anything though.”

Even exhales loudly with relief and nods at you with a shy smile. “Thank you.”

“I won’t talk to him about what happened Even,” you say with determination, still looking at him.

The grateful smile curling Even’s lips makes your heart hurt, because it doesn’t reach his eyes. “You’re too good to me.” Then he suddenly frowns. "How much do you know anyway?"

You sigh deeply and think for a long moment before you reply. "I ... I only know about the posts you made on facebook while you ... weren't feeling well?" Watching Even carefully, you hope that wasn't the wrong thing to say.

However, Even merely nods and gives you a lopsided smile. "That's a very gentle way of putting it, yeah. I ... " He sighs deeply and you reach out to briefly put a hand on his arm.

"You don't have to tell me, Even."

"Thank you, Sana," Even says with a long exhale, smiling hesitantly. "I hate keeping things from Isak though."

You smile back warmly. "Your story is yours to tell. I’m sure Isak understands that.”

Even’s smile grows a bit and he nods enthusiastically. “He’s great. He doesn’t make me tell him anything.” With a deep sigh, he adds: “I don’t deserve him. He trusts me so much.”

You shake your head at that. “Don’t say such things!” Even turns to face you, a weak smile on his lips. But before he can say something else, you go on. “You deserve him as much as he deserves you.”

The laugh escaping Even loosens the knot around your heart a bit. “Thanks for saying that, Sana,” he murmurs, his voice so full of gratitude you have to swallow hard to hold back tears of joy.

“It’s just the truth,” you say simply. Even giggles slightly but doesn’t reply. You walk the rest of the way in silence, and when you’re two blocks away from your home, Even stops and gives you a shy smile.

“So, how are the boys?,” he asks hesitatingly, digging his hands into his pockets.

You smile warmly at him. “They’re good. Especially Elias, he’s taking a ‘gap year’, which basically means he’s living off Mamma and Pappa without doing anything.”

Even chuckles and his smile grows a little wider. “You have to tell your mother I miss her cooking. I haven’t tasted a shish barak as good as hers anywhere.”

“I will, thank you”, you say with a giggle. Looking into Even’s eyes, you see regret mixed with longing in them and feel the sudden urge to hug him. However, before you can give in to it, Even clears his throat and throws a look over his shoulder.

“I think I should go and at least pretend I’m studying before Isak gets home.” You nod slowly, reading in his eyes what he actually wants to say. _I don’t want to risk running into the boys._

“I guess I’ll see you around then,” you tell him, hesitating for a second before you add: “Isak says you insist on cooking for me after your exams?”

Even nods enthusiastically at that, his entire face lighting up. “Yes, I really want to do that.” He bites his lip and takes a deep breath before he goes on. “And I’ll talk to Isak. I will tell him everything, I promise you that. You …” he sighs deeply and purses his lips. “You won’t have to keep my secret from him for much longer.”

You smile brightly at him. “Don’t worry about it, Even. Take as much time as you need.”

Letting out a short laugh, Even throws an arm around you and pulls you close for a second. “You rock, Sana. See you soon!”

He lets go of you and walks backwards, waving at you with his long arm before he turns around and disappears around the corner.

You’re still smiling when you arrive at home. Even has gone through so much but he’s still one of the kindest people you know, always ready to be there for others. And in spite of the fact that he’s obviously terrified of Isak knowing what happened with your brother and his friends, he’s determined to tell him the truth.

You should really take a leaf from his book in that regard.

Luckily, no one else is home, so you sneak off into your room and close the door, leaning against it and closing your eyes. And then, before you can overthink it, you pull out your phone and type a text:

_To Noora: Hei, are you busy this afternoon? Do you want to have tea after school?_


	36. Episode 3: Wednesday 26th April, 17:23: No worries

**_Text: Noora_ **

 

 _Noora:_ _Hei, sorry for the late reply, I was studying for Spanish with Eva. Can we meet_ _tomorrow? I’m off at 13:30._

 _  
__Sana:_ _No worries. I’m off at 15:15 though._

 

 _Noora:_ _Do you want to come over to my place?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Yes, that’s fine. I can be there at 15:45._

 

 _Noora:_ _Great, see you then. <3_


	37. Episode 3: Thursday 27th April, 15:49: Please believe me

Your hands are shaking when you ring the doorbell of kollektivet. A big part of you is hoping that Noora isn’t home, but of course, her voice rings through the intercom only seconds later.

 

“Hei Sana, come in!”

 

Pushing the door open, you try to calm yourself. If Noora is really back together with William, she won’t be that mad at you. And if she’s not … no, you’re not going to think about that.

 

Noora is waiting at you in the doorway and steps forward to hug you when you reach the top of the stairs. “Hei there, so good to have you here.”

 

“Good to be back,” you say and hug her back, smiling hesitantly when Noora lets go of you. Toeing off your shoes in the hallway, you follow Noora to her room. She’s finished decorating it, and you like the  mix of photos and poems on the walls together with the few pieces of furniture. The room looks very much like Noora.

 

“So, what kind of tea can I get you?,” Noora asks, watching you with a mix of confusion and curiosity. You can’t blame her: You don’t usually spend much time with Noora alone and you know why: you’re always a bit awkward with her alone.

 

You clear your throat and give her a hesitant smile. “Uhm, do you have green tea?”

 

“Yes of course,” Noora replies. “You can sit on my bed,” she adds with a wink and then turns around, disappearing into the hallway.

 

While waiting for Noora to return, you try to think of how to say what you came here to say.  But you end up just staring at the frame where Noora hung the photos of the five of you that you picked out. Somehow you can’t help thinking that you may have nothing more than pictures to remember these moments by soon.

 

“I love all of them, you chose well.” Noora’s voice makes you jump. You haven’t heard her come in. “Sorry,” Noora giggles and hands you a cup of tea.

 

“It’s okay,” you say and smile at her, wrapping your fingers around the warm cup. Noora walks over to her bed and sits down, motioning for you to do the same.

 

You plop down next to her with a sigh and blow on your tea before turning to look at Noora. “So, I have to tell you something.”

 

Noora nods slowly. “I figured.”

 

With a deep sigh, you close your eyes and decide to just let the words out. “It was me who sent that email to William, not Eva.”

 

Silence.

 

You keep your eyes closed and decide to go on before Noora explodes at you. “I just thought that since you came back from London, you’ve been so unhappy. And when William was still here, you were very happy so I just … I wanted to do something.”

 

You hear Noora take a deep breath and finally dare open your eyes. Noora’s face is buried in her hands but then she looks up, looking hurt and confused. “So you decided to invade my privacy and send him an email from my account saying I wanted him back?”

 

Staring blankly at her, you put your cup down on the floor next to the mattress and get to your feet. “No, i didn’t write that! Is that what he told you?”

 

“Does it really matter?,” Noora is almost yelling now and gets to her feet as well. “You went behind my back thinking you know what’s best for me, that’s what matters Sana!” She runs her fingers through her hair, closing her eyes for a moment and when she looks at you again, you know you’ve lost.

 

“I think you should go,” she says harshly, swallowing hard. “I can’t talk to you right now, this is a lot to take in!”

 

You press your lips together to stop the tears from welling up, nodding curtly. “I’ll go,” you whisper and slip out of Noora’s room through the half-open door. After putting on your shoes with shaking hands, you stop in front of Noora’s door for a moment. It’s standing ajar but you don’t push it open again. “I never meant to hurt you, Noora. Please believe me.”

 

Noora doesn’t reply but instead just pushes the door shut in your face.

 

You cry on your entire way home, cursing your jealous heart and wishing you could go back in time to change everything.


	38. Episode 3: Friday 28th April, 11:53: You are tough

**_Text: Yousef_ **

 

_Yousef: Hey girl. How about that rematch? Do you have time tomorrow?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Sorry, have to go to a family party._

 

_Yousef: Ah yes, I remember now. Elias said something._

 

 _Sana:_ _You mean he’s actually planning on coming?_

 

_Yousef: Eh, your brother is a good muslim, he respects his mother’s wishes._

 

 _Sana:_ _Sure … Whenever it suits him._

 

_Yousef: You are a tough sister, aren’t you?_

  
_Sana:_ _Hey, I’m not too bad. I’d never go around calling you a bad muslim._


	39. Episode 3: Friday 28th April, 17:23: All my fault

As soon as you see the girls sitting at the table outside the Kebab restaurant you consider turning around and walking back home, apologising via text with a made-up excuse.

 

This afternoon, Chris stopped you at your locker to ask if you were joining for a kebab later. She said that since Vilde hadn’t heard from Sara about a party they could go to, the five of you might as well spend the evening together. You weren’t keen on spending time with Noora after the fight yesterday, but you couldn’t think of an excuse, so you agreed to go.

 

But now you’re standing across from Bislett Kebab, and your friends look as if it had always just been the four of them. _I don’t belong with you._

 

You’re about to walk away when Chris spots you and waves both her arms at you with a big smile. So you smile back hesitantly and cross the street. Noora and Eva watch you warily as Chris bumps your fist with hers and gets up. “Come on, girls, I’m starving,” she says cheerfully, linking arms with Vilde and you.

 

Vilde giggles and opens the door with her free hand. “I haven’t had kebab in forever,“ she declares and Chris giggles happily. Both she and Vilde seem oblivious to the cold stares on Noora and Eva’s faces, and you are suddenly worried you will have to throw up.

 

Inside, Vilde and Chris both order a chicken kebab and then step aside, leaving you, Eva and Noora standing at the counter. You quickly order a small bag of fries and then join Vilde and Chris who have just sat down at one of the tables. Vilde is chattering about her latest date with Magnus - apparently he’d taken her to the movies and they had spent most of the time making out in the last row.

 

Usually, you’d be annoyed by Vilde’s incessant boasting about her oh-so-happy relationship, but right now you’re just glad you don’t have to say anything. Noora and Eva stay at the counter waiting for everyone’s orders and once you are all set, Eva suggests that you eat in Slotsparken instead of inside the restaurant.

 

“Good idea," Noora says and looks at Chris and Vilde, who nod in agreement. No one asks you, but for once, you really don’t mind. Maybe you can trail a bit behind them and get on a tram home without anyone noticing before you reach the park.

 

However, that doesn’t happen because Chris suddenly notices you’re walking alone and waits until you’ve caught up to her. “How are you doing, girl?” she asks, putting an arm around your shoulder.

 

You lean your head against hers for a second and then pull away, forcing a smile. “I’m okay, thanks. And you?”

 

Chris gives you a long look, obviously not convinced, but then she shrugs and winks at you. “Could be better. I think I’m failing German this year.”

 

That almost makes you laugh. “You always say that, but you still end up passing every semester.”

 

Shrugging slightly, Chris makes a face. “But like, since I broke up with Kasper, I didn’t study at all!”

 

You frown at her and put a fry in your mouth. “You broke up with Kasper two months ago.”

 

Chris makes a face. “I know. And I’m not saying I regret it, but I do miss having … someone, you know?”

 

Staring at her, it takes you a moment to realise she’s serious. Chris doesn’t usually talk about her love life, particularly not to you. “Do you miss him as a person?” you ask hesitantly, touching her arm.

 

“No. I broke up with him because he never made time for me and took me for granted. It was the right decision, and I don’t have wet dreams of him anymore or anything," she says, slapping a hand to her mouth when she realises what she said. “Uh, sorry, too much information.”

 

You laugh at that, feeling a wave of affection for Chris. Somehow, Chris always cheers you up, without ever forcing you to tell her something you don’t feel comfortable sharing. “It’s fine,” you tell her. “And it’s normal to miss having someone around after a break-up, I guess.”

 

Chris nods slowly and then purses her lips, eyeing you hesitantly. “So … have you ever … been in love with someone?”

 

“No,” you say too fast and too loudly, but Chris just smiles understandingly. You think that if you weren't feeling so guilty, you might just tell Chris about Yousef. But right now, you can't trust anyone with that. Maybe you never will.

 

By now, you’ve reached Slotsparken, and Noora, Eva and Vilde have just sat down on the grass in the shade of a big tree, eating their kebabs. Noora and Eva are silent, but Vilde is chattering excitedly. You’re just about to tell Chris that you’re sure she’s still talking about Magnus when Noora suddenly leans her head back with a loud groan.

 

“Vilde, I swear if I have to hear one more story about your supposedly fantastic love life with Magnus, I am going to scream!”

 

Both you and Chris freeze, standing a few steps away from the other three girls, exchanging a confused look. _What the heck is going on?_

 

Vilde clears her throat and blinks a few times. “Excuse me? My love life IS fantastic, for the first time ever, and I thought friends can talk about everything to each other?”

 

Noora rolls her eyes at Eva who looks shocked, but still nods slightly. “Vilde, it’s okay to talk to us about Magnus sometimes, but you never shut up about him," she says, sounding exasperated.

 

“I thought you of all people would understand, Noora," Vilde says before Noora can say anything else. “Your boyfriend just came back from London for you, which is like the most romantic thing ever …”

 

“He’s not my boyfriend anymore, and besides, do you hear me talk about him?” Noora explodes, getting to her feet. “I told him to go fuck himself because I know he has a new girlfriend and never gave a shit about me and my problems, and he basically just walked away, not even saying anything. And I STILL don’t bother any of you with this, because it’s my shit to deal with.”

 

Vilde just stares at her, opening and closing her mouth like a fish, and Eva cowers on the ground, looking as if she wished she could disappear.

 

Noora exhales sharply and then goes on. “The fact that you never shut up about Magnus makes me think you are lying most of the time. If your love life really was as amazing as you say it is, you wouldn’t have to blather on about it all the time, Vilde. You’d enjoy the time with Magnus when you’re with him and MAYBE mention him occasionally.” She sighs and throws both her hands up in the air.

“But this constant boasting is just too much. I’m not even sure you really love him. If being able to talk about sex is the only reason you’re with him, you should rather be single than wasting so much time on someone you don’t love.”

 

Noora lets out a long breath and sets her arms akimbo, throwing a worried look at Eva, who’s staring at the ground, not moving a muscle. Vilde however lets out a stifled sob, gets to her feet and runs away before anyone can stop her.

 

“Vilde,” Chris calls and makes a move to go after her, but you hold her back by her lower arm.

 

“Let her go," you whisper and turn to Noora and Eva, wondering what to say. Now that the initial shock of Noora’s outburst is wearing off, you feel guilt creeping into your heart. _This is all my fault._

 

But before you can say anything, Noora pulls Eva to her feet and turns to you and Chris. “We’re gonna go," she says, her eyes trained on Chris, who nods silently and stands still, not moving an inch.

 

“See you tomorrow," you say weakly and Noora links her arm with Eva’s while trying to smile at both you and Chris.

 

“Sorry about this, I’ll … we’ll talk on Monday?” she says quietly and doesn’t wait for either of you to reply. Wrapping her fingers around Eva’s wrist, she looks away and Eva waves at both of you, not saying a word, and then the two of them are walking out of the park.

 

“What the fuck was that?” Chris asks with a loud sigh once Noora and Eva are out of earshot.

 

You shrug and hope that your face doesn’t give away that you’re not as clueless as you’d like to be. “I have no idea.”

 

The two of you eat your food in silence, sitting on the grass where Eva, Noora and Vilde sat before. Just when you put the last fry in your mouth, your phone vibrates in your pocket. You dig it out and smile at the sight of Yousef’s icon.

 

_Yousef: That’s very kind of you, although I’m not a muslim anymore._

 

Your stomach sinks and you suddenly feel sick. Chris stares at you, looking worried. "Sana, are you okay? You look like you're about to throw up."

 

“I have to go home, I forgot ...something”, you mumble and get to your feet. Chris gets up and links her arm with yours.

 

“Let me at least walk you to the tram," she says and you see in her eyes that she’s not going to let you argue with her on this.

 

So you allow her to guide you to the tram stop and by the time you’re there, you feel like the last bit of energy has left your body for good. Chris hugs you goodbye and tells you to text her when you get home. You nod numbly and get on the tram, not even looking back.

 

The way home is a blur. You have no idea how you manage to get off at the right stop, but your feet automatically carry you home. Luckily, your mother is busy ironing clothes when you walk past her and tell her you have to study, so she doesn’t ask any questions. In your room, you drop onto your bed and wish you could fall asleep and never wake up.


	40. Episode 4: Saturday, 29th April, 07:44: What’s gotten into you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glossary for Episode 4
> 
> Farasha: A traditional morroccan dress, colourful and decorated with sequins,  
> embroidery etc.
> 
> Du’a: “invocation”; a prayer that isn’t one of the five daily ones, mostly to ask for  
> things/help/protection
> 
> Ahmed: I picked that name for Sana’s eldest brother who is engaged to Jamilla

Technically, you could still sleep for another 20 minutes, but you’ve been wide awake for almost an hour already. So you decide to give up and crawl out of bed.

 

Today, your mother’s sister is turning 50 and since she’s your favourite aunt, you want to go to the party she’s throwing - despite feeling as if a truck ran over you.

 

You’ve slept very little since your guilty conscience didn’t let your mind rest at all. Whenever you close your eyes, you can still see Noora’s distraught face and the pain in Vilde’s eyes. _It’s all your fault, it’s your fault,_ a tiny voice keeps whispering in the back of your head and you can’t make it shut up.

 

Because it’s true. If you hadn’t sent that wretched email, William wouldn’t have come back and made Noora upset, and she wouldn’t have exploded at Vilde the way she did.

 

Shaking your head, you open your wardrobe and try to forget about last night while debating whether you should wear your green or your blue Farasha today.

 

Half an hour later, you take one last look at yourself in the mirror above your dressing table. The blue Farasha with golden embroidery was a good choice. You try to smile at your reflection and then take a deep breath and a look at your phone. It’s only 08:15. Your parents told you to be ready at 9:00, and for a moment you wish you hadn’t gotten dressed so early - you could have gone to the playground to shoot some hoops and let off some steam.

 

With a shrug, you decide to go to the kitchen and see if Mamma’s awake. But when you get to the living room, you almost gasp with surprise.

 

Elias is sprawled out on the couch, dressed in a black suit and blue shirt. He’s eating a piece of cinnamon toast, a glass of milk standing on the table in front of him. As you walk in, he swallows his bite and looks admiringly at you with a kind smile on his face.

 

“Aah, my beautiful sister. You will make aunt Fatima pale with jealousy today.”

 

You frown at him. Not only does Elias usually sleep until noon unless your mother drags him out of bed. He also almost never gives you compliments, so you fear he’s up to something.

 

“Mamma and Pappa are still getting ready. If you want there is milk and cinnamon toast in the kitchen for breakfast,” your brother adds and you nod appreciatively. “Thanks.”

 

You walk across the living room to the kitchen to get breakfast. When you get back to the living room, Elias has finished his toast and is downing his glass of milk in one go.

 

“What’s gotten into you?" you ask, sitting down across from him and biting off a piece of your toast.

 

Elias frowns and puts up his hands in an offended gesture. “I call you beautiful and you snap at me?”

 

That makes you chuckle. “Ok, I’m sorry. Thank you, and you look good, too, Elias.”

 

Your brother smiles brightly at that. “I know, right? The boys helped me pick out the shirt.”

 

That reminds you of another conversation you’ve had this week. Hesitating for a second, you give your brother a careful look before clearing your throat.

 

“That’s great. But Elias?”

 

Elias looks up with a frown. “Yeah?”

 

You sit up a little straighter and purse your lips. “Why … why did you and the boys stop talking to Even?”

 

Your brother stares at you in surprise. “Uh, why do you ask? Are you … friends with him or something?”

 

Rolling your eyes at him, you take a deep breath before you answer. “Yeah, sort of. But that’s not important.” You hold your brother’s gaze for a long moment, hoping he understands you can’t say more.

 

“Okay … Well, I don’t know how much you know … “ Your brother eyes you warily, making you feel proud. Elias is just as loyal as you. He’d never give away details of Even’s life without his consent.

 

“You don’t have to tell me the details,” you tell him and Elias breathes a sigh of relief. “I’m just asking because I saw him the other day and he asked about you and the boys.”

 

You watch your brother’s face carefully as it lights up with curiosity. “Oh? What did he say?”

 

“He wanted to know how you are. And he said he misses Mamma’s cooking.” Both you and Elias giggle at that.

 

“Well, tell him I said hello then,” your brother says cheerfully. “How is he doing?”

 

You wince at that, pursing your lips. “He’s good. Happy even.” _If only you knew how happy … and with whom._

 

Elias looks into your eyes and reads the words you’re not saying in your expression. _I can’t say more than that._

With a nod, Elias leans back into the cushions. “That’s awesome.”

 

You smile at him and then take another bite of toast and a swig of milk. You’re about to tell Elias he’s a great friend and brother - something you’d usually not say out loud. But in that moment, you hear the door of your parents’ bedroom open.

 

Both you and your brother get to your feet and straighten your clothes. You exchange reassuring smiles before turning around to face your parents, and suddenly you’re really looking forward to the day ahead with your family. However annoying your brother may be sometimes, you’re really glad to have him.

 


	41. Episode 4: Saturday 29th April, 18:32: Hey girl

**_Text: Noora_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _Hey girl. I know you’re mad at me but I just wanted to ask if you’re okay? You_

_seemed really upset yesterday … Just let me know if there is anything I can do. <3 _


	42. Episode 4: Monday 1st May, 11:39: That’s IT!

Out of habit, you leave the school building to join the girls at your usual bench. Only when you’re halfway across the yard do you realise two things: First, Vilde is nowhere to be seen and second, Noora’s still eyeing you suspiciously, albeit no longer as coldly as last week.

 

You clear your throat and sit down next to Chris, who’s just started digging into a tasty-looking portion of rice salad. She turns and smiles at you with her mouth full, nodding her head in greeting.

“Hey,” you say to Noora and Eva. They’re sitting close together and both nod at you with a weak smile, making Chris frown at the three of you in turn.

 

“Alright, that’s IT”, she bursts out, putting down her fork. “I can’t finish my lunch until you three tell me what the fuck is going on.”

 

She crosses her arms in front of her chest and fixates Noora and Eva with a determined stare. The fact that she doesn’t look at you the same way almost makes your heart jump out of your chest. Chris doesn’t seem to assume it was you who did something wrong. Guilt twists your insides into a knot, and for a moment, you consider confessing everything, but before you can so much as say a word, Noora clears her throat.

 

“Uhm, it’s just … Ever since I broke up with William, I’ve been kind of down.”

 

Chris shrugs and unfolds her arms, picking up her fork again. “Oh okay, so why don’t you talk to us about it instead of sulking and being weird?”

 

You let out a long breath you didn’t know you were holding and dig your lunch pack out of your backpack, carefully watching Noora. She sighs deeply and then nods at Chris.

 

“You’re right, I should tell you everything.” She clears her throat and flashes you an almost timid smile. “But not at school.”

 

Chris nods understandingly and puts her hand over Noora’s. “Sure. We should talk after school some time. I’ll think of something.”

 

You smile at Chris, feeling relieved. Taking a bite of your sandwich, you think that Chris really is one of the best friends you’ve ever had, and she probably doesn’t even realise it. For a moment, you consider inviting her over to your place to tell her everything. _Maybe if I catch her alone later._

 

Chris is just about to say something to you when all four of you turn your heads at the sound of Vilde’s laugh coming from across the school yard. She’s standing amidst a part of the Pepsi Max Gang - among them Sara and Ingrid - laughing and joking with them as if they’d been friends for years.

 

“I don’t like this”, Eva mutters quietly and you can’t help but nod in agreement. Watching Vilde hug Sara makes guilt pool in your stomach like acid, and you suddenly can’t eat anymore. _It’s all your fault, it’s all your fault._

 

Noora takes a deep breath and stares at Vilde who’s now chattering excitedly to Ingrid about something. “I will talk to her, just … not yet.”

 

You nod at her, trying to smile kindly. “It will be okay”, you say, although you fear the opposite. But Noora smiles back weakly, looking almost grateful.

 

“I hope so.”


	43. Episode 4: Monday 1st May, 15.51: Shokran, Okhati

**_Text: Jamilla_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _Okhati, I really want to take your advice and talk to my friends, but it’s so hard._

 

 _Jamilla: It’s never easy to jump over your own shadow I guess. What makes it so hard_ _though?_

 

 _Sana:_ _I just saw Noora and Eva together, and I feel like they’re hiding something._

 

_Jamilla: Why?_

 

 _Sana:_ _They left school together arm in arm, whispering and giggling, and they didn’t see me_ _but I still felt like … I don’t know._

 

 _Jamilla: You’re driving yourself crazy, Sana. JUST.TALK.TO.THEM. One at a time. From_ _what you told me, I think you should start with Noora._

 

 _Sana:_ _Okay. You’re right I guess. I’ll need some time though._

 _Jamilla: If they’re real friends, they will support you no matter what. If they can’t accept you_ _the way you are - with your religion and all - they don’t deserve_ _you. It’s as simple as_ _that._

 

_Sana: Shokran, Okhati. You rock. <3 _

 


	44. Episode 4: Tuesday 2nd May, 11:51: All the time you need

You’ve just closed your locker and are about to walk off to biology when you see Even standing in front of his own locker, alone. _Now’s as good a time as any,_ you think and walk up to him.

 

“Hei Even”, you say carefully, pursing your lips. He turns around and his face lights up with a bright smile.

 

“Sana, hei! How are you?” He closes his locker and turns to face you, giving you his full attention, like he always does. Even has a way of making every person he meets feel important just with the way he focuses his attention on whoever he’s talking to. You admire and love him for that, especially right now. Ever since the mess with the girls started you’ve begun to feel invisible, and having Even look at you like you actually matter instantly improves your mood.

 

So you’re not really lying when you reply: “I’m pretty good, and you?”

 

Even smiles with a nod. “I’m alright, thank you.” He watches you carefully, but before he can notice that your answer to his question might not have been entirely truthful, you clear your throat.

 

“Elias says hello.”

 

Even’s eyes fly wide open and his expression goes from soft to terrified in two seconds. “What?” he whispers, and without thinking, you put a soothing hand on his arm.

 

“I only told him I think you miss him and the boys, nothing else.” Even relaxes slightly, but his eyes are still full of fear. “Also, I think he would really like to see you again”, you add gently, holding Even’s gaze. His expression softens at that and he flashes you an incredulous smile.

 

“Are you sure?” he all but whispers, his big hand closing around your wrist.

 

You nod slowly, still looking into his eyes. “Even, they’re not mad at you. None of them are. That’s all I know.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Even lets go of you and squares his shoulders. “Okay. Thank you”, he says quietly, his smile almost hopeful now. “I want to talk to them too. But I need some time," he adds in a low murmur, and you nod again, smiling encouragingly.

 

“Don’t stress.”

 

Even opens his mouth but then quickly closes it, staring at someone behind you.

 

“Halla”, you hear Isak’s voice and you freeze for a second, fearing he might have heard you. But Isak just walks up to Even and presses a light kiss to his lips before turning around to smile at you.

 

“You ready for biology?” he asks you as Even coils his arm around Isak’s waist.

 

“Yes, are you?” you reply, crossing your arms in front of your chest, smiling at the sight of Even marvelling at his boyfriend. Those two have been together for half a year now. But by the way they look at each other whenever they think the other isn’t looking, you wouldn’t guess it.

 

Isak rolls his eyes with a groan. “I am if I don’t think about the mock exam in a few weeks.”

 

All three of you laugh at that, and then Even turns his wrist to check his watch. “Damn, we gotta go.”

 

He kisses Isak’s cheek, murmuring: “ Have fun in biology," and then winks at you. “See you soon, Sana”.

 

You wave at him with a relieved smile and then turn to Isak. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

 

Isak chuckles. “You have to wake me up if I fall asleep, honestly I’m so tired.”

 

Scoffing at him, you shake your head. “Dream on, Isabell.”


	45. Episode 4: Tuesday 2nd May, 17:25: I’m coming

**_Text: Mamma_ **

 

 _Mamma:_ _Sana, I forgot to tell you: Pappa and I are going to Ahmed’s place for dinner. I_ _prepared a lasagna, you only have to put it into the oven when you get home._

 

 _Sana:_ _Thanks, mamma. Say hi to Ahmed for me._

 

 _Mamma:_ _I will. Oh, by the way, how is Jamilla?_

 

 _Sana:_ _She’s good, getting ready for the first round of exams next week._

 

 _Mamma:_ _I’m so glad you sorted things out with her, Sana. I’m proud of you._

 

 _Sana:_ _I’m glad too._

 

 _Mamma:_ _Will you join me for the women’s evening at the mosque on Thursday?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Yes, I’m coming. Jamilla said she’s going too._

 

 _Mamma:_ _Ah, that’s nice. See you later, darling._

 


	46. Episode 4: Wednesday 3rd May, 08:36: What is it, Isabell?

You’re in the biology classroom early today, staring at Yousef’s facebook profile on your laptop.

 

Ever since he told you he isn’t muslim, you haven’t texted him back anymore. Until now, you weren’t even sure if he noticed, but now you’re staring at a message he must have sent early this morning while you were on your way to school.

 

 _Yousef:_ _I know I keep repeating myself, but if we don’t have that rematch soon I will be f_ _orced to think you’re actually scared of playing against me._

 

With everything else you’ve been worrying about, you almost forgot about the heartbreaking fact that Yousef doesn’t believe in Allah. When he sent you that text on Friday about not being muslim, you first thought he was just being modest, meaning he wasn’t a particularly ‘good muslim.’ But when you asked him what he meant, he clarified that he actually stopped believing in Allah.

 

That revelation is just another thing keeping you awake for most of the nights ever since last Friday. The rules are clear: muslim women can’t marry non-muslims. Your religion is too important to you to ignore that commandment. Also, you think it would be too hard to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t share your faith. What if you have a crisis of faith one day? A non-religious partner is far too likely to try and convince you that ‘there is no God, you might as well stop believing in him.’

 

So, with a very heavy heart, you move the cursor to the “remove from friends” button. Your finger hovers over it for a long moment, until you finally hit it, removing Yousef from your facebook - and hopefully, from your life. Your heart thumps uncomfortably in your chest and you’re about to get up to go to the bathroom to maybe allow yourself some tears when the door opens and Isak walks in.

 

He flashes you a cheeky smile and drops down onto the chair next to you.

 

“Sana Bakkoush, have you not finished your homework?” he asks, raising both eyebrows at you.

 

Pursing your lips and swallowing around the lump in your throat, you throw him a warning look. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

Isak chuckles and pulls his biology book out of his backpack. “Right, sorry, I forgot. You always do your homework right when you get home.”

 

You can’t help a tiny smirk curling your lips upward. “Exactly.”

 

Chuckling again, Isak puts his book on the table and watches you for a moment until you turn to him with a frown.

 

“What is it, Isabell?”

 

Isak smiles warmly at you and then clears his throat. “Listen, I just wanted to thank you.”

 

“What for?” you ask him, still frowning.

 

“For being a loyal friend to Even," Isak says quietly, still holding your gaze. It takes a moment for you to realise what this means. “He told me everything about what happened last year," Isak adds after a moment, his expression darkening a little. “You never said anything, without him ever asking you to keep quiet.”

 

Isak’s eyes are full of gratitude and admiration, and you have to fight tears for the second time today, but for an entirely different reason. Swallowing hard, you smile back at him, clearing your throat. “Uh, yeah. It didn’t feel right to talk about Even’s past behind his back.”

 

Isak nods slowly. “Not everyone would see it that way. We are really lucky to have you as a friend, Even and I.”

You have to blink several times to avoid tearing up. “Thanks, I’m lucky too, to have you guys, I mean,” you manage to get out, and Isak quickly pats your shoulder.

 

“Don’t cry, Sanasol,” he whispers, making you shoot him an annoyed look.

 

“I’m not crying, I never cry.”

 

Isak chuckles again, ducking his head to get his notebook from his backpack. “Yeah, I know, I never cry either.”

 

You can hear the lie in his voice, just as well as he surely heard the lie in yours.

 

The rest of your classmates start filing into the classroom and you throw a look at your phone, surprised to see a new text from Chris.

 

 _Chris:_ _Hey girl, I think we need to bring our gang back together. Do you have an idea what_ _we could do this Friday? We should go somewhere where we can talk and have a_ _good time._

 

You frown slightly, wondering why Chris is asking _you_ about this. Typically, she asks Vilde or Eva for tips about good parties. But then you read the text again and get it. Chris wants you guys to talk, not to party. As much as you’d usually be very enthusiastic about such an idea, it makes you nervous. Still, you promised Jamilla you would talk to your friends, so you might as well take the chance.

 

 _Sana:_ _Sure, I know this cute café in Grønland I like to go to. Good tea and even better_ _pastries._

 

 _Chris:_ _Awesome, I’ll tell everyone in the group chat. Thanks, Sana._

 

Smiling to yourself, you type a quick _You’re welcome_ in reply and then put the phone away. Maybe you’ll get at least one thing right this week. Talking to the girls about what you’ve done is way overdue anyway, and you can’t help but think that you’ll feel better once they all know the whole truth.


	47. Episode 4: Thursday 4th May, 10.38: Announcement

**_Text: Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

 _Chris:_ _Ladies, I have an announcement to make. We are going to a café tomorrow. It’s a_ _surprise where we’re going, but you all have to come. That means you too, Vilde._

 

 _Noora:_ _Ugh, I hate surprises._

 

 _Eva:_ _Come on, Noora, I’m sure it will be fun!_

 

 _Sana:_ _I’m in. When and where do we meet?_

 

 _Chris:_ _Radhusplassen at six tomorrow._

 

 _Noora:_ _Just tell us where we’re going, Chris?_

 

 _Chris:_ _Not a chance Noora. It would really mean a lot if you all showed up._

 

 _Eva:_ _Vilde, you’re coming too, right? I miss all of us hanging out together!_

 

 _Noora:_ _Alright, Chris, if it means that much to you, I will come._

 

 _Chris:_ _Yass! I’ll try calling Miss Hellerud later to get her to show up as well._

 

 _Sana:_ _Good luck._


	48. Episode 4: Thursday 4th May, 16:15: You don’t have to check on me

Today is the first time you’re going to the mosque knowing Jamilla will be there without feeling afraid. On the contrary, you’re looking forward to seeing her and telling her about your plans to come clean to your friends tomorrow.

 

You’re lying on your bed, trying to come up with the right words to start telling the girls everything, and just when you let out a frustrated groan, your phone rings.

 

With a small smile, you pick up. “Hey!”

 

“Hey girl, how was your day?” Chris asks in her usual, cheerful voice.

 

“I’m good. Missed you at school today.”

 

“Yeah, we took a daytrip to the history museum.” Chris chuckles shortly. “Total waste of time if you ask me.”

 

You smile at that. “I believe you.”

 

“Haha," Chris laughs and then clears her throat. “Listen, do you have time to hang out later? My mum isn’t home and I don’t wanna eat alone so I thought I’d go out for some food.”

 

You frown and purse your lips, trying to come up with a good excuse that doesn’t include the truth about going to the mosque. Although you’re not entirely sure why, you feel awkward about telling Chris where you’re going. _It would freak her out._

 

“Uh, I’d love to, but I promised my mum I’d help her cook and eat with her and my dad.” You sigh deeply, hoping Chris believes you. “Can’t you ask Vilde, Noora or Eva?”

 

Chris sighs as well. “Noora has to be at kollektivet for some kind of meeting Eskild asked for, I haven’t reached Vilde all day and Eva’s mum is coming home tonight, so she can’t either.”

 

You feel terrible, guilt rising like bile in your throat. Swallowing hard, you take a deep breath before you reply. “I’m sorry, I really wish I could come. Mamma’s already in the kitchen.” For a second you consider inviting Chris over for dinner until you realise that your excuse is a lie. You just hope the same thing didn’t occur to Chris.

 

“It’s okay, Sana, don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” Chris sounds collected but you can tell she’s disappointed. It hurts and you wish you had the courage to just tell her the truth.

 

“I’ll call you later when I’m back … done with dinner," you promise, making Chris chuckle.

 

“You don’t have to check on me, girl.”

 

“But I want to," you say firmly, wanting to at least try and be there for your friend.

 

“Alright, I’ll be up until late anyway," Chris laughs and you try to laugh with her.

 

“Okay, talk to you later," you say, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

 

“Later, Sana," Chris answers and hangs up the phone.

 

The conversation leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You have no idea why while you are planning to tell the girls the truth about the email you sent to William and still feel like you have to hide certain aspects of your religion from them.

 

 _It must be a force of habit_ , you tell yourself and shake your head, trying to clear it for the evening at the mosque.


	49. Episode 4: Friday 5th May, 15:34: Don’t forget us

**_Text: Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

 _Vilde:_ _Sorry girls, I was out with Sara and the girls last night. I can’t come today, I already_ _promised the girls I’d go to a party with them. But maybe you can join us later?_

 

 _Chris:_ _Have fun, Vilde, don’t forget us. And let us know if you get tired of the Pepsi Max_ _Gang and want to join us after all._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Thanks, I will. But those girls are so awesome, I really don’t get why we were in a_ _fight with them._


	50. Episode 4: Friday 5th May, 18:24: You always have my back

Sitting at the same table at Evita where you and Jamilla sat eleven days ago, you can’t help but doubt that this was a good idea. Because after everyone has gotten their tea and the waiter has placed a plate of cookies in the middle of the table, the atmosphere is as tense as you expected it to be. But at least you now all have a cup to hide behind.

 

Chris is the first one to speak. “Alright, I think we have some stuff to talk about.”

 

Eva nods slowly, and Noora clears her throat. “Maybe we should discuss how to get Vilde back, first.”

 

That surprises you, but you flash Noora an understanding smile. “Yeah, good idea.”

 

“I just don’t get why the Pepsi Max Gang were so happy to ‘adopt’ her just like that,” Eva murmurs quietly, shaking her head.

 

You bite your lower lip, thinking for a moment. “I agree with Eva, they must be up to something," you say carefully, making Chris frown at you.

 

“What should they be up to? We only went to one party at Sara’s house, other than that we hardly even talk to them?”

 

Exchanging a doubtful look with you and Noora, Eva finally shrugs. “I don’t know. It just feels … strange? Sara kicked Vilde off their bus in first year and now they’re suddenly all over her.” She takes a deep breath and Noora puts an arm around her, squeezing her shoulder.

 

“They were your friends once," she murmurs, and Eva laughs mirthlessly.

 

“Yes, and back then, particularly Sara was very fond of pulling pranks on people.” Eva sighs and leans back in her chair, giving all three of you a thoughtful look. “I doubt that’s changed.”

 

You suddenly feel very uneasy and are about to say that you agree with Eva, when your phone rings. It’s an unknown number. Still, you apologise to the girls and pick up.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Sana, it’s Yousef.” His voice makes you shiver, not just because it’s _him_ , but also because it’s shaky, as if he were on the verge of tears.

  
“What’s wrong?” you ask, swallowing hard.

 

“Elias, he … he got completely shitfaced and I don't know where to take him. The others aren’t here and I can’t reach them, can you please come?”

 

The blood in your veins freezes. Why would your brother drink? He may not be a model muslim, but he always respected that particular rule. And Yousef sounds so worried you just have to ask if your brother’s even alive. “Is he breathing?”

 

“Yes, yes, he’s breathing, but he can’t get up.” Yousef sighs and clears his throat before he goes on. “I have no  idea what he drank, I barely managed to drag him out of the party we went to."

 

 _Since when do the boys go out separately? And when did Elias start drinking alcohol?_ You ignore the raging questions in your head and throw a clueless look at the girls before answering. “Alright, where are you now?”

 

Yousef groans and you hear what must be your brother mumble something unintelligible. “Uh, I … I managed to drag him to the edge of Frogner park, right next to the outdoor pool.”

 

“Ok, I’m coming,” you tell him and hang up the phone.

 

The girls are all frowning at you and Chris lays her hand on your shoulder. “What’s up?”

 

“My brother got drunk, I have to go get him,” you say, looking at your hands. You feel Chris’ fingers tighten on your shoulder and you wonder if she knows what it means that Elias is drinking.

 

“I’m coming with you,” Chris murmurs, making you stare at her. She’s smiling kindly and although you really want to tell her she shouldn’t, you also know you could use the help.

 

You get up and smile apologetically at Noora and Eva. “I’m sorry, I hope we can talk some other time?”

 

Both girls nod slowly, still looking a little confused, but Noora clears her throat and holds your gaze for a moment. “I hope your brother is going to be okay," she says and in her eyes you see she means it.

 

“I’ll see,” you tell her and try to smile back.

 

“Let us know, “ Eva demands and grins encouragingly, and you nod curtly before putting your phone in your pocket.

 

“Will do.” Chris gets to her feet and you both wave at Eva and Noora before walking away in direction of the station.

 

You and Chris hardly speak on your way to the the outdoor swimming pool on the edge of Frogner park. You text Yousef as soon as you get on the tram to let him know when you’ll arrive and after getting off, you all but run the rest of the way, Chris following on your heels.

 

When you reach the parking lot outside Frognerbadet, it doesn’t take you long to spot Yousef: He’s sitting on the lawn, his back leaned against a tree, looking distractingly handsome as always. He's wearing black jeans and a black jacket over a white t-shirt, and his dark hair is half hidden beneath a white snapback. Your brother is lying next to him, wearing black jeans and a grey hoodie, his head cushioned on Yousef’s lap and he looks to be asleep.

 

“Hei,” Yousef says with a kind smile when he spots you and Chris approaching. He sounds relaxed, as if you had agreed to meet here under completely normal circumstances. But you see the worry in his eyes and it makes your stomach churn.

 

Clearing your throat, you kneel down in front of him and give him a grateful look. “Hei, thank you for …” But Yousef just waves his hand in a dismissive gesture.

 

“Don’t mention it,” he says and then looks up at Chris. “Hei, you’re Chris, am I right?”

 

Chris nods and shakes Yousef’s outstretched hand, but you hardly notice: You’re shaking Elias’ shoulder, trying to get him to open his eyes. “Elias, wake up, we have to go.”

 

Elias groans in protest but at least he opens his eyes, squinting at you. “What? Where am I?”

He looks completely disoriented and you can’t help but feel angry with him. _If you’re going to drink, can’t you at least stick to one or two beers at a time?_

 

With the help of Chris and Yousef, you eventually manage to haul Elias to his feet. “Where should we take him?” Yousef asks, and that’s when it hits you: You can’t take your brother home in this state. Your parents mustn’t know that he’s drinking.

 

“Fuck,” you murmur and are about to suggest looking for a cheap hotel when Chris clears her throat.

 

“He can sleep on my couch. My mum’s on a weekend trip with her friends, she won’t be back until Sunday.”  You stare blankly at her but Chris just smiles with a shrug. “I can’t cook for shit, but I can give him an Aspirin in the morning and text you when he leaves.”

 

Despite the seriousness of the situation, you can’t help but laugh, mostly with relief. Yousef laughs as well and Elias mumbles something under his breath, hanging between your and Yousef’s shoulders. You try not to think about the fact that Yousef’s hand is only inches away from yours.

 

“Uh, are you sure?” you ask Chris, watching her face for a moment. She nods slowly, her smile growing warmer and kinder with every second she holds your gaze.

 

“You always have my back, I always have yours,” she says simply, and Yousef huffs a laugh next to you.

 

“Your friends are awesome, Sana.” He holds up his hand to Chris who gives him a high-five with an excited giggle.

 

And before you know it, you’re on a tram to Chris’ place, Elias lying on two seats across from you and Chris. Yousef stands next to you and recounts the events of the night, and you watch him with a mix of curiosity and regret.

 

You know him not being muslim is an absolute dealbreaker. Islam is important to you and you are aware that there is a reason for why muslims are not supposed to marry non-muslims. Should you ever have a crisis of faith, Yousef wouldn’t be able to help you through it because he doesn’t share your beliefs. You would always be alone in matters of faith.

And yet … He seems so respectful. You remember that during the last Ramadan, you never saw him eat during the day, and more than once have you heard him remind Elias that he hasn’t been to Friday prayers in a long time.

 

And that suddenly makes you wonder if Yousef has never been muslim or just lost his faith.

 

“We’re here,” Chris interrupts your thoughts and you get up hastily to help Yousef drag Elias out of the tram.

 

Thankfully, Chris doesn’t live too far away from the tram stop, and soon you and Yousef drop your brother onto the couch in the living room of Chris’ home. Before you can say anything, Chris brings a blanket and Yousef takes off Elias’ shoes. You help Chris drape the blanket over your brother who mumbles incoherently for a while and then closes his eyes, starting to snore only moments later.

 

Looking at Yousef and Chris in turn, you suddenly have to stifle a laugh. The whole situation is just too comical. Chris ushers you and Yousef out into the hallway and shuts the door with an exaggerated sigh. “Let’s hope he’ll sleep through the night,” she whispers, making you giggle.

 

“Thank you so much, Chris,” you say and put a hand on her shoulder. “I owe you for this.”

 

Chris shakes her head and pulls you into a one-armed hug. “Bullshit, this is what friends are for.”

 

You blush slightly and hug her back. “Thank you.”

 

Five minutes later, after making Chris promise she will kick Elias out the second he’s awake, you and Yousef leave her house and make your way back to the tram stop. When you get there, you see that the next tram will arrive in fifteen minutes. Groaning in frustration, you turn to Yousef, who just shrugs and winks at you, sending a shiver down your spine.

 

“Come on, I’ll walk you home,” he says, matter-of-factly, and somehow, it doesn’t even occur to you to protest.

 

“Okay, thanks.” You start walking, falling into step with Yousef and trying to ignore the fact that the walk home will be rather long from here. Clearing your throat, you try to think of something to talk to him about, suddenly feeling nervous.

 

Throwing a sideway glance at Yousef, you realise he seems to have the same problem. He squares his shoulders and clears his throat repeatedly and giggles nervously whenever you catch his eye.

 

So eventually, you decide that one of you has to break the ice. “Yousef, why … why don’t you believe in Allah?”

 

Yousef stares at you for a few seconds, taking off his snapback and running a hand through his hair before putting the hat back on.

 

“Uhm, well … to be honest, I’ve always had problems with the idea of a God watching over me,” he begins, watching your face nervously, as if he’s expecting you to be angry with him. You just look back at him with genuine intrigue, though, so he goes on. “Ever since I was little, I have always pestered my parents with questions. ‘If God is so important, why can’t we see him? Why does God care about when and how many times we pray? Why do we need God to remind us that we have to be good people?’” He laughs and shrugs with an apologetic expression on his face. “I know those are mean questions, but I needed to ask them. My parents always willingly answered me, although I think it worried them that I was doubting our faith so much.”

 

You smile gently at him. “I can imagine that.”

 

Yousef nods and adjusts his hat before he continues. “Anyway, by the time I was 12, I didn’t ask questions anymore. But I still hardly ever prayed, and when I did I always felt as if I was talking to myself. I never felt like I was actually communicating with God. I know that you’re not just supposed to pray Dua when you need something, but also to give praise to God in the daily prayers. I did both, and neither ever felt genuine to me. So about two years ago, I finally realised that the existence of a God just isn't plausible to me.”

 

He sighs deeply and throws both hands in the air. You’re surprised to notice he seems relieved. Not sad or afraid of what you might think, but relieved that he got this information about himself off his chest.

 

“So you’ve never really been a muslim then?” you ask in lack of a better idea for what to say.

 

Yousef chuckles and shakes his head. “No, I never was a true muslim. But I don’t regret that.” He holds your gaze with a content smile. “All I regret is worrying my parents that I will become an irresponsible drug addict and gang member after ‘losing’ my faith. But by now, I think they’re at peace with my worldview.”

 

That surprises you. Your parents have always been open-minded, but you still think they would lose it if you, Ahmed or Elias would stop believing. Islam is an important part of your family life, and while you discuss your faith openly with your parents and brothers, you can’t imagine any of them losing their faith would go down well with the rest of you.

 

“I’m glad your parents are okay with it,” you say, making sure to look steadily into Yousef’s eyes as you do.

 

“Thanks,” he says and chuckles shortly before his expression becomes serious. “But Sana?”

 

You raise your eyebrows at him. “What?”

 

“You have to know that I would die to protect your right to believe what you believe. Just because I can’t imagine that there is a God doesn’t give me the right to dissuade anyone from their faith, whatever it is.” His eyes are glued to yours now, and his serious stare combined with the words he just said turn your knees into pudding.

 

“Uh, wow,” is all you can say at first. Clearing your throat, you look at your shoes for a second before adding: “That’s … really awesome, Yousef.” _Pathetic!,_ your inner voice yells at you, but the almost proud look in Yousef’s eyes tells you it was the right thing to say.

 

“I do what I can,” he says, shrugging with an embarrassed giggle and you almost have to fight off the urge to hug him. _You are too cute, damn it._

 

“The most important thing is that you’re a good person to the people in your life,” you tell him and Yousef nods enthusiastically. It takes you a moment to realise that it’s probably as important to him that you understand his point of view as it is for you that he knows that.

 

“I try to be the best person I can be. Even if I fuck up sometimes, as long as I remain honest and true to myself, I feel that I’m not completely failing.” He sighs and looks ahead of him at nothing in particular, suddenly lost in thought.

 

“You’re not failing,” you tell him, and it takes Yousef a moment to look at you. When he does, his smile seems half-hearted, and you can’t help but wonder what it is that turned his mood so somber in a matter of seconds.

 

“Thank you,” he says quietly and takes a deep breath, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

 

Somehow, you find the courage to ask him: “What is it?”

 

Yousef chuckles and bites his lower lip and then finally turns to look at you. “I just remembered a time when I really did fuck up. Badly.”

 

Your heart starts beating faster when you see the pained look in his eyes. But before you can ask what he means, Yousef goes on.

 

“Do you remember Even? The guy we used to hang out with?”

 

It’s not the last thing you expected him to say, but you still stare at him for a second before you nod.

 

“Well, I think we all fucked up when things went bad with him last year.” He takes a deep breath and then looks around, apparently searching for something. You’ve reached the Idiot playground and luckily, it’s entirely empty. Yousef points to a bench next to the basketball pitch and you nod in silent agreement.

 

Once you’re both sitting down, Yousef sighs and looks into your eyes for a long moment before continuing his story. “So, we were a little worried about Even because he suddenly started acting weird, doing all kinds of crazy stuff. We tried to help him relax, but nothing worked. Finally one evening, he tried to kiss Mikael, who pushed him away and ran.”

 

Yousef shakes his head and chews on his lower lip for a moment. “Elias almost punched Even, thinking he wanted to fuck with Mikael and threatened to beat Even up if he ever tried that again. After that, Even posted some Koran verses on facebook where it says that being gay is wrong and all, and instead of realising that he was struggling, we just … we all just thought Even wanted to mess with Mikael. You see, Mikael’s parents are very religious, and if they found out that one of Mikael's friends likes boys .."

 

You can’t help but gasp at that and put a hand on Yousef’s arm. “Is Mikael … does he…?” you begin but Yousef shakes his head.

“No, as far as I know, Mikael isn't into guys. He was scared of what his parents would think. And the last thing he wanted was to lose Even as a friend because of his parents hating him.”

 

You let out a long breath and nod slowly. “But you did lose him.”

 

Sighing deeply, Yousef nods and the look in his eyes makes your heart hurt. “He wouldn’t talk to us after the facebook thing … We heard from his girlfriend Sonja that he was depressed, and we tried to reach out by calling and texting, but he never responded. So in the end, we just figured he didn’t want to be friends with us anymore and left him alone.”

 

Although you understand that the boys didn’t want to intrude, you still don’t get why they just gave up. “Do you miss him? Even, I mean,” you ask although you’re almost sure you know the answer to that question.

 

Yousef nods without hesitating, smiling weakly. “Yes, I miss him. He …” A short laugh escapes him and his eyes light up a little. “He once challenged me to a dance battle. I have no idea what made him think he could beat me, but then again, it was never about winning for Even.” He smiles softly and leans back to look up at the sky. “He made a complete ass of himself, but we all laughed so much our stomachs hurt for days afterwards, I swear.”

 

Yousef bursts into laughter and you can’t help but join in. “That sounds like him,” you say after a moment and when Yousef looks into your eyes again, you clear your throat before adding: “I think you should talk to him.”

 

Nodding slowly, Yousef gets to his feet and you do the same, following him back onto the street. It’s only five more minutes from here to your place and it’s already pretty dark by now. “I hope I will find the courage to do that one day. It’s just … I don’t know what to say to him,” he murmurs after a while.

 

“You could always challenge him to another dance battle,” you suggest with a giggle, making Yousef huff out a laugh.

 

“I’ll keep that idea in mind, thank you.”

 

Both of you are silent for the rest of the way, but it’s not uncomfortable. Despite knowing now why Yousef is not muslim and that he most likely never will be, you feel closer to him than before.

 

When you reach your front door, you are reluctant to go inside, particularly because Yousef can’t stop staring at you. His eyes seem to almost caress your face from afar, admiring you as if you were a work of art, making your knees feel like pudding again. Still, you look back with the same admiration, as if you were trying to memorise every last one of his features: his slender nose, the high cheekbones, his thin but expressive lips and of course, his beautiful, dark eyes.

 

You’re about to ask him if he wants to meet you for that basketball rematch tomorrow when you suddenly hear your mother’s voice.

 

“Sana?”

 

Freezing on the spot, you realise you’re in deep trouble. The tone of your mother’s voice is not patronising, but nonetheless strict and worried - the worst combination.

 

“Uh, I have to go,” you tell Yousef, who clears his throat and takes a step back.

 

“See you around, Sana,” he says and waves at you, smiling nervously.

 

“See you,” you call back and then he’s already disappeared around the corner.

 

You take your time going inside and up the stairs. Because not only do you have to think of an explanation why Yousef walked you home but you also have to find an explanation for why your brother isn’t coming home tonight.

 

Still, you can’t stop smiling all the way up to your family’s apartment.


	51. Episode 5: Saturday 6th of May, 09:38: If you tell anyone ...

You’ve been awake since seven o’clock, constantly checking your phone for a text from Chris or Elias while trying to study for your biology mock exam. At around ten o'clock, Chris finally texted saying Elias had just left her house.

 

After that you’d left your room to see if Mamma is at home. You found her in the kitchen, writing her grocery list for the week. She made tea for both of you and asked you how school is going. You left out the part about the fight with Noora and the girls and just told her that you’re really enjoying biology - which is actually true.

 

Now Mamma has just left the house to go shopping and you flop down on the couch, briefly considering calling your brother to check on him. But before you can dig your phone out of the pocket of your sweatpants, you hear a key turning in the lock.

 

Elias’ head appears in the doorway to the living room seconds later and he mouths _Is Mamma home?_ , almost making you laugh.

 

“She just left,” you tell him and Elias breathes a sigh of relief. He walks over to the couch facing the one you’re sitting on and stretches out on it, letting out a long groan.

 

You purse your lips and clear your throat. “Rough night?”

 

Elias covers his face with the back of his hand and nods slowly. “Who was that girl? The one whose couch I slept on?” he croaks.

 

“Chris, my friend from school. You met her twice before, Elias.”

 

Your brother nods and sits up, reaching for a pillow and stuffing it under his head. “Yeah, now that you mention it. She’s nice.”

 

Rolling your eyes at him, you lean forward to look at your brother’s face. There are dark rings under his eyes and he looks completely exhausted even though he must have slept more than twelve hours on Chris’ couch. And when his eyes finally meet yours, the sadness in them makes your heart hurt.

 

“Elias?" you ask tentatively, and your brother raises one eyebrow at you.

 

“What?”

 

You take a deep breath and clear your throat again. “When did you start drinking?”

 

Elias chuckles and covers his face with both palms. “You’re not the boss of me, little sister,” he says harshly, but you know that tone all too well: He always tries to make you angry when he’s hurt.

 

“I’m not asking to scold you, Elias, I am actually worried about you, believe it or not.” You hold his gaze while you speak, your voice steady and calm.

 

Your brother frowns for a second but then throws up his hands in defeat. “Alright, you got me, I’m not happy with the way things are, not all the time okay?”

 

This time, you don’t reply, but just nod slowly and wait for him to go on.

 

Elias sits up, setting his elbows on his knees. “I hate that I can’t find work. The only reason I am taking a gap year is because despite getting decent grades, nobody’s willing to hire me.”

 

Although you’ve suspected this ever since Elias announced he’d be doing nothing for a year, it still hurts to hear it. He finished school with good grades and started looking for apprenticeships in his last semester already. While most of his classmates were busy partying every night, Elias sat at home and sent out application after application, for all kinds of jobs and apprenticeships, but he never got a positive response. If he got a reason for the rejections, it was bullshit like ‘we don’t feel you’re right for this kind of work’ or similar excuses.

 

“I’m sorry, brother,” you say quietly. “I know you deserve only the best kind of job and I a sure one day you will get an apprenticeship in the exactly right place for you.”

 

Elias chuckles mirthlessly. “That’s the thing, I don’t even know what the right place for me is.” He leans back on the couch again with a deep sigh. “I’ve been applying to every apprentice post I see without even having the slightest idea if it’s even right for me.”

 

He looks at you again with a mix of jealousy and admiration. “I’m so glad that you already know you want to be a surgeon, Sana. You know exactly what you want and what you have to do to get there.”

 

You get to your feet and walk around the couch table, sitting down  next to your brother. “You will find something you love, too, Elias!” Looking firmly into your brother’s eyes, you fight back a scowl before you go on. “I know we fight a lot, but I actually believe you have a great future ahead of you. You’re kind, honest and straight-forward, and one day, that will be of use to you.”

 

Elias stares at you incredulously. “Sana, you’re freaking me out. Did you just compliment me?”

 

You both laugh at that, and you stand up again, waving your index finger in front of his face with a threatening expression. “If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”

 

Elias chuckles and then takes your hand in his, making you look at him again. “Thanks, sister, it’s good to know someone believes in me.”

 

You squeeze his hand briefly and smile at him. “You’re welcome, brother.” Sitting back down, you think for a moment before you add: “Maybe you should talk to the boys, get their opinion?”

 

Elias sighs and studies your face, frowning slightly. “I’m not sure…” He hesitates and then clears his throat. “You know, this is the kind of thing I’d usually talk to Even about.”

 

Your breath hitches at that. Of all the things your brother could have said, this is the last one you’d expected. “Really?” is all you manage to get out.

 

Your brother nods slowly and licks his upper lip. “He was always such a good listener. I could tell him anything and he’d always know what to say.” Taking a deep breath, Elias leans his head back and stares up at the ceiling. “When you told me he misses us last week … it all came back, you know.”

 

“What do you mean?,” you ask, and Elias’ eyes find yours again. They’re full of regret and worry that you can’t help but feel are there because of you. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything to you, I’m sorry ….” you begin, but Elias shakes his head and shushes you.

 

“No, I should have known Even didn’t just stop talking to us because he’s a dick, Sana.” Your brother says, looking firmly into your eyes. “He’s one of the best people I know, he would never just abandon us for no reason. But we just let him walk away, we never even went to see him after … “

 

He trails off and you can tell that there is something he’s not telling you. Tears are shining in your brother’s eyes and almost automatically, you lean forward and wrap your arms around him. “Shh, Elias, it will be alright,” you say, fighting back tears yourself. Your brother hugs you back, breathing heavily with his head resting on your shoulder.

 

After a long moment, Elias gently disengages himself from you and wipes his face with both hands. You try to smile warmly at him and squeeze both his hands. “Even told me he wants to reach out to you guys. He really does miss you, he just needs some time.”

 

Elias nods slowly and tries to smile back. “Okay, I guess we’ll just wait and see then.”

 

You nod back, putting a hand on your brother’s shoulder. “He’ll come around, I’m sure of it.”

 

The hopeful look in Elias’ eyes almost makes you want to cry of joy. Joy over your brother opening up to you, but also joy over the fact that for once, your meddling into other people’s business might actually result in something positive.

 


	52. Episode 5: Saturday 6th May, 14:53: We’ll see

**_Text: Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _Hey girls, did you have a good time last night? Sorry I had to leave!_

 _Eva:_ _Yeah, Noora and I ended up going to her place and cooked, it was real cosy._

 

 _Chris:_ _Nice! I watched Game of Thrones on Netflix in my room until I passed out. Boring but_ _okay .:-)._

 

 _Vilde:_ _I’m sorry I didn’t join last night, girls. The party was awesome! I got sooo drunk,_ _Sara and Ingrid had to drag me to the bus stop._

 

 _Noora:_ _Are you alright, Vilde?_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Yes, I’m fine! You guys should really come party with us next weekend._

 

 _Eva:_ _We’ll see._


	53. Episode 5: Sunday 7th May, 09:03: See ya

**_Text: Noora_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _Hei. Do you want to have a cup of coffee today? I’m buying._

 

 _Noora:_ _Sure! When and where?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Uh, how about the KB on Grüners gate at 2 o’ clock?_

 

 _Noora:_ _Perfect, see you there._

 

_Sana: See ya_


	54. Episode 5: Sunday 7th May 12:23: You were worried

**_Text: Isak_ **

 

 _Isak:_ _Hei Sanasol. Everything alright?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Hei Isabell, I’m good. Do you need my notes again?_

 

 _Isak:_ _No, haha. I only wanted to apologise for being a nosy bastard about Mikael._

 

 _Sana:_ _That’s alright. You can’t help being a nosy bastard I guess._

 

 _Isak:_ _Haha, why so charming, Sana?_

 

 _Sana:_ _I’m nothing if not charming._

 

 _Isak:_ _No but seriously: Thank you for being such a great friend. To me and to Even._

 

 _Sana:_ _Uh, you’re welcome I guess. Are you sure you don’t need anything from me?_

 

 _Isak:_ _I’m serious here … You’re a great person, Sana._

 

 _Sana:_ _Thank you, Isak. You too. I’m glad Even told you everything himself._

 

 _Isak:_ _Awh, I’m touched. Yeah, I’m glad too. That’s why I’m sorry for asking you questions I_ _should have just asked Even._

 _  
__Sana:_ _It’s okay, really. I understand. You were worried._

 

 _Isak:_ _Not anymore, thanks to you._

 

 _Sana:_ _Stop it with the compliments, you’re scaring me._

 

 _Isak:_ _Alright, alright, I’ll be mean to you again soon, don’t worry. See you in biology,_ _Sanasol._

 

 _Sana:_ _See you around, Isabell._


	55. Episode 5: Sunday 7th May, 14:28: You are correct

Sitting at one of the tables in Vulkan parken across from Noora with a warm cup of chai in your hands, you’re not sure how to feel. Noora fidgets with her cup as much as you do though, making it clear that you’re not the only one feeling a little nervous.

 

“So …” the two of you say at the same time, making both of you laugh.

 

“You first,” you say, smiling carefully and wrapping your fingers tighter around your paper cup.

 

Noora clears her throat and takes a deep breath. “I am sorry for just shutting you out like that. It wasn’t fair.”

 

Relief floods your heart and you let out a long breath you didn’t know you were holding. “It wasn’t fair of me to send that email either, though,” you tell her, looking down at your hands.

 

“Actually,” Noora giggles slightly, making you look up at her. “You sending that email kind of worked out pretty nicely for me in the end.”

 

You frown at her. “Really? How?”

 

Noora purses her lips and then grins broadly. “Well, because when William came back, he seemed positive that I was desperate to get back together with him.” She chuckles and takes a careful sip of her coffee. “You should have seen the look on his face when he waited for me outside of school and I told him I was busy. He thought I was joking.”

 

“Ah, I would have loved to see that,” you tell her, suddenly feeling amused.

 

“Yes you would have,” Noora says and takes another sip of coffee. You nip at your tea as well and marvel at the gleeful look on your friend’s face as she goes on. “Anyway, when I met him the next day, I basically told him I needed some time to think and that him coming back didn’t change the fact that he left me all alone with the whole Nico thing. You know what he replied?”

 

You roll your eyes and pretend to think for a moment. “Uh, let  me guess: He said ‘but you lied to me,’ or something like that?”

 

Noora giggles excitedly and holds up her hand. “Yes, you are correct, Sana.”

 

Laughing with her, you give her a high-five, still struggling to believe this is actually happening. _Can it really be that easy?_ “So, when exactly did you … end things with him?,” you ask, and Noora’s face falls just a little.

 

“Well, that was right before I met you guys for kebab last Friday, actually.” She bites her lower lip with a guilty expression on her face. “William tried to make me feel guilty for leaving him, saying I saved him from being the bad person he was before he met me and that I was ruining everything by ‘just giving up.’”

 

She sighs deeply and you feel the sudden urge to punch William in the face the next time you see him. “I’m sorry, Noora,” you say, reaching out to close your fingers around her wrist.

 

Noora blinks a few times. “No, it’s okay, Sana, I told you, the email …”

 

“Not about the email,” you interrupt her. “Well, about invading your privacy I am sorry I guess. But I mean I’m sorry about telling you to try to understand him in our second year. That was bullshit. You should have stayed away from him, like you said.”

 

Noora smiles kindly and takes your hand in hers. “It was still my decision to stay with him. He treated me like crap for almost the entire time we were in London, and I stuck around for half a year before I left.” She takes another deep breath and lets go of you. Taking another sip of coffee, she stares at her hands for a moment and then goes on.

 

“Anyway, I should have gone home and punched my pillows instead of meeting you guys after breaking up with him. If I’d done that, I never would have exploded at Vilde the way I did.”

 

You bite your lower lip and nod slowly. “Anyone would explode at Vilde after having that kind of talk with an asshole like William.”

 

Noora laughs and nods slowly, but then her expression becomes serious again. “I still wonder about one thing.”

 

 _Uh oh, here we go._ You purse your lips and try to seem curious, although you already know what Noora is going to ask. “What is that?”

 

“Why did you send that email? I mean … I know now you don’t approve of William, so why did you want him to come back?”

 

You take a deep breath and try to think of the right words. The truth would be the easiest and best choice, you know that. But you’re too afraid of losing Noora all over again if you tell her you want Yousef to yourself. Sending that email was the most selfish thing you’ve ever done, and you’re not ready to let Noora know that.

 

“Well, I knew you needed to talk to him anyway,” you finally say, trying to sound as genuine as possible. “You just up and left him in London, and whether or not you would get back together, I knew you had to discuss things with him to get over him and to finally put everything that happened with his brother behind you.”

 

Noora studies your face while you speak and when you’re done she nods slowly, but you can tell she’s not entirely convinced. “Well, I guess in that case, you’ve accomplished your mission,” she finally says and raises her cup.

 

You laugh nervously and raise your own cup to meet hers. “I guess I did.”

 

“Still, before you ever do that again, please ask me first?” Noora adds and you nod quickly.

 

“I promise you that, really!”

 

Noora smiles kindly and you can tell she knows you haven’t told her the whole truth. It makes you sick to keep things from her, especially after she’s just been so open with you. So although you’re relieved that you and Noora are on speaking terms again, you feel like a damn coward for not having the courage to come clean.


	56. Episode 5: Monday 8th May, 08:42: Just look at her

Walking onto the school yard flanked by Chris and Noora, you feel happier than you have felt in a while. Chris is telling Noora about what happened with Elias - she asked your permission first, which made you want to hug her for an eternity - making all three of you laugh every few moments.

 

“I was so worried he’d throw up on my mum’s favourite carpet in the morning, he looked white as a sheet,” Chris says, making you giggle.

 

“He looked like that all day after he came home. I hope he will think twice before drinking that much next time,” you say, rolling your eyes. Chris nods slowly and Noora throws you  a curious look.

 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it forbidden for muslims to drink alcohol?” she asks and you nod slowly, making a face.

 

“Yes, it’s not allowed. That’s why I’m a little worried about him.”

 

Noora’s about to say something else when Chris interrupts by tugging on your sleeve.

 

“Just look at her. It’s so weird seeing her with _them_ again.”

 

You follow Chris’ gaze and see Vilde, standing amongst the Pepsi Max Gang, giggling and joking with them as if they’d been friends all this time. As if they hadn’t unceremoniously kicked her out of their bus in first year. As if it was them, not you, Noora, Chris and Eva who had always been there for her.

 

Noora makes a face. “I feel kind of guilty for causing that.”

 

Chris frowns at her and shakes her head. “Vilde was already pushing for us to hang out with them before you got into a fight. She would probably be standing there regardless.”

 

You sigh deeply and link your arm with Noora’s. “We have to figure out a way to get her back.”

 

Both Noora and Chris stare at you in surprise. They obviously didn’t expect you to say that.

 

“What?” you say with an exasperated sigh. “I know I snap at her a lot but I told you,” you look at Noora, “that she’s the first one I’d bring to war with me, and I stand by that. Vilde may be annoying but she’s still our friend.”

 

Noora nods slowly and throws another glance over at Vilde who is bear-hugging Sara now. “I agree. I should apologise to her.”

 

Both you and Chris nod approvingly. “I saw her yesterday on my way home,” Chris says after a long moment. “She didn’t want to talk about the fight though.”

 

Noora scrunches up her nose. “Ugh, I guess I’ll wait a bit. She did say she wants us to go to a party this weekend right? Maybe we can meet up after or before that and talk to her?”

 

You and Chris both pat Noora’s shoulder. “We’ll figure something out,” you say encouragingly. Noora smiles gratefully and then links arms with both of you. Like that, you march into the school building, grinning and giggling happily.

 

When you get to the lockers, you freeze and let go of Noora’s arm. She and Chris frown at you first and then follow your stare. You’re certain that the last time you saw your locker, the smeared writing of the word ‘Sharmuta’ was still on it, clearly readable - a nasty reminder of events you’d rather forget.

 

But now, it’s clean. Stepping closer, you’re almost sure you smell nail polish remover. Chris and Noora stand behind you while you slowly type in your code. As your locker swings open, a small piece of paper flutters to the ground. You pick it up and unfold it with shaking fingers. A single sentence is written on it in shaky but clear handwriting.

 

_Thank you for everything, little sister._

 

Tears of joy well up in your eyes and you swallow hard around the lump in your throat. “Even,” you whisper to yourself and jump when you hear Chris’ voice behind you.

 

“What does it say?” Chris hasn’t seen the note and you quickly fold it to make sure Noora doesn’t see it either.

 

“Uh, it’s … just a piece of paper I forgot to throw away,” you say and stuff the note into your pocket.  Noora and Chris frown incredulously, although neither of them questions that statement.

 

Noora steps closer to your locker and sniffs. “Nail polish remover. Why didn’t we ever think of that?”

 

You shrug, relieved that she doesn’t ask about the note again. “I thought of it once but kept forgetting to bring it with me.”

 

“I’m glad someone decided to help you out,” Chris says kindly and pats your upper arm. “Are you ready for German?”

 

You nod with a bright grin, get out your books and shut your locker again. “See you at lunch, Noora?,” you call out as Chris pulls you with her down the hall. Noora gives you a thumbs up and waves at the two of you before she disappears around the corner.

 

The first lesson on Monday morning is never your favourite, but this morning, you can’t stop grinning. You decide that you have to come up with a really special idea to thank Even. Cleaning your locker may just be the single nicest thing anyone has ever done for you at school.


	57. Episode 5: Monday 8th May, 16:43: You’re cute

**_Text: Eva_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _Hey girl, I didn’t see you at school today. Are you alright?_

 

 _Eva:_ _Hei, yeah I know. I overslept and couldn’t get out of bed. I’m ok I guess. And you?_

 

 _Sana:_ _I’m okay. Geography class was boring without you._

 

 _Eva:_ _Awwh, you’re cute._

 

 _Sana:_ _Listen, have you talked to Vilde? We saw her with the Pepsi Max Gang again today._

 

 _Eva:_ _No I haven’t. Precisely for that reason._

 

 _Sana:_ _What do you mean?_

 

 _Eva:_ _I don’t trust her anymore. I mean, I get that she’s upset because Noora yelled at her_ _… But she literally ran right into Sara’s arms after that and I really don’t like it._

 

 _Sana:_ _Me neither. I still think we should try to talk to her._

 

 _Eva:_ _Yeah, maybe. I don’t know, I guess I need some time._

 

 _Sana:_ _That’s fair I guess. See you tomorrow then?_

 

 _Eva:_ _Yeah, I’ll be there. Have to set an earlier alarm._

 

_Sana: Sounds like a plan._


	58. Episode 5: Tuesday 9th May, 10:37: Better than no plan

You’re sitting in a window sill on the stairwell across from Noora, watching Vilde talk and laugh with Sara, Ingrid and a few others of the Pepsi Max Gang in the schoolyard. Sara is talking and waving her hands while Vilde and the other girls listen and laugh every few moments. You lift your head when you hear Noora clear her throat.

 

“Why the frown?” she asks, looking amused.

 

With a sigh, you lean your head against the window and shrug. “I don’t know, something’s off. When I came to school this morning, I walked past Sara and a few of her goons and she stared at me angrily. And after I passed them, they all giggled and whispered, and I swear I heard one of them say ‘This is the one you meant, Sara?’”

You look into Noora’s eyes and shake your head as if to chase the memory out of your head. “It might be nothing, but I feel like she’s planning something. Like she’s angry with me for some reason and wants to get back at me.”

 

Noora purses her lips and leans forward. “What reason would she have to be mad at you?”

 

“Several? I mean, at that party at her house I confronted her friends when they teased Ayaan, that girl you saw me with outside. And in first year, I threw water in Ingrid’s face for calling Vilde a slut.” Already while you’re talking, you realise your reasons are flimsy at best.

 

“That doesn’t sound like reasons to hate you, Sana,” Noora says and you shrug again.

 

“I know. It’s just … a bad feeling.”

 

Noora nods again. “Well, you might be able to talk to Vilde about it soon.”

 

That makes you frown at her. “What?”

 

“Eva texted Vilde yesterday, and she says she can’t meet us to talk before the party but that she would really like for us to go.” She hesitates for a moment before she adds: “She seemed rather excited about getting Eva to join. Apparently, Ingrid wants to talk to her again?”

 

“Hm?” you say, raising an eyebrow.

 

Noora chuckles. “Yeah, that was my reaction too.”

 

She takes a deep breath and shrugs. “Anyway, she says the party’s at Christopher’s house, the guy Eva used to hook up with, you know?”

 

You nod slowly and then frown at her. “Wait, Eva isn’t hooking up with Chris anymore?”

 

Inexplicably, Noora blushes slightly and hugs her knee. “No, she stopped seeing him a while ago. She told me he became too clingy.”

 

“Oh, okay,” you say, shrugging with a slight frown. “So wait, isn’t that going to be a problem then? I mean, will Chris want Eva and us to be at his house if they’re not seeing each other anymore?”

 

Noora giggles and looks at her knee for a  moment. “Yeah, actually, I thought that too. Vilde was convinced that we would get in there without a problem because 'Eva is hooking up with Chris.'”

 

You smile hesitatingly, wondering what the heck is going on in Noora’s head. But before you can ask her that, she clears her throat and goes on. “Anyway, Eva says she can still talk to him and ask if it’s okay if we show up.”

 

Noora gets to her feet and stretches out her hand to you. You get up as well, linking arms with her and together you walk up the stairs. “Why are we meeting Vilde at a Pepsi Max Gang party anyway?” you ask, making Noora giggle.

 

“Well, it seems Vilde won’t meet us alone. So we might as well go to that party and try to corner her or something?”

 

You nod slowly, not entirely convinced. “Ok, it’s better than no plan, I guess.”

 

Both of you laugh at that, and by the time you reach your Norwegian classroom, you know that Noora is probably right. Still, you really don’t like the idea of trying to clear the air among your friend group at a party organised by the most vicious group of girls at school.

 

Only when the lesson has already started does it occur to you that it's rather strange Noora knows about Eva texting Vilde yesterday. Since Eva wasn't at school, you can only assume her and Noora met afterwards, which doesn't exactly help the uneasy feeling in your stomach. Something's going on, and you can't help but think it's nothing good.


	59. Episode 5: Wednesday 10th May, 15:49: Why not?

**_Text: Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

 _Eva:_ _Hey ladies, so I talked to Christopher, and we’re invited to the party at his house._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Ah, great! It will be awesome! The girls are excited that you’re coming. Especially_ _Ingrid. Eva, I think she really misses you._

 _  
__Eva:_ _Ok. Not sure what I think of that._

 

 _Chris:_ _Do we have to bring boys again? Cause I don’t think we can ask Sana’s brother and_ _his friends._

 

 _Vilde:_ _No, that rule only counts for parties at Sara’s place. P-Chris actually prefers it if more girls than boys are around, obviously._

 

 _Chris:_ _That's good. The boys really didn’t like the last party we dragged them to._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Why not? And how do you know that, Chris?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Elias said some idiots made terrorist jokes about them …_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Oh, yikes… Well, it doesn’t matter now I guess. See you girls on Friday!_


	60. Episode 5: Thursday 11th May, 16:59: Ask the tough questions

After finishing your homework for the day, you decide to join Mamma in the kitchen. She’s peeling carrots when you walk in and greets you with a bright smile.

 

“Hei, Sana. How are you doing?”

 

You walk over to her and wrap an arm around her shoulder. “I’m good, how are you?”

 

“Good, good.” Mamma watches you for a moment before setting down the carrot she has been peeling and putting her hand on your arm. “I don’t want to make you feel bad, but would you like to come to the mosque with me and Pappa tomorrow?”

 

You smile uneasily and put your hand over Mamma’s. “I’d love to, but I am going out with the girls.”

 

Mamma nods slowly, touching your chin. “That’s alright. I’d just have loved to have you with us, that’s all.”

 

Despite her warm tone, you can still hear your mother’s disapproval in her voice. “I will go to the mosque again, and I pray regularly, so please don’t worry, okay?” you say, sounding way too defensive for your liking.

 

Mamma purses her lips and hesitates for a second, but then she turns to face you and takes a deep breath. “I just sometimes feel like I don’t know you anymore, Sana.”

 

Without warning, hot anger flares up in your stomach and you narrow your eyes at your mother. “Why not? Because I go out sometimes? Or because some of my friends are non-muslims?”

 

Sighing deeply, Mamma looks at her hands for a moment before her eyes meet yours again. “I just think you would be happier if you had more friends who share your faith.”

 

You close your eyes for a second, trying to stop yourself from yelling at your mother. It feels like you’ve had this discussion several times already. And you hardly manage to swallow your anger, but when you do, you open your eyes again, however not looking at your mother when you reply. “Mamma, I can be myself AND have non-muslim friends, I have told you this!”

 

“I know, Sana. It’s just … you know as well as me that there are some aspects of Norwegian culture that don’t fit the way we live our lives.” Mamma sounds more scared than scolding, but you still shake your head and raise your chin defiantly.

 

“Well, there are things in Islam that don’t fit me either! Why is it okay for men to marry non-muslim women, but not the other way around for example? That’s incredibly sexist! Or the way most muslims still view homosexuality? The Koran says that we must adapt to each society we live in, and what do most of us do? Why are we isolating ourselves by sticking to old rules and outdated prohibitions?”

 

You didn’t mean to burst out at your mother like that, but there you are. Mamma stares at you, but not with fear or disgust as you would have expected. Her right hand is cupping her chin and she’s studying you, her eyes asking the question before it leaves her lips. “Where is all this coming from, Sana?”

 

Letting out a long breath, you shrug, although you know exactly where all this came from. Your inner conflict between your faith and your crush on Yousef and the battle you’re fighting with your conscience about messing with your friendships has been getting to you. The fact that Mamma just questioned the very friendships you are having trouble with just hit a sore spot. But you can’t say that out loud. “I just want to be allowed to ask questions! Isn’t that what you and Pappa always say we should do? Ask the tough questions?”

 

“Yes, of course you are allowed to ask questions,” Mamma confirms immediately, trying to smile at you. The worry in her eyes makes your heart contract and you have to look away. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, Sana.” Your mother’s tone is almost pleading now, but you still can’t hold back the anger her lack of trust in you causes in your gut.

 

“I won’t get hurt!” you say too quick and too loudly. And before Mamma can see that you’re actually fighting tears, you storm out of the kitchen.

 

A minute later, you’re running down the stairs and out of the house, away from Mamma, away from the troubling thoughts she added to the storm of worries that has been raging in your head for days.

 

Before you can decide where you should go, you run head-first into your brother at the corner of your house.

 

“Hey little sister,” Elias says in a teasing tone as you hurry to move away from him, looking at your shoes. “What’s up with you?” he adds after a second, and you’re glad that he doesn’t touch you. When you’re angry like this, you can’t guarantee for anything when people get too close, and Elias knows that better than anyone.

 

“Nothing, just leave me alone,” you say through clenched teeth, but your brother shakes his head.

 

“I’m worried about whoever runs into you next, you’re too angry to walk the streets alone.” He chuckles at his own words, and in spite of your anger, you can’t help a smile curling your lips upward.

 

“Very funny, Elias,” you grumble, still not looking at your brother.

 

“I know I’m funny, thank you very much.” Elias falls into step next to you, looking at his phone. By the time you turn the corner of the playground, he stuffs it back into his pocket though, and you finally look up at him. He smiles when your eyes meet his and reaches out to pat your arm. “What’s wrong, Sana?”

 

You just look at him for a moment and then clear your throat. “Nothing, I just … talked to Mamma. She doesn’t like my friends.”

 

Elias nods slowly. “Uhu, I know what you mean. Did she tell you it’s not good for you to have ‘so many non-muslim friends’?”

 

You stare at him. “How do you know?”

 

“I may have heard her voice through the window,” your brother says with a cheeky grin, making you scowl. But his expression becomes serious again after that. “I don’t want to say she’s right, Sana. But you have to understand where Mamma comes from. She grew up in Morocco, with a completely different mindset and in a very different society.” He sighs deeply and you suddenly have a feeling that he may have had the same conversation with your mother at one point.

“Mamma means well, but she doesn’t know what it’s like to be our age here in Norway,” he goes on and you can’t help but agree with him.

 

“I guess you’re right,” you say quietly, and for once, your brother doesn’t mock you for admitting that.

 

For a long moment, neither of you says anything until Elias points to a bench nearby. “Should we sit?”

 

You nod curtly and follow him to sit down, feeling yourself relax the second you lean your head back. A ray of sunlight hits your face and you close your eyes, taking a deep breath.

 

“So … what’s up with you and Yousef?” It takes you a full two seconds until you realise what your brother asked.

 

“Uh, what do you mean?” Your reply comes out too fast and you can’t meet his eye, so you’re not surprised to hear Elias chuckle knowingly.

 

“I’m not dumb, little sister. I see the way he looks at you. And the way you look at him.”

 

You’re shocked and relieved at the same time to notice your brother’s tone is warm, not patronising or cold. But still, you try to frown at him.

 

“Uh, I don’t … look at him?”

 

Elias laughs quietly, and you know it’s no use, so you give up. “Alright, so what if I like him? He’s not muslim, so it’s not like anything can happen.”

 

Your brother’s face is serious again now, and he makes sure you are looking into his eyes before he answers. “Yousef may not be muslim, but he’s the best guy I know, Sana. He doesn’t drink, he’s respectful and honest to everyone… I’d rather you be with him than with some muslim guy who lies, steals and drinks all the time. Because I know a lot of those.” He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “What is more important: To say you believe in Allah and not act like it or not to believe in him and act the way Allah would want it?”

 

Now you can only stare at him, and your heart starts beating a little faster. Your brother loves his boys, sure, but you never expected him to actually try and convince you to pursue his best friend. _You’re full of surprises, Elias Bakkoush._

 

Still, he’s not the only one who has to approve of Yousef. “Mamma and Pappa will never allow it,” you say darkly, looking down at your knees.

 

“I told you, Mamma grew up in a different time and country than us. And Pappa …” he pauses and taps your chin with his finger, making you look up. “Pappa doesn’t care who you’re with, as long as you’re happy, believe me. You can do no wrong in his eyes.”

 

That makes you laugh. “I’m not so sure about that.”

 

Elias groans and puts an arm around your shoulder. “Sana, I can’t say I’m over the moon about the idea of one of my boys dating my sister. But you’re your own person, it’s your life. And more than most people our age, you know what you want and aren’t afraid to say it. So really …”

 

He chuckles and bops your nose with his finger. “Instead of threatening to kill him if he hurts you, I should warn Yousef to never do anything that might make _you_ kill him. Because if there is one thing I’m sure of it’s that you can take care of yourself.”

 

You’re glad that you manage to laugh so you can pretend the tears in your eyes are tears of laughter. In just a few minutes, your brother has managed to make you feel a hundred times better about the whole Yousef disaster.

 

“That’s better,” Elias says, pointing to your face. “You better not lose that smile, little sister. Because if you’re sad, I am sad, you know that right?”

 

You bite your lower lip and nod slowly. Elias leans his head back and closes his eyes then, sighing contently when a ray of sunshine hits his face. For a long moment, you watch him carefully, wondering what you have done right for Allah to bless you with such a wonderful brother.

"Right," you say and when Elias turns to face you, you add: "Speaking of drinking ... Have you ..."

 

Elias' expression darkens a bit. "I try not to ... ," he hesitates and then clears his throat, leaning his elbows on his knees. "Yousef talked to me yesterday, saying he wants to help, but I don't know ..."

 

You nod slowly, understanding all too well what it feels like to not be sure whether or not you should trust your friends. "Just ... take your time I guess? And in the meantime, try not to get blackout drunk every week, okay?"

 

Your brother smiles hesitantly. "Last Friday was the first time I drank so much, and it's not exactly a fond memory so ..." He grins and purses his lips. "Thanks for not ratting me out, sister."

 

Staring at him with a mock-offended expression, you put a hand to your heart. "Why, brother, would I ever?"

 

"No, you would not," Elias says, a serious look in his eyes. He doesn't say it, but you can read the 'Thank you' in his expression, and it makes you smile warmly at him.

You nod appreciatively and then take a deep breath, feeling yourself relax from the inside out. Elias leans back and closes his eyes, letting the sun warm his cheeks. For a moment, you just watch him, trying to think of something nice but not cheesy to say to him.

“I’m glad you’re my brother,” you finally say very quietly, half-hoping Elias doesn’t hear you. But of course he does. Turning his head to look at you, he winks and clicks his tongue.

 

“Don’t tell anyone,” he murmurs, squeezing your upper arm. “But I’m glad you’re my sister, too.”


	61. Episode 5: Friday, 12th May, 20:13: Like old times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a big thank you to Shifa @lovinganchortee on tumblr who helped calm my nerves about the ending of this clip by reviewing it and adding an idea! I'm so grateful for your help! 
> 
> Also the biggest TAKK ever to my main beta Fee @isaksfailedgreentea on tumblr! Babe thanks to you this story is as authentic and respectful as it can be. Jazakhallah khair my dear ❤ 

Although it’s another party at someone’s house you hardly know and don’t really like, you actually enjoy yourself this time around. Right now, you're sitting on a couch in the living room next to Chris, who talks your  ear off about a guy she met and really likes. “He’s so funny Sana, almost as funny as me, do you know how rare that is?”

 

You laugh at that, wishing you could be as confident as Chris in matters of the heart. “I believe you. How lucky you are.”

 

Chris nods enthusiastically and gives you a hesitating look. You get the feeling that she’s about to tell you something more serious, but before you find out, Eva flops down onto the couch next to you.

 

You turn around to find her pouting at both you and Chris. “Noora isn’t coming,” she says in response to your questioning look. “She threw up after she got home from school and feels like shit. Now what are we going to do?”

 

Chris makes a face. “Ah no, that sucks!”

You pull out your phone and check the time. It’s already 20:15. And just when you’re about to ask where the hell Vilde is, you see her walking into the living room with Sara and Ingrid.

 

All three of you exchange hesitant looks, but before anyone can make a move, Vilde is already on her way over, a bright smile on her face. She looks pretty in her blue summer dress and pink flower crown, but you can tell she’s just as nervous as the rest of you.

 

“Hey ladies, so good of you to come!” You all smile back at her, and Vilde frowns. “Where is Noora?”

 

Eva clears her throat, briefly looking at her knees. “She’s not feeling well since this afternoon and decided to stay in bed.”

 

“Oh no, I hope she feels better soon,” Vilde says, but in her expression you read that she’s not sure whether or not to believe Eva. You can't really blame her: Whenever Eva lies, she can't look anyone in the eye, and ever since she announced Noora wasn't coming, she hasn't looked up once.

 

There is an uncomfortable silence between the four of you for a few moments, until Vilde purses her lips and then points to the other end of the room, where a makeshift bar has been built with a chest of drawers and some boxes, stocked with all kinds of liquor and beer. “I’m going to get myself a drink, I’ll talk to you later.”

 

‘Later’ apparently means more than an hour later, when you, Chris and Eva are dancing together, and trying to come up with a plan to get Vilde away from Sara and Ingrid in between songs. Chris has just suggested that one of you should claim there is an emergency with Noora, when Vilde throws her arms around Eva from behind and cooes in her ear.

 

“Evaaa, Ingrid really wants to talk to you.” Vilde is obviously drunk and Eva, who is slightly tipsy herself, gently removes Vilde’s arms from around her, smiling kindly.

 

“Alright, Vilde, I’ll be right there ok?” Eva looks nervous and you reach out to squeeze her shoulder encouragingly. You can’t help but think that maybe, Ingrid is serious about wanting to be friends with Eva again. But still you understand why she's anxious. After all, you felt the same way about talking to Jamilla again two weeks ago.

 

“We’ll all come, is that okay?” you ask Vilde, who nods enthusiastically, her smile growing wider. Eva throws a grateful look at you, sighing soundlessly.

 

“Yes, come, all of you, like old times,” Vilde babbles and puts one arm around Chris, holding on to Eva’s elbow with the other. “I missed you, girls, and I really think we should all be friends with Sara, Ingrid and the girls, they’re so cool.”

 

By the time your group reaches the Pepsi Max Gang - who have claimed the hallway floor for themselves, sitting on throw-pillows and chattering over beer and white wine - Vilde is all but hanging between Chris and Eva, still babbling on about how she missed the four of you and doesn’t want to lose you.

 

You’re almost tempted to tell Vilde everything will be okay, when you catch Sara’s eye. She’s looking at you with unveiled hatred, making the blood in your veins freeze. Although her angry grimace is replaced by a stiff smile seconds later, you suddenly have trouble breathing. Neither Eva or Chris seem to notice though, they’re busy holding Vilde upright. Also, Eva eyes Ingrid nervously, who looks back with clear apprehension, neither of them making a move.

 

So you shake your head and look at Sara again. She’s no longer staring at you but whispering something into the ear of a girl with dark curly hair standing next to her. The girl giggles and nods, and the gleeful look on her face while she types something into her phone makes your insides twist uncomfortably. _What is going on?_

 

Vilde points to Ingrid and smiles broadly at her. “Ingrid, I brought you Eva, since you said you wanted to talk to her.”

 

Ingrid smiles uneasily at Vilde and then turns to Eva, but before she can say anything, she’s interrupted by loud laughter, coming from Sara and the girl standing next to her.

 

“Oh my God, I can’t believe this,” Sara exclaims and points to Eva, still giggling. “Ingrid, before you so much as consider talking to _her_ , you should have a look at this. Eva obviously has some … enemies.”

 

The curly haired girl hands her phone to Sara, who turns it around to show it to Ingrid. Vilde, Chris, Eva and you lean forward to get a glimpse of it as well, and when you see what’s on the screen, you instantly feel like you’re about to throw up.

 

It shows a Tinder profile with Eva’s name and a picture of her kissing some guy you don’t know, but the caption makes it clear it was definitely not created by Eva. “I fuck everyone, regardless. I don’t care if you have a girlfriend, a girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do,” Ingrid reads out loud, her voice shaking slightly.

 

Eva stares at the phone and then at Sara, her eyes wide in shock. “What the fuck?”

 

“Oh don’t look at me, I don’t have a problem with you whoring around, not anymore. I mean, Ingrid forgave you so …,” Sara says in a sneering tone and hands the phone back to her friend.

 

Both Ingrid and Eva frown at Sara, who then pulls out her own phone. “If it’s not yours …” she giggles at that. “... then I suppose it was made by the same person who made this.” She frowns at her phone until she finds what she’s looking for, and then she hands the phone to Eva.

 

“Oh no,” Eva whispers the second her eyes land on the screen. You hardly dare look, but you can’t help it. Sara’s phone shows an instagram profile with the title “ellevillevillde2”. Vilde squints at it but doesn’t seem to see what it’s about right away. But then Eva taps on the first post.

 

It’s a video of Vilde, seemingly tipsy, holding a black-out drunk Elias in her arms. Her hands are roaming his upper body while she murmurs to herself, and you can hear Yousef in the background, talking to you on the phone.

 

“It’s not like we really needed proof, but now we have it: Vilde never loved that loser boyfriend of hers,” Sara announces, making a few people around you look around and focus their attention on you. Vilde starts sputtering, but can’t get out any actual words. Eva puts an arm around her and scowls at Sara, shoving the phone back into her hands.

 

But before she can say anything, Sara turns to you, smiling the fakest smile you’ve ever seen. “Congratulations,Sana, this is better than any prank I could have come up with. You really know how to stick it to people.”

 

Blinking a few times, you scowl at Sara, suddenly feeling your heartbeat in your ears. “What the fuck are you talking about?” You spit the words at her, feeling Eva’s and Vilde’s eyes on you like painful lasers. “You know I have nothing to do with this!”

 

Sara laughs and then fixates you with a threatening glare. “Just like you have nothing to do with sending an email to William from Noora’s account to make him think she wants him back?”

 

A ringing silence follows that sentence, at least you think so. Your mouth drops open and you stare blankly at Sara, feeling as if someone had hit you over the head with a club. _How the fuck does she know?_

 

When you finally manage to close your mouth, Eva and Vilde are both staring at you accusingly, and Chris looks flabbergasted, not moving a muscle.

 

“Sana, is that true?” Eva asks, sounding hurt and confused.

 

You look over at her and Vilde, opening and closing your mouth a few times, but nothing comes out. By the time you finally manage to swallow around the lump of guilt and shock in your throat, Sara clears hers, prompting all of you to turn back around to face her.

 

“I suppose all that frustration had to come out some time, eh Sana?” She doesn’t even look at you but is frowning at her phone, searching for something. Your instincts tell you to run, but you can’t move an inch.

 

Sara raises her phone for a second time, but this time, she only turns the microphone in your direction, watching all four of your faces. “I guess I should have known you would snap.” She exchanges a look with the curly haired girl next to her. You’re about to ask what the fuck she’s talking about when she points to the curly haired girl next to her. “Laila was at Evita last week and heard you bitching about your so-called 'friends' to a fellow muslim girl ..."

 

Feeling your knees turn to butter, you have to lean at the wall, closing your eyes. “Please, don’t,” you breathe, although you know full well it’s no use.

 

And before you can force your eyes open again, you hear your own voice from Sara’s phone.

 

“ _Why does Eva always have to sleep with every guy she sees? It’s like … she doesn’t even care, as long as she’s never sober on a Friday night and never sleeps in an empty bed. It seems to me that Eva can’t have fun without drinking and sex._

 

_And why is it so hard for Vilde to understand that I can be muslim AND a Norwegian person, that those two things don’t contradict one another? She always acts like I am an alien when I mention basketball, and when I talk about my family she still assumes I will be married to my cousin some day. I really hate her for that sometimes, it makes me so angry!_

 

_And would it really kill Noora to admit that she doesn’t have everything under control? Like, she acts like she knows everything and is perfectly happy even though her boyfriend started seeing someone else behind her back. Now he … came back from London and for all I know she just took him back? She doesn’t talk to anyone, it’s almost as if she thinks I wouldn’t understand if she told me about her troubles.”_

 

You have to swallow hard to keep the tears from falling. All you can think is that of course, Sara cut the parts where you told Jamilla that you love your friends, and that you just wish they would understand you better sometimes. Of course she had to go and make it seem like all you told Jamilla was how you hated their behaviour.

 

Finally, you manage to open your eyes, and as expected, Eva, Chris and Vilde are all staring at you with a mix of anger and confusion. You have to look away to avoid bursting into tears, so you fixate Sara and Laila with what you hope is an angry glare.

 

“How dare you? That was a private conversation.” Your voice shakes and you clear your throat, but Sara puts up a hand to stop you from going on.

 

“Says the girl who used a friend’s _private_ email account without that friend’s permission,” she says, making the group of girls gathered around you laugh, and you hate that she’s right. You hate that Sara has found out the one terribly wrong thing you’ve done in a long time and is now using it against you, for no apparent reason. While you’re racking your brain for something you could have done to provoke Sara, Eva’s words from last week are suddenly ringing your ears.

 

_Particularly Sara was always very fond of pulling pranks on people._

 

That must be it. Sara pulling a cruel prank on you just because you defended a muslim girl against her and her friends at her party? It makes no sense to you, but it’s the only explanation you can come up with.

 

Someone pushes you aside, waking you from your stupor, and only when you hear a stifled sob do you realise it’s Eva. Without looking at Vilde or Chris, you run after her. You have to at least try to explain.

 

You catch up to Eva on the street, grabbing her by the elbow to stop her. Eva stops running but frees herself roughly, letting out an angry groan.

 

“Leave me alone,” she calls and the pain in her voice makes the tears you’ve fought so hard to hold back spill over.

 

“Eva, please! Let me explain! Sara …”

 

“Sana, just … stop,” Eva interrupts you, holding up both hands as if she were warding off an attacker.

 

So you shut up and wait. Eva wipes her face with both hands and when she finally looks up, you almost gasp. Her face is wet with tears and torn apart in a grimace of pain.

 

“I don’t know what to believe, but what you said about me in that recording … “ Eva stifles another sob, and you almost step forward to hug her. But then she fixates you with a stare that scares you. It’s cold and angry. “Sometimes, I think we are just too different.”

 

And with that, she runs away before you can say anything. You consider running after her, but your legs won’t move. In less than an hour, the friendships you’ve been trying to mend have broken apart. Eva certainly hates you, and you are convinced Vilde also believes you’re behind posting that video of her and your brother. Eva won’t waste any time telling Noora what you said about her, and Chris … well, you don’t expect her to stick with you if she believes only one bit of what she heard and saw tonight.

 

After what seems like ages, you finally manage to turn around and start walking. You’ve left your jacket in the house, but you don’t care about that now. Luckily, you have your phone and keys in your pocket. You have no idea how you make it home. Finding Mamma and Pappa sitting in the living room, you somehow manage to hug them both and ask how their day was before excusing yourself and going to your room.

 

Only when you’re finally lying in bed, you pull your blanket over your head and let the tears flow. You cry for what feels like hours, about everything. For some reason, you’re feeling all the pain from the last few years all over again. You hear the mean comments thrown in your direction in the hallways of the Oranienburg school in the back of your head.

_“Why do you wear a headscarf? Is it to make up for the fact that you go to school? I mean, aren’t girls your age usually married already?”_

_“I hope you get beaten up by your brother for wearing red, Sharmuta!”_

_“Maybe you just need a good fucking to realise how dumb it is to be muslim in today’s world.”_

_“How dare you wear hijab and play basketball? A good muslim girl doesn’t play sports."_

_"Is your hair really that ugly that you have to wear a rug on your head all the time? It's 2015 in Norway for fuck's sake, get a life!"_

The memories rush back as if Sara's attack had opened a floodgate. The pain almost makes you explode and you have to let it out. So you bite into a pillow and let out a muffled scream, praying that no one hears you.

It helps a little, but now you can’t stop crying. It feels as if all the tears you’ve been holding back for weeks are finally spilling over, but instead of making the pain go away, every tear makes it worse.

For almost two years, things have been better. After being teased and threatened by muslim and non-muslim classmates at your old School for stuff that is nobody’s business but your own, you have managed to find a decent group of friends who at least tolerated you and were even kind to you.

But now, you’re back to feeling alone and worthless. The only consolation is that you still have Jamilla on your side, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’ll have to face the last year at school completely alone.

After what feels like an eternity, you have no tears left. You crawl out from under your blanket and put a pillow under your head, trying to relax your breathing so you won’t start crying again. When you finally close your eyes, you catch yourself wishing you will never wake up.

Life has treated you harshly countless times before, but for the first time ever, you feel like you’ve truly lost everything.


	62. HIATUS UNTIL OCTOBER 23RD

I promise you, the worst is over! From now on, things will only get better <3 <3

 

 


	63. Episode 6: Monday 22nd May, 08:06: We’ve had this conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tagine: A tagine is a clay cooking pot with a conical lid that gives its name to a  
>  variety of dishes from the Maghreb region (Northern Africa)
> 
> Isha: The nightly prayer, the last of the five daily prayers, prayed after sunset.
> 
> Tarawee prayer: A traditional prayer during Ramadan. It is usually prayed at the  
>  Mosque every day of Ramadan, right after Isha.

Somehow, you’ve made it through last week without talking to anyone at school. With the exception of Chris, who cornered you at your locker on Thursday afternoon to give you the jacket you’d left at Sara’s house. “I don’t believe what Sara said, by the way,” she said before you could run off, and ever since you’ve felt at least a little bit less alone. Chris has texted you during the weekend to ask you how you’re doing and telling you that things will be okay - something you still find very hard to believe.

After that horrible incident at the party, you seriously considered switching schools. But you quickly discarded that idea when you realised your parents wouldn't agree to that unless you gave them a very good reason. _All my friends hate me_ is neither a good reason nor one you want to explain. Your parents love you, but they would just tell you to find new friends.

Easy for them to say.

So you decided to stay and fight. After all, you still have Jamilla, and maybe your mother wasn't so wrong about you getting more muslim friends ... You met up for tea with Jamilla last Thursday and she suggested that next time, the two of you should ask Ayaan to join you. Ayaan was kind to you that one time yout met her and since Jamilla calls her 'my favourite cousin', you're pretty sure Ayaan would be a decent friend to have.

However, no one could ever replace Chris'  gentle humour, Noora’s kind wisdom, Eva’s teasing honesty or even Vilde’s blunt naivety. You miss them all terribly, as painful as it is to admit.

Since you’re feeling particularly vulnerable today, you put on your darkest lipstick and wrap your black hijab extra tightly around your face and then go to the kitchen. Mamma gasps when she sees you.

"Oh my goodness, is this a new trend or are you out to get me?" She laughs and you flash her a smile, hoping it looks at least halfway genuine.

"I have a test in German today and my teacher doesn't like me," you say with a shrug. Mamma giggles and just as you take a seat, she sets down a steaming cup of tea in front of you.

"Oh, so you've decided to scare her by looking like an angel of death?"

This time, you laugh with her, albeit mirthlessly. "Haha, Mamma. You don't keep up with the latest trends, do you?"

You wink at her as she puts a hand to her chest with a fake-offended gasp. "How dare you, Sana?"

After that, Mamma sits down with you and while she chatters away about her co-workers new crush on her boss, you slowly feel your mood improving a little. Mamma works at the same hospital as Pappa. While Pappa is a neuro-surgeon, Mamma works as a part-time nurse, and her stories are always entertaining.

After breakfast with Mamma, you feel a little less nervous. You know it still won't be easy to try to talk to the girls, but you have decided that you don't want to let them believe what Sara told them without giving your side of things.

Chris and Noora are most likely to forgive you, but you are very worried about Eva and Vilde … Although, maybe you have a shot with Vilde …

While putting on your shoes, you decide to walk to School. You got up very early today, so you have plenty of time, and an early morning walk always helps to clear your head. While strolling through the quiet streets, you remember last Wednesday afternoon, when you got a glimpse at the reason why Vilde never talks about her family.

_Running out of the B-building before Chris could catch up to you, you jumped into the tram about to leave from Solli, although you were very much aware that it wasn't going in the right direction. You just had to get away._

_Getting off two stops later, you tried to figure out where you were. You soon realised that it was going to take you about twenty minutes to walk home, and you decided to do just that. It was nice and warm out and you could use the fresh air._

_The anxiety of avoiding your friends – or should you think of them as former friends now? The thought made you feel sick – fell off of you after you'd walked about two hundred metres. You took a deep breath and looked around. The street you were in was quiet, and almost no one else was around. Except – you frowned when you saw what looked like a woman slumped over on a bench on the opposite side of the street. She was wearing a dirty, dark green coat and blue jeans. The laces of her trainers were undone and her light brown hair looked like she hadn't washed it in weeks._

_You instantly felt sorry for the woman. When you approached her carefully, you saw that she was wearing a stained white blouse under her coat, and in one hand, she was clutching a bottle of white wine. You gently tapped her shoulder, and the woman jumped, staring at you with wide eyes._

_"I can't find her," she mumbled, evidently drunk out of her mind. She looked lost and so sad, a part of you just wanted to give her a hug. But you knew that wouldn't help._

_So instead you cleared your throat and crouched down to look into her eyes. "Who are you looking for? Can I help you?"_

_The woman smiled weakly and shook her head. "I think I lost her. She hates me. Because of … this." She held up the bottle of wine, and you pursed your lips, not sure what to say._

_"Can I bring you home?" you asked carefully, and the woman stared at you again, nodding slowly._

_"She won't mind," she mumbled again and let you help her to her feet. You were relieved to notice she was still able to carry her weight. Asking her to stand still, you crouched down again to tie the woman’s shoelaces. She watched you quietly, her hand on your shoulder to steady herself. When you straightened up again, she gave you a warm smile, making you feel as if you’d known her for a while and this was just a regular meeting for the two of you. Wrapping one arm around her waist, you cleared your throat._

 

_“So where do we go?”_

_The woman just pointed ahead without saying anything, and you started walking, guiding her along._

_"What is your name?" you asked after a while, trying to smile reassuringly._

_"Annalise," the woman said quietly, not looking at you._

_"That's a beautiful name." You hesitated for a second before asking again. "Who were you talking about before, Annalise?"_

_"My daughter," Annalise whispered, almost inaudibly, sounding like she was on the verge of tears all of a sudden. "She puts up with a lot, you see. I can't do anything properly. She's more my mother than I am hers, and I'm so ashamed … " She sighed deeply and peered at the bottle she was still clutching in her right hand. "And to forget how ashamed I am, I …"_

_The desperately sad look on her face made tears well up in your throat, and you swallowed hard to get rid of them. "I' don’t think she hates you, though, Annalise. She's your daughter. I'm sure she loves you."_

_You knew you must sound pathetic, and Annalise confirmed your suspicions by chuckling mirthlessly. "She stopped loving me a long time ago, believe me."_

_"I don't know your daughter, but if she takes care of you like you said, I'm sure she doesn't hate you all the time," you said firmly, and at that, Annalise flashed you a weak smile._

_"Maybe not all the time," she murmured, and then she pointed to a red brick house on the right side of the street. "This is our house."_

_For a moment, you considered letting Annalise go inside on her own, but when she dropped her keys the second she dug them out of her pocket, you picked them up and unlocked the door. Guiding her inside, you helped her up the stairs, following her mumbled directions. At the front door, you toed off your shoes, helped Annalise take off her own and then let the two of you into her apartment. It looked cosy but very messy, clothes and pieces of paper strewn out all over the floor and furniture._

 

_Annalise let you guide her to her bedroom, pointing wordlessly to show you where to go. You carefully sat her down on her bed, took off her shoes and jacket, hung the latter on a hook at the back of the door and pulled the duvet over her when she lay down. Annalise sighed deeply and immediately closed her eyes._

 

_An almost happy smile curled your lips, and then you thought you should probably make sure Annalise could drink something when she woke up. So you made your way to the kitchen and searched the cupboards for a clean glass. Filling it up with water, you wondered how the heck you got here. Your mother taught you to always help people in need of course, but it still struck you as odd that you would meet Annalise today of all days - despite her being so desperately sad and lost, you felt a lot better than you did when you left school._

 

_Only when you set down the glass of water on Annalise’s bedside table did you realise what had made you feel better. It was Annalise’s small smile on her lips. However badly she was feeling, somehow you managed to put a smile on her face, and although that wasn’t much, it still raised your spirits significantly._

 

_You found a stack of post-it notes on the dining room table and a pen next to it, so you wrote a quick note._

 

To Annalise’s daughter: I brought your mother home, she went to sleep at about four o’clock. I hope she will feel better soon. Stay strong, Annalise loves you a lot.”

 

_For a second, you considered leaving your name, but then decided against it. With your luck, Annalise’s daughter went to Nissen and would call you out for this. After what Sara pulled the weekend before, you became careful._

 

_So you checked on Annalise one last time - she was breathing deeply, the ghost of a smile still on her lips - and then slipped out of her apartment, hoping her daughter wouldn’t be angry with the stranger who just walked into her apartment without official permission._

 

_Closing the door behind you, you crouched down to put your shoes back on and when you straightened up again, your gaze fell on the name tag on the doorbell._

A. Lien

V. Lien-Hellerud

 

_A shocked gasp escaped your throat and you all but ran out of the building, terrified of running into Vilde. Luckily, you made it out of the house and around the corner without meeting a soul. But still, your heart didn’t stop beating frantically all the way home._

 

You shake your head as if to wake yourself up from a trance. Meeting Vilde’s mother that way was certainly very unusual and despite the fact that you feel horrible for Annalise and Vilde, you are glad it happened. Ever since, you have begun to think differently of Vilde, and many things she’s said and done in the past are starting to make sense to you. Why she never invited you and the girls to her home, why she always seemed to feel horribly guilty when she got drunk …

 

Of course you have considered telling Vilde it was you who brought her mother home. But whenever you tried to work up the courage to do it, you felt like a hypocrite. You're afraid Vilde would think you only did that for her mother to suck up to her, and to guilt her into forgiving you. So you’ve kept quiet and tried not to look at Vilde for too long, although you wish for nothing more than to hug her and tell her everything is going to be okay.

 

You’re still lost in thought when you reach your locker, so you don’t notice someone’s standing next to it until you bump into them.

 

Looking up, you’re faced with Noora’s wide-eyed face. She looks scared and determined at the same time, and before you can so much as try to run away, she pulls you into a hug.

 

“Please don’t run away again,” she murmurs into your ear, and almost in spite of yourself, you melt into her embrace. Noora pats your back awkwardly before she releases you and stares right into your eyes. “I have tried to reach out to Vilde, but she won’t talk to me, just so you know.”

 

Noora sighs deeply and gives you a warm smile that almost makes you cry.

 

“I’m so sorry, Noora,” you choke out, but Noora just shakes her head.

 

“We’ve had that conversation, Sana, remember?”

 

Now you frown at her. “I know we talked about the email, but I said some mean stuff about you on that recording …”

 

Noora interrupts you by putting a hand on your shoulder. “I saw you talk to that muslim girl at Sara’s party, remember? Where you told her you sometimes feel like we don’t understand you.”

 

You stare at her. Of course you remember that, but not in a million years did you expect Noora to. Swallowing hard, you try to say something but nothing comes out. Somehow, Noora seems to understand, because she just smiles and goes on.

 

“I feel bad for never actually asking you about that. We are quite unfair to you sometimes without even noticing probably. Will you …” She hesitates for a moment, eyeing you nervously. “Can you just … try to tell us when we’re being idiots?”

 

For a moment, you consider telling Noora everything. You know it would feel good to unload all your insecurities and annoyances and to have her listen to you. But you’re too afraid. Until a few minutes ago, you thought you’d lost your friends forever. Now that you have at least Noora on your side again, you don’t want to ruin that by ranting at her about things that happened ages ago.

 

So you take a deep breath and smile gently at Noora. “I will try... Thanks so much though. For like … not hating me.”

 

Noora looks slightly taken aback but still pulls you into a one-armed hug. “I could never hate you, Sana Bakkoush.”


	64. Episode 6: Tuesday 23rd May, 13:22: For goodness’ sake

**_Text: Jamilla_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _Okhati, I need your help._

 

_Jamilla: What is it?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Noora apologised to me yesterday, about not being understanding and stuff. And I_ _still couldn’t talk to her about the thing._

 

_Jamilla: ‘The thing’ being your crush on your brother’s friend? What's his name again?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Yousef. I still think he and Noora …_

 

_Jamilla: How do you want to find out if they’re into each other if you’re not going to ask?_

 

 _Sana:_ _I just … don’t know how? Also, I can’t date him anyway, he’s not muslim._

 

_Jamilla: I think both me and Elias gave you a different perspective on that?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Uugh, can we talk about that another time, I have bigger problems right now!_

 

 _Jamilla: Alright, sorry Sana. At least Noora isn’t angry with you. You could try talking to_ _Vilde next? Wasn’t it her mother you helped last week?_

 

 _Sana:_ _I don’t know. What if Vilde hates me for just walking into her home like that? She_ _must feel embarrassed. I know her._

 

 _Jamilla: Sana, for goodness’ sake! You helped a stranger, it’s not like you broke into Vilde’s_ _house?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Haha, I know …_

 

 _Jamilla: Look, I don’t want to tell you what to do. Just don’t forget that whatever you do, the_ _truth is on your side. Insha’Allah your friends will listen to you._

 

 _Sana:_ _Insha’Allah. And thank you, you’re awesome,as always._


	65. Episode 6: Tuesday 23th May, 16:39: She’s so cute

You’re just about to get up and get a glass of water from the kitchen when you hear five familiar voices from the living room. With a groan, you fall back into the cushions. You can’t go out there, not when the boys - particularly Yousef - are lounging about on the couches. Although you know you're being a coward, you can’t face him. You're scared he will talk to you about Noora. Nothing is confirmed, but you're pretty sure the two of them are dating since you saw his name on Noora’s phone when she tried to stop you from running away from her last Friday.

At that moment, it surprised you how little the realisation that she was actually talking to your crush had hurt. In your mind, you had already resigned yourself to the fact that you were just not good enough for Yousef.

Of course, you still can’t resist perking up your ears to try and catch pieces of the boys’ conversation.

“Should we shoot another video?,” you hear Adam ask. You’re pretty sure the one groaning in reply is Yousef - you’ve noticed he doesn’t seem to be too happy in front of the camera that _one time_ you watched one of the boys’ videos.

“We can do it later, I’m hungry,” you hear Elias pipe up and you have to suppress a giggle. _You could eat all the time, brother._

Mikael mumbles something you don’t hear properly but it makes the others laugh.

"So are we going to that party on Friday?," Mutta interjects and that makes you listen harder. Ever since Vilde invited your brother to that damn party at Sara's, you've decided to keep tabs on where your brother and his friends are going on the weekend. Never again do you want to watch Yousef hit on Noora or any of the others, for that matter.

You're pretty sure that Yousef is the one who answers Mutta, but again, you can't hear what he says. Both him and Mikael have much softer voices than the other three, a fact you very much appreciate usually …Just not now.

The next sentence from Adam however makes you wish his voice was half as loud as it is. "You just want to see Noora again, Yousef," he laughs and the others join in as your blood freezes in your veins and you press your ear to the wall separating your room from the living room, trying to catch Yousef's reply.

You catch something that sounds like 'Shut up, Adam,', but you're not sure. Still, it's enough proof. And while you fight back tears, you can't help but internally laugh at yourself. It serves you right for going behind Noora's back with that damned email. No wonder it backfired and Yousef and Noora are falling for each other anyway.

But still, it fucking hurts.

And as if he heard you and wanted to prove your point to you, Yousef suddenly speaks loud and clear and with an adorable little giggle: "She's so cute, I can't even …"

You hear Elias chuckle and mutter something under his breath, destroying your last hope that at least your brother would disapprove of Yousef liking Noora.


	66. Episode 6: Wednesday 24th May, 14:36: How would you know?

Your math teacher is sick, and since you have basket practice later, you decided to use the free period to study in the library. The damn biology mock exam is not far away and you still have a lot to learn. You're sitting at one of the tables in the back, your biology books spread out in front of you next to your laptop and you've already managed to complete two practice tasks, when someone clears their throat, making you look up.

"Halla," says Isak, a shy smile on his face.

"Hei," you greet back, briefly smiling back at him.

Isak points to the chair opposite you. "Can I join you?"

"Uh, only if you're actually going to help me study." You raise both eyebrows at him, but Isak only laughs, nodding and taking a seat.

"Yes, boss." He digs his own biology books out of his backpack, together with a notebook. Right before he opens it, you notice a graffiti-like drawing of the words 'Mannen i mitt liv' on the cover. Isak sees you staring at it and chuckles, slightly embarrassed.

"Even?" you ask simply and Isak nods, a wide smile spreading on his face.

"He draws on everything, it's like he's unstoppable." As much as Isak tries to sound annoyed, he fails spectacularly. His voice is full of fondness, and you can't help but smile contently at him.

"Well, at least he's good at it," you say, making Isak giggle.

"Yes, he is," he murmurs and then turns a few pages in his notebook until he finds an empty one. "What are you working on?"

"Cellular biology, I'm trying to get the Mendel laws into my head," you groan and point to the open page of your book.

Isak nods slowly. "I think I got that down, do you want to go over it together?"

It takes a while, but Isak explains the Mendel laws to you in a way that finally makes sense, and when you manage to repeat them to him without looking at the book, he applauds slowly, an almost proud smirk on his face.

"You got it, Sanasol!"

"Shut up, Isabell," you say, however not without smirking back at him.

Both you and Isak pack up your books and notes, and when he's done, Isak watches you carefully for a long moment before he clears his throat.

"Why are Vilde and Eva not hanging out with you guys anymore?"

The question hits you out of nowhere. You wouldn't have expected Isak to notice such a thing. Blinking a few times, you pretend to be struggling with the cable of your laptop, not looking at him.

"Uh, why do you mean?"

"It's just … I noticed that two weeks ago, Vilde started hanging out with Sara and her goons, and now neither she or Eva have been sitting with you guys at lunch for over a week." You look up at him to see him shrug with an almost apologetic grin on his face. "I just … You do know Sara's a fake bitch, right?"

That makes you frown at him. "How would you know?"

Isak clears his throat again and flings his backpack onto his shoulder just as you do the same. "I don't know if you remember, but she and I were sort of dating once."

You stare at him for a moment, but then it dawns on you. In your first year, Sara had been glued to Isak’s side whenever you saw her, and you remember thinking it was strange. You didn’t know much about Sara or Isak back then, but their relationship looked fake and forced, even from afar. You nod slowly and then clear your throat. "Ah, yes. I almost forgot."

Following you out of the library and out onto the courtyard, Isak shrugs again before he goes on. "Well, as you can imagine, our relationship wasn't very … sexual. So she mainly used me as an online therapist."

Now you're really frowning. "What the heck does that mean?"

Isak laughs shortly. "Well, Sara mostly just complained to me about everyone she hates via messenger. And Vilde … well, there was hardly a day when Sara didn't have anything nasty to say about her."

Suddenly, your heart beats a little faster and you stare blankly at Isak, silently urging him to go on.

"And I think the only reason she didn't bitch about Eva to me was because she knew Eva and I are friends," Isak finishes and smiles awkwardly.

"Why are you telling me this?" you ask him, trying to look as uninterested as possible.

"Because Sara is a mean person and I don't like the idea of her destroying your friendships. So if you ever need … any kind of help…"

He trails off, and for a moment, you actually consider taking him up on that offer. You are pretty sure that showing the girls old messages between Isak and Sara would convince Vilde that Sara was never her friend …. And maybe it would even help Eva see that Sara was perfectly capable of framing you for a nasty attack on her. But you decide that if you will accept Isak's help, you will have to think it over first.

"Uh, thanks, I guess," you finally say, clearing your throat. "I'll .. keep that in mind."

Isak smiles brightly and pats your shoulder. "Good. See you around, Sana."

"See you. Say hello to Even," you call after him as Isak turns right at the main gate, waving with a nod.

"Will do," he calls and then walks away.

For a few moments, you stare after him, wondering how the heck your biology partner changed from a pain in the ass to a real friend in such a short time.


	67. Episode 6: Wednesday 24th May, 17:51: Maybe after school?

**_Text: Noora_ **

_Noora: Sana, how long are you still going to ignore me? I told you, I'm not angry with you._

_Sana:  I'm sorry, it's just that I'm really busy studying for that mock exam in biology._

_Noora: Sure. But can we talk over coffee some time? Maybe after school? I want to tell you_ _something nice._


	68. Episode 6: Thursday 25th May, 16:29: Right, Vilde?

You’re supposed to be studying for the mock exam, but instead, you’re sitting on your bed in front of your laptop, staring at a post on Vilde’s facebook page. She hasn’t posted it herself, she was only tagged in it by Sara, and it was the first thing you saw when you opened the page.

 

It’s a post by some wanna-be model-slash-socialite from Oslo who likes making provocative - and mostly ignorant - posts every once in a while. This is one such post, and Sara added the comment “Right, Vilde? LOL”

 

_Just walked past another woman wearing a towel on her head. Why do these bastards think it’s okay to go against Norwegian culture like this? Instead of accepting our values, they spit on them by gathering in mosques to pray to a God who doesn’t belong here and dress their women in fucking carpets. They had better learn our language and integrate into our society instead of hiding behind ugly scarfs and scolding Norwegian women for wearing what they want._

 

You should be used to this kind of thing. The disdainful looks from certain people when you walk the streets, the hurtful comments they sometimes throw your way, that’s almost peanuts by now. But when you see a post like this on social media, your blood still starts boiling immediately. It’s the unabashed hatred and twisted perception of your religion seeping from this one that really gets to you.

 

Why is it against Norwegian culture to wear a hijab? Norwegian values should be equality and peace for all who live here, and that’s something you love about your country. Just because you chose to cover your hair, that doesn’t mean you don’t wholeheartedly cherish those values, on the contrary.

 

Of course you know that Vilde didn’t share that post, she was merely tagged by Sara. But the fact that Sara posted it this morning and it’s still on Vilde’s profile makes you think she at least partly agrees with it. It hurts that Vilde doesn’t defend you, especially after what happened last week. Sure, Vilde doesn’t know that you brought her mother home, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve stood up for Vilde time and time again, and she’s never returned the favour. And that thought makes your already white hot anger explode.

 

With shaking fingers, you move the cursor into the comment bar and type away.

 

_You stupid, racist bitch, you have no idea what you’re talking .._

 

Suddenly, you remove your fingers from the keyboard as if it was searing hot and close the browser window. Closing your eyes, you take a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. When that doesn’t work, you get up from your bed and start pacing on your carpet, still breathing heavily.

 

 _Why is the world full of idiots?_ Letting out an angry groan, you decide that a facebook comment isn’t going to do you any favours. You need help. Preferably from someone who knows Sara and isn’t particularly fond of her …

 

You stop pacing and look around to find your phone. Picking it up from your desk, you open the messenger app and start typing.

 

A few minutes later, your anger has subsided a bit. It’s still there, but now you have a plan to get back at Sara. Still, you can’t resist opening your facebook again to see if someone left a comment on the post on Vilde’s page.

 

However, when you click on Vilde’s profile, the post is gone. You’re not sure how you feel about that, but you’re glad that your anger isn’t flaring up again.

 

Maybe you will finally manage to study for that damn exam now.


	69. Episode 6: Friday 26th May, 16:17: How are things?

Ringing the doorbell, you suddenly feel nervous. But that feeling is gone the second the door opens and both Isak and Even stand there with broad smiles on their faces.

 

“Hi Sana,” they say almost in unison, making you grin.

 

“Hei,” you greet back and the boys step aside to let you in. They’re both wearing white T-shirts and black jeans, and while Even’s hair is carefully styled, Isak’s curls are pointing in all directions, making him look as if he just got out of bed. _They look like a married couple already for goodness’ sake._

 

“Welcome to our mess of a home,” says Isak with a chuckle, and Even sucks in a breath.

 

“Isak, we just cleaned!”

 

You walk through the tiny hallway into the main room, which is apparently bedroom, dining room and living room at the same time. A double bed stands on the right side of the room- the sheets are neatly folded, you notice with a grin - next to two big turquoise dressers. The second one almost conceals a doorway you assume leads to the bathroom. Right opposite the door you see a big flat screen television standing on a small shelf screwed to the wall. Walking to the centre of the room, you notice a square table to your left, just big enough for three people to sit at, with two chairs on either side of it. At the wall behind the door stands a big wardrobe with a mirror on one of the doors.

 

The apartment looks cramped but cosy, and you can’t help but smile a little at the two boys, who are standing in the doorway, leaning against each other and looking expectantly at you.

 

“It’s cosy here,” you say, and both Isak and Even let out a faked sigh of relief.

 

“You don’t hate it?” Isak asks and both he and Even laugh. Shaking your head, you chuckle shortly.

 

“No, why?”

 

Even points to Isak and walks over to pull out one of the chairs for you. “He told me we could clean up as much as we want and you would still think we’re living in a untidy hole.”

 

You sit down with a grateful nod at Even and watch Isak with a frown as he picks up his laptop from the table and drops it on the bed and then takes a seat across from you. “Why would you say that?” And looking back at Even, who has followed Isak and cups his boyfriend’s neck with one hand, you add: “And who says he isn’t right?”

 

Both boys burst out laughing at that, and you can’t help but join in after a moment. Minutes ago you were tense and angry about everything going wrong in your life, but somehow, all the tension leaves your body together with the first huff of laughter you’ve let out in days.

 

“Alright, geniuses, I will let you study,” Even says after a moment and kisses the top of Isak’s head before raising his eyebrows at you in question. “Ramadan starts tomorrow, right? So you can still eat something? I tried out a cookie recipe my friend from work gave me and it’s really good.” He winks at you and you catch Isak staring at his boyfriend with a mix of adoration and amusement.

 

“Together with a glass of milk they would be the perfect study snack, if they turn out right, that is. And for dinner, I am making chicken tagine - halal of course.” He winks at you and you feel yourself getting hungry already. You know that it was your mother who taught Even how to make tagine, and as far as you remember, he was a good student.

 

“Sounds great,” you tell him and Even grins happily before frowning at you.

 

“Do you have to go home before Taraweeh prayers begin or can you stay for dinner?” he asks and you feel the sudden urge to get up and hug him. You shouldn’t be surprised that Even knows everything about Ramadan. He was close friends with your brother for a long time, after all. But it still warms your heart that  he is being so considerate. Looking up at him, you nod slowly, still slightly stunned.

 

“Uh, I told Mamma I was having dinner with a friend, so...” You make sure Even’s looking into your eyes when you say that, letting him know you didn’t tell your mother who exactly you were having dinner with. Even beams and leans down to kiss Isak’s cheek before dashing out of the room.

 

“I’ll be done with dinner in an hour, have fun with biology,” he calls on his way to the kitchen, and Isak stares after him with a low chuckle.

 

The next hour flies by in an instant. Isak was quick to accept your offer to study together yesterday and you soon realise why: He may be a pro at genetics, but single-celled organisms are not his area of expertise. You spend most of the time trying to get the difference between Eukaryotes and Prokaryotes into his head.

 

Just when Isak finally gets it and manages to list the characteristics of both types correctly, Even’s head appears in the doorway. He has two chocolate stains on his right cheek and is beaming like the sun itself. “Are you guys hungry?”

 

Isak nods enthusiastically and you suddenly notice the smell of freshly baked cookies coming from the kitchen. “Yes,” Isak calls, pumping his fist into the air, and you flash a grateful smile at Even, nodding silently.

 

Even blows a kiss at Isak and disappears into the kitchen again. A moment later, he comes back with a plate of perfectly round chocolate chip cookies in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. He sets both down in front of you right when you fold your laptop and put it into your backpack.

 

“Wow, thank you,” you tell him and Even bows his head in reply.

 

“Will be right back,” he announces and saunters back out of the room. Isak doesn’t wait for Even to return, snatching a cookie off the plate and putting it into his mouth.

 

“Manners, Isabell,” you mutter under your breath, faking a shocked gasp.

  
“What’s that?” asks Even, coming back with two more glasses of milk in his hands.

 

“Mwothing,” Isak mumbles with his mouth full,  making you and Even laugh.

 

Even sets the glasses down on the table and pulls up a stool from the corner of the room, joining you and Isak. “Are they any good?” he asks Isak, raising his eyebrows at him.

 

Isak nods, still chewing and Even turns to you just as you reach for a cookie as well. You take a bite and instantly know why Even was the only one of the boys your mother ever tolerated in her kitchen: he really knows what he’s doing. “They’re perfect,” you say after swallowing and pick up your glass to take a swig of milk.

 

Even beams and leans forward to grab a cookie himself, inspecting it from all sides before taking a bite. Chewing slowly, he frowns and after a while, nods with a satisfied smile. “Good recipe,” he remarks, making Isak chuckle.

 

“Good cook,” he says, and Even leans over to kiss him.

 

Even then picks up a cookie from the plate and downs half his glass of milk in one go before getting to his feet again . "I'm sure you have some work left to do? I'll go finish on dinner while you wrap it up ok?"

Isak scrunches up his nose, looking at you. "We could go over the entier chapter again, to make sure we didn't forget anything?"

"Sure," you nod and put the rest of your cookie into your mouth, bending over your book again.

With the help of the cookies, you go over the chapter on cell biology and single celled organisms in what feels like a matter of minutes, and when you're done, Isak claps his books shut with a satisfied sigh.

"I think I got the gist of it," he says and you grin at him with raised eyebrows.

"No comment," you murmur, making Isak scoff.

"You want to keep going? Because I think Even's done with the food and it already smells amazing."

Now that he mentions it, you notice a delicious smell of chicken coming from the kitchen. But before you can say anything, Even comes back into the room and sits down next to Isak, a happy grin on his face.

"Only a few more minutes. Are you guys done?"

Both you and Isak nod as Even reaches for a cookie. "I can't wait for the chicken," says Isak, raising both eyebrows at Even.

"I hope it will be good," Even replies, giving you a hesitant look. "It's been a while since I made it."

"I'm sure it will be great," you reassure him with a kind smile.

For a moment, the three of you eat and drink in silence, but it’s not awkward. Somehow, Isak and Even make you feel welcome and at ease without even trying.

“So, Sana, do tell us,” Even says after finishing his cookie. “How are things?”

He turns his upper body towards you, giving you his full attention, the look in his eyes warm and full of kindness. With a sideway glance at Isak, you notice he has the same expression filled with kind concern on his face. And that’s probably the reason why you blurt out “Everything’s a mess,” without thinking, instantly clapping a hand to your mouth.

Isak and Even just keep looking at you expectantly, but they don’t make you feel judged or scrutinised.

 

“Do you want to tell us?” Isak asks carefully, reaching out to push the plate of cookies a little closer to you.

 

“Yes,” you say, surprising yourself. And before you can change your mind, you take another sip of milk and then start talking. You tell them about the party at Unnar’s house a month ago where Noora met Yousef and that you are pretty sure the two of them are together now. When you see the frown on Isak’s face, you quickly say that you’re sort of into Yousef who is a friend of your brother, and Even almost spits into his glass of milk.

 

You ignore that, though and tell them about the email you sent to William and how you hoped it would just bring Noora and him back together, but then Noora broke up with him and lashed out at Vilde after you told her what you did and Vilde started hanging with the Pepsi Max Gang. You go on to tell them about the mess at Penetrator Chris’ party two weeks ago and that you did say those things Laila had recorded but that they were taken out of context and that you don’t hate your friends you just wish they tried to understand you better because you really don’t care what they do as long as you don’t have to feel like you’re an alien all the time….

 

“Wowowow, slow down, Sana,” Even stops you, hesitantly touching your arm with a gentle smile on his face. He looks a little scared, and it suddenly hits you that you talked about one of his old friends without thinking about what that would make him feel.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to …” you begin, but Even shakes his head, squeezing your arm.

 

“It’s okay, Isak knows, remember?” He smiles gently, letting go of you and reaching for Isak’s hand. You take a deep breath, nodding slowly.

 

“So, you like Yousef?” Even asks, and you purse your lips before looking up at him and Isak.

 

“Kind of,” you admit, suddenly feeling your heartbeat in your ears. You haven’t actually said that out loud yet, and acknowleding the fact is mind-numbingly real and scary.

 

“That’s cool,” says Even with a smile and then Isak clears his throat, leaning forward to look into your eyes.

 

“I always knew Sara was a bitch, but that’s low, even for her.”

 

You don’t know what you expected, but Isak wholeheartedly believing you without a trace of doubt in his eyes is almost too good to be true. Blinking a few times, you swallow around the lump in your throat before trying to grin at him.

 

“Somehow, I must have really pissed her off. I have no idea how though.”

 

Isak shakes his head and exchanges a concerned look with Even before he goes on. “That doesn’t matter. Destroying your friendships like that isn’t okay, no matter what it is you’re supposed to have done to her.”

 

Even nods earnestly, his hand running up your arm to squeeze your shoulder. “You don’t deserve to be treated that way, Sana. Ever.”

 

You look gratefully at him and then turn back to Isak, who seems to read your mind, because before you can ask what he thinks of you sending that email to William, he asks:

 

“Why did you hack Noora’s email account though? I thought you said you can’t stand it when someone fucks over their friends?”

 

The question stings, but you know he’s right. “I … I just wanted Noora …”

 

“... to back off,” Even finishes the sentence for you, and you’re surprised to see an exasperated grimace on his face when you look up.

 

Even sighs and turns to Isak. “Do you have any idea what I would have done to get that damn girl _Emma_ to leave you alone last year?” He rolls his eyes at the name, and Isak blushes bright red. “I didn’t have access to your email, but if I'd had it, I can’t say that I wouldn’t have sent her one in your name saying that you think she’s ugly or something,” Even goes on, making Isak giggle.

 

You look from one to the other, the knots in your stomach dissolving into a warm puddle when you realise that Even is actually defending your actions, or at least showing genuine understanding for what you did.

 

“You really were desperate,” Isak murmurs and Even sighs dramatically before letting Isak pull him in for a kiss. Isak wipes the chocolate stain off Even’s cheek with his thumb and kisses him again, humming contently.

 

“You have no idea,” Even breathes against Isak’s lips. He kisses him again and then leans back, reaching for a cookie. “I’m not saying it was okay to send that email, but I definitely understand why you did it.”

 

Isak nods slowly and his expression becomes serious again. “But back to the thing with Sara,” he says, and you take another cookie, watching him nervously. “The girls don’t actually believe you made those hate accounts, do they?”

 

You shrug, biting off a big chunk of your cookie and chew silently for a moment. “I think at least Vilde and Eva do,” you say after swallowing, making Isak frown. “I mean, Sara showed them a recording of me telling Jamilla nasty things about them. That really happened, I just … didn’t only say nasty shit, I was just … angry and ...sad, I guess.”

 

Picking up your glass of milk, you half hide your face behind it before adding. “It was supposed to be a private conversation. And Jamilla made me promise I would talk to my friends without being a bitch about what annoys me. The girls were never supposed to hear that shit, not that way at least.”

 

Both boys nod understandingly, and then Even gets to his feet, reaching for the now empty cookie plate. “I'll be right back,” he announces and then walks out of the room.

 Isak watches you carefully for a minute and then clears his throat. "So I guess your friend Jamilla knows you have a tendency to be a bit ... too direct?"

You stare at him. "Excuse me?"

Isak sighs and bites his lower lip before he goes on. “Sana, I don’t want to be mean but … have you ever considered that maybe, you’re a little too harsh with people sometimes?”

 You narrow your eyes at him, suddenly feeling defensive. “Why do you mean?”

Isak purses his lips and then continues. “When someone does or asks you something you don’t like, you can be quite rough, Sana. Remember our conversation last year, when I asked you why you are religious?”

 

You suck in a harsh breath but Isak puts up a hand to stop you before you can say that he was being an ass that day.

 

“I was being an ass, I know,” he says, and you exchange a smirk with him. “But still, while your answer about religion was fair and correct, your tone and the look in your eyes made me want to die.”

 

You consider that for a moment. By now you know why Isak asked that question in such a provocative way. It doesn’t make it any less of an asshole move on his part, but it does explain it, and you’ve forgiven him a long time ago.

 

However, it doesn’t change the fact that most people who ask questions like that are doing it just to wind you up. In your experience, a lot of Norwegians have racist prejudice against muslims and it shows in the way they behave and talk towards you and your family.

 

So you clear your throat and sit up straighter just as Even walks back into the room with a jug of water and three new glasses. He smiles silently at both of you and sits down again, waiting for you to continue.

 

“Not everyone is as understanding as you two, you know,” you begin, turning your cookie over in your hands. “Just last week, I was on my way home with Elias when someone actually spit at his feet, calling him an ‘oppressive bastard.’ Elias, who has warned me not to wear the hijab many times because he’s afraid I’ll get hate! And every time someone asks about my religion, they want to know who is forcing me to wear the hijab and when I will be getting married to my cousin. No one ever asks genuine, smart questions about my religion, they only ever want to patronise me or ‘save’ me. Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to go out every day having to prove to an entire nation that you aren’t oppressed?”

 

The cookie in your hand breaks in two halfs, one of them falling into your lap. You stare at it for a long moment, realising you have been shouting the last few sentences. But just when you’re about to apologise, you feel a hand on your shoulder.

 

You look up and your eyes meet Even’s. He smiles softly and holds your gaze for a long moment. “You're right. We have no idea what you go through every day, Sana.”

 

His voice is calm and gentle, and you let out a shaky breath of relief, smiling gratefully. You then hear Isak clearing his throat and turn to face him.

 

“I agree with Even, we have no idea about your daily life, and I’m sure there are a lot of idiots out there.” He hesitates for a moment and looks you in the eye before he goes on. “But my point stands. There are always going to be stupid questions from ignorant people. And if you don’t answer them or answer them with the same anger they are asked with, you’re not going to change anything.”

 

He pauses, watching you carefully, but you want to hear him out. Isak and Even have both made you feel heard, and for the first time ever, you don’t feel like you’re fighting windmills while discussing your religion with people who aren’t muslim. So you simply lean forward, dunk your cookie into your glass of milk and take a bite, nodding encouragingly at Isak while chewing.

 

Isak smiles and clears his throat again. “What I mean is, if you don’t give people proper answers to their stupid questions, they’re going to make up their own answers, and that’s fucking dangerous. Or even worse, they’re going to get their answers from social media or newspapers, where muslims are only ever shown as dangerous, angry people who want to convert or kill everybody. So, even if those people are fucking stupid, they’re going to stay stupid and influence others around them if you don’t put up with their questions and answer them in a way that makes them realise how dumb they are.”

 

Both you and Even stare at Isak for a long moment. Even with silent adoration and you with a dumbfounded expression, wondering if those words really just came out of the mouth of Isak Valtersen.

 

“Who are you, actually?” you finally ask, making Isak frown at you. “You almost sounded like my Imam just now,” you go on, and Isak leans back in his chair with a grin, emptying his glass of milk in one go.

 

“Did I now?” He puts the glass back down on the table and his expression becomes serious again. “Look, I’m not saying there are no unteachable idiots in Norway, that would be stupid. But I also think that if you let every angry idiot make _you_ angry, you’re just going to end up miserable.”

 

You watch him thoughtfully, realising that Isak is somewhat speaking from experience. He confirms that when he goes on. “Before I came out, I heard so many people making negative comments about being gay and internalised them, hating myself and the people making those comments at the same time. Myself for not saying anything and others for being ignorant. Only when I did come out did I realise that most people accepted me the way I am, and I just ... stopped caring about what others think.”

 

“That’s not the same, though,” you tell him, and then empty your glass of milk as well before going on. “I know there are still a lot of homophobic morons in Norway, but you don’t have any of them around you in your daily life. Your friends love you for who you are, as you said. Basically, the only battle you fought was the one in your head. I don’t want to say that wasn’t hard.” You pause and make sure Isak looks into your eyes before you continue. “... but it’s not the same thing. I go out and my mere appearance is seen as a political statement. Just because I wear the hijab, I apparently owe everyone proof that I make my own decisions, and it’s never enough. No matter how many times I explain that I wear the hijab because I want to, and that I pray five times a day because it gives me peace and not to please my father or something, people still assume I'm being oppressed. I’m sick of having to justify my every move just because Norwegians don’t understand that I can be muslim AND think for myself.”

 

This time, you haven’t raised your voice, and you don’t feel angry when you finish your last sentence. Isak nods slowly, looking impressed. He exchanges a glance with Even, who is watching both of you with calm interest, and then leans his forearms on the table. “I get what you’re saying and I didn’t mean to be an ass again.”

 

You laugh at that, stacking your empty milk glass onto Isak's. Even takes them from you and hands you a new glass filled with water. You nod gratefully at him before shaking your head at Isak. “No, you were being honest.” Taking a swig of water, you lean back in your chair and throw a grateful look at both Isak and Even. “Thanks boys, that felt good.”

 Isak smiles gently and then leans forward, looking into your eyes. "You're welcome. And for what it's worth: you did apologise to me about saying homosexuality was a genetic dead end and therefore wrong. That meant a lot."

You smirk at him. "I'm not wrong often but when I am,  I need to say it."

"That's why you're such a good friend," Isak says, making you blush.

 

Even then clears his throat then and leans his elbows on his knees, looking at both you and Isak with a determined expression. “But what are we going to do about your friends?”

 

 Isak raises his eyebrows at his boyfriend, as if he only just remembered how this conversation started. You can’t blame him for losing track, though. “Uh, right. So, do all of them actually believe that you hate them? Noora, too?” Isak asks, frowning at you.

 

“Chris doesn’t believe Sara, and Noora told me she’s not angry with me. But Eva and Vilde …” You shrug and look down at your hands, suddenly feeling hopeless again.

 

With a deep sigh, Isak gets up and walks over to the bed to get his laptop. Sitting back down on his chair, he opens the laptop and then looks at you across the top of his screen. “Let me see if I can still find my old conversations with Sara,” he says simply, a mischievous grin on his face.

 

You stare at him. “Why?”

 

But Even smiles and nods, getting up and putting his hands on Isak’s shoulders. “I like the way you think, baby.” He then grabs the three empty milk glasses and walks out of the room, announcing that the tagine must be done by now.

 

Isak licks his lips, grinning at Even and then at you. “I’m gonna send you screenshots of some of the shit she said about you, Vilde and other people. With that, you should be able to convince them that Sara set you up.”

 

You can’t say anything, completely dumbfounded by Isak’s offer. He doesn’t seem to notice, frowning at his computer while presumably scrolling through his messages. “There we go,” Isak says after a while and starts clicking and typing. And seemingly seconds later, you feel your phone buzzing in your pocket.

 

And finally, you manage to speak again. “Uh, did you just … “

 

“Yep,” Isak interrupts, pointing his finger at you while closing his laptop again. “Just don’t show it to anyone else but the girls, ok? And tell them not to confront Sara about it if they don’t want Sara to retaliate again. She’s not one to walk away from a fight.”

 

Nodding slowly, you dig your phone out of your pocket and unlock it. Isak has indeed sent you several screenshots of messages between him and Sara.

 

_Damn, Vilde really is the most stupid person ever. Did you know she hooked up with William from the Penetrators and then actually thought he was in love wit her? I can’t believe she was on our bus once, that girl is too dumb for this world._

 

_That Sana person has some serious anger issues! Did you know she threw water in Ingrid's face once just because she heard us talking about Vilde? I mean, I don’t even get why a muslim would be friends with sluts like that?_

 

_Ugh, can you believe I have to sit next to Vilde in English now? I swear her stupid giggles are going to make me puke one day._

_I am so tired of Ingrid’s insecurity and whining about boys she can’t have?_

 

Scrolling through the messages - Isak sent you at least ten different screenshots -, you’re not sure how you feel. A part of you is appalled that anyone would say such nasty things about other people. But another part of you feels hopeful. Showing Vilde and Eva that Sara is very fond of talking shit behind other people’s backs is your best shot at convincing them that you had nothing to do with the hate accounts Sara made in their names.

 

Looking back up, you smile gratefully at Isak, clearing your throat. “You didn’t have to do that.”

 

Isak just shrugs and gets up to put his laptop back onto the bed just as Even walks in with three plates and cutlery in his hands. “I feel a bit guilty for not telling her off back then anyway. And I don’t like it when people fuck with my biology partner, “ Isak says matter-of-factly, and all three of you burst out laughing.

 

Even then announces he will go get the tagine, and you help Isak set the table. A minute later, Even walks back into the room, balancing a tray with an actual tagine pot - wherever did Even find that one? - a bowl of what looks like humus and a plate full of pita bread.

 

“Masha’Allah, Even, are you kidding me?” you call out, staring incredulously at the tray and then at Even.

 

“I hope you like it,” he says shyly and carefully sets the tray down on a stool.

 

He starts by serving you and then Isak, who licks his lips and stares at his boyfriend with unabashed admiration. “Even, this looks amazing,” he murmurs and Even blushes slightly, leaning over to kiss Isak’s cheek.

 

Of course, the food is fantastic. Even’s cheeks go bright red when both you and Isak dig in and instantly burst out in praises. The meat is perfectly tender and Even’s humus is just as good as your mother’s, if not better. The self-made pita-bread is slightly burnt at the edges, but that doesn’t make it any less tasty.

 

When all three of you have cleared your plates, you feel full to the brim, not just with food. You’re about to say you should leave when Even clears his throat and looks at you with a mix of curiosity and admiration.

 

“What is it?” you ask, and Even shakes his head lightly before clearing his throat.

 

“I told you before that Isak knows everything about what happened with the boys,” he begins, and you stare at him in surprise. “And you haven’t asked me about it yet,” Even goes on, and Isak’s eyes go just as wide as yours as he looks from you to Even and back.

 

“I don’t have a right to know,” you say with a shrug, and Even’s soft laugh makes you blush.

 

“Sana, sometimes I think you’re too good for this world.” He bites his lower lip and you open your mouth to say he shouldn’t feel obligated to tell you what happened, but Even holds up a hand to stop you. “I want you to know, Sana, because you're our friend and I trust you.”

 

Closing your mouth again, you clear your throat and sit up a little straighter, suddenly feeling nervous. “Okay,” you say quietly and Even reaches for Isak’s hand.

 

Isak watches his boyfriend with an expression you have only seen a few times, and only ever when he looks at Even. His eyes are full of warm support and love, and once again you thank Allah for bringing those two together.

 

Clearing his throat, Even shifts on his stool before looking into your eyes again. “So, I guess you know by now that I’m bipolar?” he begins and when you nod, he smiles uneasily. “Well, I kind of only found out about that last year, when everything went to hell … We were in our last year and me and the boys were starting to get stressed out because of the finals. And while Yousef wanted us all to study together, Elias and Adam were all about partying with our Russebus, and inbetween all that, everything became too much.”

 

Even’s expression is darker now, but he holds on to Isak’s hand while Isak runs his thumb over Even’s knuckles soothingly. “Anyway, that’s when I had my first ever manic episode. I suggested we go swimming in the Akerselva in the middle of February. When the boys realised I wasn’t kidding, I had already taken off my jacket, hoodie and T-shirt. So when Mikael put his arms around me to stop me from going into the water, I tried to kiss him …”

 

A shaky breath escapes Even, and Isak moves his chair closer to him, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulder. With a deep sigh, Even leans into his embrace, closing his eyes for a moment while Isak holds him and buries his nose in Even’s hair.

 

You don’t know what to say, and since you doubt that Even is finished, you stay quiet, giving the boys some privacy by looking at your own hands. Despite knowing that it can’t be easy for Even to recount these events, you’re glad you know why he just disappeared. You can’t blame him. If anything remotely similar had happened in your life, you would have switched schools as well. But at the same time, you know that there is no way your brother and his friends resent Even. And when Even raises his head to face you again, you make sure that he looks into your eyes.

 

“I’m so sorry that happened to you. It must have been horrible to find out about your mental illness this way.”

 

Even gives a short laugh, winking at you. He looks relieved and you realise that telling you all this must - at some level - feel good to him. “It wasn’t exactly a walk in the park.” Leaning over to put his arm around Isak’s waist, Even smiles softly and hesitates for a moment before clearing his throat.

 

“Actually, it got so bad that I thought I couldn’t live with it anymore …” Even’s voice sounds casual, but you can tell he’s making an effort to not sound weak. He sits up a little straighter, taking Isak’s hand in his. “I tried to take my own life, shortly after posting that horrible stuff on facebook. I just wanted the storm in my head to stop, I wanted to stop feeling anything.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Even looks up at Isak, who smiles bravely and leans his head on Even’s shoulder. For a moment, Even closes his eyes, sighing contently before looking at you again.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sad,” he says softly, but you shake your head.

 

“It’s okay,” you croak, trying to think of something - anything - to say. The boys had talked about Even attempting to take his life last year, and a small part of you had always hoped it was a false rumour. But in your heart, you’d always known it was true. Still, hearing it from Even is heartbreaking. The thought that he felt so alone, so hopeless that he saw no other way out makes you think you should have done something to help.

 

“You couldn’t have done anything, Sana,” Even murmurs, as if he’s reading your mind. “I didn’t talk to anyone about ...what was going on, no one could have known what I was up to.”

 

Getting to your feet, you walk around the table and put your hand on Even’s shoulder, suddenly fighting tears. Even covers your hand with his own, and both he and Isak look up at you with gentle expressions, as if to comfort you. “I’m still ...I’m so sorry Even. If only we could go back in time and undo everything …”

 

Even squeezes your hand and shakes his head, smiling softly. “If it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be where I am now. So I’ve … kind of made my peace with it.”

 

You smile at the two of them when Isak hums contently and kisses Even’s cheek. “That’s great to hear,” you say, walking back to your chair and wiping your face.

 

Even kisses Isak’s chin and then turns to you again, his expression a little more serious. “I really want to talk to the boys, I do. I just have to think of what to say to them. And maybe, meeting not all of them at once would be good.”

 

Nodding slowly, you make a mental note to warn Elias not to try and ambush Even or something. “Is it okay if I tell Elias that?” you ask carefully, and Even nods.

 

“Yes, that should be fine.”

 

You nod back at him and for a long moment, the three of you sit in silence, until Isak clears his throat and speaks for what seems like the first time in hours. “So, any more secrets to share, anyone?”

 

The three of you burst out laughing, and if it wasn’t for the fact that you still haven’t cleared the air with the girls and Yousef, you think you might just be blissfully happy. You close your eyes for a second and silently thank Allah for Isak and Even, for their hospitality, their kindness and their candid but never hurtful honesty.

 

By the time you leave Isak and Even’s home, it’s already past nine o'clock and you feel like singing in the streets. You never sing, only with your mother in the kitchen when no one else is home, and even that hardly ever happens. But right now, on your way to the mosque, you are humming one of your favourite melodies from Karpe Diem to yourself, your heart feeling as light as a feather.

 

You meet your mother and father outside the mosque at a quarter past nine. Jamilla joins you soon after that, and together with her and Mamma, you walk into the mosque to pray Isha.

 

Inbetween Isha and Taraweeh prayers, you and Jamilla sit together on a bench outside the mosque. You tell her that Noora reached out to you, making Jamilla snap at you for still not talking to her.

 

“She’s obviously not angry at you, Sana. Be the brave woman I know you to be, for crying out loud!” You both laugh at that, and then Jamilla watches you with a content smile, studying your face carefully.

 

“What?” you ask after a moment, frowning at her.

 

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you so happy,” Jamilla remarks quietly. “Are you looking forward to fasting that much?”

 

Grinning broadly at her, you hesitate for a moment before you decide you are not going to lie to her. Not here, near the house of Allah, and also, you never want to lie to Jamilla again.

 

“I had dinner with two friends of mine. And I told them about everything that happened with the girls and so on.”

 

Jamilla nods slowly, looking impressed. “Wow, that’s awesome! What did they say?”

 

Sighing deeply, you look into Jamilla’s eyes and go on. “Well, Isak definitely agrees with you about the ‘bitching doesn’t count’ thing. And his boyfriend Even …” you pause for a second there, expecting Jamilla to flinch or her eyes to widen. However, she doesn’t seem fazed but just keeps listening, frowning when you don’t go on right away.

Clearing your throat, you internally scold yourself for thinking Jamilla could ever be a bigot. “Even agrees but they both understand why I am angry. So Isak gave me screenshots from his conversations with Sara where she bad-mouthed Vilde and other people in the past, so I can show the girls what kind of person Sara is.”

 

Jamilla is still frowning when you look up again. “Wait, screenshots of what conversations? How is Isak connected to this Sara person?” She laughs shortly and puts an arm around you. “Damn girl, I am starting to feel like I’m on an episode of a soap opera.”

 

You both laugh at that, and you pull Jamilla into a hug. “Welcome to my life, Okhati.” Moving your head back to check your phone, you sigh dramatically. “How much time do we have?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this clip I got some help from the lovely Lulu @thelordvoldemort, who made sure the scene where Even tells Sana about his SA is as realistic as possible! Thank you so much Lulu ❤❤


	70. Episode 7: Saturday 27th May, 12:27: I could eat a whale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suhoor: The meal before sunrise during Ramadan
> 
> Iftar: The breaking of the fast at sunset during Ramadan
> 
> Ramadan kareem: “Have a blessed Ramadan”
> 
> halal: “allowed”. The expression is mainly used for meat. Animals have to be  
> slaughtered according to muslim tradition for their meat to be halal.

The first day of Ramadan is always the hardest. No matter how much you stuff yourself at Suhoor, you feel hungry at least three hours later already.

 

You are trying to distract yourself by reading a book for German class, but you’ve barely read a chapter when you hear your phone ping.

 

**_Text: Chris, Noora and Sana_ **

 

 _Chris:_ _Ladies, how about we meet at McDonalds for lunch and try to plot how to get our girls back?_

 

 _Noora:_ _Yes, sounds like a great idea. Does 13:00 work for both of you?_

 

Sighing deeply, you consider lying to them. You’ve done it many times before. They know what Ramadan is and that it means you’re not eating during the day for one month a year. But since Vilde said last year that ‘fasting doesn’t even help you lose weight in the long run’, and that ‘it’s very unhealthy to not even drink water during an entire day’, you haven’t mentioned anything about it again to not get into a fight.

 

But you should really start being more upfront about your religion if you want a chance at getting close to your friends again. So you take a deep breath and type a reply.

 

 _Sana:_ _I can’t eat during the day, Ramadan just started._

 

For a moment, you wonder if you should explain what that means. After all, Chris and Noora may have forgotten about Ramadan entirely. But before you can begin typing again, Chris writes back.

 

 _Chris:_ _Shit, is it Ramadan again already? Of course, we can’t expect you to sit there while_ _we eat._

 

 _Noora:_ _Be careful, Sana! I hope you don’t get too hungry._

 

A broad smile creeps onto your face. You didn’t expect the girls to be so understanding.

 

 _Sana:_ _Thanks for understanding. I’ll think of something we can do though. Maybe we should_ _confront Sara?_

 

 _Chris:_ _Ugh, I don’t think I can stand being in the presence of that bitch even for a second._ _But how is the fasting going, Sana? I’d be dying of hunger!_

 

You can almost see Chris’ expression before your inner eye. Pursing your lips, you type back another honest answer.

 

 _Sana:_ _To be honest, I could eat a whale. But I’ll survive._

 

 _Chris:_ _You go, girl! Noora and I will still meet up and fill you in on Monday, alright? If we come up with something, that is!_

 

 _Sana:_ _Sounds great! See you on Monday then! Have fun!_

 

 _Noora:_ _Yes, see you on Monday Sana, see you later Chris ;-)._

 

Dropping your phone next to you on the bed, you almost can’t believe that just happened. If you’d known it would be so easy to be honest with the girls about the parts of your life you usually hide, you’d have done it much earlier.

 

 


	71. Episode 7: Saturday 27th May, 18:34: Ramadan kareem

 

You’ve finally managed to drag yourself out of the house. It’s been a sunny day but now the playground is in the shade at least. And since it’s still at least 4 more hours until Iftar, you’ve decided to try and make time pass by shooting some hoops.

 

For some reason, you feel like wearing something colourful today, so you put on your yellow hijab and a green long-shirt, together with your black sweatpants. Smiling at yourself in the mirror, you make a mental note to wear colours more often. They don’t make you look as ridiculous as you sometimes think, and since your mood is better than it has been in what feels like ages, you feel yellow and green really match your state of mind today.  _Who knew Noora and Chris can be so understanding. Give them more credit, Sana Bakkoush._

 

Once you’re on the playground, you only do some stretches to warm up before you start shooting hoops. Since it’s the first day of fasting, you don’t want to to run today, to avoid getting too dehydrated.

 

Almost every time you throw the ball, it hits the basket, improving your mood even further.

 

Until you hear an all-too familiar voice behind you, one that simultaneously makes you want to run away and never move again.

 

“Halla?”

 

It’s a question, a very hesitant one.  _Can I dare talk to you?_ Very slowly, you turn around to face Yousef, who is standing with his back to the fence, hand in his pockets and a queasy smile on his lips. He looks more handsome than ever, wearing black jeans and a white t-shirt, but no snapback this time. His dark hair is a beautiful mess, and when his eyes meet yours, you can’t help but return his smile.

 

“Hei,” you say curtly, clearing your throat. “Where’s everyone?”

 

Only then do you look around and notice Elias standing a few steps away from Yousef. He clears his throat as well and fights back a grin. “Uh, I forgot … my phone in my room, I’ll be right back,” he says, and before you can shoot him an angry glare, he turns around and hurries back to the house.

 

Yousef shrugs and winks at you, blushing bright red. “I guess now’s as good a time as any.”

 

You frown at him, your heartbeat speeding up considerably. “For what?”

 

“Our rematch? Or did you forget?” The mock-offended expression on his face makes you laugh.

 

“How could I?” you tell him, trying to ignore the heat in your cheeks and bounce the ball towards him. “So how do you want to do this?”

 

As Yousef catches the ball, you set your arms akimbo and raise your eyebrows challengingly at him, feeling your heartbeat in your ears. Yousef’s eyes don’t let go of yours, and you think that you could stand here forever, just looking at him. He’s taking his time bouncing the ball up and down for a few moments, still looking at you with a shy smile.

 

“How about this time, _you_ try to take the ball from _me_?” he finally suggest, making you scoff.

 

“Did you say ‘try’?”

 

Yousef giggles, his voice sounding a little higher than usual when he speaks again. “Yeah, I mean, obviously you’ll succeed, but I just want to see if my practice pays off.”

 

That makes you raise your eyebrows again. “You’ve been practicing?”

 

Now Yousef lets out a short laugh that sends a chill down your spine. “Well, you’ve been putting off this rematch for so long, I figured I might as well try to improve my chances.” The look on his face is concentrated now and he bends forward a little, starting to bounce the ball again.

 

Still holding your gaze, Yousef smirks and asks: “So are you ready?”

 

Instead of answering, you make a move, diving sideways and reaching for the ball. However, Yousef switches hands easily, evading your attack. After two more failed attempts, you realise that Yousef didn’t lie: he has definitely been practicing some moves.

 

It still doesn’t take you long to figure out what he can and can’t do. You thoroughly enjoy playing with him, though. He doesn’t make it too easy for you and is still a good sport whenever he loses the ball to you and cheers when you score afterwards. It doesn’t take Yousef much to make you feel appreciated without it seeming like he’s sucking up to you.

 

“Well, that wasn’t as easy as I expected,” you say when Yousef finally puts up both hands in defeat. The ball rolls to the edge of the field, and for once, you don’t go after it immediately but stay still while Yousef approaches you, his expression a mix of disappointment and delight.

 

“I take that as a compliment.” Yousef is panting and suddenly you realise he’s standing only a step away from you.

 

“It is,” you confirm quietly, drowning in his dark brown eyes and feeling your knees turn to butter in a matter of seconds..

Yousef purses his lips and takes a deep breath, apparently trying to think of something to say. However, you can’t blame him for not getting out a single word - your own brain is completely empty.

 

 _Ask him_ , a little voice in the back of your head suddenly yells at you, but you can’t even open your mouth. Both you and Yousef are still breathing heavily, staring at each other as if daring the other to move first.

 

_Just ask him if he’s dating Noora. The way he’s looking at you it seems like he isn’t, so just ask him._

 

When you and Yousef’s breathing has slowed down to a normal pace, you clear your throat and pluck up all your courage. “Yousef, I …”

 

“Broo, here you are!” Adam’s voice interrupts, making you jump a few steps back. He walks onto the playground with his arms spread out wide, Mikael, Muttassim and Elias following close behind him.

 

Yousef shakes his head as if awaking from a trance. Then he turns around to hug and greet the boys one by one, but if you didn’t know any better, you’d swear his voice is shaking a little.

 

“Are you ready to go?” Mikael asks Yousef, shooting you a questioning look.

 

You purse your lips and clear your throat. “Where are you guys headed?”

 

Elias throws his arms around Mikael and Mutta from behind and flashes you a broad grin. “We’re going to the botanical gardens to shoot a video,” he announces, making you roll your eyes.

 

“Is anyone even watching your videos?” you ask, trying hard not to look at Yousef. You’re scared the guys will notice that your voice trembles, so you look around for your ball and hurry to pick it up.

 

“I will have you know we have over two hundred subscribers, little sister,” your brother announces, making the boys cheer and high-five each other.

 

“Isn’t that nice,” you say, flashing them all a big fake smile, and Mutta points at you, his eyes suddenly wide.

 

“I bet we’d get even more if you joined us, Sana.” He sounds serious, and the boys turn to look at each other, seemingly intrigued.

 

“What, you want to shoot a video of Sana contradicting everything I say?” Elias asks, lightly punching Mutta’s upper arm.

 

Mikael giggles at that and winks at you. “I might enjoy that, actually.”

 

Yousef flashes you a bright grin and you can’t help but smile back before you wave at the group. “Maybe some other time, I have homework to do, boys.”

 

The five of them wave back and you’re about to turn around and walk back to the house when your heart almost stops.

 

“Sana, wait,” Yousef calls, and you hate how fast you turn around at the sound of his voice. He’s standing only a few steps away from you again, hands in his pockets and a shy smile on his lips. “I just wanted to say … Ramadan kareem.”

 

You smile back broadly, nodding your head in thanks. “Shokran, Yousef, that’s kind of you,” you say, cursing your voice for sounding so stiff. But you can’t afford to sound affectionate in front of your brother.

 

Yousef’s smile grows impossibly wide and he waves at you again. “See you around,” he says and then turns back to the boys.

 

You hardly hear them teasing Yousef, since the frantic beats of your heart seem to fill up your entire body. It might be because you haven’t eaten all day, but you suddenly feel light-headed.

 

Luckily, Mamma and Pappa aren’t home and you hurry to your room, drop your ball on the floor and flop down onto your bed, hugging yourself and giggling like crazy. You feel your heart beating a million miles a minute and hope that what just happened wasn’t a dream.

 


	72. Episode 7: Sunday 28th May, 10:13: One of us

 Today, you’re finding it easier not to think about food all the time. After Suhoor, you prayed Fajr together with Mamma, Pappa and Elias, something you haven’t done since last Ramadan. Now you’re sitting cross-legged on the lawn in the backyard, listening to music on your phone and letting the sun warm your face.

 

You feel peaceful like this. Praying in the morning always has that effect on you, but today it felt particularly soothing. Hearing your family murmur the prayer next to you while saying it yourself made you feel closer to your family than you already feel anyway. It made you realise again that Ramadan isn’t just a month of torturing yourself by not eating all day. It’s a time where you learn to focus on your family, on being grateful for everything you have. And yes, you might have problems with your friends at the moment, but your family is always there for you.

 

“Alhamdulillah,” you murmur to yourself, smiling happily and just when you’re about to lie down on the grass, you feel a hand on your shoulder.

 

You open your eyes to find Mikael smiling at you. He sits down next to you while you remove your earbuds and nod at him.

 

“Hey,” you say, wondering what brings him here.

 

“Hey Sana,” Mikael says, still smiling, looking a little nervous. “How are you?”

 

“I’m good, thank you. And you?” You study Mikael’s face as he nods slowly and bites his lower lip.

 

“Yeah, I’m alright.”

 

For a moment, you’re both silent, but then Mikael sighs deeply and clears his throat.

 

“So… Elias said you talk to Even sometimes?”

 

 _Oh!_ You smile hesitantly before you nod your head. “Yes, he goes to Nissen now.”

 

Mikael nods too, watching you carefully. “I know Elias asked you to say hi to him …”

 

“Yes he did.” You don’t know what else to say.

 

“Did he … what did Even say to that?”

 

For a moment, you hesitate. But then you remember the longing look on Even’s face when you told him the boys miss him. “He was terrified at first. Apparently he thinks you guys are angry with him.”

 

Mikael stares at you. “Angry? He thinks we’re mad at him? But … WE abandoned HIM.” He looks crushed, shaking his head incredulously. “There’s not a single day since … that I don’t wish I had just … talked to him after …”

 

Pulling his knees up, Mikael hangs his head, and you can’t help but reach out to pat his back. “He misses you guys, too. I think it’s only a matter of time before he reaches out to you.” You try to sound comforting, and apparently it works.

 

Mikael looks up, his expression suddenly hopeful. “Really?” but then his face falls again. “Are you sure he said he misses me? After all, I’m the reason …” He trails off, and although you don’t like talking about Even without him present, you have to reassure Mikael.

 

“Look, Even told me what happened with you and him while he was … not doing well.” You hold Mikael’s gaze when you go on. “And since you didn’t know why, it’s understandable that you reacted the way you did.”

 

Sighing deeply, Mikael rubs his lower arms, looking uncomfortable. “I pushed him away though. And I never went to see him, to ask how he was … “ He buries his face in his hands and groans desperately. “He must hate me.”

 

That makes you chuckle slightly, and Mikael looks up at you again, a puzzled look on his face. “What?”

 

“Mikael, you know as well as I do that Even is incapable of hating anyone,” you tell him, smiling confidently.

 

Mikael smiles back weakly, but nods after a moment. “I guess you’re right.” He takes another deep breath and looks up at the sky. “I just … I miss him. He’s like a brother to me. It never mattered that he isn’t muslim, and I don’t care about him liking guys, at least not anymore. He’s one of us. Period.”

 

You nod slowly, and when Mikael looks at you again, you see tears glistening in his eyes. “Can you please tell him that?” he all but whispers, his eyes pleading.

 

"You can tell him yourself,” you whisper back and squeeze Mikael’s shoulder.

 

Mikael chortles out a laugh and wipes his eyes. “Gosh, look at me going all mushy on you. I’m sorry.”

 

You shake your head. “Don’t you worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

 

“Thanks,” Mikael says, smiling gratefully.

 

For a moment, you’re both silent, but then you wonder why Mikael is here alone.

 

“Where are the boys?” you ask, and Mikael turns to you with a cheeky grin.

 

“You’re not used to seeing me without them, are you?”, he observes, but before you can reply to that he goes on. “Adam and Mutta are trying to write a song, Elias is still in bed and I think Yousef is on a date.”

 

Your insides turn to ice at his last words. “A date?” you ask before you can stop yourself.

 

“Yeah,” Mikael says slowly and you hope your expression doesn’t show your fear and desperation. “I think he’s meeting Noora, they talked quite a lot via facebook recently.”

 

Suddenly, you feel like throwing up. You should have known. Yousef was probably trying to tell you about Noora yesterday when he stared into your eyes after that stupid basketball rematch. Come to think of it, he was probably working up the courage to ask for your permission to date your friend.

 

“Uh, I gotta go,” you croak and get to your feet. Mikael frowns at you, mumbling something that sounds like ‘Did I say something wrong, Sana?’ but you hardly hear him.

 

You stumble back into the house, not stopping until you’re in your room. Closing the door behind you, you throw yourself on your bed and cover your head with your pillow before you finally allow yourself to cry.

 

But after about a minute or two, something strange happens. You become angry. Not at Yousef or Noora, but angry at yourself for not ever taking a stand, for always standing back and letting people take from you without protesting. You’re Sana Bakkoush, a proud basketball playing, bad-ass muslim woman who knows what she wants. And right now, you want to know what the fuck is going on.

 

So you wipe those stupid tears off your face, sit up on your bed and reach for your phone. Taking a deep breath, you look for Noora’s contact and start typing.

 


	73. Episode 7: Sunday 28th May, 14:54: The world doesn't hate you

**_Text: Noora_ **

 

 _Sana:_   _Hey girl, do you have time to talk today or tomorrow? I have to ask you something._

 

 _Noora:_   _Uh, yes, sure! I’m with Mari right now and we’re supposed to go to the cinema later. Do_ _you have time on Tuesday after school?_

 

 _Sana:_   _Yeah sure, can we go for tea or something?_

 

_Noora: Sounds good. And Sana?_

 

 _Sana:_   _What?_

 

 _Noora:_   _Don’t worry so much, ok? The world doesn’t hate you._

 

 _Sana:_   _Haha, alright, thanks._

 


	74. Episode 7: Monday 29th May 17:28: I will be there

“Yes, Sana, that’s what I’m talking about!”

 

Your coach Helena approaches you and holds up her hand for a high-five. Slapping your palm to hers, you grin happily and turn around to your team, who are all applauding you.

 

During today’s practice, Helena has taught you some tricks for jump shots. You’ve been taking breaks inbetween - its’ only the third day of Ramadan after all, and Helena is more than understanding - but when it comes to actually playing, you can’t just sit at the sidelines.

 

At the end of every practice, Helena lets you play a fifteen minute match, and just now, you’ve successfully pulled off a turnaround jump shot, proving once again why you’re an asset to your team.

 

“You know, when we say you’re the best defense player ever, we’re lying to people,” Tamara says and wraps an arm around your shoulder, looking proudly at you and then at at the rest of your teammates. “You’re actually our secret weapon.”

 

You’re smiling so hard the corners of your mouth start hurting a little. “Stop it,” you say quietly and pat Tamara’s back.

 

Coach Helena crosses her arms in front of her chest and nods at all of you with a satisfied grin. “I agree, Tamara, but you were all great today! Awesome practice, I can’t wait to see what you’ll do to our friends from Drammen.”

 

You join the whole team in their enthusiastic hoots and shake Helena’s hand on your way out. “We have to kill it against Drammen, ladies,” says your captain, Sigrid with a determined look on her face as she opens the door to the changing room.

 

“Word,” you agree and the others nod and cheer in agreement.

 

After showering and changing back into your street clothes, you haul your sports bag onto your shoulder, wave goodbye to the girls and walk out of the changing room, feeling tired but happy. You leave the gymnasium and head to the bus stop, where you’re pleasantly surprised to spot a familiar face.

 

Ayaan, Jamilla’s cousin whom you met after Sara’s party is sitting on the bench, and when she sees you approach, her face lights up.

 

“Sana? Is that you?” She gets up and while she walks over, you can’t help but admire her look. She’s wearing wide, red pants and a white shirt underneath a leather jacket, and her shiny black headscarf matches her black sneakers perfectly.

 

“Ayaan, hei!” you call out and wrap her in a hug. “Wow, you look gorgeous! How are you?”

 

“Awh thanks, you too! I’m good, and you?” Ayaan replies and hugs you back. You let go of her and both of you sit down on the bench.

 

“Tired, I just had basketball practice,” you say with a content sigh, and Ayaan’s face lights up at that.

 

“Oh yeah, Jamilla told me you play basketball! That’s awesome, Sana! And you train during Ramadan, too? Impressive.”

 

You wink at her with a cheeky grin. “I am beginning to regret that. But still, I was not bad today.”

 

Ayaan giggles. “According to Jamilla, ‘not bad’ is quite the understatement for your skills.”

 

You feel yourself blush and let the sports bag slide to the ground next to you. “I see your cousin has told you things about me.”

 

Ayaan nods enthusiastically and touches your forearm. “Don’t be mad at her, sister. Jamilla was so happy when I told her I met you. I made her promise to let me know when the two of you are talking again, and she did. She called me right after she met you for tea and couldn’t stop gushing.”

 

You laugh joyfully at that and make a mental note to hug Jamilla extra tightly the next time you see her. “She is amazing, isn’t she?”

 

Ayaan nods with wide eyes and then the two of you get on the bus to the city centre. After you have exchanged some tipps for not feeling too hungry during the day while fasting, Ayaan tells you she found the courage to talk to her friends after Jamilla told her how you reached out to her.

 

“They were confused at first, but they listened to me and agreed that they weren’t always fair to me.” Ayaan smiles happily. “They even apologised to me and made me promise I would tell them if they hurt me again without wanting too.”

 

“Alhamdulillah, that’s great Ayaan!” Your heart is suddenly beating a little faster, and it takes you a moment to realise why.

 

“I know, right? Have you spoken to your friends as well?” Ayaan asks and you shake your head, making a face.

 

“It was a little tough with us lately, but … Jamilla has encouraged me to confront them."

Ayaan nods slowly with a satisfied grin. "My cousin knows things," she says, making you both laugh.

"Yes,she does," you agree and then clear your throat to go on. "I told Chris and Noora about fasting and they were very kind ... and today they told me they want the five of us to get together some time, to talk it all out.” You take a deep breath before you add. “Insha’Allah it will be easier to be truthful with my friends from now on.”

 

“Insha’Allah,” Ayaan says earnestly and reaches for your hand. “I'm sure you will do fine.”

 

When both of you get off the bus at the main station, Ayaan asks when you have the next basketball game, because she would like to come watch you play.

 

“Uh, I don’t remember the exact date, but I will let you know,” you promise and hug her again.

 

“I will be there, “ Ayaan promises and squeezes your shoulders with a bright smile.

 

“See you soon then,” you say and wave at her. Your smile only grows wider as you watch Jamilla’s cousin walk off across the square.

 

 


	75. Episode 7: Tuesday 30th May 15:19: Nothing worse

Waiting for Noora in the courtyard, you close your eyes and say a short prayer.  _Please give me the right words to talk to Noora so she will understand._ It doesn’t do much to stop your hands from shaking, but at least you’re not panicking anymore.

 

Luckily, Noora appears at the main entrance just when you've taken a deep breath, and the smile on her face is somewhat reassuring.

 

“Hei Sana,” she says brightly and wraps her arms around you.

 

“Hei.” You hug her back half-heartedly and force yourself to smile back. “So where do you want to go?”

 

Noora purses her lips and links arms with you. “Just say what you want to say and then we’ll go for coffee at KB, okay?”

 

That surprises you. It’s almost as if Noora has an inkling of what you’re going to tell her and correctly assumes you want to get it out as soon as possible. You decide to take advantage of that.

 

“I didn’t write the email because I wanted you to talk to William,” you say quickly, immediately searching Noora’s face for a reaction. You expect her to look confused or angry, but instead, she grins broadly.

 

“Uhu, I didn’t think so anyway,” she says calmly and leads you out of the school yard and down the street in direction of the city centre. “Why did you send it then?”

 

Taking a deep breath, you squeeze your eyes shut and just … say it. “Because I like … I like Yousef and I didn’t want you to start dating him.”

 

You keep your eyes closed, unable to look at Noora’s most certainly angry face. So you are more than surprised when you hear your friend squeal and feel both her arms around you. She even presses a kiss to the back of your head and giggles happily.

 

“Oh my God, I knew it!”

 

Finally opening your eyes, you frown at Noora, who’s holding you at an arm’s length, her hands on your shoulders and her smile even broader than before.

 

“What.. what do you ...mean you knew?” you stutter after a long moment, completely stunned. That is NOT the way you expected this conversation to go.

 

“First of all, you should know: Yousef and I aren’t dating, there is absolutely nothing going on between us,” Noora says, looking firmly into your eyes. “Do you believe me?”

 

You nod slowly, unable to deny to even the most doubtful parts of yourself that Noora is obviously being honest.

 

“Okay, good,” Noora chirps and links arms with you once more. The two of you start walking again and Noora goes on. “Secondly, there are two reasons why Yousef and I have been talking a lot. One of them is that he likes to write and wanted some tips from me. And the other is … you.”

 

Now it’s your turn to stop dead in your tracks. Your head is spinning all of a sudden and you’re very glad Noora’s holding on to your arm. “What?” you choke out, closing your hand around Noora’s wrist and staring at her, eyes wide with disbelief.

 

Noora nods and giggles gleefully, her eyes sparkling. “Yes! I can’t believe you didn’t notice! Yousef has the biggest and cutest crush on you.”

 

You blink several times, trying to process what you’re hearing. “Uh, how do you know that?” you manage to get out and Noora rolls her eyes.

 

“Because he told me, silly.” She looks around and then points across the road to the Kaffebrenneriet. “Come on, I’m buying.”

 

Nodding slowly, you let Noora pull you with her, still feeling a little numb.  _What is happening?_ Noora sits you down in a chair outside the café and points at you, asking: “So, coffee or tea?”

 

You clear your throat and smile weakly. “Green tea, please?”

 

Noora bows her head with an excited giggle. “Coming right up,” she chirps and then hurries inside.

 

Taking a deep breath, you lean back in your chair and drop your backpack on the floor next to you. Merely minutes ago, you had been bracing yourself for Noora yelling at you for trying to come in between her and Yousef by invading her privacy. And now you’ve just found out that apparently, Noora has been trying to play matchmaker for _you_ and Yousef? You shake your head incredulously, but then you suddenly realise what this means.

 

Yousef was never in love with Noora. On the contrary, he told Noora he has a crush on  _you_. Your heartbeat speeds up at the thought and you have to close your eyes for a second. Of course, this doesn’t change the fact that he’s not muslim and the world of problems that entails, but … at least you haven’t imagined everything. The subtle glances, touches and smiles …

 

“Here you go!” Noora’s cheerful voice startles you, and you have to blink several times until her face comes into focus. She’s still smiling brightly and pushes a paper cup into your hands, sitting down across from you.

 

“So, don’t you want to ask me some things?” Noora winks at you and for the first time in what feels like ages you let out a genuine laugh.

 

“Uh, sure, “ you say then and close your fingers around the paper cup, leaning forward and smiling at Noora. “What exactly did Yousef say to you? Somehow I find it hard to believe he uttered the words ‘I have a crush on Sana.’”

 

Noora scrunches up her nose and nods. “You’re right, he wasn’t  _that_ cheesy.” She puts her paper cup down on the table and digs her phone out of her pocket. “See for yourself.”

 

She unlocks her phone, opens her messenger app and hands it to you. Raising both eyebrows, you take it from her, hesitating slightly before tapping on Yousef’s name. Noora leans over and swipes her finger across the screen to move the cursor to the top of the conversation. “There you go,” she says and sits back down with a self-satisfied grin on her face.

 

Scoffing quietly, you look down at the beginning of Noora’s conversation with Yousef and start reading.

 

**_Yousef Acar_ **

_15.04.17_

 

_Hey Noora, thanks so much for offering to help me with_

_my writing. So would you like to have a look at what I’ve_

_come up with?_

 

_Hey Yousef, no problem. I have quite a lot of  homework at_

_the moment, but just send me what you have so far. I will_

_get back to you as soon as I can. What is it you’re working_

_on exactly?_

 

_Haha, well … I am trying to write an original story, sort_

_of … it’s embarrassing, really, I don’t know what I’m_

_doing._

 

_Don’t worry, you have to start somewhere, right?_

 

The conversation about Yousef’s writing continued over several days. You skim over Noora encouraging Yousef to keep going giving him tips, and Yousef replying how grateful he is and that he’s really starting to get the hang of it.

 

But then you get to the Saturday after the party at Sara’s, where the boys left early and Noora made the joke about marrying Yousef, and your breath hitches.

 

_22.04.17_

 

_Noora, can I tell you something a little …_

_personal?_

 

_Uh, sure?_

 

_I think … No, I know. I’m … I like Sana._ _Like, I really_

_like her. Have for a Long_ _time I think. But she’s my_

_b_ _est friend’s_ _sister, and she’s muslim and I’m not,_

_so_ _I should just forget about her, but I can’t._

 

_Oh my gosh! Uh, I’m not quite sure what to say._

_I talked to her last night and made a stupid joke_

_saying that I should marry you and Sana looked_

_at me as if I’d said I want to eat her liver or_

_something …_

 

 _!!!!_ _Do you think … Does she like me back? I mean,_

_we played basketball today and she smiled at me_

_so much I almost couldn’t breathe, but … are you_

_sure?_

 

_Slow down, Yousef. I will see if I can find out_ _how she_

_feels about you, okay?_

 

_I really want to text her right now though! What_

_should I say? You’re her friend, do you know if_

_there’s like … something I absolutely shouldn’t say?_

 

_To be honest, I don’t know Sana that well when it_

_comes to Boys._ _But you could ask if she had a_ _good_

 _time yesterday and explain_ _why you and_ _the boys left_

_early, or something? I know Sana likes_ _honesty …_

 

_Okay, thanks!_

 

You look up at Noora, who peers onto her phone to see which messages you’re reading and then makes a face. “Uh, yeah, about that …”

 

“You don’t know me at all, do you?” you say, and although the realisation hurts a bit, you can’t bring yourself to be mad at Noora. Not when she obviously tried her best to help Yousef talk to you - although that backfired spectacularly.

 

“It seems I really don’t …” Noora says, biting her lip. “He later told me that you didn’t respond to his challenge for a rematch after that, so I figured I messed up …But then I broke up with William and things with Vilde went to shit, so I didn’t talk to Yousef for a while.”

 

You sigh over-dramatically and take a sip of your tea. “I don’t want to say you messed up … but you kind of did.”

 

Noora looks up at you with a knowing smile. “Hey, I’m not the only one. Instead of telling me you have a crush on Yousef, you wrote an email to my crazy ex to get him to come back to me. I never would have gotten a chance to mess this up if you had just told me how you feel.”

 

You can’t argue with that, so you reach for Noora’s hand and look into her eyes. “You’re right, I’m sorry! That was really horrible of me.”

 

But Noora shakes her head vigorously and points to her phone. “Stop, we were both stupid, okay? Now keep reading!”

 

You both laugh at that and then you scroll further down in Noora and Yousef’s conversation.

 

_03.05.17_

 

_Hey Noora, I just wanted to tell you, Sana just_

_kicked me out of facebook. I told her on Friday_

_that I’m not muslim, and ever since she hasn’t_

_replied, and now this happened. So I guess_

_that’s it. Don’t try to talk to her about me anymore,_

_please._

 

Reading that message almost tears a hole in your heart. If you had known how Yousef feels, you might have tried to talk to him first before just unfriending him…

 

Noora’s reply however makes you smile.

 

_Oh no, I’m so sorry! Sana and I aren’t talking right now, but_

_I_ _hope we will sort things out later this week. Please don’t_

_give_ _up just like that. Sana can be stubborn, but she’s not a_

_cold_ _person._

 

_I’m sorry you’re fighting. Sana isn’t just stubborn_ _though,_

_she just knows what she wants … And_ _that’s obviously_

_not me. Thanks anyways._

 

You swallow hard and blink a few times before looking up at Noora. She smiles hesitantly and clears her throat. “Did I mess up again?”

 

“No,” you croak and show her the message from Yousef you just read.

 

“Oh, yeah, that one almost made me cry,” Noora says, covering your hand with hers. “He really respects you, much more than I do, huh?”

 

You huff out a laugh that sounds like a sob and squeeze her hand. “You’re great, Noora. I never should have thought I can’t talk to you. That was stupid.”

 

Noora blushes a little and takes a sip of her tea. “Thank you, you’re great too. But now keep reading!”

 

Chuckling slightly, you nod, take a big gulp of tea and then look at the next messages.

 

_09.05.17_

 

_Okay, so I  walked Sana home on Friday and we_

_had an intense talk about religion and stuff.  And_

_the way she looked at me … I know I shouldn’t hope_

_… but …_

 

_Aah, I thought you guys might get to talk. I just spoke to_

_her on Sunday and we’re fine again, although she’s … ugh,_

_can we just talk about this in person? It’s kind of_

_complicated._

 

Scrolling further down, you see that Yousef and Noora agreed to meet up several times, and indeed the last time was on Sunday.

 

You put the phone down and push it back to Noora who picks it up and frowns at you. “So, I guess you still have some questions now?”

 

Nodding slowly, you raise your cup to your lips again before clearing your throat. “What did you tell Yousef that was too complicated to discuss via text?”

 

Noora sighs deeply and thinks for a long moment. “Okay, I’m going to tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

 

You nod slowly and put a hand over your heart. “Wallah, I won’t breathe a word to anyone.” Realising you just said something Noora wouldn’t understand, you quickly add: “Oh, that means I swear by God.”

 

To your surprise, Noora nods knowingly. “I know. Yousef said he would use that expression if he were muslim when I asked him if he was sure … wait, no he should tell you that himself.”

 

Of course you want to ask what the heck that is supposed to mean, but Noora doesn’t give you the chance.

 

“So, I met Yousef after school on the 11th, to tell him why you and I had gotten into a fight and why I thought you weren’t telling me the whole truth. He was very kind and understanding, so I ended up confiding in him about something I haven’t told anyone so far.”

 

Noora hesitates again, and you take a gulp of your almost cold tea, waiting for her to go on. “I … there is another reason I broke up with William. It wasn’t just because he’s been an asshole to me. I also .. have had feelings for someone else for a long time.”

 

That makes you gasp. “Oh my gosh! Who?”

 

Biting her lip, Noora takes a deep breath. Squinting her eyes shut she says “It’s a girl,” so fast you almost think you didn’t hear right.

 

Noora watches you with a mix of curiosity and fear, and it takes you a moment to realise she’s afraid you’ll judge her. “Oh wow,” you say, blinking a few times and then reach out for Noora’s hand. “What’s her name?” you ask, making sure Noora is looking into your eyes.

 

Giggling excitedly, Noora squeezes your hand and then shrugs apologetically. “I can’t tell you, she … she’s not ready to … let people know.”

 

“Oh,” you say quietly, still processing the information that Noora is in love with a girl. It doesn’t bother you in the slightest - all love is equal in Allah’s eyes and in yours. But it’s still a shock and combined with finding out that Yousef has a crush on you and that Noora has been trying to play matchmaker, it’s a lot to take in.

 

“But she likes you back, right? She’s not playing with you?” you wonder after a while.

 

Noora nods slowly with a grateful look in her eyes. “She does, Sana. Thank you for caring so much.”

 

You smile brightly at her and finish your tea in one big gulp. “Then everything will be okay,” you say with an encouraging smile.

 

“I hope you’re right, Sana.” Noora empties her cup as well and then leans on her elbows, a curious expression on her face. “Now, can I ask you something?”

 

 _Uh oh_. You swallow hard and nod slowly. “Yeah, sure.”

 

“I never believed for one second that you had anything to do with the insta and tinder profile,” Noora begins and you breathe a big sigh of relief. A small part of you was worried Noora would ask why you made the profiles.

 

“Thank you,” you say, but Noora just smiles and pats your arm.

 

“You’re not a vengeful person, Sana, I know that. But what you said on that recording … was that real? Or did Sara do something to make it sound like your voice?”

 

You bite your lip and shake your head. “It was me. But some parts were cut out. I also said I feel ignored by you guys when you talk about boys or when you forget that I have to eat halal and so on, it’s not like I only bitched about you guys. I was really upset.”

 

Noora reaches for your hand and smiles kindly. “That’s what I thought. You were pouring your heart out to someone and Sara’s friend took advantage of that.”

 

You almost burst into tears with relief, clutching Noora’s hand like a lifeline, your entire body suddenly shaking. “Yes!”

 

Still smiling, Noora touches your shoulder with her free hand. “By the way, who was it you were talking to?”

 

Letting out a shaking breath, you smile back weakly. “That was Jamilla, my brother’s fiancee and one of my oldest friends.”

 

Noora stares at you. “Jamilla from the Hijabi police?”

 

You laugh shortly. “Yes, but there was a huge misunderstanding, if you remember. And I finally reached out to her a few weeks ago. The day Sara’s friend made that recording was the first time I saw her in over a year.”

 

The smile on Noora’s face grows a little. “I’m so glad you sorted things out.” She pauses for a moment and then asks: “What did she say when you told her about your problems with us?”

 

Blushing slightly, you bite your lower lip. “Uh, she has been bugging me to talk to you guys.”

 

Noora scrunches up her nose, still smiling. “I think I might like her.” You both laugh at that, and then Noora purses her lips. “So, do you still feel that I think you won’t understand my troubles?”

 

That almost makes you laugh, but you remember that what you said about Eva and Vilde on that recording was more severe than your remarks about Noora. “No. But I have to apologise to Vilde and Eva.”

 

Noora nods slowly and pats your lower arm. “Eva will need some more time. She has a lot going on with …” Noora looks down at her knee for a second before she goes on. “... her mum and stuff, but I know she doesn’t hate you, okay? And Vilde …she will come around once Eva does, I think.”

 

For a moment you consider telling Noora about meeting Vilde’s mother, but you decide against it. Vilde wouldn’t want you to expose her like that.

 

Noora sits up a little straighter and nips on her tea again. Then she suddenly frowns at you. “You know what I really don’t get though? Why on earth did Sara want us to believe you hate us?”

 

You shrug and purse your lips. “I’ve been wondering that ever since that party.”

 

Digging your phone out of your pocket, you search for the screenshots Isak sent you and show them to Noora. “These are from Isak’s conversations with Sara while they were dating.”

 

Noora stares at your phone and then at you. “How did you get those?”

 

“Isak sent them to me,” you say, smiling fondly at the memory of the evening at Isak and Even’s place. “I told him what happened …”

 

Smiling brightly, Noora nods. “That sounds like Isak.” She then takes your phone from you and swipes right a few times, glancing briefly at the messages and shaking her head every time. “Wow, Sara sure  _is_ a vengeful person, that’s clear. Why would she say that stuff about Vilde and you? I mean, she hardly knows you, and Vilde was only on her bus for a short time?”

 

You shrug again and put your phone back in your pocket. “I have no idea.” Hesitating for a moment, you clear your throat and add: “But that doesn’t really matter, I just … I have to get Vilde and Eva to listen to me so I can apologise.”

 

Noora smiles softly and pats your hand. “I’ll try to talk to Eva. I think she was just very hurt …” She trails off and bites her lip, making you think that she wanted to say something else but is holding back for some reason.

 

But you decide that both of you have revealed enough for one day.

 

“Thank you,” you say and squeeze Noora’s hand, smiling gratefully.

 

“Of course,” Noora grins and then reaches for her bag, getting to her feet. “I’m sorry, I should go home and study. We have a big Spanish test on Friday and I haven’t studied much yet.”

 

Nodding slowly, you let out a long breath and pick up your backpack as well. “Don’t remind me, I have a biology mock exam coming up and it’s killing me.”

 

Noora puts an arm around you and together you start walking in direction of the tram stop at Solli. “I’m sure you’re going to be great at it!”

 

By the time you reach the tram stop, the two of you are laughing and joking together as if nothing had ever happened. Actually, you don’t think you’ve ever felt this close to Noora. For the first time ever, she really listened and opened up to you. You feel acknowledged and trusted, and that is an amazing feeling.

 

Noora’s tram arrives shortly after you’ve sat down on the bench, and she hugs you close. “See you tomorrow, Sana. Tell me how things go with Yousef.”

 

That makes you stare at her, and Noora adds: “You’re going to call him or text him, aren’t you?”

 

“No, I need to sort out things with Eva and Vilde first. Feels wrong otherwise,” you explain quickly, and Noora frowns but still smiles at you.

 

“That’s your decision, I guess. Just don’t leave him hanging for too long.”

 

Noora giggles and waves at you before getting on her tram. "Let's never lie to each other again, okay?"

Nodding enthusiastically, you let out a long breath. "Never again. There's nothing worse than lying to you, Noora."

 

The door of the tram closes in Noora's face but you can read the word "Same" on her lips, and the two of you smile at each other while the tram drives away.

Once the tram is out of sight, you start walking: You have to stay outside right now, feeling the need to clear your head. The way home has never felt shorter though, and you can’t help but think it has something to do with your heart being as light as a feather.


	76. Episode 7: Wednesday 31st May, 15:33: Thanks, but no thanks

**_Text: Isak_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _Hey. You ready for the biology mock exam?_

 

 _Isak:_ _Hey there. Yeah I guess. Been a bit stressed lately but I think I'll manage. You?_

 

_Sana: I should be. Jamilla is coming over after basket practice to help me study, so I should be fine._

 

 _Isak:_ _Sounds good._

 

 _Sana:_ _Do you want to join? This time REALLY just for studying. Sorry about the other day._

 

 _Isak:_   _I have no idea what you're talking about? I learned all about procaryotes, didn't I?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Okay then. So ... do you want to join?_

 

 _Isak:_ _To be honest I think I'm gonna stay in tonight. Even's been working a lot lately but has an evening off today._

 

 _Sana:_ _Sure. Tell him I said Hi. Oh, and ... Mikael says he misses Even and asked that I let him know..._

 

_Isak: I'll tell him. He keeps saying he wants to talk to the boys. It's just a bit stressful at the moment with graduation and stuff._

 

_Sana: Sure, he should take his time._

 

_Isak: Speaking of which: Did you talk to the girls?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Noora and Chris believe me. But I still have to talk to Eva and Vilde._

 

 _Isak:_ _If Eva doesn't believe you, I'll give her my two cents._

 

 _Sana:_ _Thanks but no thanks. I'll take care of it myself._

 

_Isak: Of course you will. Good luck and see you tomorrow._

 

_Sana: See you. And thanks._


	77. Episode 7: Wednesday, 31st May, 19:28: Keep your voice down

You’re sitting at the kitchen table with Jamilla. She agreed to come help you study for biology, and you’re very glad she did: Biology was her favourite subject in school, and she really knows how to explain difficult topics.

 

After only a bit more than an hour, you feel confident that you will rock the mock exam on Tuesday, thanks to Jamilla’s help and encouragement.

 

“Thank you so much, Okhati, I don’t think I’d have gotten anything into my head today without you,” you tell her, smiling brightly at her.

 

Jamilla chuckles quietly. “You’re welcome, any time.” She then clears her throat and throws you a curious look. “Are you still worried about Vilde and Eva?”

 

You purse your lips and then look into Jamilla’s eyes with a deep sigh. “I just .... I have no idea what to say to them.”

 

Smiling kindly, Jamilla throws her bright green hijab over her shoulder - she combined it with a white blouse under a denim jacket and black pants today. “Have you prayed about it?”

 

You nod slowly, staring down at your hands. “I have. So far I haven’t gotten an answer.” When you look back up, Jamilla is watching you with a knowing look.

 

“Do you doubt Allah sometimes, Sana?” she asks, but it’s not a patronising question. It sounds like she’s asking because she knows how it feels to have doubts in your faith.

 

You hesitate for a moment, but then you nod again. “Yes,” you admit with a deep sigh. “I don’t want to, but I can’t help it sometimes.”

 

Jamilla reaches out to touch your arm. “I know how you feel, I really do.” She takes a deep breath and waits for you to look up at her before she goes on. “Last year, after Ahmed proposed to me, I prayed to Allah because I didn’t know if I should still become a nurse after marrying him or just be a wife and mother.” She chuckles shortly. “Allah didn’t answer me, although I prayed every day, at home and in the mosque, asking for a sign so I would know what I should do.”

 

You cover Jamilla’s hand with yours and look into her eyes, your heart hurting at the thought of the pain she went through. “I’m so sorry, Okhati. That can’t have been easy.”

 

Jamilla smiles and squeezes your hand. “But you know, just when I was about to lose hope, I got an answer, however not in prayer.” She smiles happily. “When I finally decided to talk to Ahmed about it and ask him what he thought I should do, he told me something I didn’t expect. He said it was my decision and that no one could make it for me. That Allah could not answer a question I needed to answer myself.”

 

Nodding slowly, you feel a sudden warmth spread inside you from head to toe. “It’s your life. Allah wanted you to decide for yourself.”

 

Jamilla nods as well, her smile full of warmth and happiness. “Yes. And when I finally decided to study to be a nurse, I felt so happy and full of hope and confidence. It felt so right, and I knew I had made the right choice.”

 

She is still holding your hand and after thinking for a long moment, you finally let out a long breath. “I will talk to Eva on Friday. That’s her birthday, so maybe she’ll be in a particularly good mood.”

 

“I like your thinking,” Jamilla says cheerfully and then lets out a deep sigh. “How much longer until Iftar?”

 

You groan quietly and dig your phone out of your pocket. “It’s exactly 19:47, so that means …” you frown at the ceiling for a moment. “Two hours and thirty-six minutes.”

 

Jamilla covers her face with her hands. “Soon the first week of Ramadan will be over,” she says and looks up at you again. “I always feel that after the first seven days, it gets easier, because a routine is established, you know?”

 

Knowing exactly what she means, you nod and get up from your chair. “Yes, I know.”

 

Jamilla frowns at you, but gets to her feet as well. “Where are you going?”

 

“Do you want to see something funny?” you ask and motion for Jamilla to follow you to your room. “Elias and his friends recorded another video last week, it’s hilarious.”

 

Stopping dead in her tracks, Jamilla frowns at you. “I thought you said your brother’s attempts at v-logging were pathetic?”

 

You bite your lower lip, but before you can make up your mind whether or not you should tell her why you started watching those videos, Jamilla sucks in a breath.

 

“Wait, don’t tell me …” She giggles excitedly. “Are you still crushing on Yousef?”

 

Groaning frustratedly, you grab Jamilla by the arm and drag her with you to your room. “Keep your voice down.” Your hissed warning ends in a giggle as you slam the door shut behind Jamilla.


	78. Episode 7: Thursday, 1st June, 15:21: He makes you happy

The double Norwegian lesson on Thursday afternoon is always kind of deadly. But since it’s the first week of Ramadan, today feels ten times worse: You feel ready to collapse by the time you reach your locker. At least you don’t have to study for the biology mock exam anymore: thanks to Jamilla, you’re certain you have everything you need in your head.

 

You’ve just closed your locker and turn around to walk out of school when Chris approaches you, a hesitant smile on her face. “Hey girl, are you heading home?”

 

“Yeah, finally,” you reply, grinning uneasily.

 

“Great,” says Chris, biting her lower lip. “Can we talk?”

 

You stare incredulously at her. Chris apparently assumes you dread talking to her, because she's quick to add: “Don’t worry, this is not about the fight or anything, I just want to talk to you.”

 

You frown at her for a moment. “Okay?”

 

Chris nods slowly. “You’re blunt and honest, and I think I need that right now.”

 

With a wide grin, you link arms with her and start walking. “I’m gonna take that as a compliment. Do you want to come to my place?”

 

Chris nods slowly, her eyes wide with surprise. “Uh yeah, if that’s okay?”

 

“I’m inviting you, so of course,” you say with a sarcastic undertone, making Chris grin.

 

The tram ride to your place is quiet but not really awkward. Chris tells you that she think she didn’t mess up the German test last week as badly as expected, and asks you if you’re ready for the biology mock exam.

 

“Yes, I am,” you say proudly. “Do you remember Jamilla?”

 

Chris nods with a scared look on her face and you laugh out loud. Then you spend the rest of the way telling Chris about your reunion with one of your oldest friends.

 

“She sounds awesome! I want to meet her,” Chris says when you unlock the front door of your building and hold it for her.

 

“Awh, I’m sure you will,” you say, and feel your heart jump in your chest at the thought.

 

Once you’re in your room, the two of you settle on your bed. You offer Chris a glass of juice, but when you mention that you can’t drink until after ten o’clock, she refuses. “I’m not torturing you, are you kidding?”

 

You just have to hug her for that. “I love you so much, Chris.”

 

“I love you too,” Chris says at your shoulder, returning your hug.

 

Then she clears her throat and moves her head back, folding her hands in her lap. “Okay, so … I have to tell you something. Remember that guy I told you about at the party at Penetrator Chris’ house?”

 

You nod slowly, trying not to think about the rest of that night. “Yeah, the one who’s almost as funny as you?”

 

Chris chuckles quietly and even blushes bright red. “Yeah, he’s not just … funny though.” She giggles nervously, hiding her face in her hands, and you think you’ve never seen Chris so happy before. Not just laughing at funny jokes, but genuinely happy, like her heart is singing.

 

“He makes you happy,” you say and it’s not a question.

 

Nodding enthusiastically, Chris takes both your hands in hers. “He does, Sana, he really does. I become a goddamn cheese ball around him and I even like it.” She rolls her eyes but laughs at the same time, and you can’t help but laugh with her.

 

“So where did you meet him?” you ask and Chris’ eyes dart to the side for a moment before she answers.

 

“Uh, I suppose you remember that evening at Evita, when you and I had to leave early?”

 

You make a face. “I’m afraid I remember, yes.”

 

Chris giggles. “Yeah, but before meeting you guys, I went to get a kebab and I was almost late for our meeting ... if it wasn't for this guy with dark curls and a really cute smile, who let me order before him so I could make it to Evita on time. He demanded my phone number in exchange for the favour and I remember thinking this must be a dream.” She groans at her own words. “Listen to me, I’ve become so sappy!”

 

Both of you giggle at that. “Sappy isn’t so bad,” you tell her, and then ask: “So what’s his name?”

 

You’re surprised to see Chris’ eyes widen in fear at the question. “Uh … it’s … his name is Mutta … Muttassim, actually.”

 

You suck in a breath and stare at her. “Muttassim Tatouti? My brother’s friend? The clown?”

 

Chris makes a face. “Uhu? Is that … I mean I know I asked about Adam, and I kept my promise about not flirting with your brother, but if you …”

 

You hold up both hands and shake your head. “Chris, stop.”

 

She does and stares at you expectantly, so you take a deep breath and go on. “When I said my brother’s friends are idiots … I was talking as a sister, not as an objective person.” You make sure Chris is looking into your eyes before you continue. “Muttassim is very honest and as annoying as he can be, he’s a good person. So don’t worry, really.”

 

Chris beams at you and pulls you into a hug. “Thank you, this means a lot.”

 

“I swear, people keep asking me about my brother’s friends at the moment,” you say without thinking, and Chris moves her head back, looking confused.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Squeezing your eyes shut for a second, you purse your lips and then clear your throat. “Uh, I can’t say … It’s … not my story to tell, but I’m sure you’ll find out eventually. Also, it’s nothing bad, so don’t worry.”

 

Chris nods understandingly, but you can see in her eyes that she fears you don’t trust her. So you make a decision that surprises you.

 

“You know what’s funny?” you ask, smiling softly at her. “I … like one of my brother’s friends as well.”

 

Letting out a giggly squeal, Chris reaches for both of your hands. “Please tell me it’s Yousef!”

 

That reaction surprises you. “How do you know?” you ask, frowning slightly, but unable to hide a smile.

 

“Aah, so it is him?” Chris insists, and when you nod, she pumps her fist in the air.

 

“Yes, so Mutta was right!”

 

“Oh no, please don’t tell me the boys _all_ know about … this mess?” You cover your face with both hands, groaning exasperatedly.

 

“No, no, at least I don’t think so. Mutta just has a feeling that Yousef likes you, and he has no idea how you feel,” Chris explains, and you let out a long breath, looking up at her again.

 

“That’s … okay, I guess.” You look up at her, and Chris’ understanding smile makes all the reasons you kept your crush on Yousef a secret suddenly seem stupid. So you sit up a little straighter and clear your throat.

 

“He’s … Yousef isn’t muslim, you know. But I don’t really care, not anymore,” you begin and Chris nods slowly.

 

“Mutta said that too. That Yousef isn’t muslim but still behaves like Allah would want it, or something,” she says and you grin at her, remembering your brother saying something similar exactly two weeks ago. “I mean, I’m not muslim either, but Mutta says he doesn’t mind.”

 

You lean forward and take her hand. “Who would have thought, huh? You and I both dating boys across different ways of thinking?”

 

Chris laughs brightly and squeezes your hand. “I like it, you know? Hearing about his religion makes me think about things. Like, this week he explained that you fast during Ramadan in memory of Mohammed receiving the Qu’ran. And I don’t know why, but whenever I’m with him, I don’t eat or drink either this month, and not just because I don’t want to torture him. It’s also because I want to show respect in a way, you know? I care about him a lot, and if I can show that by not eating or drinking in his presence while he’s fasting, that’s an easy thing to do.”

 

Nodding incredulously, you stare at Chris for a long moment and then reach out to pull her into a hug. “You’re amazing, Chris, do you know that?”

 

She laughs and hugs you back tightly. “So are you, Sana.”

 

You let go of her again and then take a deep breath. “Okay, so … Yousef thinks pretty much the same as you, actually. We talked for a long time about three weeks ago, and if I hadn’t been so convinced that he and Noora had a thing …”

 

Chris holds up a hand at that. “Wait, what?”

 

Both of you laugh and then you explain the whole silly story about how you thought Yousef and Noora were interested in each other and how long it took you to find out it wasn’t true.

 

When you’re done telling her about the meeting with Noora on Tuesday, Chris sighs heavily and puts a hand on your shoulder. “Sana, why did you not talk to us earlier? I would never believe nasty rumours about you, you must know that?”

 

Suddenly embarrassed, you give her a long look and finally shrug. “I have no idea. I guess I just thought … I thought you guys wouldn’t understand?”

 

Chris’ expression suddenly darkens and she nods slowly, as if she just remembered something. “Yeah, I get what you mean.” She swallows hard and then looks back up at you. “Actually, after that shitty party where Sara showed us the accounts and the recording, Eva asked me to go out and party on Saturday.”

 

She sits up straighter and purses her lips. “I had already made plans with Mutta, so I asked if he could come too. Eva said she didn’t mind and even congratulated me on ‘snatching a balloon boy’, and for a while we actually had a good time. But then, she took a picture of Mutta and me cuddling somewhere in a club and sent it to Isak with the caption ‘Forever alone.’”

 

You make a face. “Ugh, that’s not nice.”

 

Chris nods slowly and rolls her eyes. “That wouldn’t have been so bad, but then Eva and I went to the bathroom together and she said that she’s not surprised that Mutta likes me because ‘in arab cultures, voluptuous women are seen as more desirable.’”

 

Wincing slightly, you put a hand on her arm. “Oh no, I’m so sorry. That’s … bad. I’m sure Eva felt bad though?”

 

Chris nods and takes a deep breath. “She noticed right away and apologised, but I was already angry anyway ... So I told her that I’m fucking tired of being seen as the ‘funny fat friend’ who always knows where to get booze. I’m not just funny, and the fact that I’m not skinny doesn’t define me, either. I’m a person with feelings who happens to have found someone who sees me as a person and is interested in me as such, and not just as a joke. I also told Eva that the reason I never talked about Kasper to you guys was that I always felt you guys didn’t take our relationship seriously.”

 

You feel a little guilty upon hearing that. “The party on that rooftop last summer,” you say quietly. “I laughed at you when I saw you and Kasper kiss. I’m sorry, that wasn’t okay.”

 

Sighing deeply, Chris smiles broadly at you and squeezes your shoulder. “See, you still remember that, but Eva doesn’t. She said she didn’t even think me and Kasper were serious because she only ever saw us make out at parties.”

 

“Did she get that? How unfair that is?” you ask, smiling encouragingly at her.

 

“Kind of, yeah. She apologised and said she wouldn’t mock me and Mutta again. But I think the way she thinks of me won’t just go away.” Chris plays with the strings of her hoodie for a moment, and you take a deep breath.

 

“Gosh, I feel you so much right now,” you say, making Chris look up at you. “I never told you guys about Yousef mostly because I felt you wouldn’t take me seriously. I mean, I’m a muslim, therefore I can’t hook up with anyone, and what kind of guy is still willing to wait until marriage, right?” You look down at your hands, hesitating slightly before you add: “That’s actually why I think Yousef and I won’t work out …”

 

Chris shakes her head at that, taking your hand again. “Listen, if Yousef won’t wait until you’re ready, he’s not worth it. But please, don’t give up on him before you found out where both of you stand.”

 

You can’t help but smile at her, feeling so grateful to have her. “I have no idea what to say to him.”

 

“Well, for starters, you could add him on facebook again,” Chris says and picks up your phone from where you dropped it on the mattress after showing her the screenshots of Sara’s conversations with Isak.

 

“How do you …?” you begin, but interrupt yourself, nodding with knowing grin. “Mutta told you?”

 

Chris nods and puts your phone in your hand. “Yousef talked to Mutta about it, trying to seem casual, but Mutta knew he was hurt. Now add him, please?”

 

Laughing nervously, you open your facebook app and type Yousef’s name into the search bar. Chris watches you intently as you take a deep breath and finally hit the “Add as friend” button.

 

“Yes,” she exclaims and pumps her fist in the air. “Now, once he accepts, promise me you will ask him out, okay?”

 

You laugh again and can’t help but nod. “I might ask for your help with that, but I will try.”

 

Chris nods enthusiastically, but then her phone pings and she digs it out of her pocket. “It’s Vilde.”

 

“Oh, is she talking to you again?” you ask suddenly feeling hopeful.

 

“She reached out to me last night, saying that someone sent the link to that insta account to Magnus.” She frowns at her phone. “And apparently, Magnus won’t believe her that nothing happened between her and Elias.”

 

“Oh no.” Your heart is suddenly thumping uncomfortably. “Ugh, all this is my fault. I should talk to Magnus,” you say, but when you look at Chris again, she shakes her head.

  
“It’s Sara’s fault, and I’m sure she was the one to send that link to him. Also, you and I both saw Elias shortly after that video was taken and can vouch for him. He didn’t sleep with Vilde, he was too wasted.” She seems confident, but you still have your doubts. Still, you want to at least try.

 

“I will see if I can talk to Magnus,” you say, and Chris smiles calmly at you. She is about to say something else, when the doorbell rings.

 

Frowning slightly, you get up from the bed and Chris follows you into the hallway. Opening the front door, you see Jamilla standing there, holding a big folder labelled “Biology.”

 

“Oh, sorry, am I interrupting?” she asks when she sees Chris standing behind you, but you shake your head, stepping aside to let her in.

 

“No no, come in. This is Chris, my best friend at school. Chris, this is Jamilla, my brother’s fiancee and a very good friend of mine,” you say, pointing to Chris, who blushes a bright red and shakes Jamilla’s hand.

 

“Hei, nice to meet you,” she says and both girls smile at each other.

 

“Hei Chris, so good to meet you too,” says Jamilla and then hugs your shoulders. “I brought you my biology notes, just in case you were planning on getting only top marks from now on.”

 

She winks at you and Chris’ eyes go wide. “Ooh, can I have a look at those too?”

 

The three of you laugh and then go back to your room. Both Jamilla and Chris stay over until Mamma comes home. Introducing Chris to your mother makes you so giddy you feel like you could uproot a tree.

 

Chris gets ready to leave soon after that, saying her mother wants her home for dinner, and Jamilla says she wants to pick up Ahmed at work. They both hug you and your mother good-bye and Chris says she hopes you will have a good Iftar, making both Jamilla and your mother stare incredulously at her.

 

After closing the door behind Chris and Jamilla - they decided to go to the tram together since they’re headed in the same direction - you turn to your mother with the biggest grin on your face.

 

“Your friends know about Ramadan? Your non-muslim friends?” Mamma asks, and you’re so happy about how this afternoon went you almost tell her about Chris and Mutta dating. But you catch yourself at the last second.

 

“Chris knows. She’s very smart and kind, you know. I am so lucky to have her.” Letting out a happy squeal, you throw both arms around your mother, who scoffs with surprise but then hugs you back, humming contently at your shoulder.

 

“Masha’Allah, my sweet Sana. You deserve friends like that. And I’m glad you have her, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been told that it's not obvious, so here goes the explanation for this clip: The story Chris tells Sana about the time she went out with Eva and Mutta is the equivalent to Eva spilling her beer on Chris in the trailer. It happened as a direct result of Eva getting hurt by Sara, however it took Sana until now to find out of course.


	79. Episode 7: Thursday, 1st June, 20:36: How have you been?

**_Text: Yousef_ **

_Yousef: Hey girl, what gives me the honour of being added again?_

_Sana: Hi! I just need your help with something._

 

_Yousef: Haha, you do? Tell me all about it._

 

 _Sana:_ _Do you remember that party you and Elias went to, like three weeks ago? Where he got wasted?_

 

_Yousef: Yeah, it’s a dark memory, but it is one. Why?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Do you know if Elias and Vilde hooked up?_

 

_Yousef: Definitely not. Elias was already wasted when we got there. Also, he kept saying he doesn’t_

_want to hook up with Vilde because she has a boyfriend. She was holding him in her_

_arms while I called you and she was a little flustered, but when I pulled him up she_

_said she should call Magnus, who I assume is her boyfriend?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Phew, thank you so much! That’s good to know._

 

_Yousef: No problem. So how have you been?_

 

 _Sana:_ _I’m good, thanks. And you?_

 

_Yousef: I'm alright. Just wondering what I did to make you unfriend me..._

 

 _Sana:_ _I'm sorry Yousef. I will explain everything to you okay? There's just some stuff I have to sort out first._

 

_Yousef: But you and I … are we good? You’re not angry with me or something?_

 

 _Sana:_ _No, I was angry at myself. I want to explain that in person though._

 

_Yousef: Okay, that sounds good. I can wait._

 

 _Sana:_ _Thank you, Yousef._


	80. Episode 7: Friday 2nd June, 0:01: Happy Birthday

**_Text: Eva_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _Hei Eva, I wish you all the best for your birthday! I hope we can talk soon, because I_

_miss you a lot and never meant to hurt you. Sending you a big hug._


	81. Episode 7: Friday 2nd June, 13:43: Done with the bullshit

You’re searching your locker for your biology book - you’d left it there yesterday but just decided to still try to study a bit more over the weekend, just to be safe, when you suddenly hear whispers behind you.

 

Turning around, you see three girls from Sara’s Pepsi Max Gang standing on the other side of the hallway. They stop talking the second you turn around, so you’re sure they’ve been whispering about you.

 

 _For fuck’s sake,_ you think and slam the door of your locker shut. _Will they ever grow the fuck up?_ You want to storm away and focus all your angry energy on a basketball session later, but when you open the front door, you spot Sara standing in the courtyard, and for once, she’s alone, typing on her phone.

 

You might as well take the chance to confront her. So, without thinking, you walk up to her and tap Sara’s shoulder. She looks up and jumps back, but you don’t wait for her to tell you to fuck off.

 

“Alright, whatever it is that’s your problem, I’m done with the bullshit. Can we talk?” Your voice is calm and focused, but you can feel your heartbeat in your ears.

 

Sara stares at you for a long moment, her mouth agape, and when she finally clears her throat, you can’t believe your ears. “Uh, sure. Just not today, I’m waiting for the girls.” She grins half-heartedly, and you're surprised that her expression isn't cruel for once. In fact, she looks almost relieved. “I have my last exam on Wednesday, so how about we meet right here after school?” She pauses, waiting for you to respond, but you’re too stunned to say anything. “Are you off at 15:15 as well?”

 

Nodding your head, you clear your throat. “Uh, yeah. So we meet here then?”

 

Sara purses her lips and nods. “Yeah. But just you and I, okay? I don’t want all five of you yelling at me.”

 

You feel a sharp pain in your heart at that remark. _They won’t even know about any of this._ “No worries, it will be just me.”

 

Nodding slowly, Sara bends down to pick up her bag. “Okay then.”

 

“See ya,” you say weakly and watch her walk away, frowning incredulously. _How can it be this easy?_

 

You can’t shake the thought that Sara might be up to something again. But you decide to focus on the fact that she agreed to talk to you and are already planning which question to ask her first next Wednesday.

 

Everything will be alright in the end, it just has to be.

 

And just when you get to the gate, you see Magnus and Mahdi standing in a corner. Magnus looks upset and Mahdi is apparently trying to cheer him up. _Why not?_ you think to yourself and walk up to them.

 

“Hei,” you say hesitantly and wave your hand at the two boys. Magnus looks surprised but Mahdi turns around and smiles kindly at you.

 

“Hello, you’re Sana, right?” he asks and you nod curtly before looking at Magnus.

 

“I just wanted to say something. I know about the insta-account in Vilde’s name where someone posted a video of her and Elias.” Magnus frowns at you, but the look in his eyes tells you he’s intrigued.

 

“Elias is that fucker’s name. Good to know whom I will be beating up if I ever see him,” he says darkly, and you raise your eyebrows, glowering at him.

 

“Careful, that’s my brother you’re talking about.”

  
That makes Magnus stare blankly at you. “What?”

 

“My brother, yes. He was only at that party for about half an hour until his friend dragged him out. I helped his friend bring him home, and trust me, he was in no state to hook up with anyone. Plus, he kept saying he can’t touch Vilde because she has a boyfriend. Also, my brother’s friend heard Vilde say she had to call you right when he left with Elias. So I’m positive nothing happened, okay?”

 

You take a deep breath and make sure Magnus is looking into your eyes before you add: “Magnus, Vilde loves you. She talks about how happy she is with you all the time, there is no way she’d ever cheat on you.”

 

“Okay, thanks,” Magnus says hesitantly and purses his lips. “I … I guess I should talk to her then.”

 

“Yes, you should,” Mahdi chuckles and punches Magnus’ upper arm. “I told you, that video looked like someone made it to mess with your girlfriend, man.”

 

You nod and smile gratefully at Mahdi. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that.”

 

"Thank you," Magnus says, smiling hesitantly. You nod your head and then turn to leave.

 

"No problem. See you around, boys."

 

Both boys wave at you and you wave back before walking off, thinking that for today, you’ve done enough things that make your heart race.


	82. Episode 8: Saturday 3rd June, 11:04: You’ll come up with something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glossary for Episode 8
> 
> Halwa Chebakia a Moroccan sesame cookie which is folded into a flower  
>  shape, fried and then coated with honey.
> 
> Asr The third prayer of the five daily prayers, prayed during the afternoon.
> 
> Allahu Akbar “Allah is great.”

You’ve slept surprisingly well. After Suhoor, you went to bed again and woke up only an hour ago, despite the millions of thoughts racing through your head. _Alhamdulillah for giving me peace to sleep._

 

For the past twenty minutes, you’ve been looking at old pictures of you and the girls on facebook, wishing everything was as it used to be. Since Eva still hasn't replied to your birthday text, you have started doubting everything again, and until now you haven’t gotten up the courage to talk to her. You considered calling Chris and asking for her advice, but she texted you last night saying Mutta was taking her to the cinema, and you couldn’t ruin her evening with your whining.

 

With a deep sigh, you close your laptop and get up from your bed, leaving your room. You’re not surprised to find Elias in the living room, sprawled out on one of the couches, his laptop on his stomach.

 

“Hei,” you say softly, and Elias looks up with a nod as you sit down across from him.

 

“Hei. Did you sleep okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m already hungry again though,” you reply, making your brother scoff.

 

“Tell me about it. Somehow this year is harder than last year.”

 

You grin weakly and then take a deep breath. “Elias, have you texted Even?”

 

Elias freezes, staring blankly at you. “No, I haven’t. I thought I’d wait for him to be ready to reach out, you know?”

 

Nodding slowly, you bite your lower lip. “I get that, I guess ... .”

 

Now your brother frowns at you, sitting up a little straighter. “Why are you so invested in us being friends again? Do you have a bet going on or something?”

 

You chuckle at that, shaking your head. “I don’t do bets.”

 

Elias still frowns incredulously, his expression almost suspicious now, so you add: “But you could say, I can tell you’re sad about losing one of your friends, and if you’re sad, I’m sad, so there.”

 

A broad smile spreads on your brother’s face and he points a finger at you. “Haha, you just quoted me, little sister.”

 

Both of you laugh at that and then you shrug, trying to seem indifferent. “I have no idea what you mean.”

 

Elias laughs again and then his expression becomes serious. “You are right, though. I should probably text Even.” He takes a deep breath and scratches the back of his head. “I’ll just have to think about what to say.”

 

You smile as kindly as possible and incline your head. “You’re a smart guy, you’ll come up with something," you tell him, getting to your feet again.

 

"I'm open to suggestions?" Elias offers, but you're already walking back to your room, making some weak excuse about having to study.

 

As much as you love your brother, you can't risk telling him more than you feel comfortable sharing. 


	83. Episode 8: Saturday 3rd June, 13:28: Just asking

**_Text: Elias_ **

 

_Elias: I forgot to ask .... what's going on with you and Yousef?_

 

_Sana: None of your business, brother._

 

_Elias: Excuse me, he's my bro and you're my sister, so I think it's very much my business. Especially since he's been walking around_

_with the stupidest grin on his face ever since Thursday evening._

 

_Sana: Very funny. I'm still not telling you._

 

_Elias: But are you going on  a date with him or something? You can't let him suffer for too long you know?_

 

_Sana: Elias, I swear if you don't stop I'll never talk to Yousef again._

 

_Elias: Relax, I'm just asking. Also, I'd like to see you try not talking to Yousef._

 

_Sana: Shut UP!_

 

_Elias: You two are disgustingly cute, you know that right?_

 

_Sana: ...._


	84. Episode 8: Saturday 3rd June, 15:42: If you interfere ...

**_Text: Isak_ **

 

 _Isak:_ _Sana, did you talk to Mags yesterday?_

 

 _Sana:_ _He told you, huh. I hope he believes me?_

 

 _Isak:_ _He says he’s scared what you’ll do to him if he doesn’t._

 

 _Sana:_ _Haha, very funny._

 

 _Isak:_ _No, honestly, I think you convinced him. He felt horrible the past few days and today_

_he seems to be doing much better. So thank you._

 

 _Sana:_ _I didn’t do it just for him._

 

 _Isak:_ _I know. Vilde better talk to you soon._

 

 _Sana:_ _Isak, I swear if you interfere …_

 

 _Isak:_ _Relax, Sana, I won’t. I know you’ll do it right._

 

 _Sana:_ _Thanks Isak._


	85. Episode 8: Sunday 4th June, 14:25: I love rainy Sundays

You’re sitting on your bed, scrolling through instagram and stop when you see a picture of Isak and Even.

 

They’re sitting next to each other, and Even is kissing Isak’s cheek while making the victory sign with his right hand. The caption reads ‘happy pride month, peeps’ and is followed by three hearts in the colours pink, yellow and blue.

 

You smile happily and do a quick google search to find out that the three colours stand for pansexual pride. Since you’re pretty sure that Isak is gay, the flag colours must represent Even’s sexuality. Knowing that he once struggled so much with it, you’re very glad to see how comfortable both he and Isak are with each other - and how obviously they’re still very much in love.

 

Still smiling to yourself you put your phone aside and are about to pull your laptop towards you when you suddenly remember something: You wanted to thank Even for cleaning your locker a few weeks ago. With all the girl drama going on around you, that completely slipped your mind.

 

You think only for a moment before you get up from your bed and go to the kitchen. As expected, Mamma is sitting at the table, solving a crossword puzzle.

 

“Hei,” you say brightly and plant a kiss on Mamma’s hair.

 

She turns around and takes your hand in hers while you sit down next to her. “Hei Sana, how are you doing?”

 

You point to the window - it’s positively pouring outside today - and grin at her. “I love rainy sundays.”

 

Mamma laughs and then gestures to her crossword puzzle. “Me too. Do you want to help me?”

 

Pursing your lips, you think for a moment before you answer. “I’d love to, but Mamma?”

 

“Hm?” she asks, looking at you with fond eyes.

 

“Can you help _me_ with something?”

 

“I can certainly try,” Mamma gives back, gently pinching your cheek. “What’s on your mind?”

 

“Well, there is this friend of mine who did something really nice for me recently, and I want to give something back. So, I was thinking I could make some Halwa Chebakia?”

 

Mamma puts down her pen and her smile grows impossibly wider. “Oh, that’s a wonderful idea, and of course I will help you!” She hesitates for a moment before she adds: “Are you sure your friend likes Moroccan pastry though?”

 

You scowl at her. “Mamma, do you think I’d be friends with people who don’t like Moroccan pastry? Such people cannot be trusted.”

 

Laughing out loud, Mamma puts an arm around you. “That’s true, I guess.”

 

She then gets up and opens the cupboard above the stove, starting to look for ingredients. “Is it that girl Chris who was here on Thursday? She seemed so nice.”

 

“No, actually … it’s a boy, and you know him already.” The words tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them, and you’re suddenly very glad Elias and his friends aren’t here today. 

 

Mamma turns around, raising both eyebrows at you. “Oh? Who is it then? And is he really just a friend or …”

 

“Don’t worry, Mamma, he’s dating ... someone. And ... it’s Even, actually,” you tell her, watching her face carefully.

 

Mamma’s face lights up. “Even Bech Naesheim?”

 

You nod with a small smile on your lips, and Mamma almost squeals. “Oh, how wonderful. I miss having him around, he's the only man I know who can bake proper baklava!”

 

You laugh at that. “Yes, I remember you rubbing Pappa’s nose in that fact every time Even helped you cook.” Pausing for a moment, you consider telling Mamma about Isak, but think better of it. “Anyway, since he goes to Nissen now, we’ve become quite good friends.”

 

“That’s wonderful, Sana.” Mamma walks across the kitchen to the fridge, still smiling broadly. “May I ask what he has done for you to deserve Halwa Chebakia? I don’t remember you ever volunteering to bake for anyone.”

 

Biting your lower lip, you look at her for a long moment before you clear your throat. “Do you remember that fight I had with Jamilla last year?”

 

Mamma turns around with the butter dish in her hand, frowning slightly. “Yes. But I don’t remember what it was about exactly.”

 

So you tell your mother the whole story again, not leaving anything out like you did the first time you told her. She gasps when you tell her about the “Sharmuta” smearing on your locker and asks if the teachers have taken action.

 

“No … but Even did,” you say, smiling happily. “He cleaned my locker with nail polish and left a little note to let me know it was him.”

 

Mamma covers her mouth with her hand, staring at you incredulously. “Masha’Allah, I always knew that boy has a heart of gold,” she says then and you get up to hug her.

 

“He really does, Mamma,” you say quietly, and Mamma kisses your forehead.

 

“You know, I think I owe you an apology,” Mamma says quietly, making you frown.  
  
“For what?”

 

“For what I said about your non-muslim friends.” Mamma moves her head back to look into your eyes. “I never said that to Elias about Even, and I can’t say it’s only because Even is good at cooking Moroccan food.”

 

“Mamma, it’s okay, really …” you begin, but your mother holds up a hand, shaking her head.

 

“Let me finish. I always trusted you, and just because you’re becoming a woman now, I shouldn’t just stop trusting you. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a mother’s right to worry …” she smiles gently and cups your face with one hand. “But you and Elias are both mature and smart enough to make your own choices. I understand that now.”

 

“Mamma,” you croak, swallowing hard and throwing both arms around her. “I know I can be stubborn, but please always tell me what you think.”

 

Mamma gently disengages herself from you and nods, her eyes looking a little glassy. “I will, I promise.”

 

And then, she giggles slightly, touching your shoulder and pointing to the ingredients on the counter. “So, are you ready?”

 

You giggle and pull a hesitant grimace. “Uh, I will need a _lot_ of help, though.”

 

The next two hours fly by, as you and Mamma make the Moroccan pastry you know Even likes a lot. You don’t remember the last time you laughed so much with your mother, and it feels so good. By the time you put the Halwa Chebakia in the oven, you have flour and sesame seeds all over your hands and face, but you feel blissfully happy from the inside out.

 

“I think you’re better at cooking than you think,” Mamma says and picks a few sesame seeds from your hijab.

 

Smirking at her, you lean over the sink to wash your hands. “Technically, this is baking.”

 

Mamma laughs again and when you turn off the faucet, she pulls you into a hug. “Do you think Even would like to come visit us some time?” she asks quietly, but you can hear the worry in her voice. You have no idea how much she knows about the incident last year, but you know it hurt her when Even suddenly stopped coming over.

 

With a deep sigh, you move your head back and cross your hands in Mamma’s back. “I’m sure he’d love to. He just has to sort out some things first.”

 

You look into Mamma’s eyes, and just like your brother, she understands that you can’t tell her more than that. “Oh, alright then,” she says and nods. So you bury your face at her shoulder, breathing her in.

 

“How long do those things have to be in the oven?” you ask and then let go of your mother, grinning at her. “I don’t want to burn them.”

 

“I already set the kitchen alarm, don’t worry,” Mamma laughs. “This was a great idea, Sana. Why don’t you go find a small box to put some of the pastry in for Even? We can have the rest for Iftar.”

 

You wink at her and nod. “Aha, that’s why you doubled the amounts in the recipe. I like the way you think.”

 

Mamma’s cheerful laugh follows you into the living room, and you think that making Halwa Chebakia for Even may  just be the best idea you’ve had all year.

 


	86. Episode 8: Monday 5th June, 09:54: We need a date

Technically you would be off today since it’s Pentecost Monday, but the school offers a two hour exam prep course, and since you can use every chance to practice, you have to go.

 

You’ve barely entered the school yard when Chris walks over, linking arms with you. “Hey girl, you ready for the prep course?”

 

Rolling your eyes, you smile weakly at her. “As ready as I’ll ever be, and you?”

 

“Yeah, should be okay,” she says and then points to your usual table, where to your surprise, the rest of the girls are sitting, all of them looking uncomfortable.

 

“Don’t worry, I don’t wanna sort things out now, but we need a date,” Chris says and pats your arm.

 

And with that, she steps up to the table, clearing her throat. You follow her and sit down on the right side, where Vilde is cowering, arms wrapped around herself and eyes glued to the table. She looks up and tries to smile at you for a second and then all four of you look at Chris, who claps her hands together, looking determined. “Alright, ladies, I don’t want to make a fuss, but I will also not accept contradictions.”

 

You exchange a look with Noora, who smiles encouragingly and then puts her arm around Eva. Vilde looks a little lost, but she still manages a weak smile at Chris, who scowls at all four of you before going on. “We will meet at my place on Wednesday at six. I checked with all of you separately, no one has plans, so no excuses! I want us to sort everything out, and mum will make dinner for all of us. So yeah, just … be there.”

 

She throws up her hands with another scowl and you can’t help but grin at her. So that’s why she asked you on Sunday via text if you wanted to come over on Wednesday. You should have known.

 

“I’m in,” you say with a shrug.

 

“Me too,” says Noora, squeezing Eva’s shoulder.

 

“Alright, count me in,” Eva mutters with a hesitant look at Noora, who smiles happily. Vilde clears her throat, hesitatingly looking at the four of you before she speaks.

 

“Uh, I guess I can come, too,” she finally says, sounding so small and afraid, you wish you had the courage to just get up and hug her.

 

“Alright, that’s settled then,” says Chris and nods, a satisfied expression on her face. “I wish you all good luck with this .. whatever this course is, and I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

 

With that, she sits down across from you while Vilde gets up, mumbling something about going to the bathroom. Eva and Noora leave as well, Noora announcing that they want to reserve good spots in the classroom, and then you’re alone with Chris.

 

“We should go inside,” you say, but Chris shakes her head, a curious grin on her face.

 

“First, you tell me how things are going with Yousef,” she demands, winking at you, and you can’t help but laugh a little.

 

“I texted him on Thursday, saying I want to sort out things with Eva and Vilde first, but that I will explain everything.”

 

Chris nods slowly, looking impressed. “That’s a start I guess. Just don’t leave him hanging for too long.”

You chuckle at that, shaking your head. “No, I won’t. I think after Wednesday, the drama should be over so …” You hesitate for a second before you go on. “I’m meeting Sara after school then, so I hope she and her goons will leave us alone after that?”

 

Chris’ eyes go wide. “Oh wow. How .. I mean when …?”

 

“I ran into her after school on Friday and decided to confront her.” You frown to yourself and then add. “She agreed to meet me on Wednesday  because she has her last exam then. I mean, I think it’s weird she agreed to it so quickly, but well .. I just want to know why she did what she did.”

 

Nodding slowly, Chris gets up and you follow her to the main entrance of the A-building. “I really hope she’ll leave us alone after that.”

 

“Same,” you sigh and link arms with Chris, opening the door for you both. “I can’t wait for things to go back to normal.”

 

Both of you laugh at that, and Chris sighs deeply. “Well, at least back to _our_ kind of normal.”

 


	87. Episode 8: Monday 5th June, 15:47: I believe you

**_Text: Isak_ **

 

 _Isak:_ _Hey Sana, I gave Even the pastry and he’s already eaten half of them. I tried some too, and_ _they’re really good. Did you make them yourself?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Awh, I’m glad. Yes, I did._

 

 _Isak:_ _Even says they taste like the ones your mother makes ..._

 

 _Sana:_ _Fine, my mum helped, but I did most of the work, okay?_

 

 _Isak:_ _Relax, I believe you. Anyway, thanks a lot from Even and me._

 

_Sana:  You are both very welcome._


	88. Episode 8: Tuesday 6th June, 13:57: You're welcome

_**Text: Even** _

 

_Even:  Hey Sana, I wanted to personally thank you for the Halwa! It was spectacular! Say thank you to your mum for me as well, okay?_

 

_Sana: Will do, I'm glad you liked them!_

 

__Even: Also, thank you for being the most loyal little sister ever._ _

 

__Sana: Whom are you calling little? Also you're welcome._ _

 

 _ _Even: Do you really want to start__ that _ _argument again?__

 

__Sana: Shut up._ _

 

__Even: <3 _ _

 

__Sana: <3_ _

 


	89. Episode 8: Tuesday 6th June, 16:38: You’re a good person

With the biology mock exam finally behind you, it’s harder to find something to distract yourself with. Both your hunger and the fear of the conversation with Sara _and_ the talk with the girls tomorrow are threatening to swallow you up. Checking your phone, you’re relieved to see it’s time for Asr, so you decide to pray to get your mind to relax.

 

After the prayer, you feel much better already. Taking a deep breath, you flop down on your bed and reach for your phone. You have a new message from Vilde, which makes your heartbeat speed up instantly.

 

 _Vilde:_ _Hei Sana. I just wanted to say thank you. Mamma told me you brought her home_

_a while ago, and Magnus and I just made up after he told me you’d convinced him_

_that I didn't cheat on him. I’m still confused with everything that happened, but I_

_really want to hear your side of everything. Also, I believe you are a good person._

 

The phone falls out of your hand and you launch yourself at your biggest pillow, hugging it close to your chest. Tears of joy run down your face and you let out a half-laugh, half-sob, feeling as if the weight of the world has just been lifted off your shoulders.

 

After a while, you let go of the pillow and pick up your phone, wiping your face with your free hand, and type a reply.

 

 _Sana:_ _Vilde, thank you for texting me! I loved meeting your mother, and I hope she’s_

_doing better! And I’m glad Magnus listened to me. I’ll always have your back,_

_and I can’t wait for all five of us to talk on Wednesday._

 

Vilde replies almost instantly, making you smile.

 

 _Vilde:_ _< 3 See you then, Sana :-) _

 

Dropping your phone on the mattress again, you take a deep breath and close your eyes. You can’t help but remember the conversation you had with Jamilla last week about doubting your faith. And it almost feels like Vilde’s text arrived as Allah’s reply to your prayer, even though you hadn’t even asked Him for anything. “Allahu Akbar,” you whisper quietly, realising that your heart feels so full of hope you could sing.

 

You jump up from your bed and decide to go outside for a walk. It's a beautiful day and you are finally sure that everything will be okay again.


	90. Episode 8: Wednesday 7th June, 13:19: You can do this!

**_Text: Chris_ **

 

 _Chris:_ _Didn’t see you today, are you alright?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Hiding out in the library and trying to make time pass._

 

 _Chris:_ _When are you meeting Sara?_

 

 _Sana:_ _At 15:15._

 

 _Chris:_ _You can do this! Remember, she’s a bitch, you’re a badass._

 

 _Sana:_ _Haha, thank you Chris. I will remember that._

 

 _Chris:_ _No problem. Let me know how it goes._

 

 _Sana:_ _Will do! <3_


	91. Episode 8: Wednesday 7th June, 15:26: Are you sure you still have friends?

You’re sitting on the bench in the corner of the courtyard, nervously tapping your foot. This morning, you made sure to put on the darkest make-up possible - black eyeliner and thick mascara as well as pitch black lipstick. You’re wearing wide, black pants, and a black longshirt under a black short-sleeved sweater, and of course, your hijab is black too. Black has always been your armour, and you’ve never needed it more than today.

 

When Sara turns the corner, you’re relieved to see she actually is alone. You didn’t expect her to stick to your agreement to meet up without any of your or her friends backing either of you up.

 

But your relief is short-lived, because Sara has barely crossed half the courtyard when six more girls appear behind her, and before you can so much as consider running away, the seven of them are standing in front of you in a half-circle, blocking your way out.

 

“Well, look who we have here,” Sara sneers, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “If it isn’t the badass muslim conspirator.”

 

You feel bile rise up in your throat, as Sara and her friends laugh, but somehow you manage to swallow your fear and get to your feet, crossing your arms as well. “I thought we were going to do this like grown-ups, Sara,” you say, relieved to hear your voice is much steadier than your heartbeat.

 

“I’m a grown-up with real friends, you’re … someone without friends, so …” Sara says with a shrug, making her girls laugh, and you have to fight the urge to spit an insult at her.

 

“Whatever, can you just tell me what it is I did to you to make you lash out not only at me but also at Vilde and Eva, who both never did anything to you? I’d like for us to move on, this is getting ridiculous.”

 

Sara bites her lip and then stares at you with the same hateful look she gave you at Penetrator Chris’ party. A cold shiver runs down your spine and you lean at the table behind you to steady yourself.

 

“Where should I start? There is so much you and your friends - or should I say, former friends - messed up for us …” Sara puts a finger to her lip and pretends to think for a moment, and then looks up at you.

 

“For starters, Vilde was just a means to an end: We needed to get dirt on Eva, mainly pictures for the Tinder account, and we needed you and her to come to a party where we were as well. And when we noticed she wasn’t hanging out with you guys anymore we knew we had to take our chance." The vile smirk on Sara's face makes you want to slap her, but you keep it together as she goes on. "Vilde’s stupid as fuck, so it was easy. Making that insta account was just a little extra. She was so embarrassing at that party with your brother …”

 

Sara and her friends laugh at that before she continues. “We figured it's a little payback for Vilde almost ruining our bus in first year, with her ridiculous suggestions and her fucking stupidity. Oh, and later we found out that her mother is an embarrassing drunk! How we ever let her join our bus is beyond me. And of course, she made an even bigger fool of herself by dating that _imbecile_... I have never seen an uglier couple, there really should be a law against that kind of thing …”

 

Sara’s friends are still laughing, but you feel sick to your stomach. _How can someone be so evil?_  But somehow you manage to take a deep breath and close your eyes instead of punching Sara.

 

When you open them again, Sara is watching you with a cruel smile. Pursing your lips, you incline your head and decide to get this over with as fast as possible.

 

“What about Eva?” You look at Ingrid, who is the only one of the six girls who seems to be not entirely comfortable with the situation. “I thought you and Eva were on good terms again?”

 

Ingrid bites her lip with a guilty-conscious expression on her face, but before she can say anything, Sara groans angrily.

 

“Ugh, Eva became the official school slut the second she hooked up with Jonas, but that’s not why we hate her. It’s like I said, Ingrid forgave her, so I don’t mind her whoring around.”

 

She pauses for a second, apparently unsure what to say next. You’re about to ask why she decided to hurt Eva and blame you for it when she goes on. “But what she’s done with Chris is just downright disgusting.”

 

You frown at that. “Why would you care about Chris? He doesn’t go here anymore?”

 

“He’s a really sweet guy, you know, and Eva’s just using him. She kept hooking up with him and still called him a ‘fuckboy’, making him feel miserable about himself. He actually had feelings for her at one point, but when she completely discarded him to be with a GIRL …”

 

You almost gasp at that but catch yourself at the last second. Noora said she’s in love with a girl who isn’t ready for people to know … and Noora and Eva have been spending a lot of time together .. could it be …

 

“Let’s just say, she broke his pride and ruined his reputation in one move, and if that’s not disgusting, I don’t know what is,” Sara finishes angrily, scowling at you as if it was your fault Eva isn’t in love with Chris. You’re about to ask why Sara cares about Chris so much when it falls like scales from your eyes.

 

“You’re in love with him,” you say quietly, trying very hard to sound confident although you almost feel dizzy with the two  realisations that just hit you.

 

Sara clenches her teeth. “So what? At least I don’t fuck every boy I meet only to mock all of them by hooking up with a girl after?” You’re relieved to notice Sara obviously doesn’t know who Eva is with, because that means she can’t out Eva against her will.

 

“Well, I guess Eva can’t help what she feels - or doesn’t feel for Chris,” you finally say, earning dirty looks from Sara and her friends. But before she can spit a reply, you add: “I suppose your reason for attacking me isn’t any more logical. What have _I_ done to you to merit this elaborate scheme you came up with to frame me for what you did to my friends?”

 

The second the question leaves your lips, Sara’s smile becomes cruel and you feel your stomach fall. It’s obvious Sara is proud and happy about what she did to you, and if you didn’t already know that at least two of your four friends aren’t buying Sara’s lies anymore, you would be terrified.

 

“Ah, now we get to it,” Sara says and her friends giggle excitedly as she stands up straighter and clears her throat. “You see, I was willing to overlook the fact that you threw water in Ingrid’s face last year for something that didn’t concern you. As I said, Ingrid forgave Eva, and since that happened, we kind of let go of everything you guys did to us in first year.”

 

You want to yell at her that none of you ever did anything to her personally, but you manage to swallow your anger, biting the inside of your cheek and waiting for Sara to go on.

 

“But then you went and called the cops at my party? Just because a girl I don’t even know who is stupid enough to subject herself to the patriarchal bullshit that is your religion was asked legitimate questions by my friends? We almost got arrested because someone was smoking pod in my backyard and the cops smelled it when they arrived, and I know they didn’t just casually stroll through my neighbourhood, so don’t even try to deny it.”

 

Now that’s something you didn’t expect. “I didn’t call the cops?" you say calmly, frowning at her. "All I did was stand up for someone your friends were bullying for no other reason than her religion and choice of clothing. I led her outside, talked to her for a bit and then left,” you defend yourself, but Sara shakes her head and goes on.

 

“Stop lying, Sana. We know it was you.” She sighs exasperatedly and throws up her hands, fixating you with an angry glare. “Why do you even go to parties? Do you want to show the rest of us how immoral we’re being? No one cares that you don’t drink, hook up or do anything else that is normal for people our age. Why do you have to try and ruin the best time of our lives for the rest of us just because you chose to waste it?”

 

You know you shouldn’t care, but Sara’s words hurt nonetheless. She’s dead wrong of course and like many others, she has no idea what your religion means to you and why you chose to live the way you do. But maybe that’s exactly why it hurts to hear how she thinks - because you know that many people think alike.

 

Realising that your confidence is fading, you decide to ask the last remaining question, to get it over with. “Believe what you want about that, I really don’t care,” you say, and this time your voice is shaking a little. You clear your throat before you go on. “Just one last thing: How did you know about the email I sent to William?”

 

A malicious grin tugs at Sara’s lips and she flips her hair over her shoulder. “Well, unlike Eva, I actually care about what Chris has to say, you know,” she begins and you instantly know where this is going.

 

“After Eva told him she couldn’t date him because she was in love with a girl, he came to me.” Her expression becomes arrogant, and you can tell she thinks she sort of saved Chris from Eva. You would feel pity for her, in any other situation for falling for a guy like Chris.

 

Sara then fixates you with an angry glare. “And after he and I both got drunk, he told me that William went through something similar just shortly before. He told me that William got an email from Noora, saying she wanted him back. So he came to Oslo, hoping to get back together with the girl he loved, only to find out that YOU sent that email to mess with him. You embarrassed him so horribly! He came here to make a big romantic gesture, only to get dumped by Noora? Do you have any idea how cruel that is?”

 

You purse your lips, biting back a remark about the irony in Sara’s words. _Says the girl who plays cruel pranks on people she hardly knows because she has a crush ..._ Instead, you clear your throat and try to sound as neutral as possible. “Thank you for telling me,” you say and Sara stares at you incredulously, but you go on without waiting for a reply. “I don’t really care if you think I called the cops on you, but hopefully you can leave me and my friends alone now that you have taken revenge on me, Vilde and Eva?”

 

Sara smirks maliciously and looks around at her friends before raising her eyebrows at you. “You really think you still have _friends_?”

 

Her voice is cold and you feel another shiver run down your spine. But before you can reply, Sara continues. “Spending time with Vilde to get the material we needed may have been annoying, but we learned a lot about what she and the others think of you. Did you know Vilde still blames you for ruining her chances with William? Sure, Noora is the one who ended up dating him, but she says you completely crushed her confidence by telling her he’s not into her and saying she has no integrity, and so on and so forth.” Sara and her friends laugh at that, and your heart is suddenly thumping uncomfortably. But Sara isn’t done.

 

“She also told us that Eva feels very uncomfortable partying with you because you always seem to give her judgmental looks when she hooks up with boys. I mean, I told you what I think of that, but if your so-called friends see it the same way … are you sure you wouldn’t be better off in the muslim version of a convent or something? I’m sure there is such a thing, I mean muslims love nothing more than locking women up and telling them what to do, don’t they?”

 

Without warning, you’re suddenly close to tears. Hearing Sara rant at you like this not only reminds you of the party three weeks ago where she exposed you in front of your closest friends. It also reminds you of the bullying you endured at your old school. Just like after that damn party, you are struggling to breathe and fighting tears. You’re trying hard to find a believable reason to leave before you actually start crying in front of Sara and her gang.

 

“Oh my God, are you crying?” Sara asks, smirking coldly while her friends start giggling, and just when the first tear escapes your eye you suddenly hear voices from the nearby street. Trying to ignore the laughter of Sara and her friends, it takes you a moment to realise the voices are shouting your name.

 

“SANA, SANA, come here!”

 

Turning your head, you see a red minivan approaching, and when it comes to a halt at the gate, you see Vilde, Eva and Noora hanging out of the windows, waving their arms and screaming your name over and over again.

 

The side of the bus is labelled “LOS LOSERS” with white tape, and somewhere in the back of your head you realise that this must be the bus Chris said she might be able to come by. But that doesn’t matter right now.

 

A wide smile spreads on your face and you pick up your backpack from the bench next to you. Pushing past Sara and her friends, you only briefly notice their stunned faces. On wobbly knees, you run over to the bus and once you’re close enough, Vilde reaches out to frame your head with both hands and plants a kiss on your forehead.

 

“Hi, you look so beautiful,” she says and looks into your eyes with an expression that makes you want to cry. You briefly close your fingers around her wrists and smile back, unable to say anything.

 

The door to the back of the van is open now and you’re faced with Noora and Eva, grinning broadly at you and both of them gesture at the inside, Eva saying “Look what we got,” at the same time as Noora calls: “Can you believe this?” Despite feeling completely overwhelmed, you take a look at the van and notice that it may be tiny, but the inside is decorated with colourful, blinking LED lights and a nice white leather bench.

 

Looking into Eva’s face, you see traces of tears on her cheeks and when she catches your eye, she moves forward to wrap you in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry,” she murmurs at your ear, and now you’re really crying.

 

“It’s okay,” you breathe back and then let go of her to hug Noora and simultaneously high-five Chris who is leaning over from the driver’s seat.

 

She winks at you with a wide grin, and when you move back she turns around to grab the steering will and calls: “Finally, we’re complete. Get in, Sana!”

 

So you climb into the van, right in between Noora and Eva who both wrap an arm around you while Noora shuts the door. You’re just about to ask how they got the van when you hear Vilde’s loud and angry voice yelling at Sara and the Pepsi Max Gang.

 

“If you fuck with Sana, you fuck with us.” She leans far out of the window and points both middle fingers at the group,and Eva stretches both arms out of the rear window, doing the same.

 

“Bitches,” both Eva and Vilde yell at the Gang and then Chris starts the engine.

 

As soon as the van turns the corner, you feel like you’re leaving behind every horrible thing you’ve done and every hurtful thing that was done to you in the past few weeks. You’re back where you belong, with the official losers of the school, and you’ve never been happier.


	92. Episode 8: Wednesday 7th June, 16:43: Talk about everything

“Alright, so since we’re all here now, why don’t we start talking?” Chris says just as Noora comes back from the kitchen with a steaming pot of tea in one hand and five mugs in the other.

 

Chris has taken you on a brief city tour with your new bus, during which you gave them a quick run-down of what happened with Sara. The girls all cursed about Sara and her bitches and cheered when you told them what you said back to them, and then Noora suggested you go to her place, since it’s not as far away as Chris’ home. Now, all five of you are sitting on the floor of Noora’s room in a circle, you in between Vilde and Eva, facing Noora and Chris.

 

“Yes, let’s do it,” says Eva and winks at you, making you suck in a breath. You still can’t quite believe that she’s no longer angry with you. “Why don’t we start by explaining to Sana how today happened?”

 

Chris, Eva, Noora and Vilde all laugh and you can’t help but join in. “Sure, let’s do that,” says Vilde and takes your hand. “So, it all started with me running into Isak this morning after English,” she begins, smiling so warmly you almost start crying again.

 

“He asked me if I’d talked to you yet, and I said I was meeting all of you later today. Somehow that made him think I still didn’t believe you were innocent. Because he launched into quite a speech about how Sara was the meanest bitch ever and that we should finally try and understand you better instead of ignoring you all the time …”

 

You squeeze Vilde’s hand to make her look at you. “Wait, Isak told you that?” you ask, staring at her incredulously.

 

Both Eva and Vilde chuckle at that. Noora sets down a steaming mug of tea in front of you and hands one to Eva, Vilde and Chris as well. All four of you smile gratefully at Noora and then Vilde clears her throat.

 

“Yes, he did. And then he showed me some screenshots of his old conversations with Sara, where she insulted you, me and a bunch of other people for the most random things, just to have a reason to be angry.” Vilde sighs and puts down her mug to reach for your other hand, looking into your eyes. “I should have known before that, but seeing those messages made me realise how stupid I’ve been. I am so sorry for ever thinking you would do something like make a fake instagram account, Sana!”

 

Squeezing Vilde’s hands, you lean forward and clear your throat, your eyes swimming with tears.“I wasn’t always nice to you, though. For example last year when I told you William isn’t into you .. I could have been kinder.”

 

Vilde frowns at you for a moment and then gasps. “Oh no, Sara told you that I complained about that, didn’t she?”

 

Pursing your lips, you pick up your mug from the floor, thinking that Vilde really is much more perceptive than people give her credit for. “Yes, how did you know?”

 

“Ugh, I hate her,” Vilde exclaims and takes a sip of her tea before looking into your eyes again. “I told her that stuff to suck up to her after the fight with you guys happened … But, I mean, you weren’t being a bitch about William … you were just .. right.” She looks down at her hands, and you reach out to touch her lower arm.

 

“It was still harsh of me, Vilde.” Both of you sigh deeply and then you add: “How about you just ask me questions if you wonder about my religion or something, and I try to answer nicely instead of like the grumpy bitch I am sometimes?”

 

Vilde laughs softly and pulls you into a hug, pressing a kiss to your hijab. “Deal. And I will listen to you and believe what you say. ‘Fuck clichés and stereotypes’ is what Isak said to me, and I believe he’s right.”

 

“Isak really is amazing, huh?” says Eva and you huff out a laugh, nodding in agreement.

 

Vilde grins happily, still holding on to you and looks into your eyes. “By the way, you’re my favourite grumpy bitch ever,” she says, and all five of you start laughing.

 

You wrap your arms around Vilde’s waist and kiss her cheek. “And you’re my favourite naive romantic,” you murmur quietly, making her giggle.

 

When you let go of Vilde, Noora clears her throat. You look up to see her frowning at you. “Sana, did you ask Sara how she knew about the email you sent to William? Did you talk about that to Jamilla when Laila was listening?”

 

Blinking several times, you stare at her. “Uh, she said William told Chris and Chris told her.” You chuckle mirthlessly, remembering the utter confusion you felt when you realised the main reason Sara lashed out at Eva was because she has feelings for a fuckboy. “She’s kind of in love with him and that’s why she wanted to hurt you,” you add, looking at Eva.

 

Eva bursts out into giggles, but Noora covers her face with her hands with an exasperated groan. “You mean to tell me that bitch lashed out at you, Vilde _and_ Eva because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut?”

 

You raise your eyebrows and reach out to remove Noora’s hands from her face and look into her eyes. “I didn’t expect you _not_ to tell William it was me? I mean, how else would you have explained that you don’t want him back?”

 

Noora shakes her head and takes both your hands in hers. “I had no idea, Sana! I’m so sorry!”

 

“It’s alright, Noora, I guess I deserved it …” you begin, but now Eva interrupts.

 

“Oh my God, you definitely didn’t deserve that, are you kidding!” She makes sure you’re looking into her eyes, but then she frowns. “Wait, that reminds me: Why did Sara do all this shit with the insta- and tinder account and the recording?” she asks, looking at you. “Was it just because you defended that girl at her party and because I was hooking up with Chris? That doesn’t explain why she attacked Vilde though.”

 

Taking a deep breath, you nod at the four of them. “That’s right, I didn’t tell you.” You look at Vilde, who is looking at her knees, seemingly embarrassed. “Vilde …” You scoot a little closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder. She looks up at you with fear in her eyes, so you smile gently and cup her cheek with your free hand before you go on. “Sara said she saw that you weren't hanging out with us anymore ... “ You hesitate for a moment, pursing your lips and brushing a strand of hair out of Vilde’s face.

 

“She said you were stupid and therefore easy to manipulate. The only reason she and her friends took you in was so you would talk us into going to that party so she could expose us. And the insta account was just a ‘little extra’ to make sure you would hate me too, I guess.”

 

Vilde sucks in a breath and then shrugs. “She's right, though. I am stupid.”

 

“No, Vilde, you’re not.” Shaking your head, you smile at her and then pull her into a hug again. “You're a naive romantic but not stupid, okay?”

 

Giggling slightly, Vilde nods at your shoulder. “You always had my back, Sana, even when I was a bitch to you. I can't believe my luck sometimes.”

 

You move your head back and feel yourself blush a little. “You're such a strong person, Vilde. I’m glad to have you as a friend.” Looking into Vilde’s eyes, you see that she can see in your eyes what you’re not saying out loud. _What you do for your mother is amazing._

 

Vilde lets go of you and wipes her eyes, smiling brightly. You smile back and then turn to the other three, raising your mug to your lips. “So how did you guys get that bus? Was it you?” you ask in Chris’ direction.

 

Chris chuckles and puts down her mug, clearing her throat. “One thing after another,” she says, winking at you. “Vilde called me after school and said that Isak told her you were meeting Sara later today.”

 

“Yes,” says Vilde and nods, her eyes wide. “I had overheard Sara telling her _bitches_ that she was going to ‘show the school’s biggest loser who’s boss’ when I got to school this morning. And after what Isak told me, I instantly knew she’d meant you.”

 

“That’s why she then told me we needed to go and get you” Chris chimes in, grinning from ear to ear. “Luckily, my uncle dropped the bus off at my house yesterday. My cousin used it last year and uncle Bjoern spray-painted it red for me before bringing it over. So when Vilde called, I told her to get Noora and Eva to come to my house with her. I then had just enough time to write “Los Losers” on the bus with some tape until they all arrived.”

 

You’re fighting tears of joy, all while smiling so hard the corners of your mouth almost hurt. “That’s why you texted me, isn’t it? To make sure you got the right time?” you ask, looking at Chris across your mug and take another sip of tea.

 

Chris nods slowly, looking very pleased with herself. “That was the best thing we ever did, ladies. We should do such a stunt anytime one of us is in trouble or something, it’s fun!”

 

All five of you laugh at that, cheering in agreement. However, Vilde frowns after a moment, pointing at Noora.

"Speaking of buses: Didn't you say a while back that you could talk to someone about getting one?"

Noora blushes furiously at that and hides her face in her hands. Eva giggles and puts her arm around Noora. "She was going to ask William," she says to all four of you, biting her lower lip. 

 

"Argh," Noora groans from behind her palms before dropping them, a defeated look on her face. "I wanted to try and talk to him ... I have no idea what was going through my head. I was probably trying to ..." She stops herself, looking at Eva, who just smiles kindly and then turns to look at you, Vilde and Chris. "The important thing is that luckily, Noora never actually asked William for anything."

She then clears her throat and touches your arm, making you look up at her. “My turn,” she murmurs and winks at you, her expression warm and kind.

 

“Okay?” you say with a chuckle and squeeze Eva’s hand.

 

Clearing her throat, Eva takes your hand in hers and purses her lips before she goes on. “I agree with Vilde, I should never have believed that it was you who set up that Tinder account.”

 

You pull your hand back and put it up to get a word in. “But I did say that I think you shouldn’t be partying and hooking up all the time,” you tell her, biting your lower lip. “I’m so sorry, that was a very bad thing to say. It wasn’t my place.”

 

Eva gives you a long look and sighs. “I know, I was hurt at first, and I’ll admit it took me a long time to even listen to Noora about why I shouldn’t be so angry with you.” She looks down at the mug in her hands and takes a deep breath, apparently working up courage for something.

 

You look up and see Noora watching Eva with a mix of expectation and affection, and you suddenly remember the realisation you had this afternoon. But before you can start wondering about it again, Eva lets go of her mug and slowly moves her hand to interlock her fingers with Noora’s.

 

Vilde stares at both of them and Chris nods with a knowing smile. You smile too, feeling a weight lift off your chest. _This explains a lot._

 

“Noora and I … we hooked up after we ran away from our kebab date a few weeks ago …,” Eva says hesitatingly, looking first at you, then Vilde, and then Chris, apparently anxious for your reactions.

 

“Oh my God,” Vilde calls out and throws up both hands. “How did we not notice?”

Chris frowns at her, but before she can say anything, Vilde giggles happily. “Dumb question, I was busy being an idiot with the Pepsi Max Gang.”

 

“No, Vilde,” both you and Noora say at the same time, making you all laugh.

 

Vilde then shushes everyone and looks expectantly at Eva and Noora. “Keep talking. What happened next?”

 

Giggling slightly, Noora kisses the back of Eva’s hand and then clears her throat. “Well, at first, Eva thought it just happened because I was angry at William and she was not happy with her situation with Chris.”

 

Eva groans and covers her face with her free hand. “I can’t believe you even _pretended_ to believe that.”

 

Noora leans in and kisses Eva’s cheek. When she pulls away you notice that she can’t seem to stop smiling and you think that both her and Eva have never looked happier.

 

“I was trying to give you time, Eva,” Noora says quietly, and Eva nods, her eyes so full of affection you’re almost tempted to pinch her cheeks.

 

“Anyway, we kissed a few more times during the next two weeks, mostly during ‘study sessions’ for Spanish.” She is now holding Noora’s hand in both of hers, and watches her carefully for a few moments before she goes on. “And then, on the Friday we were going to that damn party at Chris’ house … I made the horrible mistake of mentioning that I could maybe hook up with Chris again.”

 

Noora purses her lips and Eva leans forward to kiss her. It’s just a short peck, but you can tell how much emotion is in that little kiss. Vilde cooes softly and Chris leans back against Noora’s bed, looking proud and content.

 

“I was afraid of what it meant that all I really wanted was to go to that party holding Noora’s hand and kissing her on the dancefloor for everyone to see.” Eva then goes on, her eyes not leaving Noora’s.

 

A little gasp escapes Noora at that, and she reaches out to frame Eva’s face with her hand. “I wanted that, too,” she says quietly, and while you’re very happy for your two friends, you suddenly miss Yousef. Of course you know you shouldn’t … But the way Noora and Eva look at each other reminds you of Yousef’s smile when his eyes meet yours, and it really makes you want to see him again.

 

“So, because I’m a fucking coward,” Eva says, but Noora shakes her head. Smiling softly, Eva kisses Noora’s wrist before she continues. “Naturally, I pushed Noora away, saying hooking up with her was just an experiment, like kissing Vilde last year. Noora then told me to piss off and that she regrets ever making a move on me, and I came to the party on my own.”

 

“So of course, I couldn’t come that night,” Noora says, looking at you. “I wish I had though, since apparently, I might have been able to shut Sara up about the email thing at least.”

 

You wave your hand in a dismissive gesture. “It’s okay, really.”

 

Both Noora and Eva smile gently at you, and then Eva takes a deep breath, looking into your eyes. “Anyway, I came to that party feeling terrible about hurting Noora. And when Sara made her move with the fake Tinder and Insta account and the reveal about the William email and the damn recording … I just lost it. It felt like the whole world was against Noora and me being together. To me, it seemed obvious that you tried to bring Noora and William back together and even I had told her I didn’t want her. Also, the recording of you talking about me hooking up with guys every weekend made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for Noora anyway, since apparently, even my own friend thinks I am a slut.”

 

You reach out to take Eva’s free hand in yours. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am about what I said, Eva. You're not a slut, no matter what anyone says.”

 

Eva looks into your eyes, smiling warmly at you. “I understand, Sana. Noora told me about your talk last week, and I thought for a long time about how we talk over you a lot and don’t really listen to you. Hell, I’m surprised you never yelled at us for being complete and utter idiots.”

 

Shuffling a little closer, you push your and Eva’s mug away to avoid knocking them over and wrap an arm around Eva, leaning your head against hers. “It doesn’t matter, you’re all here now, listening. And I still should not have said that about you, because I had no idea what was going on with you.” For a moment you hesitate before you go on, deciding that you will no longer hide the way you think from your closest friends. “Allah says that we must respect everyone, regardless of how they live their lives. And when I said to Jamilla that I don’t think you should hook up with boys and get drunk so much, I was being unfair and bitter. It hurt to feel left out, and that’s why I let out everything that made me feel like an alien among you guys, but that doesn’t make it okay. It was horrible of me, to judge you girls without really knowing what you were going through.”

 

You let out a long, shivering breath. Hardly ever have you said so much at a time to the girls - or to anyone really. And of course you have never spoken to the girls about your faith, not in this way.

 

So when you look up and find all four of them smiling kindly and feel Vilde’s hand on your shoulder, you feel tears of joy welling up behind your eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak of Allah before,” says Chris, her eyes sparkling.

 

“Is it scary?” you ask her, smiling awkwardly.

 

Rolling her eyes, Chris sighs dramatically. “Horrifying.”

 

The five of you laugh again, and then Vilde touches your lower arm, frowning slightly. “Isn’t Jamilla that girl from the Hijabi police?”

 

Chris laughs at Vilde’s face and you can’t help but chuckle along. “I reached out to her a few weeks ago, and we’re getting along again now,” you tell Vilde.

 

“Oh, great,” Vilde says, smiling happily. “Isn’t it great that we all get along again too now? No more fights and no more misunderstandings.”

 

You’re about to nod when you catch Chris’ eye. She purses her lips and then takes a sip of tea. You want to ask if she and Eva are okay after the fight they had after going out together with Mutta, but then Eva clears her throat.

 

“I owe one last apology,” she murmurs and looks up at Chris. “... to you.”

 

Chris stares at Eva and opens her mouth, most likely to tell her not to bother, but Eva is already going on.

“I know I technically apologised to you once, but that doesn’t count, because we both know I was drunk and didn’t really mean it.”

 

Eva sighs and Chris watches her with an insecure expression on her face. “It was unfair of me to mock you, and you’re right: You are definitely not just our funny fat friend.” She smiles gently at Chris, who blushes slightly and turns her face away. “You’re the mum friend who brought the gang back together, for fuck’s sake,” Eva continues, making all five of you laugh.

 

But then, Vilde looks from Eva to Chris and back with a confused expression, both she and Noora shrugging when their eyes meet.

 

“Are we missing something?” Noora finally asks, making Chris giggle slightly.

 

Eva slaps a hand to her mouth and stares at Chris. “Fuck, that’s right, not everyone knows! I’m sorry, Chris!”

 

But Chris reaches out to pat Eva’s arm with a smile. “I guess that means it’s my turn to tell a story.”

 

Chris sits up a little straighter and turns to face Noora and Vilde, clearing her throat. “I’m … well, I’m together with Mutta.”

 

Noora’s eyes widen with surprise and Vilde squeals happily. Both of them raise their palms, encouraging Chris to give them a high-five. Chris slaps her hands to Noora’s and Vilde’s at the same time, letting out an uncharacteristic, excited giggle.

 

“Chris, that’s awesome,” says Noora, looking genuinely happy for Chris. “But what does that have to do with what Eva said?”

 

Eva takes a deep breath and then tells the same story Chris told you a week ago. “After that horrible party at Chris’ house, I asked Chris to go out on Saturday. She said yes but asked if Mutta can come along, since she already had plans with him. I didn’t really care, so we all went out for drinks. Chris and Mutta sat in a corner at one point, being cute and cuddly,” Eva pauses for a  minute and winks at Chris, who’s blushing and hiding her face in her hands. “... and I had to go and be a dick and took a selfie with those two in the background. And then I sent it to Isak with the caption ‘Forever alone’.”

 

Noora winces slightly and Vilde smiles fondly at Eva. “I can’t say that I’m not a little relieved to hear that I’m not the only one who does stupid shit sometimes,” she says with a wink.

 

Eva nudges Vilde’s upper arm with her elbow, whispering “Oh, shut up,”  before turning back to Noora and going on. “And to make it worse, I was drunk enough to let out a really offensive line when we were in the bathroom …” Eva pauses again, shaking her head at her former self. “I said I wasn’t surprised Mutta liked Chris because in ‘arab cultures’, voluptuous women are seen as gorgeous.”

 

Looking up at you, Eva folds her hands, a pleading look on her face. “Sana, please forgive me for even thinking that!”

 

You pry Eva’s hands apart and let out a mock-frustrated groan. “Eva, please! You were drunk, unhappily in love and hurt, I understand.”

 

But Eva shakes her head, freeing her hands from your grip. “It’s never okay to say such things about a culture I have no clue about.”

 

The look in her eyes makes a shiver run down your spine. She’s dead serious, and you realise that Vilde isn’t the only one who learned a lot about the consequences of her words and actions. “Thank you, Eva,” you say quietly, giving her a grateful smile.

 

“The same goes for me, by the way,” says Vilde as if she’d heard your thoughts. “I’ll never judge a muslim again, I swear.”

 

You touch Vilde’s shoulder, realising that the corners of your mouth are starting to hurt from smiling so much. “Awesome, Vilde.”

 

Vilde smiles again and then clears her throat, turning to Chris. “Did you check with Sana if that’s okay though? You dating Mutta I mean.”

 

Both you and Chris laugh at that, and you wave your finger in front of your face. “Only my brother is off limits.”

 

Noora catches your eye and slowly shakes her head, biting her lower lip, and you realise it’s your turn to confess something as well. Clearing your throat, you look down at your hands and then add quietly: “Well, my brother and … Yousef.”

 

For a moment, no one speaks. Noora and Chris watch you with kind expressions, while Eva and Vilde are frowning slightly. But then, Vilde lets out a gasp.

 

“Do you … You like Yousef!” she squeaks, pointing at you.

 

You feel yourself blush and suddenly can’t help but burst into giggles. Instead of answering, you just nod and hide your face in your hands.

 

“Awwh, Sana!” you hear Eva’s voice and a moment later, you feel four pairs of arms wrap around you and all four girls wishing you well and saying they’re sure everything will work out with Yousef.

 

You’re almost tempted to believe them.


	93. Episode 8: Wednesday, 7th June, 21:18: I don’t even know

**_Text: Isak_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _Isak …_

 

 _Isak:_ _Yes, Sanasol?_

 

 _Sana:_ _I don’t even know …_

 

 _Isak:_ _What?_

 

 _Sana:_ _How to thank you? The girls came to get me and everything’s okay now and it’s all_ _because of you._

 

 _Isak:_ _I have no idea what you’re talking about. Good to hear they listened to you though._

 

 _Sana:_ _I owe you, Isabell._

 

 _Isak:_ _Bullshit. That’s what best buds are for._

 

_Sana: <3 _


	94. Episode 8: Thursday 8th June, 18:23: Go Mamma Berg

**_Text: Chris, Noora and Vilde_ **

 

 _Noora:_ _Ladies, I have a very nice announcement to make: Since we didn’t celebrate together_ _last week, we are throwing a surprise birthday bash for Eva tomorrow!_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Oh YES! That’s awesome! You’re such a sweet girlfriend, Noora!_

 

 _Noora:_ _Actually, Chris is the sweet one: Since we don’t have a garden at the kollektiv,_ _she asked her mother if we can celebrate in her backyard … and Mamma Berg said_ _yes!_

 

 _Sana:_ _Wohoo, go Mamma Berg. When should we be there and what should we bring?_

 

 _Chris:_ _Haha thanks guys, I think Mamma will just want to steal one or two of our beers as_ _compensation before she leaves for a night out with her friends._

 

 _Vilde:_ _She can have mine, I am trying to drink less …_

 

 _Sana:_ _Awesome, Vilde!_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Thank you, Sana <3 _

 

 _Chris:_ _And to your question, Sana: Since you’re still fasting, you’re not bringing anything!_ _I hope it won’t be too awful to watch us eat?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Awwh, thanks Chris! I’ll survive._

 

 _Chris: <3\. As for the rest of you: Just bring a gift for Eva and maybe some snacks? I’ll take  _ _care of the drinks._

 

 _Noora:_ _I’m making a rice salad and some bread._

 

 _Vilde:_ _I can make a pasta salad and a birthday cake?_

 

 _Chris:_ _Awesome, girls!_

 

 _Sana:_ _I’m bringing some moroccan snacks if that’s okay? We always have so many l_ _eftovers after Iftar and Suhoor, so technically I’m not making anything :-)_

 

 _Vilde:_ _What’s Iftar and Suhoor, Sana?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Oh, sorry. Suhoor is the meal we have in the morning before fasting, Iftar is the meal_ _after sunset, when we break the fast._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Wow, I bet you have awesome food then. Can’t wait to taste it._

 

 _Chris:_ _Alright, sounds great, girls! See you all at my place tomorrow at half past six. Noora will pick up Eva before that and they’ll arrive at six._

 

 _Noora:_ _Great! See you girls! PS: I’m telling Eva I want to take her out for dinner, she has no_ _idea … :-)_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Wait, who’s coming? Just us? Can I bring Magnus?_

 

 _Noora:_ _I already invited Magnus and the boys, don’t worry._

 

 _Sana:_ _Just asked Mamma, I can bring a salty and a sweet snack. See you girls!_

 

 _Chris:_ _Awesomesauce, Sana!_

 

 _Vilde:_ _This will be great!_


	95. Episode 8: Friday 09th June, 17:58 : You can come in

You’re standing in Chris’ backyard, watching the group of people around you with a happy smile. Isak, Even, Magnus, Jonas and Mahdi as well as Linn and Eskild arrived shortly after you and Vilde - who had insisted you meet in town since you’d never been to Chris’ house before and she wanted to make sure you found it ok. Everyone helped spread out the snacks and salads on the table Chris and Noora prepared and now they’re all standing around, talking and chatting over glasses of juice, water or bottles of beer.

 

“So, how do you like living together?” you ask Isak and Even, who are standing in front of you, holding hands and grinning from ear to ear.

 

“Well, he’s a handful sometimes,” says Even, ruffling Isak’s hair with his free hand.

 

Isak swats Even’s hand away and half-groans half-laughs before looking at you and clearing his throat. “Uh, it’s okay. As long as Even doesn’t make me help him look for his keys every day.”

 

All three of you laugh, and Even pulls Isak close, kissing his cheek. He murmurs something in his boyfriend’s ear that you can’t hear, mostly because Chris runs out of the house, waving her arms and yelling “They’re here, they’re here. Everyone, hide!”

 

Isak and Even run to hide in the gazebo while you look around for a moment and then follow Mahdi and Jonas behind a big rose bush. Jonas is giggling like a small child while Mahdi tries to shush him - without success.

 

“Sana, can you smack him for me, I don’t hit children,” Mahdi says and rolls his eyes at you. You give him a wanna-be cold stare, but you’re sure the look in your eyes gives away how amused you are.

 

“What, and you think I do?”

 

Jonas shakes his hand and winces. “Ouch, Mahdi, you just got burned.” He then raises his fist to you and you bump it with yours.

 

“Shh!” you hear Vilde hiss from behind a garden chair a few steps away from you. “Jonas, Mahdi, you have to duck!”

 

The boys obey and you crouch down as well, exchanging an amused look with Jonas.

 

Seconds later, you hear Eva’s voice coming from the veranda. “Where are you taking me, Noora?”

 

No one replies, but a moment later you hear Eva suck in a breath. “Wait, where are we? This isn’t a restaurant, is it?”

 

And that’s when you hear Noora say the agreed signal phrase. “No, it’s a party.”

 

Everyone jumps out of their hiding spots at once, yelling “Happy Birthday!” making Eva squeal and then laugh.

 

She’s standing on the terrace, already being hugged by Chris, Vilde and Eskild while the rest of the group is cheering and clapping around them.

 

“Aaah, I can’t believe this, you guys are so sneaky!” Eva yells and lets go of Vilde to throw her arms around you and Jonas at the same time. “Hi, so good to see you all.”

 

Soon, Eva is holding a bottle of beer and raises it, looking around at everyone. But when her eyes meet yours, she clears her throat and hides the bottle behind her back for a moment.

 

“I’m so sorry Sana, you can’t drink yet, can you? How much longer?”

 

You laugh cheerfully and wrap an arm around her shoulder while digging your phone out of your pocket to check the time. “Exactly three hours and 11 minutes.”

 

Eva groans and rolls her eyes at you. “Are you okay? Isn’t it awful for you to just watch us eat and drink for three hours?”

 

“I’ll be fine, Eva, thank you,” you say and look into her eyes. “You just focus on celebrating your birthday, although we’re a week late.”

 

Nodding slowly, Eva squeezes your shoulder and then bops your nose with a kind smile on her face. “Come find me when the sun sets, I want to clink glasses with you when you break the fast, okay?”

 

“Awh, yes, I will,” you say, feeling yourself blush. A part of you wants to kick your former self for not opening up to your friends earlier. Because ever since you’ve started doing that, they keep showing you that yes, they do want to understand you better, and no, they don’t think you’re weird for being different. Come to think of it, all five of you are different, each in her own way. And together, the five of you are ‘Los Losers’, the official weirdos of the school, and proud of it.

 

You sit down on a garden chair on the terrace with a content sigh, watching your friends dance and celebrate while remembering Wednesday evening. That night at Noora’s kollektiv will go down in history as one of the best of your life, you’re sure of it.

 

Because after all the confessions and explanations, the girls started asking questions. Vilde wanted to know why exactly you fast for a month, and if it is at all about losing weight. The rest of the girls groaned at that, but you knew where Vilde’s question came from - she had overcome an eating disorder herself after William had told her she wasn’t pretty enough last year.  So you just smiled kindly and explained to Vilde that most people actually gained weight during Ramadan because of all the delicious food you eat between sunset and sunrise, and that it’s to celebrate the time when Mohammed received the Qu’ran from Allah. Vilde said that sounded awesome and that she would love to try some Ramadan food - giving you the idea to bring some for today's party when Noora texted you, Chris and Vilde yesterday.

 

Eva then asked how it works with falling in love, if you will ever be allowed to kiss Yousef without being married to him. That question made you smile and blush. You explained to Eva that being muslim doesn’t necessarily mean you will have your first kiss after getting married, although to you, that would be ideal. Eva’s mouth fell open at that and you went on to tell her that what is most important to you is privacy, winking at all four of the girls. You were grateful that they didn’t ask any further questions.

 

Chris then asked when you were going to introduce Jamilla to the four of them, saying she's convinced that Noora, Vilde and Eva will love her as much as she does. Your heart threatened to jump out of your chest as you told her that you can't wait to have the four of them meet your oldest childhood friend.

 

Your trip down memory lane is interrupted by Vilde who pulls up a chair and sits down next to you. “Hei,” she says cheerfully with a broad smile.

 

“Hei Vilde. Good party, huh?” you ask, smiling back and pointing to the cup in her hand. You can see it’s filled with coke and not beer, as would usually be the case. “I like that.”

 

Vilde nods and grins even wider. “I don’t need to drink to have a good time, not when I’m around the best people in the world instead of a bunch of back-stabbing bitches.”

 

That makes you laugh and Vilde puts and arm around you. “I wanted to ask you something,” she then adds, and you stop laughing, looking curiously at her.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Why did you help my mum that day? She’s … most people just think she’s a drunk and don’t pay attention when she’s lying on a bench somewhere. But you just … brought her home?” Vilde takes a deep breath and reaches for your hand, looking into your eyes. “She still talks about that, saying you made her feel like an actual person, not just like a failed mum who does everything wrong and deals with her problems by getting drunk.”

 

Biting your lip, you squeeze Vilde’s hand. “I felt sorry for her, Vilde. She looked so alone and unhappy. Also, it was pretty cold out, and I didn’t want her to get sick.”

 

“But you didn’t know who she was, did you? In the note you wrote ‘to Annalise’s daughter’, and not my name so …” Vilde frowns and lets out a sigh. “Are you … were you so kind to her because of your religion?”

 

That question catches you off-guard. Usually, you would ask a passive-aggressive question back, but you remember your deal with Vilde. “Allah wants us to be kind to everyone, yes. But that’s not why I helped your mum,” you tell her, looking into her eyes. And that’s when you notice Vilde is close to tears.

 

“Why did you do this for my mother when I was so horrible to you so many times?” she asks, her voice breaking and you reach out to wrap both arms around her.

 

“Oh Vilde,” you whisper at her ear, running your hands up and down Vilde’s back, while she clings to you and buries her face at your shoulder. “I saw a person who looked unhappy and troubled, and it just felt right to help. I would do it again any time.”

 

Vilde moves her head back and wipes her face with the back of her hand. You reach for a napkin on the table in front of you and hand it to her, smiling encouragingly. “Plus, you already apologised to me several times on Wednesday. I’m no longer angry with you, Vilde. So please don’t feel bad, okay?”

 

Vilde nods and sniffles a bit, and then you see Magnus approaching the two of you, a worried look on his face.

 

“Are you okay, Villy?” he asks and takes Vilde’s hand, smiling gently.

  
“Yes, I am,” Vilde says and looks at you with a small smile. “Thank you so much again, Sana. Mamma wants to meet you some time, when she’s … well when she’s feeling okay.”

 

Your eyes flit over to Magnus, expecting him to look confused, but he looks unphased. “Is your mum feeling bad again?” he asks with a concerned frown, but Vilde just shakes her head.

 

“No, I just thanked Sana for bringing Mamma home about three weeks ago.”

 

Magnus nods and smiles kindly at you.”Ah, yes. That was so nice of you, Sana.”

 

You smile back, feeling yourself blush again. “Uh, thanks, Magnus,” you say, impressed by how honest Vilde and Magnus are with each other.

 

“I’ll get a beer, do you want one?” Magnus asks Vilde, who shakes her head. He then kisses her briefly and nods at you again before walking off to join the boys.

 

“He’s awesome. I’m so glad he believed me that nothing happened with Elias,” Vilde says and smiles brightly at you. “Thanks to you, again.”

 

“You’re so welcome, Vilde. I felt responsible in a way,” you say. It still feels foreign to you, being completely honest with Vilde. But it’s a good feeling, you decide.

 

Vilde’s smile grows impossibly wider and she gets to her feet to hug you again. “I love you, Sana.”

 

“I love you too,” you say and hug her back, feeling dizzy with happiness. Vilde then leans back and is about to say something else when both of you suddenly turn around at the sound of Eva’s loud laugh.

 

She’s standing next to Isak, who’s holding a champagne glass with his entire fist, as if he wanted to break it, and grinning like an idiot. He obviously just told Eva a joke, because she is bending over, holding her stomach and laughing so much she has to gasp for air every few seconds.

 

After a while, Isak pats Eva’s back and pulls her upright again, murmuring something to her, and Eva nods with a bright grin. The two of them hug, and you smile to yourself, thinking that seeing Eva laugh like that might just erase the memory of the horrible drama the five of you went through in these past weeks.

 

Vilde walks over to Magnus, who wraps his arms around her from behind and kisses her cheek, making her smile and curl into him with a soft sigh. She looks so happy and relaxed, and after what you just witnessed, you’re not surprised: Vilde has found someone who accepts her for who she is and very obviously loves her just like that. With a happy grin, you lean back in your chair and dig out your phone to check the time.

 

It’s only 18:43, and you decide you might as well give Eva your gift now, if for no other reason than to forget about food for a moment - and maybe also because you can't wait to see Eva's reaction to your present.

 

Luckily, Jamilla’s brother was in Morocco last week and came back two days ago. He was in Marrakech on his last day, so Jamilla asked him to bring something home for your friend. You’re not sure if Eva will like it, but you have a similar piece at home and somehow, you have a feeling Eva will appreciate it, too.

 

You go inside the apartment and make your way to Chris’ bedroom, where you pick up the small dark red box wrapped with a simple white ribbon from the bed. With a pounding heart, you walk back outside and look for Eva.

 

To your relief, she’s sitting alone on a bench a little away from the rest of the guests, most of whom are dancing and laughing in the middle of the lawn. You smile at Eva and sit down next to her, carefully putting the red box in her lap.

 

“For me?” Eva asks, her face lighting up as she inspects the box, running her  fingers along the ribbon and untying it. “It looks so fancy, what is it?”

 

Winking at her, you shrug. “Don’t know, open it.”

 

Eva giggles and then lifts the lid of the box, peeking inside. A surprised gasp escapes her and she claps the lid down, staring at you with wide eyes. “Sana, you shouldn’t have!”

 

Smiling broadly, you think that using two monthly allowances for Eva’s gift was everything BUT a waste of money. “Do you like it?” you ask, frowning slightly.

 

“Do I LIKE it? Sana, this might just be the most beautiful piece of jewelry I’ve ever seen!”

 

Eva lifts the lid of the box again just as Noora walks over and sits down on Eva’s other side, craning her neck to get a look. “Oh my God, Sana,” she exclaims and takes the lid out of Eva’s hand, placing it on the bench next to her.

 

Leaning her head against Eva’s shoulder, Noora stretches out a hand to touch the silver cuff bracelet you asked Jamilla’s brother to bring from Morocco.

 

 

While Noora carefully removes the bracelet from the box and inspects it with wide eyes, Eva throws both arms around you and kisses your cheek. “Thank you so so much, Sana, this is incredible! I will wear it every day! Or at least whenever I wear blue, it looks so gorgeous!”

 

You hug her back, feeling happy and relieved. “You’re so welcome, I’m glad you like it.”

 

“Again, I don’t like it, I love this,” Eva insists and then holds out her right arm to Noora, who carefully slides the bracelet onto her girlfriend's wrist.

 

Holding up her arm, Eva stares at the piece of jewelry with sparkling eyes and a proud smile before turning to you and hugging you close again.

 

You kiss Eva’s hair and then watch her leap up and show her gift to everyone, making you blush even more. “Look what Sana got me,” Eva says to Vilde, who gasps and points at you with an astonished stare.

 

Getting up you walk over to the two of them with Noora on your heels but before you’re halfway across the lawn, you freeze on the spot, staring at the veranda.

 

Elias is standing there, smiling uneasily and looking around with curiosity, apparently looking for someone. You’re about to  walk over to him and ask what the heck he’s doing here when Adam, Mikael, Moutassim and Yousef follow behind him, all looking just as awkward, and you know exactly why.

 

Following their gazes, you notice Isak standing in the middle of the lawn, rooted to the spot, his mouth half-open in shock.

 

Your head whips around and you spot Chris, emerging from the living room behind the boys, a slightly confused look on her face. But then she sees Isak’s expression and pales almost as much as him. If you didn’t know better, you’d say there’s a trace of guilt on her face, but when her eyes meet yours, she shrugs and mouths ‘what’s wrong?’

 

Finally, your brother clears his throat. “Happy Birthday, Eva,” he says brightly walking over to Eva and shaking her hand. Eva smiles kindly and welcomes the boys to ‘the best birthday party ever,’ seemingly oblivious to the tension between Isak and the newcomers.

 

Yousef meets your eyes for a moment, smiling hesitantly. You smile back but then shrug apologetically, mouthing ‘Talk to you later.’ Frowning slightly, Yousef nods and then turns to shake Magnus’ hand.

 

While Elias, Mutta, Adam, Yousef and Mikael start greeting people and the tension slowly dissolves, you keep your eyes on Isak, who is now staring at his phone. While you watch him, he slowly makes his way to the house, apparently forcing himself not to run. And that’s when you remember seeing Even go inside while you were talking to Eva and Noora.

 

You follow about five steps behind Isak, and when you notice your brother making a move to go inside as well, you step up to him, shaking your head. “Don’t,” you say as softly as you can, holding your brother’s gaze for a moment. Elias nods slowly, looking frustrated, but you have no time to soothe him. With one last glance back at Yousef - who’s looking at you as if he were debating whether or not he should come with you - you slip out of your shoes at the veranda door and follow Isak into the apartment on bare feet.

 

Isak is crouching down in front of the bathroom door by the time you reach him, softly knocking at it with his knuckles. “Even?” To your surprise, he seems calm, and it hits you that Isak has probably gone through things like this with Even before. He doesn’t say anything else, but just presses his palm against the door.

 

You crouch down next to Isak, who throws a concerned look at you but doesn’t say anything.

After a moment, you hear laboured breaths from inside the bathroom, and your heart hurts at the thought of Even struggling to breathe just because your brother and his friends decided to crash the party.

 

Of course, you understand that the boys want to talk to Even again, but you would have thought they’re smarter than this. Ambushing him at Eva’s party was a pretty dumb idea and you make a mental note to have some words about this with Elias later. You're guessing that Chris told Mutta about the party and knowing the boys and their  _impeccable_ sense of propriety, it doesn't surprise you that they all decided to come here uninvited.

 

You’re about to ask Isak if you should leave, when you hear the key turning in the lock, and then the bathroom door opens. Just a crack, though and Isak doesn’t go in right away. He slowly straightens up and then he meets your eye, smiling kindly. You understand that as a signal to stay, so you get up as well and lean against the wall, while Isak slowly pushes the door open and slips inside.

 

“Hei,” you hear him murmur, and then there is only silence for a few moments. You feel nervous, but since Isak obviously wanted you to stay, you don’t move away but just … wait. Isak has pushed the door half-closed behind himself, but you can hear him muttering under his breath and Even mumbling short responses.

 

After about a minute, you hear Isak say your name. “Sana’s in the hall,” he murmurs quietly, and you hold your breath, unsure what to expect.

 

Another moment later, you hear Even’s voice. “Okay,” he says, his tone accepting, making it sound as if he’s stating a fact instead of agreeing to something. You frown to yourself, shuffling your feet. _Okay, what?_

 

“That means you can come in,” Isak clarifies as if he’d heard your thoughts. Still feeling incredibly awkward, you take a deep breath and then finally move your hand to the doorknob. Pushing the door open very slowly, you see Even and Isak sitting on the floor with their backs against the bathtub.

 

Even looks so small, knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. His head is resting on Isak’s upper arm, and he keeps wrapping the shoelaces of his left shoe around his fingers again and again. Watching him carefully, you can tell he’s not really seeing what his hand is doing. His jaw flexes from time to time, and he’s blinking a lot, as if he were trying to focus on something.

 

You’ve never seen Even like this and it’s worrying. But the fact that Isak is sitting next to him with a relatively calm demeanor reassures you a little. When Even takes a deep breath, you realise that something about the way  he's breathing isn't right. What really hits you though is that although it seems as if Even has just been running for his life and is now struggling to breathe normally again, he still looks like he has barely moved for days.

 

Isak looks up at you and gestures to the opposite wall with his chin, still not saying a word. You smile uneasily at him and then point to the floor opposite him and Even, wordlessly asking if you should sit down. Isak nods and you slowly slide to the floor, facing the two boys. Even doesn’t seem phased, staying exactly as he was, and somehow, you take that as a good sign.

 

For a few minutes, the three of you just sit in silence, and just when you’re beginning to think you should leave the two of them alone, you feel something nudging the side of your foot. Looking up, you notice it’s Even’s shoe, and you consider apologising, thinking that he must not have wanted the contact.

 

But then Even does it again. He moves his left foot and nudges yours with it, not looking up or giving any other indication that he’s aware of what he’s doing. Still, it makes you smile a little.

 

You watch Even carefully as he buries his face at Isak's upper arm, taking a deep breath. Isak stays still, just looking at Even, patiently waiting for him to be ready to move.

 

Very slowly, Even’s breathing becomes less laboured, and after what seems like at least ten more minutes, he nods to himself and sits up a little straighter.

 

It takes another while until Even is ready to get up. He gets on his hands and knees and then stands up, and you’re glad to notice he’s steady on his feet. Looking at his shoes, Even then starts moving his right hand up along his left upper arm to cup his neck and back down, as if to soothe himself.

 

You’re not surprised to see that Isak doesn’t hug Even after getting up himself. Even’s posture and expression make it clear that he doesn’t want to be touched right now.

 

So you make sure to move slowly while getting to your feet, afraid of startling Even. But he looks much calmer already, although he's still not looking at you or Isak.

 

After a while, Even cracks half a smile, as if to apologise, hardly meeting your eye though. You shake your head to let him know he has nothing to apologise for, but Even doesn’t seem to see it.

 

Instead he briefly looks at Isak, who opens his mouth to speak, but then Even steps forward and wraps his arms around you. Before you can even think to hug him back properly, he lets go. And with another look at Isak and a not-quite smile at you, he walks out of the bathroom.

 

Isak nods gratefully at you and then he's hugging you too.

 

“Thank you,” he murmurs at your shoulder and then follows Even without another word.

 

After you hear the front door click shut behind them, you need a few minutes to recover from what you just witnessed. Somehow, you feel honoured that Even was comfortable to have you around while he was feeling so vulnerable. Yet, you still feel guilty. You haven’t invited the boys, but you did encourage Elias to text Even, and you remember him telling you he’d done that on Thursday … Even must have been feeling anxious before he even showed up at the party …

 

After a while, you step back out onto the terrace, and within seconds, Chris, Noora, Eva and Vilde are standing in front of you, their faces full of confused concern.

 

“It’s okay, Even and Isak went home,” you say with a hesitant look at all four of them. “Even is okay, I think. At least he will be.”

 

“What happened?” asks Vilde, sounding curious but also careful.

 

And before you have a chance to explain, tears are running down your face. You try to wipe them off, but then Vilde throws her arms around you, pushing you back into the apartment, out of sight of the other party guests.

 

By the time the five of you reach Chris’ bedroom, you’re actually sobbing, unable to stop. You’re not even sure why exactly. It must be a mix of guilt for causing Even to panic and the painful memories of your past who came back to haunt you lately as a result of Sara's attacks. 

 

Just like after the party at Chris’ house, you cry for what feels like hours, but this time, you’re not alone. This time you have four pairs of arms, four soothing voices, and most importantly, four open minds, ready to listen to you and make you feel better - once you can finally stop crying at least.

 

And it’s that thought that turns at least a few tears of sorrow into tears of joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I would like to thank my dear Lulu @thelordvoldemort for going to great lengths to make sure the scene with Even's panic attack is accurate and does him justice. Thank you so much my darling, you are amazing!!


	96. Episode 9: Saturday 10th June, 03:15 Right about what?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glossary for Episode 9  
> Marhaba “Hello” in Arabic
> 
> Darija Arabic dialect from the Maghreb region
> 
> msemen moroccan pancakes
> 
> Kubb A croquet-like game popular in Norway 
> 
> Chicken Tikka Masala Indian chicken recipe with tomato-yoghurt sauce
> 
> Naan bread Indian round bread, similar to pita bread
> 
> Du’a: “Supplication.” A prayer where the believer asks Allah for  
>  help, guidance or protection. Prayed after one of the five  
>  daily prayers or just when the believer feels like addressing Allah.  
>  Usually prayed in the believer’s mothertongue.
> 
> Bismillah hir Rahman ir raheem: “In the name of Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful” This phrase is used to address  
>  Allah for Du’a.
> 
> Amin: “Amen” in Arabic
> 
> Langkaia: The pier walkway opposite the Oslo Opera house
> 
> Musakka Turkish eggplant and ground beef casserole

Waking up to your Suhoor alarm, you quickly turn it off to not wake the others. You let out a soundless yawn and suddenly notice that Chris’ arm is wrapped around your waist. Very carefully, you lift up her wrist to slip out of bed. Chris sighs in her sleep and then turns around to face Vilde.

 

Picking up your phone from the nightstand, you remember just in time that Eva and Noora are sleeping on the floor before you trip over them. Tiptoeing across the room, you carefully open the door. You risk a look back at your sleeping friends. Chris has her back to you and you can’t see Vilde from here, but you smile at the sight of Noora and Eva, who are curled up under an extra blanket on a thin mattress. They’re facing each other, their hands intertwined, looking so peaceful you almost want to kiss both their cheeks.

 

Softly closing the door, you make your way to the bathroom. You brush your hair and splash some water on your face, slowly waking up.

 

When you tie your hair into a knot with a hairband, your mind wanders back to the night before. The girls brought you back here, refusing to leave you alone, although you couldn’t tell them much. You didn’t want to talk about Even and the boys, plus you were too upset to speak more than necessary anyway. So you merely said that Even and the boys knew each other from before, but that it wasn’t your place to talk about it.

 

You dimly recall Chris asking your mother if it was okay for the four of them to sleep over because ‘we need to talk about some stuff. Girl talk.’ Mamma was surprised but seemed to notice that you needed your friends around you. And before you knew it, the girls manoeuvred you into your room and gently helped you change into your pajamas.

 

You smile at the memory of Vilde asking you three times if it was okay for her to take off your hijab before very carefully removing the pins. She neatly folded the scarf, placing it on your nightstand and then admired your shiny black hair. You take good care of it, so you know your hair looks good, but Vilde’s gasp still surprised you. “Sana, your hair is so beautiful,” she said and you could tell she swallowed a remark about it being a pity that you hide it underneath your hijab.

 

Instead, Vilde cleared her throat and added: “I think this - “ she twirled a lock of your hair between her fingers, smiling kindly at you. “- is a treasure worth hiding. Only people who are worthy should ever get to see it.” The other three agreed, making you cry all over again. _Alhamdulillah for my amazing friends._

 

Just remembering those moments from last night makes you smile so hard your mouth hurts. You cried a lot last night, but it felt like it was long overdue. And now, you feel at peace and ready to take on the next challenges in your life - like, for example … not hiding from Yousef anymore?

 

But first, it’s time to eat.

 

You nod at your reflection and then wash the last traces of tears and make-up off your face. Now you feel properly awake, not to mention, a little hungry. Although, you’ve had plenty of great food last night already.

 

At Iftar last night when your alarm went off, Eva brought you a piece of birthday cake, a bottle of water and a champagne glass filled with coke to clink glasses with you, as she had announced earlier. You had barely eaten two bites, when Chris and Vilde arrived with several plates laden with food from the buffet. They had put it aside in the fridge to make sure there was still some left by the time you could eat.

 

Unfortunately, Vilde’s pasta salad had non-halal ham in it, and she apologised at least three times, making you hug her. Of course you still had to try some of it, picking the ham pieces out. But unlike countless other times, it didn’t feel frustrating, because your friends were aware and accepting of your dietary restrictions.

 

Elias, Mutta, Mikael, Adam and Yousef soon joined you at the dining room table, and to say that eating and laughing with them raised your spirits would be the understatement of the year.

 

That memory makes your stomach rumble, and you take a last look at your reflection before you head to the living room. To your surprise, you see Elias setting the table for Suhoor.

 

“Morning, Sana,” he calls, but you shush him instantly.

 

“My friends are still sleeping,” you explain, causing Elias to nod with a smug grin.

 

“Sorry, little sister, “ he says softly, putting down a jug of juice on the table. “I’m not used to you having friends over.”

 

His voice is full of warmth, so although you roll your eyes, you can’t avoid a tiny smile curling your lips. “I hope Mamma and Pappa like them,” you say before you can stop yourself.

 

Your brother puts the last fork down on the table and comes over to put a hand on your shoulder. “Sana, your friends are awesome!”

 

You stare at him but before you can ask anything, your brother lets out a low chuckle and goes on. “Did Vilde tell you we made a deal to stop drinking? Whenever we’re at the same party, we will not let the other drink anything. And Mutta has never been happier, Chris is really good for him. Also, latest when Mamma and Pappa see how good they are to you, there is no way they won’t like them, I promise you.”

 

Ok, WOW, that’s too much for half past three in the morning. “Vilde and you made _what_?” you ask, almost forgetting to speak softly.

 

“Of course, that’s the only part of that you heard huh?” Elias says, putting a hand to his chest. “I’m hurt, Sana.”

 

Clearing your throat, you smile at him. “Alright, sorry. Thank you, and I hope you’re right.”

 

“Right about what?” asks Mamma, coming out of the kitchen with a huge tray laden with food: A pan full of fresh scrambled eggs, msemen pancakes, almond milk, fresh berries, home-made bread and yoghurt. Just looking at the tray makes your mouth water. Elias hurries over to take the tray from Mamma and answers her question.

 

“Sana is worried you won’t like her friends.”

 

“Elias!” you hiss, but when you see Mamma’s confused frown, you already know he didn’t really do any damage.

 

“Now, why would I not like them, Sana?” she asks as she and Elias spread out the food on the table. “I already met Chris once before, and I think I told you she seems kind. And the other three are just as lovely.”

 

With a big smile, she then walks over to you and cups your cheek with one hand. “But most importantly, they obviously care about you a lot, and that’s all I need to know.”

 

“Thanks, Mamma,” you say softly just as Pappa walks in.

 

“Marhaba, my beautiful ladies,” he sings, making Mamma hiss quietly.

 

“Said, we have guests who are still sleeping, don’t raise your voice,” she says in Darija and Pappa raises his hands in defeat, chuckling shortly.

 

“Forgive me, my love,” he replies and walks over to the table, kissing Mamma’s cheek. “And Elias, what gives us the honour of seeing you at Suhoor?”

 

“I went to bed on time for once,” Elias says, grinning widely. You catch his eye for a second, smiling back knowingly. _I went to bed on time_ is obviously code for _I didn’t get drunk last night,_ and you make sure to give your brother an approving nod. _I’m proud of you._

 

The four of you then sit down to eat. As usual, Suhoor is a quiet meal. Since you’ll all be fasting for nineteen hours, you savour every bite. But although you hardly talk, you enjoy every minute sitting at the table with your parents and Elias. All of you exchange quiet smiles and satisfied sighs whenever you enjoy a certain food particularly much - mostly your mother’s almond milk, which is just … unparallelled.

 

Shortly before four o’clock, you all help clearing the table and you stare incredulously at your brother when he volunteers to do the dishes. “That’s the son I raised,” says Pappa and grabs  a towel from one of the hangers next to the fridge. “You ladies, let the men do the chores today and go back to sleep.”

 

Mamma laughs happily and wraps her arms around Pappa’s shoulder. “I love you, habibi,” she murmurs and kisses Pappa’s forehead. You marvel at the two of them while Elias pulls a pretend-disgusted grimace in the background. For some reason, your parents are still embarrassingly cute, after over twenty-five years of marriage.

 

You can only hope you and your future husband will be the same one day ...

 

You wrap your arm around Mamma’s shoulder and walk her to your parents’ bedroom. “I hope you can sleep some more,” you tell her and Mamma kisses your cheek.

 

“You too, Sana. I’ll make breakfast for your friends later, just wake me up …”

 

“I don’t think they’ll let me do that, Mamma. They’re all very polite,” you say, not without pride.

 

Mamma chuckles quietly and nods, a thoughtful look on her face. “Sleep well, Sana.”

 

Minutes later, you crawl back into bed. Chris seems to be half awake because she moves aside a little to make room for you. Smiling to yourself, you curl up under the blanket, feeling full and happy, and not just from the food.

 

Within minutes, you’ve gone back to sleep.


	97. Episode 9: Saturday, 10th June, 11:03: I’m so dumb sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where it is explained how Chris 'hit Even with the selfie stick' in the trailer :-)

“Okay, Meryem, I think it’s settled: your pancakes are better than Mamma’s,” Eva declares and smiles brightly at your mother.

 

“Eva!” Mamma acts shocked. “Don’t let your mother hear that!” She chuckles quietly though and pats Eva’s shoulder. “You should say they’re _different_ , because they’re actually not pancakes but msemen.”

 

“Shit, right, I’m sorry,” Eva says, immediately clapping a hand to her mouth. “Argh, I’m not supposed to curse, am I? Sana said during Ramadan ..”

 

“Breathe, Eva,” you say, touching her arm. “It’s okay.”

 

Eva smiles at you and then reaches for Noora’s hand under the table. “Anyway, do you think I could get the recipe?” she asks and bats her eyelashes at Mamma.

 

All six of you laugh at that and Vilde clears her throat. “No offense, Eva, but you can’t cook.”

 

“But my girlfriend can,” Eva says and kisses Noora’s hand. Noora blushes slightly and giggles, throwing a hesitant look at your mother.

 

Mamma welcomed your friends with open arms last night already. But this morning, when you led the girls into the kitchen, she was waiting for you with breakfast - mostly leftovers from Suhoor - and introduced herself to them with her first name.

 

You have never been prouder of your mother.

 

Especially now, when Noora leans over to kiss Eva’s cheek and Mamma just chuckles happily, you wonder why you’ve ever doubted that she would like your friends - exactly the way they are.

 

“Thank you so much for breakfast, Meryem,” says Noora and smiles brightly at your mother. “You can’t even eat after sunrise and you made all this for us!” She hesitates for a second and then adds: “If you want, I would love to invite you and Said for dinner at my place once?”

 

You are smiling so hard your mouth is starting to hurt. “Oh, Mamma, Noora is an amazing cook,” you say, making Noora blush again.

 

“I’m sure she is! Thank you, Noora, we’d love to come by some time,” Mamma says with her hand on Noora’s shoulder. “And I will gladly write down the msemen recipe for you.”

 

Only when the girls get up and thank your mother for breakfast again do you realise Chris has been unusually quiet. You make a mental note to text her later to ask if something is up when she suddenly clears her throat while the other three are putting on their shoes.

 

“Uh, I think I’ll stay behind for a bit,” she says, giving you an intense look. “I … have a question about … our German homework.”

 

Staring at her for a second, you blink two times and then catch on. “The simple past form, I remember,” you say,clearing your throat and nodding slowly.

 

Noora, Eva and Vilde all frown slightly. “You still have homework for German?” asks Vilde, tying the laces of her sneakers.

 

“That sucks,” Eva chuckles, making a face and wrapping her arm around Noora’s waist. “Have fun, I guess?”

 

Noora bops Eva’s nose with her index finger, leaning into her and then turning to you, Vilde and Chris. “We should do something together tomorrow? Maybe go out for coffee or something?”

 

This time, you don’t even consider lying to your friends. “Uh, I don’t know if I’ll have time, I’m thinking of going to see Isak and Even.”

 

Chris pales slightly at that. “Oh?”

 

“That’s nice of you,” Vilde says and smiles fondly. “I’m glad they were there for you when we ..”

 

Shaking your head you walk up to Vilde and give her a hug. “Nei, Vilde,” you whisper at her ear, making both of you giggle.

 

“Isak is an amazing best bud, and I don’t mind sharing him,” Eva murmurs when you let go of Vilde, but you shake your head again.

 

“You don’t have to share him, Eva. The position of my best bud is taken.” And with that, you open your arms, waiting for all four of them to come closer for a group hug. “You’re my favourite people of all time,” you say into the circle, looking at them one after another.

 

“Awh, Sana, you’re gonna make me cry,” says Noora with a bright smile and touches your chin. “Likewise, though. I’m so glad we worked things out.”

 

The other three agree, and then you and Chris hug Vilde, Eva and Noora goodbye. You promise them to text as soon as you know if you’ll have time to meet up tomorrow, and then you and Chris are alone.

 

She sighs deeply and is about to start talking, but you hold up your hand. “Not here, my brother is bound to walk in on us any minute,” you tell her and grab a hold of her arm, leading her to your room.

 

As the two of you settle on your bed, Chris giggles nervously and runs a hand through her hair, looking into your eyes and then at her knees again.

 

“Alright, what is it?” you ask, frowning at her. Chris doesn’t usually act like this, so it is a little disconcerting to see her giggle like a little kid.

 

Chris sighs deeply and then clears her throat. “I’m so dumb sometimes, Sana. All I wanted was Mutta to be there as my boyfriend and for him to see Even again, but I had no idea it would go to shit like that.”

 

For a long moment, you don’t say anything, processing what Chris just said. You think she just admitted to inviting the boys to the party. The first thought going through your head is that you’re very glad you didn’t confront the boys last night already - or your brother this morning - about ambushing Even like that.

 

“Sana?” Chris waves her hand in front of your face, looking worried, and you sit up straighter with a start.

 

“Sorry, I’m … So … you invited your boyfriend AND his friends to the party?”

 

Chris groans helplessly. “I said it was okay if all of them came. You know, Mutta never told me why exactly he and the boys stopped talking to Even. He just mentioned that he misses him when I told him that I know Even. I had no idea it would upset Even so much. I feel terrible.”

 

You shake your head and reach out to touch her arm. “I’m not going to lie, Even was quite upset.” Chris makes a face, clenching her hands into fists, but when you smile gently, she relaxes a little. “However, I know that my brother and his friends don’t hold grudges. I think they’ll forgive you.”

 

“What about Even though? What if what I did caused him to have an episode or something?” Chris bites her upper lip, looking terrified. You get up on your knees and put your hands on her shoulders.

 

“I don’t think it’s that bad, Chris. Even and I … we’ve been talking,and he’s told me he wants to see the boys again. So he’s probably been working up the courage to meet them again anyway.”

 

Letting out a long breath, Chris nods slowly as you sit back down. “So you think he wasn’t entirely blind-sided?”

 

You shake your head. “No. I think he definitely didn’t expect to see the boys that day, but I guess he’s sort of been preparing himself to meet them again.” For a moment, you hesitate before adding: “If you want, I could tell Even tomorrow when I see him?”

 

Chris’ eyes go wide and she nods eagerly. “Yes, please. I would feel awkward to just walk up to him and tell him … you know him better than I do.” She sighs deeply and bites her lower lip. “Tell him I’m incredibly sorry and hope he can forgive me.”

 

You nod and smile at her. “Like I said, I think he won’t be mad, but I will tell him.”

 

“Thank you,” Chris says simply, smiling back gratefully.

 

After a moment of silence, Chris clears her throat again. “I still should have asked if I can invite your brother, that wasn’t okay. Vilde did the same thing a few weeks ago…”

 

“It’s fine, Chris, I’m not mad at you okay?” you interrupt her. “I’m just … a little worried about Even.”

 

Chris waits for a moment and then sighs deeply. “I want to apologise to the boys, and to Even. How should I do that?”

 

Taking a deep breath, you think for a moment. “To be honest, I don’t think Even would want you to apologise. He’s a very forgiving person.”

 

Chris makes a face. “I am not surprised.” Pursing her lips, she adds: “Damn, why did I have to be so damn thick?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell us you invited the boys anyway?” you ask, although you’re pretty sure you know the answer to that question.

 

Chris sighs deeply and rolls her eyes before she replies. “I wanted to surprise Mutta. And …” She hesitates for a moment, biting her lip. “I also wanted it to be … natural that Mutta is there, you know? I guess I wanted to show you guys that we are serious… I know Eva apologised and meant it, but …” Chris looks at her hands, twiddling her thumbs and you feel a wave of sympathy for her wash over you.

 

“I get it,” you say, smiling warmly at her, your eyes trying to say just how much you understand how she feels. “Really, Chris, I do.”

 

“Thank you,” Chris says and leans forward to wrap her arms around you. “You’re really amazing you know that, right?”

 

Blushing slightly, you pull back, shrugging with a small smile. “I’m just … honest?”

 

Chris nods slowly, holding on to your wrist. “Hell yes, you are.”

 

“Likewise,” you say and then suddenly have an idea. Putting up a hand, you perk up your ears. After a few seconds you hear what you expected: Loud chatter and laughter from the backyard.

 

You get to your feet, walking over to the window, peeking outside. “Yup, the boys are outside, playing Kubb. Do you want to go talk to them?”

 

Chris’s eyes go wide with a mix of surprise and fear, but she nods after only a moment. “Uh, sure?”

 

You walk around the bed as she gets up and link arms with her, leading her out into the hall. “I have to warn you, they might try to fake being angry just to mess with you,” you tell her while both of you put on your shoes.

 

“Good to know,” Chris chuckles and then follows you downstairs. She stumbles a few times, obviously nervous, but smiles bravely every time you catch her eye.

 

When the two of you step out of the back door and into the sunlight, the boys all look up, calling “Hei Sana” almost in unison, making you grin. Mutta smiles at Chris who blushes and smiles back at the same time as you return Yousef’s grin. _Damn, we’re such saps._

 

“Do you girls want to join in?” Adam asks, winking at both of you. Pursing your lips, you chuckle shortly, shaking your head.

 

“Not really, thanks. But Chris has something to say.” You smile at your friend, who is standing next to you with her arms crossed in front of her chest, looking a little flustered.

 

“What did we do now?” asks Elias with a doubtful look on his face, but his lips curve upward in an almost-smile when he sees how nervous Chris is.

 

“You didn’t do anything, I did,” Chris blurts out, making all five boys frown at her. Mutta steps closer and puts an arm around his girlfriend.

  
“What are you talking about?” he asks softly and Chris smiles at him before looking at the other four boys.

 

“Uh, so … I know I kind of blind-sided you by inviting you to that party. I didn’t tell Sana you guys were coming, and I had no idea Even would be so upset…” She takes a deep breath and throws a glance at you before clearing her throat and adding: “I’m really sorry, and I hope that I didn’t ruin your chances of … getting along with Even again.”

 

Chris leans into Mutta who puts both arms around her and kisses the top of her head. “I know you meant well,” he murmurs gently, and you can’t help but smile happily at the two of them.

 

Elias then clears his throat, making everyone look up at him. “Hey, I can’t speak for everyone, but for what it’s worth: I am not mad at you.”

 

Chris grins at him with a wink, and you can tell she sees the silent _“Thank you for letting me crash on your couch and not telling anyone about me getting drunk”_ in his eyes.

 

The other four hum and nod in agreement, all smiling forgivingly at Chris, who lets out a long breath and leans her head on Mutta’s shoulder. “Thanks, boys, I’m really glad.”

 

You smile contently at the six of them, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “I suppose you guys still want to talk to Even again?”

 

The boys and Chris all turn to you, looking hopeful and confused at the same time. Yousef is the first to speak. “Of course we do,” he says and you smile gently at him. He grins back and winks at you, turning your knees into butter. Blinking a few times, you clear your throat and are about to say that you can try and talk to Even about the matter, when you hear Mikael’s soft voice speaking up.

 

“But it has to be on his terms.”

 

You turn to look at him. Mikael purses his lips and clears his throat, looking slightly uncomfortable. “I mean …” he looks down at his shoes for a moment and Adam wraps an arm around his shoulder. “It was because of me … I made Even feel like I hated him, and I … can’t hurt him like that, not again.”

 

Chris and Mutta nod in unison and Adam pulls Mikael a little closer. “We all made a mistake, Mikael, not just you.”

 

The other three boys nod, and then Mutta turns to you, smiling hesitantly. “Do you think … how should we go about talking to Even?”

 

You make a face. “To be honest, I think you should wait for him to make a move,” you tell the boys. Mikael nods approvingly as you go on. “I know he’s been working up the courage to talk to you guys, so it won’t be long. But Mikael’s right: It has to be on his terms.”

 

The boys all nod slowly and Elias clears his throat. “Alright, then. Thanks, little sister.”

 

“Now, who’s up for some Kubb?” says Adam, and to your surprise, Chris raises her hand.

 

“I haven’t played in ages, so can you explain the rules to me?” she asks, and Mutta beams happily at her.

 

“Of course,” all five boys say at once and start talking at the same time. Chuckling happily, you can’t help but think that your former self who decided your brother and his friends meeting your girls was a bad idea … well, that self was definitely absolutely wrong.

 

And just when you're about to announce you want to join the game, Yousef walks up to you. If he wasn't grinning like the sun itself, you might be scared.

 

"You and I are sitting this one out, agreed?" he says softly, offering you his arm.

 

Smiling back at him, you link your arm with his and nod slowly. "Yeah we are."

 

And for the first time ever, you're not dreading a conversation with your crush. Sure, you have some explaining to do, but it seems like nothing after everything you've gone through in the past few weeks.

 

"Great," Yousef says when you've turned the corner of the house, his voice shaking a little. "I hope you don't feel guilty about the whole removing me from facebook thing? Cause I think you had every right to do it. Not that I was thrilled," he giggles slightly before he goes on. "And I'm glad you added me again ..."

 

"It still wasn't fair," you tell him, shaking your head. "I am learning how to actually talk to people."

 

Yousef's surprised expression mirrors your own confusion. When did you become so open and honest? Still, you don't regret it when you see the bright smile spreading on Yousef's face. "I like talking. If I'm not too dumb to actually say what I mean."

 

"You've never lied to me," you tell him, looking straight into his eyes.

 

"No," Yousef admits, blushing slightly. "And I don't intend to start now." He suddenly lets go of your arm and moves a few steps away, facing you with a determined expression. "I really like you, Sana."

 

You feel your cheeks heat up and your heart is pounding a hundred miles a minute. "I ... I really like you too," you say back with a shaky voice, however your eyes are steadily holding Yousef's gaze.

 

His bright smile is making it hard for you to stand up straight, but before he can answer, your brother's voice makes the two of you jump.

 

"Yousef, stop flirting with my sister and get your ass over here," he says with a laugh. You know instantly that he's just joking, but you could still kill him.

 

Being the shy messes you are, neither you nor Yousef have the courage to contradict Elias. "Coming," Yousef says with an apologetic grin at you and then turns around, walking back to the garden.

 

You stay put for a moment, taking a few deep breaths to calm your nerves. Did you really just admit your feelings to Yousef? In spite of everything that stands between you, like his lack of faith and your brother and ... _STOP_ you tell yourself. _Calm down and take your time to think it through._

 

And with that thought, you take another deep breath and then walk back around the corner to join the others.

 


	98. Episode 9: Saturday 10th June, 17:43:  No stress

**_Text: Isak_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _Hey Isak, how is Even feeling? I still feel terrible …_

 

 _Isak:_ _About helping him calm down, or … what? He’s doing much better, thanks._

 

 _Sana:_ _Funny. That’s good to know though. I was wondering if I could come visit you guys_

_tomorrow?_

 

 _Isak:_ _Oh, yeah! I’m pretty sure Even doesn’t want to hear you apologise though._

 

 _Sana:_ _I’ll bring some more Halva Chebakia?_

 

 _Isak:_ _Ah, now you’re just bribing. Three o’clock?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Done :-)_


	99. Episode 9: Sunday 11th June, 14:58: She misses you too

You’re not as nervous as the last time you came here, but when the door opens, you’re certainly surprised. A beautiful short-haired blond girl wearing blue jeans and a white T-shirt stands in front of you, and when she smiles brightly, you remember that you know her.

 

“Hi, you’re Sana, right?” she says and you nod slowly, clearing your throat.

 

“Uh yes, and you’re Sonja, if I remember correctly?”

 

She nods and steps aside to let you in. “Yes. I think we met at that neon party at Isak’s kollektiv last year.”

 

“Ah yes,” you say, unsure what to think of the fact that Even’s ex-girlfriend is at his and Isak’s apartment.

 

But before you can so much as think of asking a question, Even appears in the doorway to the main room. “Sonja, I think Isak just broke his thumb trying to hammer in a nail …”

 

Sonja winces and hurries past Even, rolling her eyes. “I think I told you to keep your hands off anything that can break bones, Isak?” you hear her say, her voice chastising and cheerful at the same time. Isak grumbles something unintelligible in response, making you roll your eyes at Even.

 

However, Even just shrugs and takes your jacket from you, turning around to hang it on one of the coat hooks next to the door. “Both Isak and I suck at hanging pictures; Sonja is our handyman,” he explains.

 

“Aha,” you say, smirking at him when he turns back around to face you. He’s wearing grey sweatpants and a black T-shirt with the word “Illuminati” printed on it in white. Although he still looks a little rattled, you’re relieved to notice that he seems much calmer than the last time you saw him.

 

Even leads you to the kitchen, pulling out one of three chairs standing around a tiny table and pointing to it with an inviting smile. “Thank you,” you tell him, and Even just nods silently, sitting down across from you.

 

Just like on Friday, Even’s eyes aren’t really focused on you, almost as if he were half lost in thought. So you decide not to overwhelm him and just sit in silence with him for a moment.

 

You hear Sonja and Isak talking and laughing in the other room and just when you’re about to ask if you should go help them, Even sits up a little straighter and clears his throat.

 

“Uh, I’d offer you a glass of water, but you still have two weeks of Ramadan left, right?” he says with a slight frown on his face.

 

“Yes, I am counting the days,” you reply, making Even laugh shortly.

 

He smiles absent-mindedly and when he doesn’t reply, you decide to take the opportunity to dig the box of freshly baked Halwa Chebakia out of your backpack.

 

“Isak tells me you still like those,” you say quietly and put the box on the table.

 

Even stares at the box for a moment and then smiles, lifting the lid. When he sees what’s inside, his face lights up even more. “Halwa! Again!”

 

He reaches across the table to take your hand in his and his eyes meet yours for the first time. “You shouldn’t have, but thank you so much,” he says with his warm, deep voice.

 

“Mamma insisted I bring you some when I told her I’m coming over,” you say slowly, carefully watching Even’s face for his reaction.

 

You’re relieved to see a smile curling his lips upwards. But then his face falls again and he looks - almost embarrassed. “I miss your mum,” he says, staring at the box of Halwa in front of him.

 

Shaking your head, you take his hand again. “She misses you too, Even,” you all but whisper, and when Even meets your eye, you add: “In fact, she said I should tell you that if you ever want to come over again, the door is always open for you.”

 

Even stares at you, an incredulous smile curling his lips. “Really?” He slowly starts rocking your joint hands back and forth, his expression suddenly looking hopeful.

 

“Of course, Even! Mamma always loved you, and she never stopped.” You’re fighting tears now, although you’re not sure why. Even’s breath hitches and you notice his grip on your hand loosen a bit. He’s no longer moving your hands back and forth, and you wonder why you’re suddenly so emotional. Maybe it’s because both you and Even know you’re not just talking about your mum, but also about the boys, although you’d bite your tongue off before mentioning them to Even. After what happened on Friday …

 

“Hey Sana,” Isak’s voice interrupts your thoughts, and you look up with a start. He and Sonja are standing in the doorway with matching grins.

 

“Hey,” you reply, smiling at him.

 

“We managed to hang all four frames,” Sonja announces and walks over to the counter, opening one of the cupboards. “Does anyone else need some water?”

 

Isak puts up his hand and smiles at Even, who shakes his head, motioning his chin towards you. Isak’s eyes go wide for a second and then he nods at Even, pulling up the third chair and sitting down next to him. Flashing you a kind smile, he clears his throat.

 

“Uh, actually, no thanks. Sana can’t drink yet so ..”

 

“Oh my gosh, guys, you don’t have to be _that_ polite,” you tell them and then turn around to Sonja, who’s frowning slightly. “It’s Ramadan, I don’t drink or eat until sunset, but please,” you put up a hand when Sonja moves to close the cupboard again without taking out a glass. “Drink if you’re thirsty, otherwise I’ll feel stupid.”

 

Sonja laughs shortly, filling up a glass and then leaning at the counter. “I didn’t know you’re not even allowed to drink during the day,” she says, watching you with a mix of worry and interest. “Isn’t that really hard? I mean it’s so warm out.”

 

You shrug and smile at her. “You get used to it after a while.”

 

Sonja smiles shyly, taking a sip of her water, and when you notice she doesn’t know what to say to that you add: “plus, the food we get to eat after sunset is really amazing so ..”

 

Suddenly, Even pats the box you brought and pushes it across the table to Sonja. “This, for example,” he says, grinning absent-mindedly.

 

Sonja’s face lights up with curiosity and she lifts the lid to peek inside. “Oh, that smells so good.” She throws a hesitant look at you and Even. “Can I try one?”

 

“Sure, Sana brought them,” says Even with a hint of pride in his voice and smiles at you, making you blush.

 

“Oh wow, this is really good,” says Sonja, already having bitten off a part of a piece of Halwa, looking at you with intrigue. “Did you make these?”

 

You exchange a grin with Isak as you reply. “My mother, but I helped,” you tell Sonja, trying to ignore Isak’s quiet snigger.

 

“Well, this has got to be the best pastry I’ve tasted in a while,” Sonja says with a genuine smile. She hesitates for a second and then looks at Even and Isak. “Do you think I could bring some home for my mum?”

 

Even nods and Isak shoots Sonja a mock-distrustful look. “Eh, not more than three though …”

 

Sonja laughs, patting Isak’s upper arm while emptying her water glass in one gulp. “No worries, I’ll just ask Sana for the recipe.”

 

She winks at you and then turns to Even, who has already gotten up and is wrapping four pieces of Halwa in a paper towel. “Awh, thank you Ev,” Sonja cooes and smiles brightly at him.

 

Even grins and winks at her as she takes the little package from him. “No problem.”

 

Sonja grins happily and then clears her throat. "Alright, I think I'll go to the studio for a bit. Anders says if we record the rest of my songs by the end of this week, he can give it to his friend and I might have a shot at getting a slot on a tiny stage at Øya!" She lets out an excited squeal and Isak's eyes go wide.

 

"Wow, that would be awesome Son! Anders sure has some useful friends," he says, his voice full of honest admiration.

 

Sonja waves her hand in a dismissive gesture. "Listen, like with all of my brother's friends, I don't trust Anders' words until he actually proves they're worth something." She winks with a cheeky grin and then points at Isak and Even.

"Anyway, don’t forget to let me know if you have any friends who love music and are looking for a job, okay?. Anders is desperate to find an intern for the sound technician, they’re quite short-handed right now.”

 

Both boys nod dutifully and Sonja turns to you. “It was so good to see you Sana! Maybe some other time?”

 

“Same,” you say and get to your feet at the same time as Isak and Even to hug Sonja goodbye. “I’d love that, yes.” You’re not surprised to notice you mean it.

 

“Bye Even,” Sonja says and briefly wraps an arm around his shoulder. Even smiles fondly at her and hugs her back.

 

“See you soon, Sonja,” he says gently and then sits back down as Isak accompanies Sonja to the hallway.

 

You look at Even again, who takes a deep breath and leans back in his chair, closing his eyes for a moment.

 

Not wanting to startle him, you wait for Isak to come back without saying anything. Once the three of you are sitting at the kitchen table again, Isak studies Even for a moment and then turns to you, clearing his throat.

 

“So, did you just come here to bribe me for my bio notes with pastry, Sana?” he asks, smirking cheekily at you.

 

Both you and Even chuckle slightly at that and you shake your head. “No.”

 

Even raises Isak’s and his linked hands to his lips and kisses his boyfriend’s wrist before turning to you. “Isak said he already told you I am not accepting your apology.”

 

He winks at you, making you giggle. “I know, but ... “ you take a deep breath. “I still wanted to explain … how Friday happened.”

 

Both boys watch you expectantly with their linked hands on the table and you notice Isak’s thumb drawing circles on Even’s palm.

 

“Chris asked me to tell you that it was her who invited the boys. She’s incredibly sorry and hopes you can forgive her.” You say it quickly, and when you look up, you find Even staring at you incredulously.

 

“Wait, what? Chris?” He looks over at Isak, who shrugs and then turns to you as well.

 

“Your friend, Chris? The one with the ice cream spoon?”

 

You chuckle shortly. “I can’t believe you’re still not over that, but yeah.” Hesitating for a moment, you’re surprised to notice Even seems to know the spoon story, because a knowing grin spreads on his face.

 

“She’s dating Mutta and wanted to surprise him,” you go on, and that makes Even’s mouth drop open in shock.

 

“Mutta? Muttassim Tatoui?” he says slowly and you curse yourself for just blurting that out.

 

“I swear I didn’t mean for this to happen …” you begin but Even reaches out to cover your hand with his. Looking up, you see a faint smile on his face and a trace of hope in his eyes.

 

“You said she wanted to surprise him …” he begins and trails off, staring at his fingers for a moment.

 

When he looks back up at you, you nod slowly. “Yes. Mutta told her he misses you and Chris thought it would be a good idea to invite you all to the party so you would meet again.”

 

Even lets out a harsh breath and runs a hand through his hair. “Huh.”

 

“Well, I can’t say it _was_ a good idea,” Isak pipes up and kisses Even’s knuckles. Even smiles absent-mindedly at him with a small nod. “... but I’m sure Chris meant well.”

 

Even nods again and looks into your eyes. “Tell Chris I’m not angry with her, okay?”

 

“I will,” you assure him, smiling warmly. “Thank you.”

 

Even’s smile is genuine when he adds: “I really want to see the boys again, and I know I’ve waited too long.”

 

You shake your head and frown at him. “Even, my brother and his boys know they fucked up okay? They all told me that they’re aware they should have acted differently after … what happened, so please … take your time.”

You purse your lips and make sure Even’s looking into your eyes before going on. “Mikael literally said that if they talk to you again, it has to be on your terms, and the others agree with him. And for what it’s worth, so do I.”

 

A rather loud silence follows your words and Even stares at you for a long moment, his mouth half-open. He thinks for a moment, and then closes his mouth again.

 

“They really said that?” Isak asks after a while, sounding hopeful. You nod at him, and Isak taps Even’s shoulder to make him look up. “That’s really nice of them, I think.”

 

Even smiles absent-mindedly at Isak and then finally nods, his expression still a bit thunderstruck, but also hopeful. “Yes, that’s nice of them.”

 

For a moment, the three of you sit in silence. after a while, Even sighs and throws an apologetic look at Isak, who nods and leans in to press a brief kiss to his boyfriend’s lips.

 

Even smiles at both of you and then gets to his feet. “Uh, I think I should lie down for a bit,” he says hesitantly, and you nod, smiling understandingly at him.

 

“Of course,” you say quietly, getting up as well. “I should let you rest,” you add and put up a hand as Isak opens his mouth to protest. “It’s okay, I wanted to shoot some hoops anyway.”

 

Both boys smile at that, and Even’s expression grows soft again. “Thank you for coming, little sister,” he says and pulls you into a one-armed hug, adding: “and thanks for the Halwa.”

 

You hug him back, smiling up at him. He’s so tall you have to crane your neck to meet his eye. “You are very welcome.”

 

Even grins back and then lets go of you, briefly running his hand through Isak’s hair on his way out of the kitchen. Seconds later, you hear him flop down on the bed with a content sigh.

 

“You don’t have to go,” Isak says, but you shake your head, grinning at him.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Take care of your boyfriend, okay?” You take a deep breath and look at Isak for a long moment before you add in a lower voice: “And make sure Even knows he’s welcome at our house, but no one expects him to do anything he’s not comfortable with.”

 

You speak so fast Isak frowns at you for a second, but then his face lights up and he nods with a grateful smile.

 

“Yes, thank you. I will,” he says and then gets to his feet, walking you out into the hallway. He waits patiently while you put on your shoes and when you straighten up again, you find him smiling knowingly at you.

  
“What?” you ask him, frowning slightly.

 

“Nothing, you’re just ... “ Isak clears his throat. “You’re a good person, Sana.”

 

You’re suddenly grateful for the dim light in the hallway when you feel your cheeks heat up. “You too,” you say quietly and reach for the door handle. “See you tomorrow, Isabell,” you add with a wink and wave at him.

 

“See you, Sanasol.”

Isak’s joyful laugh follows you down the stairs and you can’t stop grinning all the way to the tram stop.


	100. Episode 9: Monday 12th June, 15:29: Too lazy

**_Text: Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

 _Noora:_ _Alright, ladies, since most of you were too lazy to get your asses out of bed yesterday, we are meeting today at my place._

 

 _Chris:_ _You’re one to talk, I bet you and Eva didn’t leave bed either._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Haha, Chris, I think Sana is the only one who actually got up yesterday._

 

 _Chris:_ _Damn, right I forgot! How did it go Sana?_

 

 _Sana:_ _I’ll tell you tonight. What time?_

 

 _Eva:_ _We thought we could make it a late dinner so Sana can eat too. Does 22:30 work for everyone?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Awwwh, you guys! <3_

 

 _Vilde:_ _I was planning on skipping English anyway tomorrow, so I’m in!_

 

 _Chris:_ _Yup, I’m all for it._

 

 _Noora:_ _Great! See you guys later then._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Wait, Noora. Did you guys remember to buy food that Sana can eat? What’s it called again Sana?_

 _  
__Eva:_ _Yes Vilde, Noora bought halal meat._

 

 _Sana:_ _I can’t with you people. Are you trying to make me cry?_

 

 _Noora:_ _Awwh don’t cry Sana <3_

 

_Sana: Just kidding. I can’t wait._

 

_Chris: Laters!_


	101. Episode 9: Monday 12th June, 22:43: As true as they come

You always knew Noora could cook. But tonight, she’s outdone herself again: Her Chicken Tikka Marsala is nothing short of spectacular.

 

The five of you are gathered around the round dining room table at the kollektiv, which is subtly but tastefully decorated: Placemats in various colours and a set of candles in wooden holders tied together with a few colourful ribbons make the table feel cosy and stylish at the same time.

 

All four of you praise Noora’s cooking from the first bite on, making her blush repeatedly.

 

“It’s just food, girls,” she says after a while, but Eva shakes her head and plants a kiss on Noora’s lips.

 

“No, babe. It’s spectacular, freshly home-made food. You are amazing.”

 

Noora stares into Eva’s eyes with a blissful smile and then leans forward to kiss her again. “You too,” she whispers quietly, her cheeks even redder than before, and you think that Noora has never looked more beautiful.

 

“She’s right, although I’m not going to kiss you,” says Chris, making everyone laugh.

 

Eva scowls at Chris across the table, wrapping one arm possessively around Noora’s shoulders. “Like I would let you.”

 

“Haha, who knew Eva can be jealous?” Vilde giggles and puts a fork full of rice into her mouth. She’s sitting between you and Chris, looking positively smug while her eyes dart back and forth between Chris and Eva.

 

Looking around at the four girls, you realise you can hardly speak, that’s how full your heart is. Filled to the brim with pride of the four girls sitting here with you, and just as full of love for them. All four girls didn’t eat a bite until your Iftar alarm went off, clinking their glasses of water to yours in celebration, and you smiled so hard the corners your mouth began to hurt. And Noora even told you which butcher shop she went to, just to make sure she got the right kind of meat.

 

“Noora, this is really the best chicken I’ve had in a long time,” you finally manage to say and put a hand on her arm, shrugging as Noora hides her face in her hands. “What, it’s true,” you add with a giggle.

 

“Excuse my girlfriend,” Eva says in a tone that makes it clear she’s not used to calling Noora her girlfriend yet but is thoroughly enjoying the fact that she can. “She’s a bit shy.”

 

“Oh my God, we know you’re in love with her, alright?” Chris sounds not nearly as indignant as her words and grimace would suggest. “Vilde, do you get now what we meant about you and Magnus?”

 

Since she’s chewing a mouthful of Naan bread, Vilde merely nods with a sweet smile, and both Noora and Eva stick their tongues out at Chris. “You’re lucky Mutta isn’t here, otherwise everyone would see what a hypocrite you are,” says Eva, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

 

Chris blushes a bright red and quickly stuffs a piece of chicken into her mouth. “No idea ‘at you’re talking ‘bout,” she mumbles, making the rest of you laugh.

 

Noora inclines her head, grinning cheekily at Chris, who makes a face and swallows her bite, grinning at both Noora and Eva. “I’m just realising: You two are the only ones who get around the ‘no boyfriends allowed’ rule now …”

 

All four of you laugh and Eva protests. “Eh, we’re not really getting around it, we just have each other instead of boyfriends.”

 

The argument about the rule quickly becomes an argument over why the rule exists at all, until Vilde mentions with a giggle that Magnus told her the boys had the exact same argument about Isak and Even.

 

Chris almost chokes on her mouthful of chicken and Vilde pats her back, frowning at her. “Are you alright?”

 

Nodding hastily, Chris gasps for air and takes the glass of water in front of her, emptying it in one gulp. Then she takes a deep breath and looks at you with a mix of hope and fear in her eyes. “Speaking of Isak and Even,” she begins, but you interrupt her by shaking your head and taking her hand in yours, smiling calmly.

 

The other three are watching you and Chris with frowns on their faces, and that reminds you that they have no idea what Chris is talking about. But before you can suggest to speak to her alone, Chris clears her throat and sits up a little straighter, looking around at all of you.

 

“I … it was me who invited the boys to the party. Knowing Even would be there, I kind of hoped they would sort of reconnect or something …”

 

A confused silence follows that statement until Vilde finally touches Chris’ lower arm. “So you knew Even, Elias and the others were friends once? Before Sana told us I mean.”

 

Chris nods. “Mutta asked if I know Even because I mentioned him once. And when I said yes he told me he misses Even a lot … So .. silly me thought it was a good idea to surprise him, Even and the boys ...by inviting everyone to the party.”

 

She looks miserable, but Eva, Noora and Vilde all look at her with kind eyes. “You didn’t know it would be that bad,” says Noora and you nod in agreement, clearing your throat.

 

“Even said I should tell you he’s not mad at you. Not at all. He and Isak both understand you only meant well.”

 

Chris lets out a long breath of relief and Eva and Noora exchange a knowing look. “Isak has never been one to hold a grudge,” Eva says, not without a trace of pride in her voice.

 

You smile happily at her and nod in agreement. “Neither has Even.”

 

The words escape your mouth before you can stop them and the girls all look at you curiously, expecting you to go on.

 

When you don’t say anything, Vilde purses her  lips and leans forward, waiting for you to meet her eyes before she asks: “You’ve known Even for a long time, haven’t you?”

 

You hesitate for a moment, before you nod. “Yes. He’s been friends with my brother and his boys for … well, ever since I can remember.”

 

The girls all smile at you, except Chris, who still looks very unhappy with herself. “And I made Even afraid to talk to them instead of making it easier,” she says, and that’s it for you.

 

“Enough, Chris. Stop hating yourself over a mistake that could happen to anyone. Look at me: I got jealous of Noora just because I assumed she was dating Yousef, and that’s why I went and sent a very stupid email to William, which got all of us into a big mess. Mistakes happen, okay? Everyone makes them, it’s not the end of the world.”

 

A ringing silence follows that sentence, and you notice you’ve spoken considerably louder than usual, which makes you blush. But before you can apologise, you hear a familiar voice from behind you.

 

“Well, isn’t that a statement as true as they come!”

 

You want to roll your eyes but when you hear him clapping, you can’t help but turn around to face Eskild with a smile. He’s standing next to Linn, who looks a little lost beside her extroverted roommate.

 

“Hello, my beautiful ladies,” Eskild calls and walks up to the table, putting a hand on your shoulder. “Sana, not only do you utter wonderful wisdom in our living room, you also look incredible!”

 

He smiles warmly at you and runs a hand over the hem of your yellow hijab while looking you up and down. “The yellow really brings out the spark in your eyes, and I adore that floral blouse, ah!”

 

You return his bright smile while trying to hide the fact you’re blushing furiously. “Thank you, Eskild, you look gorgeous too!” you say and take him in as well. He’s wearing a tight blue T-shirt - Eskild would probably call it ‘baby blue’ - with matching white jeans, and while he walks around the table to kiss all the girls hello, chattering happily, you notice his socks have pink and green unicorns on them.

 

“Hey Linn,” you say then, turning to Noora’s more quiet roommate who is standing behind your chair now and very shyly returns your smile.

 

“Hi, you’re Sana, right?” she asks, playing with the strings of her hoodie and stepping from one foot onto the other.

 

You nod at her and are about to ask if she wants to join you when Noora clears her throat. “Why don’t you get two more plates for you and Linn so you two can join us?” she asks Eskild and points to the space between Chris and Eva. “There’s enough room over there.”

 

Eskild nods eagerly and stares admiringly at the pots and plates on the table. “Thank you so much, Noora. As always, it smells amazing! Come on Linn, sit down next to Chris, I’ll get the plates and glasses,” he says and Chris pulls out the chair next to her. Linn takes a seat, looking hesitantly at the five of you.

 

“I don’t want to ruin your evening, my mood isn’t the best today,” she says, making a face, but Eva shakes her head decidedly.

 

“You don’t have to be entertaining, Linn. We have Eskild for that.” She winks at Linn, making both of them giggle.

Eskild comes back, carrying two plates with two sets of cutlery in one hand and two glasses in the other, setting everything down in front of Linn. “So, Sana, I assume - forgive me for eavesdropping but you weren't exactly whispering - you were talking about the email you sent to William being a mistake?”

 

You freeze mid-chew, not having expected Eskild to pick up the subject again. “Uh, yeah,” you say after swallowing, giving him a hesitant look.

 

Eskild beams at you while setting the table for him and Linn and pulling the pot of rice towards himself. “Well, I can only say that you may think of it as a mistake, but I am very happy you sent that email,” he says and starts piling rice onto his plate. “Because, as handsome as William is, I like Eva much better. Plus, she makes Noora laugh, which William hardly ever did so …” He flashes you the brightest smile you’ve ever seen. “Thank you, for making that mistake.”

 

Everyone laughs at that, and you purse your lips, smiling back at Eskild. “You’re welcome, I guess.”

 

Linn nods approvingly and hands her plate to Eskild. “William was … he always looked at me like I’m crazy,” she says slowly and Noora bites her lower lip, leaning her head on Eva’s shoulder.

 

“He’ll never step foot in here again Linn,” she says softly and Linn smiles kindly at her and Eva.

 

“That’s good,” she says and then sniffs at the plate full of chicken, rice and naan Eskild puts down in front of her. “Oh, that looks tasty.”

 

Eskild sits down next to Linn and makes a sound as if he’s close to an orgasm after taking the first bite. “Honestly darling,” he says dramatically and reaches across the table for Noora’s hand. “You need to open a restaurant.”

 

“Thanks, Eskild, I’ll go to university first though,” Noora giggles, and Eskild rolls his eyes. When he’s swallowed his bite of chicken, he turns to you again.

 

“So, Sana. Forgive me for prying, but … why did you send that email to William, if you don’t mind me asking?”

 

You look down at your hands and take a deep breath. “Uh … well, that was kind of stupid.” Letting out a short chuckle, you look up at Eskild, pursing your lips. “I’m … I thought Noora was interested in … someone I have a crush on.”

 

Eskild sucks in a shocked breath. “Wait, are you into girls as well?”

 

You throw an amused look at Noora and Eva and then shake your head. “No, I thought Noora was in love with Yousef.”

 

For a moment you think you’re going to have to explain who Yousef is, but Eskild nods knowingly, grinning at you. “Ah, that must be the gorgeous boy who couldn’t tear his eyes off you on Friday.”

 

You feel your cheeks heat up again and look down at your plate, pretending to focus on soaking up a bit of sauce with your naan bread.

 

“Don’t be shy Sana, I’m glad he feels the same way as you,” Eskild says softly, making you look up at him again. His warm smile makes you blush even more, but not of embarrassment this time. “So, why didn’t you just tell Noora to back off?” he then asks, and your eyes dart over to Noora again.

 

She grins cheekily and winks at you, letting you know she will answer in your stead. “I … well, all four of us made Sana feel a little awkward sometimes,” she says. Her blunt honesty surprises you, and you’re still trying to process what she just said when Eva chimes in.

 

“You’d think we’d know better by now, but all of us kind of assumed that Sana doesn’t fall in love just because she’s muslim.”

 

Okay that’s just … you have to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming. “Uh, Eva …,” you begin, but again, you’re interrupted.

 

“I bet people have bullied you because you’re muslim.”

 

All heads turn to Linn, who seems to have spoken as if to herself and looks shocked when she notices all eyes are on her. “I mean … I know that people who are different are usually not exactly popular,” she adds, blushing slightly.

 

You reach past Chris to touch Linn’s arm, making her look at you. Linn smiles and you can see in her eyes that she knows exactly what she’s talking about. Swallowing hard, you nod slowly and squeeze her arm, before clearing your throat and turning to look at Eskild and the rest of the girls.

 

“Linn is right.” You hesitate for a second and then decide to just take the opportunity and jump into cold water. “I feel like I owe you an explanation for … why it took me so long to … really trust you girls.” Your tongue feels horribly dry, but you force yourself to look at your friends.

 

Everyone except Linn and Eskild is done eating by now, but even they are looking at you. However none of them are frowning. Eva and Noora wear matching expressions of concern, Vilde has her lips pressed tightly together as if to keep herself from crying and Chris just smiles warmly, as if to tell you that you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to share.

 

“It’s okay, you can tell us,” says Eskild, his voice unusually quiet and careful, and when you feel Linn’s hand on your arm, you nod slowly and take a deep breath.

 

“So, I think you guys know I went to Urra before I came to Nissen,” you begin, and the girls nod in unison. “To make it short, going to school there was … not fun for me. I was teased for wearing a hijab by non-muslims and cursed at for playing basketball and for what I wore by muslims. I have no idea why, but somehow, I was never Norwegian enough for Norwegians and not muslim enough for muslims.”

 

Shrugging slightly, you look around at everyone, trying to smile. “That’s it really. I just … didn’t have anyone to rely on, except Jamilla … But she’s two years older than me and therefore wasn’t in the same classes, so she couldn’t always look out for me.”

 

After a moment of silence during which the only sound you hear is the clinking of Eskild and Linn’s cutlery as they eat, Eva clears her throat.

 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Sana.” Her voice sounds a little broken and when you look into her eyes, you can tell she knows you’re playing down what happened to you. But she’s not about to make you admit how much it really hurt, and you are immensely grateful for that.

 

You smile bravely at her and the others, noticing that they all seem to have read between the lines of what you said.

 

“You’ll never be alone again,” Noora says quietly, her smile so warm you feel it from head to toe.

 

“I know, thank you,” you say, looking at everyone sitting at the table. You can’t believe you just shared the most shameful part of your past and no one so much as pities you. Except maybe Vilde: she looks shocked and you’re almost worried that she’s going to burst into tears. So before that can happen, you let out a small chuckle and turn to Eskild and Linn.

 

“I hope I didn’t ruin dinner for you two.”

 

Both Eskild and Linn shake their heads and burst out into praises of Noora’s cooking, making Noora groan with embarrassment and the rest of you laugh.

 

By the time Eskild and Linn have emptied their plates, the conversation has moved on to school and the fact that the summer holidays are approaching fast. “Does anyone else still have exams this or next week?” asks Vilde, looking around at the four of you.

 

“Spanish,” Eva and Noora say simultaneously, Noora’s tone indifferent while Eva sounds as if she’d just announced the death of her pet. “I will fail so badly,” Eva adds and Noora puts an arm around her, cooing softly.

 

“Not if you study with me.”

 

Eskild scoffs audibly and rips a piece off his Naan bread. “Honey, I hate to break it to you, but studying with your girlfriend will never lead to anything. I mean, the two of you just started dating, how are you supposed to focus …”

 

He trails off when he notices Noora’s death glare, and clears his throat. “Or well, you know, I guess it’s better than not studying at all,” he corrects himself, his voice considerably higher than before.

 

By the time you leave Noora’s kollektiv with Chris and Vilde, it’s almost midnight and you know you’re going to be more than tired tomorrow, particularly because you’ll get up for Suhoor in just a few hours.

 

But not in a million years would you regret spending that evening with your girls. For the first time since you left Urra, you talked about what happened there, and no one judged you. And that is worth more than the longest night’s sleep in the world.


	102. Episode 9: Tuesday 13th June, 09:04: What is it about?

You should have known this would happen. After getting home shortly before one o’clock last night, you got up at four o’clock for Suhoor and couldn’t really sleep anymore after that. So basically, you’re running on three hours of sleep.

 

Which is why you shouldn’t be surprised you’re late. For the first time ever, you’re late for for school and not even on purpose. You’re running towards the school and are already making up an excuse for why you’re not on time when you hear Eva’s laugh from across the road.

 

She and Noora are walking on the opposite side of the street, hand in hand and not at all in a hurry. Noora is apparently telling Eva a story that has her bending over with laughter, and somehow, noticing that you won’t be the only one running into English class after the bell calms your nerves.

 

“Hey girls,” you call out, making the two lovebirds look up.

 

“Hey Sana,” they reply in unison and as you walk over to them, they hold out their arms for a group hug.

 

“We’re late for English,” you tell them, and both Eva and Noora look genuinely shocked.

 

“Fuck, really?” Eva curses, and pulls out her phone to check the time. She shows it to Noora, who gasps and slaps her hand to her mouth. She’s wearing red lipstick again, which makes her look very fancy in her fitted blue blouse and mom jeans.

 

“Oh snap,” she giggles and pulls both you and Eva close again. “Let’s skip! It’s such a beautiful day, way too nice to spend all morning in a classroom.”

 

Eva burst into giggles as well nodding enthusiastically. “Now you’re talking,” she says and kisses Noora’s cheek. “Come on, Sana, let’s go sit down somewhere in the sun.”

 

She holds out her arm and you take it, grinning back happily. “You guys are nuts.”

 

“Yes, we know, thank you very much.” Eva’s eyes are sparkling. She flips her hair across her shoulder and you notice she’s wearing the same green top she wore last night, reminding you that she slept over at Noora’s. The thought makes you smile even more, particularly because she’s also wearing one of Noora’s blazers.

 

The three of you sit down at your usual table on the school yard and for a moment, you just watch your love-struck friends giggle and tease each other with a content smile on your face.

 

“Stop grinning like that, you should be just as happy!” Noora suddenly says, pointing at you. “Or wait, did you ever … have you asked Yousef out yet?”

 

She sets one arm akimbo and when you bite your lip and shake your head, Noora lets out a frustrated groan. “For freak’s sake, Sana! Ask him out, NOW!”

 

“I don’t know what to say … what if he’s tired of waiting? I mean .. I have taken forever to even admit to myself that I like him?” You marvel at the fact that it’s so easy now to say what you really think and feel.

 

Eva runs her hand through Noora’s hair and shakes her head. “No, Sana. I saw the way he looked at you on Friday, he is definitely still interested.”

 

Noora nods and leans forward to take your hand in hers. “Okay, I have to tell you something.” She hesitates for a moment, biting her lip, but then clears her throat and goes on. “Remember that I told you I know what ‘Wallah’ means when we talked two weeks ago?”

 

Frowning at her, you nod slowly. “Yes, and I think you said you know because Yousef explained it to you? But you wouldn’t tell me why.”

 

Rolling her eyes, Noora nods. “Yes, because I was hoping he would tell you himself,but since you aren’t talking to him ...” she bops your nose with her index finger and takes a deep breath.

 

“Alright, you already know that Yousef told me about having a crush on you via text, but we also talked about you in person.”

 

You feel your heartbeat speed up at her words and hardly notice Eva’s gleeful giggle. “O-okay?”

 

Noora smiles brightly, very obviously enjoying this. “So, the first time I met him for coffee, he suddenly burst out into a rant about everything he finds awesome about you. And at the end of that rant, he said ‘She is so amazing. I really think Sana and I are soulmates, Noora. If I still believed in God, I would say ‘Wallah’, that’s how serious I am.’”

 

You suddenly feel your heartbeat in your ears and if you weren’t sitting down you’d probably feel dizzy. “He said that?” you ask weakly.

 

“Yes, he did. Sana, that man adores you.” Noora giggles happily and squeezes your hands, making you look up at her again. “And not to mention, he’s an amazing person, but I guess you know that already.” She huffs out a laugh and adds: “Honestly, when he told me about the children’s book he’s writing I almost lost it, the guy is too cute.”

 

That is new to you. “He’s writing a children’s book? What is it about?” you ask, blinking several times to get your eyes to focus on Noora again.

 

She sits up a little straighter and clear her throat. “Alright, so, you know that he works in a kindergarden, right?”

 

“He told me that, yes,” you reply, waving your hand to urge Noora to go on.

 

“So, through his work, he meets children from different cultural and religious backgrounds. And apparently he has seen kids - or their parents - get into conflicts because of that. So he decided he wants to try and write a story about two kids from different backgrounds who become friends without knowing about the other’s religion.”

 

Noora lets out a happy chuckle, pushing a strand of hair out her face before she continues. “And when they find out that one of them is muslim and the other is jewish, they are shocked at first. But in the end, they decide that if the differences between their faiths didn’t occur to them before they were friends, it would be silly to let those differences separate them now that they do know.”

 

You stare incredulously at Noora, still feeling your heartbeat in your ears and therefore not entirely sure if you heard her right.

 

Noora leans back into Eva’s arms, a self-satisfied smile on her face while watching your reaction. For a moment, you can’t say anything, your mind racing with a million thoughts.

 

It has occurred to you before that in spite of his lack of faith, Yousef is the most honest, kind and decent person imaginable. And what Noora just told you makes you want to sing with joy. Before, you’ve worried that even if you and Yousef would work out as a couple, you’d still be completely alone in matters of faith.

 

But his idea for a children’s book about friends from different religions … You feel ridiculous, but you’re almost tempted to think that he came up with the idea to prove a point to you; That just because you are muslim and he is not, that doesn’t have to mean you two can’t work. He obviously believes that different ways of thinking shouldn’t keep people apart, and that fact alone is enough to drive you to make a decision.

 

Very slowly, as if in trance, you dig your phone out of your pocket and unlock it. Eva and Noora gasp with surprise but don’t move an inch, as if they’re afraid you’ll change your mind if they say something.

 

You look for Yousef’s contact and start typing without thinking too much.

 

_To Yousef: Hey, how are you? I was wondering if you have time to hang out some time this week? I’m free every day after school and obviously on the weekend. Cheers._

 

Looking up at Eva and Noora, you find them clutching each other as if they were watching a scary movie, staring at you with raised eyebrows. You’re too nervous to laugh, so you squeeze your eyes shut and blindly tap the screen of your phone in the bottom right corner.

 

Opening one eye to peer at it, you see that the message has been sent and instantly drop your phone on the table like a hot potato, burying your face in your hands.

 

“Did you send it?” asks Eva, eyes wide and her hands still wrapped around Noora’s shoulders when you look up again.

 

You nod wordlessly, and now both girls are squealing. They jump up and pull you to your feet, hugging you tightly and telling you over and over again how proud they are of you and that they’re sure everything will be alright.


	103. Episode 9: Tuesday 13th June, 11:58: Aren’t you charming

**_Text: Yousef_ **

 

_Yousef: Hey girl, yes of course I want to hang out with you! How does Friday sound?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Sure, Friday’s good. At what time?_

 

_Yousef: I’ll pick you up at seven?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Uh, how about we meet in the city? Seven o’clock on Raduhusplassen by the statue?_

 

_Yousef: Yeah, that works! What should we do?_

 

 _Sana:_ _We could go for a walk by the water?_

 

_Yousef: Awesome! As long as you're there it will be great._

 

 _Sana:_ _Awwh aren’t you charming._

 

_Yousef:  Stop making me blush ;-). See you on Friday._

 

_Sana: See you :-)._


	104. Episode 9: Tuesday 13th June 15:21: Finally

**_Text: Olafiaklinikken_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _So, I suppose I have a date with Yousef._

 

 _Eva:_ _OMG WHEN?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Friday evening._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Wohoo, Sana, that’s awesome! Are you nervous?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Don’t ask._

 

 _Chris:_ _Chill, girl. He’s already head over heels for you anyway._

 

_Noora: Sana is in lo-ove, Sana is in lo-ove._

 

 _Eva:_ _Hahahaha yess. Go get your man Sana._

 

 _Sana:_ _What happened to you two?_

 

 _Vilde:_ _They’ve been like this all afternoon in French, it’s becoming annoying._

 

 _Chris:_ _Says who exactly, Mrs Fossbakken?_

 

 _Vilde:_ _I’m starting to understand what Noora meant, yes …._

 

 _Eva:_ _Sana is in lo-ove, Sana is in lo-ove._

 

 _Sana:_ _I’m out_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Yup, same._

 

 _Chris:_ _Me too. Get a grip, Nooreva._

 

 _Noora:_ _Nooreva? We have a name now? EVA WE HAVE A SHIPNAME?!_

 

 _Eva:_ _AWWH I LOVE IT! See you later babe <3_


	105. Episode 9: Tuesday 13th June, 21:43: Might be good

**_Text: Even_**

_Even:_ _Hey Sana, how are you?_

 

_Sana: Hey Even, I'm good, and you?_

_Even: Much better. Listen, I still have the boxes you gave me with the Halwa Chebakia you made for me. Do you think I could come by your place tomorrow_ _to return them?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Yes, of course. What time did you have in mind?_

 

 _Even:_   _I'm done with work at four, so maybe after that?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Sounds good. Mamma and the boys will most likely be home, just so you know._

 

_Even: I know, I was actually kind of counting on that ..._

 

_Sana: Oh, okay. Should I tell them then, that you're coming?_

 

_Even: Uh, yes, that might be good._

 

 _Sana:_ _Awesome! See you tomorrow then!_

 

 _Even:_   _See you, little sister <3_


	106. Episode 9: Tuesday 13th June, 21:51: In love

**_Text: Isak_ **

 

_Isak:  So I guess I'll see where you live tomorrow, eh?_

 

_Sana: Is Even sure about this?_

 

_Isak: Yep, he is. He's actually kind of excited._

 

_Sana: That's good! See you then!_

 

_Isak: But Sana? I saw Eskild today and he mentioned that you're in love ... is it official then?_

 

_Sana: Nothing's official, and who said I'm sharing?_

 

_Isak: Alright, relax. I do think Yousef is a good guy though. Don't kill him on the first date, okay?_

 

_Sana: Haha, very funny ..._

 

_Isak: I'm nothing if not funny. See you tomorrow, Sanasol._

 

_Sana: I guess so, Isabell :-)_


	107. Episode 9: Wednesday 14th June, 16:04: Welcome home

It’s not often that you call your coach to tell her you have to skip basketball practice. But since it’s the third week of Ramadan, you aren’t even lying when you tell her you’re exhausted. Helena has always been very understanding and today is no exception.

 

“Don’t worry about it, Sana. You should take care of yourself and I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” she says in a calm, comforting voice.

 

 “Absolutely. I can’t wait for us to beat Drammen,” you agree with her, nodding to yourself.

 

“Ah, yes! We’ll definitely crush them!” Helena calls enthusiastically. “Alright, I should get changed now. Enjoy your evening, Sana, and see you tomorrow!”

 

You laugh with her. “Totally! See you, and thanks a lot! Tell the girls I said Hi.”

 

“Will do. Bye Sana,” says Helena and hangs up. You drop your phone on your bed and lean back into your pillows for a moment. But then you remember it’s past four o’clock already and Isak and Even are probably going to be here soon.

 

Jumping to your feet, you look at yourself in the mirror. Adjusting your hijab - it’s a green one today - you grin at your reflection, feeling pretty good about yourself. Your black long-shirt and white pants make you look fierce, you think. You still touch up your pink lipstick to make sure you look your very best.

 

That has absolutely _nothing_ to do with the fact that Yousef will be here today. Not in the slightest.

 

With one last satisfied look at your reflection, you leave your room and walk to the kitchen. Mamma is standing at the counter and smiles brightly when you walk in.

 

“Sana, when is Even coming?” she asks right away, making you laugh. You realise the kitchen is gleaming: Mamma has evidently been cleaning, as if she’s expecting Even to want to cook when he gets here.

 

“They’re on their way now,” you reply and walk over to her, kissing her cheek. “Are you nervous?”

 

Mamma laughs and puts a hand to her cheek, pursing her lips. “A little?”

 

“Awwh, Mamma!” You pull her into a hug and kiss her hijab. “Even is more nervous, trust me.”

 

Mamma laughs again, and then she frowns at you. “So, Isak is Even’s … boyfriend, right? They are together, like Noora and Eva?”

 

“Yes, they are,” you say, biting your lower lip because you know what she will ask next.

 

“Is that the reason you wondered about why some muslims view homosexuality as sin? Because you have friends who are in such relationships?” she asks carefully, a shy smile on her lips.

 

You just nod and swallow hard, not sure what to say to that. Mamma reads your mind though and hurries to reassure you.

 

“Pappa and I always told you that love is the most important thing. And although I may not always understand everything, I see how happy Noora an Eva are together. If Even smiles only half as much because of Isak as Noora and Eva do because of each other, I have no right to not be happy for him.”

 

Swallowing around the lump in your throat, you smile at your mother, blinking away happy tears. “I love you, mamma,” you croak and pull her close.

 

Mamma laughs softly at your shoulder. “I love you too, habibti.”

 

Moving your head back, you decide to try and distract the two of you. You dig your phone out of your pocket and hold it up. “Do you want to see some pictures of me and the girls?”

 

A slow smile spreads on Mamma’s face. “Of course!”

 

You open your gallery app, tap on the first picture and hand her the phone. Leaning your head on Mamma’s shoulder, you look at the photo with her.

 

“I took this yesterday. Just look at them, they’re so in love.”

 

You feel like a sappy fool, but Mamma nods with a bright smile, looking at the photo of Noora and Eva, sitting on your bench in the school yard. They’re facing each other, Eva’s hands at Noora’s waist and Noora is holding Eva’s face between her palms. Both of them are smiling like fools and you make a mental note to print that picture and give it to them as a gift.

 

“Gosh, they really are! How long have they been together?” asks Mamma and swipes right to the next picture.

 

“I think a few weeks?” You lean over to check which photo Mamma is looking at now. “Ah, that’s Chris, Vilde and Noora jumping on that trampoline on the playground close to Noora’s apartment.” You giggle at the memory. “We jumped on it for like ten minutes until Eva almost fell off, that’s why she’s not in the picture.”

 

Mamma laughs at that. “You five really have a lot of fun, huh?”

 

You laugh with her, nodding slowly. “Yes, we do.”

 

Swiping to the right again, you freeze and make a face when you see the next picture. It’s one of Yousef, from his facebook profile. You couldn’t resist downloading it because of how handsome and kind he looks in his grey sweater and black jacket, sporting his brightest smile.

 

Very slowly, you turn your head to look at Mamma, expecting the worst. She’s not smiling, but she doesn’t seem angry or concerned either. So before she can ask, you decide to just be honest. It’s not like you’ll be able to hide Yousef from her anyway.

 

“Yes, I like Yousef,” you say, looking into your mother’s eyes. “He’s not muslim, but we’ve been talking a lot, and I get the feeling he’s … very supportive, you know?”

 

Nodding slowly, Mamma reaches out to cup your face with one hand. “And you think it can work between the two of you?”

 

Her voice sounds careful, but not condescending, and when she smiles at you, you smile back with an enthusiastic nod. “Yes, Mamma. He’s …” an excited giggle escapes your throat before you go on. “... He wants to write a children’s book about two kids who become friends and only later find out that they have different religions. So they decide to be friends anyway, because their differences don’t have to separate them.”

 

Mamma’s smile grows a little wider and she wraps her arm around your shoulder, pulling you close. “Well, he has always been a very polite and respectful boy, I have to admit that,” she says slowly, looking into your eyes again. “I suppose I don’t have to tell you that it can be difficult to be with someone who doesn’t share your faith? Even if he’s very respectful and understanding, you could end up feeling lonely if you ever feel like God is letting you down. Yousef can’t help you in a crisis of faith for example.”

 

Sighing deeply, you disentangle yourself from Mamma, putting your hands on her shoulders. “I know it may not always be easy. But I also know I have you and Elias and Jamilla, people who _do_ share my faith and to whom I can talk about anything.” You point your finger at her because you just remembered the conversation you had with Jamilla two weeks ago. “Actually, Jamilla and I have had such a talk already, and she was able to give me a perspective I did not expect.”

 

Nodding slowly, Mamma kisses your cheek. “You’re right, I don’t know everything. And I have no doubt that you’re not alone. Just … forgive me for worrying anyway, because I care very much about you, you know?”

 

You laugh joyfully and hug her close for a moment before moving your head back and looking into her eyes. “Yes, you have a mother’s right to worry, I remember.”

 

Mamma is about to reply, but then the doorbell rings, startling both of you. “I’ll go get them. Don’t forget to breathe,” you say and wink at your mother, who nods slowly with a nervous smile.

 

Walking into the hallway, you notice your heart is beating a little faster than usual, although today is not about you.

 

Opening the door, you’re faced with a nervously fidgeting Isak holding a hesitantly smiling Even by the hand. Under his free arm, Even is holding the two boxes you gave him the self-made Halwa in.

 

“Hey boys,” you say brightly and briefly hug Isak before taking the boxes from Even and putting your arm around him too.

 

“Hey,” Even whispers at your shoulder, letting out a long breath. “Are they …?”

 

“They’re late, as usual. But Mamma’s in the kitchen,” you tell him and move back to look at him, smiling calmly.

 

Even nods and grips Isak’s hand a little tighter. “Okay,” he says, almost more to himself than to you.

 

With one last reassuring nod, you turn around and lead the boys to the kitchen. Mamma is leaning at the counter with her arms crossed in front of her chest, but when she sees Even, she unfolds them and smiles brightly.

 

“Even,” she says, her voice almost a whisper and opens her arms. “Welcome home.”

 

You hear Even’s breath hitch and he hesitates for a second, but then he lets go of Isak’s hand and walks into your mother’s embrace. Mamma pulls him close and hooks her chin on his shoulder with a happy laugh. Even lets out a shivering breath and then hugs her back, closing his eyes.

 

“Hi Meryem,” he murmurs quietly, sounding incredulous, as if he can’t believe this is real. “I missed you.”

 

Mamma lets out a half-sob, half-laugh and moves back to look at Even. “I missed you too.” She briefly touches his cheek, smiling happily, and then she lets go of him and turns to Isak, who’s standing behind his boyfriend with a nervous grin on his face. “Hello, you must be Isak?”

 

Isak clears his throat and shakes your mother’s outstretched hand. “Yes, hello,” he says, smiling hesitantly.

 

Mamma smiles back warmly. “It’s so nice to meet you. I hear you’re a pretty good biology partner?”

 

Chuckling quietly, Isak throws a curious look at you. “Am I now? Last year Sana told Even I was just ‘useable.’”

 

“You got better,” you tell him with a wink, making all four of you giggle. Setting the Halwa boxes down on the table, you sit down as your mother checks her watch with a frown.

 

“Where are your brother and his boys?” she asks, rolling her eyes at you. “They have no manners sometimes.”

 

“It’s okay,” Even says with a warm smile and takes a deep breath, reaching for Isak’s hand again.

 

Isak bumps Even’s shoulder with his, giving him a reassuring nod.

 

“I think I hear them,” you say and sure enough, a moment later, Elias’ voice proves you right.

 

“Come on, boys, we’re already late,” he says and the nervous tone in his voice makes you smile. You are about to ask Isak and Even to sit down as well when Yousef appears in the doorway.

 

He meets your eye first, smiling happily and you’re glad you’re sitting down: Every time Yousef looks at you like _that_ , your knees threaten to give way … You smile back at him, but then Yousef’s gaze lands on Even and his smile fades.

 

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Even’s not moving a muscle, and Yousef’s stepping from one foot to the other, apparently not sure what to do or say. When Even looks down at his feet, Yousef throws a glance over his shoulder, and then the other four walk into the kitchen behind him, looking awkward and curious at the same time.

 

Mamma looks back and forth between Even - who’s still holding Isak’s hand, nervously pursing his lips - and the other five boys. She smiles knowingly for a moment and then clears her throat.

 

“I’m going to make a phone call,” she says and waves at everyone. “Elias, be a good host and offer our guests something to drink, please,” she adds and your brother nods absent-mindedly, not taking his eyes off Even and Isak.

 

Mamma smiles proudly, nods at your brother and then leaves the kitchen. She’s barely out the door when Yousef moves forward to stand in front of Even, looking into his eyes. Watching Yousef, you notice he’s fighting tears and suddenly wish you could hug him.

 

Isak takes a step back, grinning happily at you. Smiling back, you consider saying something to get the boys talking, but then Yousef finally speaks.

 

“Hey man,” he croaks and then, without warning, he throws both arms around Even. A surprised grunt escapes Even but he wraps his arms around Yousef’s shoulders, pulling him close.

 

“Hey,” Even says, his voice but a whisper and closes his eyes with a deep sigh, as if all of this is too good to be true.

 

“I missed you, Even,” says Yousef, and somehow, those words jumpstart the other boys into motion.

 

Adam and Mikael reach Even first and push Yousef away. They both launch themselves at Even at the same time, making everyone laugh. “Welcome back, bro,” Adam all but yells and pats Even’s shoulder blade when he releases him, but Mikael holds on a bit longer, wrapping his arms tightly around Even’s shoulders.

 

“It’s good to be back,” Even murmurs, looking at Adam, Mutta, Elias and Yousef while hugging Mikael. His voice is steadier now, and the smile on his face grows wider as Mikael lets go of him and steps back so Elias and Mutta can greet their old friend.

 

Elias hugs Even briefly but looks into his eyes when he tells him: “It’s been too long, man!”

 

Even just nods and purses his lips. “I know, I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologise, Even,” Mutta calls out and wraps Even in a tight embrace, kissing his cheek when he lets go. “We were all dicks.”

 

That makes all of you laugh, and then Even takes Isak’s hand, looking into his eyes for a moment before turning to the boys.

 

“Guys, this is Isak, my boyfriend.”

 

Even’s voice is full of pride and love, and you’re not surprised when the boys all smile kindly at Isak.

 

“Hey man, good to meet you,” says Elias and shakes Isak’s hand, grinning broadly. “I’ve heard good things about you from my sister.”

 

“Shut up,” you say with a barely concealed grin, making both boys chuckle.

 

The other four greet Isak enthusiastically as well, and before you know it, they’re all locked in a group hug with Even at the center.

 

“Let’s never not talk to each other again, okay? That sucked,” Mikael calls and the rest of the boys all murmur their approval. They disentangle themselves from each other then and Elias clears his throat.

 

“We should go sit on the couch, and catch up, come on guys.” He ushers the boys out of the kitchen and then puts up a hand. “Isak, Even, do you guys want to drink something?”

 

Both Isak and Even shake their heads and you can’t suppress a groan. “They refuse to eat or drink in the presence of anyone who’s fasting, it’s ridiculous,” you tell your brother, who grins and then follows the boys into the living room.

 

“Yousef, did you hear that? You should take a leaf out of their book,” he says with a wink at you as if to say thank you. _You’re so welcome, brother._

 

And with that, the seven of them settle on the two couches in the living room, laughing and chatting away as if it had only been yesterday that they gathered like this.

 

You walk over to the doorway and watch them for a minute, grinning happily to yourself. “I’ll go … finish some homework,” you tell them and nod at Even, who holds your gaze for a long moment.

 

 _Thank you_ he mouths and beams at you so brightly you feel happy tears well up in your eyes.

 

 _You’re welcome_ you mouth back at him and then turn around to walk to your room. Your work here is done, besides you really have to let Chris know that the boys are getting along again.

 

Because that’s an honour you don’t want to leave to Mutta.


	108. Episode 9: Thursday 15th June 15:17 : What. Did. I. Say?

Your nerves are fluttering with anticipation when you rush out of Norwegian. Today’s the day: In a little more than an hour, you will be on the field at Høybråten, hopefully kicking some Drammen ass.

 

Since you want to be in the gymnasium in time for warm up, you’ve all but run out of Norwegian class, waving a quick goodbye to the girls without looking back. They know you have a game today and for some reason they haven’t wished you good luck today. It stings a little, but you don’t think too much of it since things have been so much better lately.

 

You’re one of the first students to leave the school, which means that for once, you don't have to make your way through a pulk of students to get to the gate. However, you don’t reach it before you hear an all too familiar, sneering voice from the corner of the courtyard.

 

“Eh Sana, are you bald?”

 

Although you know you should just keep walking, you freeze on the spot and turn to look at Sara. She’s strolling towards you, flanked by Laila and a blonde girl, all three of them sporting self-satisfied grins.

 

“Excuse me?” you ask, frowning at her and trying to ignore the uncomfortable thumping of your heart. _Will this shit ever stop?_

 

Sara and her friends giggle childishly and then she sets both arms akimbo, looking at you as if you were a piece of dog shit on the sidewalk.

 

“I was just wondering, since you wear this,” she points to your white hijab, “every day, and still pretend to be an ‘independent woman’ … you probably have an ugly secret to hide.”

 

Laila and the blonde laugh out loud and the blonde adds: “You know, what is it with the tight pants and wide shirts? Isn’t that like … teasing men? Wearing tight pants and then hide your ass under a big shirt, I mean .. as a guy I’d feel … cheated?”

 

You hate the fact that you’re blushing and that your heart is racing. If only you could just tell Sara to fuck off and walk away. But six years worth of bullying have left their mark on you. And in spite of the fact that you’re proud of who are, you forget all about it and become the intimidated girl you were three years ago under Sara's cruel gaze. And like countless times before when your bullies have had a go at you, you feel that your only option is to swallow your pride and walk away.

 

But then you hear them. One by one, the voices of your friends drift over to you from across the yard, and you don’t have to turn around to know they’re coming for you.

 

“Sana?” Vilde says first, sounding worried.

 

Eva gasps: “Oh shit, that’s Sara.”

 

“Uh oh, she’s asking for trouble that one eh?” Noora sounds incredulous.

 

And by the time you hear Chris say: “Let’s go, girls,” in her darkest voice, you’re already smirking at Sara and her goons. _Bitch, you thought._

 

The three of them stare over to where you suppose the girls are coming from, and Sara seems to want to say something. But before she can so much as breathe in, Vilde rushes past you and gets into Sara’s personal space, arms akimbo and chin raised with what you’re sure is a threatening expression on her face.

 

“What. Did. I. Say?” she begins, and a shiver runs down your spine at the low, dark sound of Vilde’s voice. You’re so shocked you hardly notice Chris and Noora linking arms with you on either side as Eva joins Vilde in staring down Sara and her two bitches.

 

For a moment, no one speaks. Sara stutters something, evidently not prepared for an angry Vilde. You hear both Vilde and Eva breathing heavily for a few seconds until Eva answers Vilde’s question.

 

“You fuck with Sana, you fuck with us, Vilde told you,” she hisses, making all three girls in front of her and Vilde recoil with fear in their eyes.

 

“If you fucking _bitches_ , “ Vilde spits and pauses for a second. “If you so much as look wrong at Sana ever again, a fake Insta or Tinder account in your name will be the least of your worries.”

 

Your heart is beating even faster now, but with excitement instead of fear. Luckily, Noora and Chris are holding on to your arms like bodyguards, otherwise you’d have to worry about your knees giving out.

 

Sara is still sputtering, trying to think of something to say to Vilde, but nothing comes out of her mouth.

 

“Just leave Sana alone if you value your peace and quiet,” Noora says with a voice that sounds like she’s bored out of her mind but is laced with ice-cold disdain.

 

“Yeah, I don’t want to have to dig up my old karate moves,” Chris adds, and you turn to her just in time to see the most hateful expression you’ve ever seen on her otherwise kind face.

 

Vilde and Eva are still standing in front of you, staring Sara down with what you can only imagine to be death glares, because by now, the three girls look as if they’d shrunk several inches.

 

“Girls, come on, we have a basketball game to get to,” Noora suddenly says, making you stare at her. “Yeah, you ran out before we could tell you we’re coming,” she adds with a blinding smile, ignoring the three girls who just moments ago scared the shit out of you.

 

“I .. uh … what?” you stutter and now you really have to hold on to Noora and Chris to avoid falling over, dizzy with pride and excitement.

 

Out of the corner of your eye you notice Sara and her goons shuffle away and out of the courtyard and then Eva and Vilde are smiling at you too. “We’re coming to see you kick some ass on a basket ball court,” Vilde says and cups your face with one hand. The look in her eyes is full of kind protectiveness and you make a mental note to let Vilde know later how much her actions mean to you. Right now, you’re too incoherent.

 

“When … I mean .. you just decided that now?” you manage to get out when Vilde lets go of you, feeling so overwhelmed you’re struggling to stand up straight.

 

All four girls laugh and then Chris and Noora turn you around, walking you towards the gate. “No, I asked Jamilla via facebook the other day if she knows when and where your game is taking place,” says Chris, making you frown incredulously.

 

“Why didn’t you just ask me?”

 

Chris shrugs with the sweetest smile imaginable and Eva rolls her eyes at you, however smiling as well. “We were going to surprise you, but then we saw Sara being a bitch to you, so ... “

 

Biting your lower lip, you look at all four of your girls, awestruck and still hardly believing the last three minutes really happened. “I can’t believe you,” you say, laughing out loud, looking around at all four of them. “Thank you.”

 

“What for?” Vilde asks, making you stare at her.

 

“For proving me right, Vilde,” you say without thinking and let go of Noora and Chris to wrap an arm around Vilde, who hugs you back with a hesitant laugh.

 

“That’s right, I remember!” Noora chimes in, giggling happily. “Sana told me once that you’re the first one of us she would take to war with her,” she says to Vilde.

 

“Oh my God,” Vilde says, blushing a bright red and looking at you with a blinding smile. “Is that really … did you mean that?”

 

You pull her a little closer and kiss her cheek. “Yes, I did mean that and I still do.” Looking into Vilde’s eyes, you have to take a deep breath to avoid tearing up. “You’re a rockstar, Vilde Hellerud-Lien.”

 

Vilde lets out  a nervous laugh and throws both arms around you. “You too, Sana Bakkoush,” she says at your ear and then pulls back, grinning at all four of you. “I can’t wait to see you play!”

 

By now, you’ve reached the tram stop and the other three agree noisily with Vilde. “This will be awesome,” Eva says and takes Noora’s hand.

 

“Are you an offense or defense player, Sana?” asks Noora and Chris puts up her hand because she knows.

 

“Defense, but her team call her a secret weapon because she can do surprise jump shots,” she says, grinning brightly and motioning for you to high-five her.

 

Slapping your palm to hers, you laugh joyfully. “I see you remember what I told you last week.”

 

The tram arrives just then and you spend the ride telling the girls about your favourite hobby. They all listen eagerly and ask questions, cheering when you talk about your achievements and laugh with you at the funny stories.

 

Before you know it, you’re in the gymnasium of the Høybråten school and you have just told the girls where they should go to get the best view, when you get another surprise.

 

“Jamilla? Ayaan?” you call out, laughing out loud with joy and running towards the two of them. “You’re here too?”

 

Behind you, Chris groans: “Did you really think I was getting info about your game from a friend who isn’t planning to come too?”, but you hear the laugh in her voice as you hug Ayaan and Jamilla at the same time.

 

They’re both giggling happily. “I told you I was coming,” says Ayaan, trying to sound offended, but her bright smile betrays her.

 

Rolling your eyes at her, you put an arm on Ayaan’s shoulder and the other around Jamilla, turning to face your friends. “Girls, for those of you who haven’t met her: This is Jamilla, my former bodyguard from Urra and my brother’s awesome fiancee. And this is Ayaan, her amazing cousin.”

 

You smile at the six of them for a moment before you add: “And now I really have to go change and warm up, so go get some decent seats and I’ll see you after kicking some Drammen ass!”

 

The girls all cheer as you walk away towards the changing room, and when you turn around halfway down the hall, you see your four school friends hugging your two muslim friends and complimenting their clothes.

 

Opening the door to the changing room, you wonder if it’s possible for anyone to ever be happier than you are right now.

 

You seriously doubt it.


	109. Episode 9: Thursday 15th June, 18:54: I didn't doubt it

**_Text: Elias_ **

 

 _Sana:_ _3 out of 15_

 

 _Elias:_ _WHAT? Again? You’re too fucking good, sister!_

 

 _Sana:_ _Thank you, brother._

 

 _Elias:_ _I suppose that means you won?_

 

 _Sana:_ _Duh? 15:12, of course we won!_

 

_Elias: I didn't doubt it, haha. See you at home for Iftar?_

_Sana:_ _If my friends let me go, yes._

 

 _Elias:_ _Haha, tell them I said Hi._

 

_Sana: Will do!_


	110. Episode 9: Thursday 15th June, 19:42: Pretty decent

**_Text: Yousef_ **

 

_Yousef: Hey girl, I just heard you rocked the game today! Congratulations!_

 

 _Sana:_ _Elias likes to brag about me, I see. <3 <3 Thank you! _

 

_Yousef: I’m sure you were the one who scored the most points._

 

 _  
__Sana:_ _Not exactly, but I did score three times._

 

_Yousef: Pretty decent for a defense player. You know your stuff._

 

 _  
__Sana:_ _I had a solid group of cheerleaders though._

 

_Yousef: Oh yeah? Who?_

 

_Sana: Eva, Vilde, Noora and Chris, plus Jamilla and her cousin. I love my life._

 

_Yousef: Awh, and I love that life seems to love you back._

 

 _Sana:_ _< 3 _

 

_Yousef: See you tomorrow, if you’re not busy playing in the NBA already._

 

_Sana: Haha, no, I’ll make time for you, don’t worry._

 

_Yousef: I’m glad <3 _


	111. Episode 9: Friday 16th June, 19:56: Soul mates

Standing in front of your closet with half-dry hair, you’re breathing deeply and trying hard not to panic. You’re meeting Yousef in little more than an hour and you still have no freaking idea what to wear.

 

You run a hand through your hair and then walk over to your desk, grabbing your phone and opening the group chat with the girls.

 

 _Sana:_ _Meeting Yousef in an hour and fifteen minutes… what should I wear?_

 

 _Chris:_   _Wohoo, you'll be fine! But h_ _old on, we need some help for that conversation!_

 

**_Chris added Ayaan and Jamilla to the chat_ **

 

You gasp and slap a hand to your mouth. Of course, the girls got along wonderfully with Jamilla and Ayaan yesterday, but you didn’t expect this. Smiling happily, you watch your screen as Noora types.

 

 _Noora:_ _I was just going to suggest that! Alright, so, what are you wearing right now?_

 

You look down at your black pants with white stripes at the bottom seam and your equally black long shirt and reply with a sigh.

 

 _Sana:_ _Uh, what I wore at school?_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Hmm, black is cool, but maybe a bit too cold if you know what I mean?_

 

 _Eva:_ _I agree. Also, welcome Jamilla and Ayaan!_

 

 _Ayaan: Well hello ladies. Thank you for adding me. Also I agree with Vilde and Eva. Go for_ _some colours!_

 

Your heart jumps a little when you read that message. Ayaan knows what she’s talking about: All three times you’ve met her so far, she was wearing colours from head to toe. Never too bright and always incredibly stylish. You smile as you type back.

 

 _Sana:_ _Hi Ayaan, what colours should I wear then?_

 

_Jamilla: I vote for the lilac hijab my brother brought from Morocco for you! It makes your eyes shine, Sana._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Hi Jamilla, oooh that sounds very good! Is it plain lilac or with a pattern?_

 

You’re smiling so hard the corners of your mouth are starting to hurt as you reply.

 

 _Sana:_ _Plain lilac, Vilde. In the most beautiful fabric I’ve ever seen._

 

_Jamilla: My brother knows your taste._

 

 _Eva:_ _Show us how it looks!_

 

 _Sana:_ _My hair’s still half wet, I can’t put on a hijab like that._

 

_Ayaan: Alright, the rest first then. Do you have any green or grey pants?_

 

The next half hour passes in a blur. You put on and take off what must be at least ten different outfits, sending photos of each one in the group chat.

 

In the end, when your hair is finally dry, you put on the lilac hijab with a white underscarf, wide light grey pants and a dark purple T-shirt combined with a white long shirt underneath.

 

You decide to only wear nude lipstick. Dark make-up is your armour, but today, you don’t need it. Despite being horribly nervous, you want to trust Yousef to see your real, un-armoured self.

Nodding at your reflection, you take a deep breath, snap a picture of yourself and send it in the group chat.

 

_Jamilla: Yes, Okhati, that’s what I’m talking about! How do you feel?_

 

You think about that for a moment. Looking at your reflection again, it strikes you that you look and feel like yourself. Not like your usual cynical self, but like the real you; a hopeful, confident and cheerful person.

 

 _Sana:_ _Like myself. A little too brightly dressed maybe but I like it._

 

 _Vilde:_ _Sana, you are so beautiful! I love that look! And Yousef will too._

 

 _Noora:_ _I agree, you look like yourself and very pretty._

 

 _Ayaan:_ _Agreed. Just one more thing: Do you still have those earrings you were wearing the night I met you? The pearl ones?_

 

Grinning broadly, you nod at your phone as if Ayaan could see it. She’s right, the pearl earrings will look great with the lilac hijab. It doesn’t hurt that they’re your favourites either.

 

Instead of typing a reply, you put the earrings on and then send a picture of your head in the chat.

 

 _Chris:_ _OMG, now_ I _am almost falling for you. Sana, you’re so gorgeous!_

 

 _Eva:_ _Yes, you’re absolutely stunning. Now, GO GET HIM!_

 

_Jamilla: That’s right, it’s already a quarter past eight, you have thirty minutes left._

 

You take a deep breath and think for a moment. Before you showered, you prayed Maghrib already, but you feel like asking for Allah’s support for the evening ahead in Du’a. You smile to yourself and then type back.

 

 _Sana:_ _I want to pray before I leave ..._

 

_Jamilla: Good idea! Let’s do it together. Du’a, right?_

 

 _Ayaan:_ _I’m in, too!_

 

_Sana: Yes, Du’a! Awesome!_

 

You put the phone down and mute it, taking a deep breath. Walking over to the balcony door, you open it and close your eyes, letting the light evening breeze hit your face.

 

Raising your open palms in front of your face, you listen to the birds chirping for a few moments before you address Allah, in Norwegian instead of Arabic, as you usually do in Du’a.

 

“Bismillah hir Rahman ir raheem. I ask you to accept my fast today, although I have behaved badly. May you watch over me as I meet Yousef tonight, and help me do nothing you would not want me to do. Help me to be open and honest with him and still be kind.”

 

Pausing for a moment, a wide smile spreads on your face as you think of all the people in your life you’re grateful for.

 

“I ask that you watch over Eva and Noora, Vilde and Chris. And please watch over my sisters Ayaan and Jamilla. And also my dear friends Isak and Even. Keep my dear brothers safe, Elias and Ahmed.”

 

Your heartbeat speeds up a little and your smile grows even wider as you add one last name to your supplication. “And please look after Yousef, whatever happens. Amin.”

 

Covering your face with both palms, you slowly run them over your eyes and cheeks to your ears, and when you open your eyes again, you feel completely at peace.

 

You’re ready.

 

Picking up your phone again, you see several new messages in the group chat.

 

 _Vilde:_ _Wait, what’s Du’a? I know it’s not one of the five daily prayers._

 

 _Noora:_ _Du’a means “supplication.” Sana basically just asks Allah for help, guidance or for his protection._

 

You stare incredulously at your phone. Sure, you’re aware that Noora took religion last year and that she was good at it, but still … this is surprising.

 

_Jamilla: Wow, Noora, I couldn’t have said it better myself._

 

_Noora: Thanks Jamilla._

 

_Ayaan: Sana, you didn’t tell me your friends are so smart?_

 

Grinning at your phone, you nod to yourself as you type back.

 

 _Sana:_ _Haha, right? I’m so lucky!_

 

 _Eva:_ _Awwh, Sana! So, are you ready now?_

 

 _Chris:_ _I’m sure everything will go well!_

_Sana: Thank you guys, I’m ready! Will let you know how it goes!_

 

 _Vilde:_ _Do that! Good luck, Sana!_

 

Putting your phone in your pocket, you take one last look at your reflection and then walk out of your room.

 

You find Mamma sitting on the couch in the living room. She looks up with a smile when you walk in.

 

“Oh, you look so pretty, Sana,” she says and gets to her feet and opens her arms.

 

Letting out a nervous giggle, you walk into her embrace, leaning your head at her shoulder. “Thank you.”

 

Moving your head back, you bite your lower lip. “I’m meeting Yousef,” you say, smiling hesitantly.

 

Mamma nods slowly. “I trust you, Sana. You’re your own person, and I’m sure you know what you’re doing.”

 

You throw your arms around her and hug her close. “Thank you,” you say again, and Mamma kisses your forehead before letting go of you.

 

“Make sure to bring him home some time soon, yes?”

 

Both of you laugh and you shove her upper arm lightly. “Don’t get too excited, we’re not engaged yet.”

 

“A mother can dream though, right?” Mamma giggles and kisses your cheek. “Alright, go, have a great time!”

 

“Will do,” you call, already on your way out to the hall. You’re still grinning while putting on your shoes, and only when you open the front door do you realise you’re definitely going to be late for your date.

 

Biting your lower lip, you dig your phone out of your pocket and are surprised to see a new message from Yousef.

 

_Yousef: I’ll be about ten minutes late, just missed my tram! I’m so sorry!_

 

Breathing a sigh of relief, you type back.

 

 _Sana:_ _Don’t worry, I’m running a little late, too! See you in a bit._

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

About twenty minutes after meeting Yousef on Radhusplassen, you can’t remember why you were nervous about this date. The two of you are joking around in between discussing school, your friends and family, and it feels as if you’d done this a hundred times before.

 

You walked back and forth on the pier in Aker brygge and are now approaching the opera house. Yousef suggests you sit down on one of the benches on Langkaia and you happily agree.

 

Once again you notice it’s the small things that make you like Yousef so much. Like the fact that he sits down first, letting you decide how close you want to sit beside him. Smiling like an idiot, you leave only about an arm’s length between the two of you, however not daring to look into his face as you sit down.

 

You sit in silence for a few minutes until you finally clear your throat, making Yousef look at you.

 

“So, Noora tells me you’re writing a children’s book?”

 

Yousef blushes a bright red, and briefly hides his face in his jacket. “Uh, yes,” he says hesitantly, letting out an embarrassed giggle. “It’s nothing, really, just an idea.”

 

Slowly shaking your head, you wait until he meets your eyes. “I love that idea, though.”

 

“Oh, she told you what it’s about?” Yousef sounds surprised.

 

This time you nod, a slow smile spreading on your face. “Yes, she did.”

 

Yousef nods slowly and looks into your eyes for a long moment, turning your knees into butter again. “It’s a very important subject to me … So often, we think our differences are reasons to hate, but really they should be reasons to talk to each other, to exchange and discuss ideas.”

 

A loud silence follows his words, during which you try to think of something to say. What Yousef just said is exactly in tune with your opinion on different ways of thinking.

 

“Sana? Are you still here?” Yousef asks, chuckling nervously.

 

Shaking yourself, you blink a few times and look at him again. “Sorry, you just … what you said … I think exactly the same way,” you say slowly, holding his gaze.

 

The broad smile spreading on Yousef’s face could certainly power the city for an entire day. “Yeah?” he asks incredulously. “That’s good, don’t you think?”

 

You smile back and nod at him. “Yes, I do.”

 

“Maybe your faith and my lack of it don’t have to separate us, huh?” Yousef says then, his eyes searching your face for a reaction.

 

Your smile doesn’t fade and you lean a little closer. “I think you’re right about that,” you say quietly.

 

Letting out a shaky breath, Yousef closes his eyes for a second and then smiles at you again. “I’m glad to hear that, Sana,” he murmurs. His voice is so gentle and full of respect, you’re afraid your knees will never work again.

 

The next few minutes pass without either of you saying anything, as if you’d wordlessly agreed that you both need a moment to digest the exchange you’ve just had.

 

“I think the sun will set soon,” you finally say, making Yousef nod and grin at you. He nods slowly and then touches your arm, pointing to the rooftop of the opera house.

 

“Do you want to watch the sunset from up there?”

 

Smiling back at him, you nod. “Sure, I haven’t been on the roof in ages.”

 

Yousef stares at you with what you suppose should be a shocked expression. “Sana, it’s your patriotic duty to check out that view at least once a month, didn’t you know?”

 

You can’t suppress an amused giggle, but you still try to look serious when you reply. “Oh my gosh, I had no idea! Do you think I’ll have to pay a fine?”

 

“You’re in luck,” Yousef says with a cheeky smile. “I’m the only one who checks if people do it on a regular basis, so if you bribe me, I’ll forget that you’ve been neglecting your responsibilities to your country.”

 

This time you can’t help but giggle. “Wow, okay. What should I bribe you with?”

 

Yousef slowly shakes his head. “Ah, I’m not going to tell you. The art of bribery consists in knowing what the person you want to bribe most desires and then offer it to them.”

 

“You’re so full of shit,” you laugh, lightly shoving him.

 

“What, it’s true!” Yousef protests, but he can’t hold back a laugh either. He stops walking and turns to look at you. “Just look into my eyes and try to find out what I want the most.” His voice is much quieter than just before and his expression sends a shiver down your spine.

 

You take a step closer to him and hold his gaze, your heart suddenly hammering against your chest. For a moment, the two of you just stand there, staring at each other as if in a contest. Yousef’s face seems calm on the surface, but you can tell he’s nervous by the way he purses his lips every few seconds. And you could swear he’s holding his breath while he keeps looking at you.

 

His eyes are full of admiration, even the cynical part of you has to admit that. Yousef looks at you exactly the way your mother always told you a man should look at you. _In his eyes, you should be the most precious treasure in the world._ Mamma’s words ring in your ears and you can only hope that you’re looking back at him with the same kind of awe.

 

Finally, you shake yourself out of your trance, giggling nervously. “I don’t know, can I guess?”

 

“Three guesses,” Yousef laughs and pulls up the hood of his sweater.

 

“Oh, just three? Okay, let me think,” you tell him and wink at him. If you didn’t know any better, you could swear he’s blushing.

 

You both start walking towards the opera house again and you study him for a long moment before making the first guess.

 

“Do you want another rematch in basketball?” you suggest, making both of you laugh.

 

“My pride has suffered enough. So thanks, but no thanks,” Yousef giggles, throwing you a glowing look that makes you blush.

 

“Uh, okay … “ You think for another long moment while the two of you slowly make your way up the steps. “I would offer to cook for you, but I’m no good in the kitchen.”

 

Yousef laughs at that, nodding slowly and then patting your shoulder. “Don’t worry, I can cook.”

 

You stare at him, expecting him to admit it was a joke, but his expression is serious. “What, I mean it. I cook for the kids at the kindergarden all the time.”

 

“Wow, really?” You’re honestly impressed. “What do you cook for them?”

 

Yousef laughs again and then tells you about a few of the recipes he’s tried and how he fared with them. “I will never forget the first time I made Risotto … I actually started by cooking the rice, which is just completely wrong!”

 

“Uh, isn’t rice usually cooked?” you ask, grinning at him.

 

“Not when you make Risotto, that’s completely different!” He clears his throat and then starts explaining how to properly make Risotto with a passionate expression on his face. You could listen to him forever. He uses his hands when he talks, waving them around in imitations of cooking movements and although he clearly knows what he’s talking about, he doesn’t sound the least bit arrogant.

 

By the time he’s done, you’ve reached the top of the roof and you’re not surprised to hear your stomach grumble.

 

“Wow, you’ve made me hungry now,” you tell him, smiling brightly at him to let him know it’s not an accusation.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Yousef apologises anyway, slapping a hand to his mouth. “I didn’t think, I’m so sorry! But I can make it up to you.”

 

You frown at him. “How?”

 

Shaking his head, Yousef points to the slowly setting sun. “You’ll find out at Iftar. Only …” he pauses to check the time on his phone. “Twenty-one more minutes.”

 

“Ugh,” you groan and scowl at the sun, as if that could make it set faster. “Okay, distract me.” Turning around to face him, you lean at the wall at the edge of the roof terrace. You hope your expression is challenging, but you know you’re probably smiling too brightly for that.

 

“Distract you?” Yousef sputters, obviously caught off guard. “Uh, what .. did you have in mind?”

 

“Guess,” you tell him, winking with a cheeky grin. Thankfully, there are not many people up here at this time of day, otherwise you would have been much more embarrassed.

 

Both of you laugh at that and Yousef runs a hand through his hair, letting out a long breath and looking at his shoes for a long moment. He leans his forearms on the wall next to you and when he looks up again, his expression is serious.

 

“Do … do your parents know you’re out with me?”

 

That question catches you off guard. But you’re still glad he asked. Smiling fondly, you nod your head. “Yes. Well, my mum knows.”

 

Yousef raises his eyebrows at you, obviously surprised. “Really? And … what does she think?”

 

Still smiling, you take a deep breath and remember the kind look on your mother’s face earlier when she told you she trusts you to know what you’re doing. “She trusts me. I mean …” you clear your throat and look into Yousef’s eyes when you go on. “She’s obviously worried, but she said she knows you’re a good person and that the most important thing is to talk about everything, and to respect each other.”

 

A bright smile spreads on Yousef’s face and he nods slowly. “I always respected Meryem, but wow … This is really really awesome. Tell her I am grateful for her faith in me.”

 

You laugh brightly at that and nod as well. “I will.”

 

Yousef laughs as well, albeit quieter than you. He hesitates for a moment and then turns hand around so his palm is facing upward and then clears his throat. “I hope … I can’t promise you this will be easy, Sana,” he says softly, looking into your eyes again. “But it’s like I said: I would die for your right to believe what you believe … and I know you would never force me to do or say anything I don’t believe in.”

 

He takes a deep breath and you notice that your hand has moved closer to his, almost out of it’s own accord. “I will never ask anything of you that you can’t or don’t want to give, Sana. If we agree to always support and respect each other, I think … “

 

With a soundless gasp, Yousef stops talking when you reach for his hand. “I think so too,” you say quietly and wrap your fingers around his. Yousef purses his lips and then gives you the brightest smile you’ve ever seen on his face.

 

“Good,” he croaks and squeezes your hand, his eyes still locked in on yours. You smile back, feeling your heart beating so fast you’re almost worried it will jump out of your chest. After a long moment, Yousef lets go of your hand, giggling happily.

 

“Damn, you’re so cute, you know that?” he says, immediately slapping his hand to his mouth, looking mortified. “Sorry, but .. it’s true,” he adds, his voice almost a whisper.

 

That reminds you of something and before you can change your mind, you decide to just go ahead and ask. “Didn’t you say that about Noora just two weeks ago, though?”

 

Yousef stares at you, looking completely lost. “What?”

 

Pursing your lips, you wish you hadn’t asked, but now you have to explain yourself now. Standing up a little straighter, you look into Yousef’s eyes and go on. “I once heard the boys teasing you about ‘just wanting to see Noora again’, I think you were in our living room, discussing whether or not you should make a new video or something?”

 

Realisation dawns on Yousef’s face and he covers it with both palms, groaning loudly. “Oh fuck, I know what you mean.” He lets out a short laugh, obviously embarrassed. “I think Mikael suggested that we ask you and your friends if we should go out together again, and I said that sounded like a good idea. And then Adam said ‘you just want to see Noora again.’”

 

He sighs deeply, his eyes not leaving yours. “I denied and Elias told Adam to shut up and that I was going to try my luck with his sister.”

 

You realise in an instant what that means ,but Yousef still says it. “They laughed at me for that of course, and in the end I couldn’t help but admit that I find you … cute.”

 

His voice is all but a whisper now and you quickly reach for his hand again. “I’m sorry, Yousef …” You look down at your joint hands, biting your lower lip. “I can be such an idiot sometimes.”

 

At that, Yousef shakes his head and huffs out a soundless laugh. “No, trust me: If anyone’s an idiot here, it’s me.” He’s about to go on, but you decide you don’t want to hear him talk shit about himself.

 

“Let’s just agree that we were both idiots and will stop now, okay?” You smile gently at him, hoping he can tell you mean every word. “From now on, we’ll just be chill and honest with each other.”

 

Yousef nods slowly. “Yes, I am so totally with you on that.”

 

“Good.” You look into his eyes for a long moment, thinking that no matter how much shit you went through because of your crush on Yousef, you’re glad it led you here, onto that rooftop, illuminated by the last sunrays of the day, making it look like you’re shooting a damn romance movie.

 

Speaking of the sun ..

 

“It’s almost Iftar,” Yousef calls and points to the sun, which is about to disappear behind the horizon.

 

Sucking in a breath, you watch the sun sink lower and lower, letting out a long sigh of relief when it’s gone. “Finally!”

 

You’re about to ask if Yousef will come with you to buy some food and water, but he’s already set down his backpack and is digging around in it. “Are you thirsty?” he asks and holds out a full bottle of water with a bright smile.

 

“Oh gosh, yes! Thank you so much,” you call out, taking the bottle from him and emptying it in one go. The water feels like an elixir of life, but you have to eat soon, otherwise you’ll collapse.

 

But when you look at Yousef to give the bottle back to him, he’s still kneeling over his backpack. “I suppose you’re hungry too?” he asks and looks up with a knowing grin, holding out a Tupperware container to you.

 

You let out an incredulous gasp. “What? Did you make food?”

 

Yousef nods, looking pleased with himself. “I told you I can cook.”

 

Taking the container from him, your eyes widen even more when you notice it’s still warm. “I can’t believe this!”

 

Yousef points to the steps in front of the wall you’re standing behind, suggesting you sit down to eat. You follow him readily, clutching the warm container to your chest while trying to catch his eye. Yousef is apparently a bit embarrassed.

 

He lets out a nervous laugh and then finally looks up at you again. “Did you honestly think I was going on a date with a girl who’s been fasting for nineteen hours without bringing food? Do you even know me?” Yousef doesn’t sound the least bit indignant, unlike his words would suggest.

 

“Awwh.” You giggle happily when you see him blush, and he hides his face in his hoodie.

 

“Don’t ‘awwh’ me, I’m embarrassed enough as it is. Just try the food and tell me if it’s at all good.”

 

He doesn’t have to say that twice. You’ve just sat down on the steps leading down from the roof - they’re still a bit warm from the sun  - when Yousef hands you a fork as you remove the lid of the container . You almost drop the fork when the delicious smell hits your nose.

 

“Oh my gosh, Musakka!” you call out, licking your lips and digging the fork into the delicious casserole.

 

Yousef watches you take the first bite and laughs happily when you close your eyes and turn your face up to the sky. “You know it?” he asks curiously and you open your eyes to nod at him.

 

“Yes, it’s one of my favourite dishes ever! Mamma has a friend from Turkey at work who gave her the recipe. This is …” you take another bite and nod enthusiastically while chewing. “This is amazing, Yousef! I can’t believe you made this, it’s so good!”

 

“Mamma said if I wanted to prove to you that I can cook, making Musakka is the best idea,” Yousef says, chuckling happily. “I’m glad you like it.”

 

“She was right. You realise you’re going to have to cook for me all the time now?” you tell him, nudging his upper arm with your elbow.

 

Yousef laughs happily and nods. “That was kind of the point, yes.”

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

Once you’re done eating - you’ve emptied the entire container in less than fifteen minutes - you and Yousef decide to start heading home. You’ve just crossed the square in front of the main station when you can’t suppress a yawn.

 

“I’m getting tired,” you admit and Yousef nods understandingly.

 

“No wonder, after fasting for so long. Soon it will be over though.” He points to a tram and you nod gratefully, following him inside.

 

“Yes, just one more week until Eid,” you tell him, sitting down across from Yousef.

 

Raising his eyebrows at you, Yousef clears his throat. “Elias says your mum wants to throw a party. I guess I’ll see you there? Unless this date was so horrible you never want to see me again.”

 

Giggling happily, you shake your head. “Nah, you can come, it wasn’t so bad.” You hesitate for a moment before you ask: “Do you know if … is Elias okay?”

 

Yousef gives you a surprised look, but then you see the realisation dawn on his face. “You mean because of the drinking?”

 

“No, I know he stopped with that, I think he even has an agreement with Vilde. He will not drink at all and she can’t drink whenever Elias is at the same party,” you tell him and Yousef nods with a knowing smile.

 

“Ah, yes, now I remember. That’s really cool.” Then he frowns at you. “Did he not tell you he might get a job?”

 

That makes you stare at him. “What?”

 

Yousef laughs shortly. “Yeah, remember our little reunion with Even on Wednesday? Well, he and Elias met up again on Thursday to go over Elias’ CV and stuff. Apparently, Even’s ex-girlfriend told him about a job opening at a music studio where she is recording a demo tape.”

 

Your eyes go even wider. Of course you remember Sonja mentioning that job to Even, but you did not expect him to suggest Elias for it. “Wow, he’s interested in that kind of thing?”

 

Yousef frowns slightly. “Uh, your brother is totally nuts about music and recording studios. I have no idea why none of us ever suggested that to him before.”

 

Nodding slowly, you remember how happy Elias was when your older cousin gave him his old record player last year and how much time he spends choosing and editing tracks for the videos he and the boys make on a  weekly basis.

 

“You’re right, it never occurred to me either,” you admit. “So nice of Even to help him.”

 

Nodding slowly, Yousef smiles brightly at you and touches your shoulder. “We have our reasons why we missed him. And thank you, by the way, for encouraging him to come back. I know you had a hand in that.”

 

You put up both hands, trying to look innocent. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

Both of you laugh at that, and then you notice you’ve arrived at your stop.

 

Yousef walks you all the way home, and when you stand still in front of your house he looks into your eyes and takes a deep breath.

 

“So, do you think I can take you out again some time?” Yousef asks shyly, hands in his pockets and a shy smile on his lips.

 

Giggling happily, you nod. “Yes, definitely.”

 

“Phew, good,” he laughs. “I was worried my bad jokes ruined everything.”

 

“No, your jokes are okay actually,” you reassure him with a wink.

 

Neither of you know how to say good-bye, so you just stand there and giggle awkwardly for almost a minute until finally, Yousef steps forward and hesitantly opens his arms.

 

You smile happily and step into his embrace, wrapping your own arms around his waist. “Thanks for tonight, Yousef. I had an awesome time.”

 

“You’re so welcome, and thank you too,” he murmurs at your ear, the feeling of his strong arms around you sending a shiver down your spine. “We should do this again, soon.”

 

You squeeze him briefly and then let go, moving back to look into his eyes. “Yes, we will!”

Yousef waits while you walk backwards towards the house, still looking at you with that same awe-struck expression you first noticed earlier tonight. Only when you open the front door to you house does he finally raise a hand to wave good bye and then turns to walk away.

 

Walking up the stairs you can’t help but remember the last time he dropped you off here. You had to make up an excuse about why he was out there with you and felt bad for lying to your mother. But now, you can’t wait to go up there and tell her all about your date with Yousef, the kindergarden teacher and excellent cook with the most beautiful smile you have ever seen.

 

You can’t forget to text the girls later though.

 


	112. Episode 10: Saturday, 17th June, 10:28: VILDE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eldorado is the biggest bookstore in Oslo, located in a former movie theatre on Karl Johan's gata! If you're ever in Oslo, you have to go there, it's awesome!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For today, my darling Mikki @skamfairy and my soul sister Gaya @gayaisanerd were my Vilde-Betas! Thank you girls so so much, I love you both to bits

Mamma still hasn’t gotten out of bed. It’s been three days and she just can’t get up, only to go to the bathroom and back every few hours. She hasn’t been drinking, not since Sana brought her home that Wednesday afternoon, but she fell right into depression afterwards and has only had a few good days since. The last one was Wednesday: She was waiting for you with dinner when you got home and talked to you about school and love and life all evening, and you felt that maybe, she was finally going to feel better again. But then you came home on Thursday and found she hadn’t eaten nor gotten up all day, feeling like ‘there is a huge rock on my chest’ and hating herself for it. Your heart still breaks every time that happens, although you should be used to it by now.

 

You sit down at the side of her bed after putting a glass of water and her pill on her nightstand. Hesitating for a moment, you reach out and caress your mother’s shoulder. Mamma’s eyes flutter open and she looks up at you with a tiny smile.

 

“Vilde?” Her voice is so small it almost makes you cry. You can tell she’s worried about you, even though she is the one whose mind is constantly making her miserable.

 

“I’m here, Mamma,” you say, swallowing your tears and wrapping your arm around her waist.

 

Mamma sighs again, sounding relieved. “I dreamt you left me …”

 

“I’ll never leave you,” you whisper, not trusting your voice. “I promise.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Mamma reaches for your right hand, lacing her fingers together with yours. “That’s good,” she sighs and then closes her eyes again.

 

Very carefully, you disentangle your fingers from hers and sit up a little straighter, caressing Mamma’s back. You’re about to get up when your phone buzzes in your pocket. With a frown, you dig it out and unlock it. You have a new text from Sana.

 

_Hi Vilde, I hope you’re okay? I realised I forgot to tell you on Thursday how much it_

_meant to me that you stood up to Sara for me like that. No one has ever done such a_

_thing for me before and I need you to know I will never forget it. You are an_

_incredibly strong woman and I am proud to be your friend. That is why I would like to_

_invite you to the Eid party at my house next Saturday. Eid is the feast to celebrate the_

_end of Ramadan, and I want to celebrate it with everyone I love. There will be lots of_

_good food and wonderful people, and I would be very happy if you came. Sending_

_you a big hug - also to Annalise, I hope she’s okay?  Sana_

 

By the time you’re done reading the text, you’re smiling so hard the corners of your mouth are starting to hurt. You’ve started feeling closer to Sana ever since you and the girls picked her up in the school yard a week and a half ago, and this message feels like a wonderful confirmation that you didn’t just imagine it. Sana was always rather reserved, even cold sometimes, but in the last two weeks you’ve realised how much love that girl has in her heart.

 

You press your phone to your chest for a moment and then let out half a laugh, startling your mother awake.

 

“What is it?” she asks sleepily, and you shush her, running your free hand over Mamma’s hair.

 

“I’m sorry for waking you, I just got a really nice text from my friend Sana,” you say before you can stop yourself. “She invited me to a party next week.”

 

Mamma turns around to face you, frowning slightly. “Sana … isn’t that the muslim girl? The one who brought me home? She’s throwing a party?”

 

Nodding slowly, you smile at your mother, feeling as if your heart will burst with pride and joy at any moment. “It’s to celebrate the end of Ramadan, the fasting month,” you explain and Mamma nods slowly.

 

“Oh,” she says, a small smile appearing on her lips. “That sounds very nice.” She watches you thoughtfully for a moment, her smile growing a little wider. “I’m glad you have such good friends, darling,” she murmurs and cups your face with one hand.

 

“Me too,” you say, smiling back at her.

 

“You need them with a mother who is always sad,” Mamma then adds looking down at the mattress, but you reach out to lift her chin, looking into her eyes as you shake your head.

 

“Mamma, don’t say that. You can’t help that you’re sick, and I like taking care of you.” A hesitant smile curls your mother’s lips but before she can contradict you, you add: “Besides, when you’re doing well, you take such good care of me! It’s only fair that I return the favour.”

 

Letting out half a sob, half a laugh, Mamma throws her arm around your shoulder, pulling you down with her. “I love you, Vilde,” she murmurs into your hair, caressing your back with both hands.

 

You hug her back and close your eyes, burying your face at her neck. “I love you too, Mamma.” Feeling your mother’s arms tighten around you, it hits you that no matter how hard things can get with her, moments like this one make it all worthwhile. So when you move back to look into her eyes again, you’re not lying when you say: “I’m so glad you’re my mother, you know?”

 

Mamma kisses your cheek and hugs you again, sighing deeply. “And I’m so glad your friend was right,” she says, making you frown.

 

“Sana? What do you mean?”

“She told me that since you’re my daughter, she’s sure you love me no matter what.” Mamma’s voice sounds a little brighter than before and when she moves her head back to look at you again, the smile on her face almost reaches her eyes.

 

“Sana is great, isn't she?” you say quietly, biting your lip to fight back tears of joy.

 

Mamma nods slowly and runs her hand down your arm. “Yes, she is. And so are you.”

And then she lets out a deep sigh, lying back down with an apologetic look at you. “I’m sorry, I think I have to sleep some more.”

 

“It’s okay, Mamma. Chris is coming over soon and then we’ll go out for a bit,” you tell her, pulling the blanket up so it covers her back entirely.

 

“Have fun,” she murmurs and closes her eyes as you get up from the bed and leave the room.

 

You’ve barely closed the bedroom door when your phone vibrates again.

                                          **_Chris_**

_Am downstairs, can I come up?_

 

Biting your lower lip, you consider buzzing her in for a moment but then decide that you’re almost ready anyway, and Mamma’s asleep so …

 

                                                     _I’ll be right down, give me five minutes._

 

Chris replies right away.

 

_No stress, I’ll wait._

 

Smiling at your phone, you walk back to your room, carefully pushing the door open. As suspected, the room is still dark and Magnus is fast asleep in your bed, lying on his stomach, his face turned towards you. For a moment, you watch him with a fond smile and then lean down to kiss his forehead, putting your phone on the nightstand.

 

Magnus stirs and rolls over to his side with a soft groan. “Mmorning.”

 

“Morning,” you say back and kneel down next to the bed, framing Magnus’ head with your arm. He turns onto his back, eyes still closed and pulls you on top of him.

 

Giggling happily, you let his arms envelop you and close your eyes, pressing a kiss to his bare chest. “Chris is waiting for me,” you say quietly. Magnus buries his nose in your hair and you think you can feel him nod.

 

“Mhm, let her wait for a few minutes,” he murmurs, rolling over so you’re lying side by side, facing each other. His hand finds your waist, and as he nudges your nose with his own, he finally opens his eyes to look at you. “I want to kiss you good-morning first,” he breathes before he does just that.

 

Your hands come up to cup his face as Magnus’ lips brush yours, gentle and sweet. A shiver runs down your spine when you feel his hand slip under your sweater and t-shirt onto your back just as he parts your lips with his tongue. You sigh into his mouth and close your eyes, just letting yourself be kissed while you caress Magnus’ cheeks with your thumbs.

 

No one but Magnus has ever kissed you like this. He has a way of making you feel desired and loved without it always having to lead to sex. It took you a while to accept this: When Magnus first told you that you don’t have to have sex every time you make out, you almost had a breakdown trying to explain that it’s fine, that you understand guys are more sexual than girls and that you will always try to give him what he wants.

 

You will never forget the shattered look on Magnus’ face after you said that. “You don’t have to give _me_ what _I want,_ Vilde,” he told you, holding your face in his hands. “ _We_ should do what _we both_ want. We have to make each other feel good. If you don’t want to do something, then I don’t want it either. It’s not _your_ job to make sex good for _me_ , okay? I want to make you feel good as much as you make me feel good. It’s a give and take, you know?”

 

Both of you cried that night - it was the first night you spent at his place, and the first time the two of you had sex. Unlike William, who only took from you what he wanted, Magnus was careful and incredibly gentle with you. He took his time, making sure you were feeling comfortable and even though it wasn’t the first time you had sex, it still felt like it. Because that was the night you learned that sex is not just good for guys. It was also a bit awkward since it was Magnus' first time, but you both laughed a lot, which only made it better.

 

“I got a text from Sana,” you say after a while, your forehead leaned against Magnus’. “She invited me to an Eid party at her house.”

 

A slow smile spreads on your boyfriend’s lips. “That’s cool. Do you think I can come too?”

 

“I can ask I guess,” you tell him and kiss him again.

 

Magnus hums against your lips and cups your face with one hand while roping his other arm around your waist. Your eyes flutter shut as your hands run up and down along his sides. Tipping your chin up with his thumb, Magnus deepens the kiss, making you sigh happily. It doesn’t matter how many moments like this you have with him, it never ceases to amaze you how utterly safe you feel in Magnus’ arms.

 

“Hey, do you know what?” he says after a while, looking into your eyes with a smile that makes your knees go weak.

  
“What?” you whisper and smile back at him.

 

“I should go see if I can find that biography about Angelina Jolie you wanted to read. There’s a sale at Eldorado I think.” Magnus winks at you and kisses you before he adds. “I agree with you, she’s really hot. Not to mention a very strong woman.”

 

You feel yourself blush. Only months ago, you would have looked down and apologised for being such a weird girl. But without ever asking you to explain your orientation to him, Magnus has fully accepted your bisexuality and supports you without question. His love and acceptance gave you the courage to finally tell Chris that you find girls attractive, too. She only laughed and said she wondered when you were going to tell her that and added that she couldn’t care less who you find sexy as long as you’re happy.

 

And after the last week with the girls, you’re starting to think you’ll soon be ready to tell the rest of your friends. You don’t think it will change much, not at the moment anyway, since you’re so happy with Magnus you could just giggle all day. But it will be great to not have to hide anything, especially since Magnus’ and Chris’ support makes you feel safe and confident about your sexuality.

 

“You’re amazing, you know that?” you say quietly and bury your face at the crook of your boyfriend’s neck. “I really want to read that book.”

 

Magnus’ soft laugh reverberates in your entire body. “Good.” He kisses your hair and runs his hand up and down your back.

 

You press a kiss to his collarbone and then look up at him again. “But I have to go now, Chris is downstairs.”

 

“Alright,” he breathes and captures your lips in another kiss. “Is Annalise okay?”

 

You nod slowly with a grateful smile. “I put her pill on the nightstand, could you maybe check if she took it before you leave?”

 

“Sure,” Magnus says softly and kisses your nose. “Do you still have enough money for groceries this week?”

 

The unspoken offer in his words makes your heart jump in your chest. He’d never just offer to pay for food since he seems to know that makes you feel uncomfortable. But he has brought food over a few times, claiming he wanted to cook for you and your mother, although he bought way more than he would have needed for just one meal.

“We’re good, thanks,” you say shyly and then kiss his throat, his chin and his lips, your hand resting on his shoulder. “Stay as long as you want okay?”

 

“I’m meeting the boys later, but do you want to come sleep at my place?” he asks softly, his finger tracing your jawline.

 

“Sure, if Mamma’s okay I’ll be there,” you tell him, not a trace of doubt in your voice.

 

Even after several months with him, you’re still surprised by how easily Magnus accepted your situation with Mamma. You were so ashamed when you ran into him at the pharmacy waiting for your mother’s prescription to be filled. When the pharmacist came back and basically shouted the name of the medication your mother takes to help with her alcohol withdrawal symptoms, you were ready to die. But Magnus just smiled, took your hand and said it was nice of you to pick up your mother’s medication for her. Then, he walked you home and when you hesitantly agreed to let him come upstairs, he didn’t ask questions about your mum. Instead, he just helped you clean up the kitchen and later held you in bed and caressed your hair until you fell asleep.

 

That was about two months after you started dating. Ever since, Magnus has only ever asked hesitant, kind questions and never argued when you didn’t want to answer them. One day, when Mamma was feeling well enough to make dinner for the two of you, he came with flowers and in his best shirt, declaring that it was an honour to meet your mother. Both you and Mamma nearly cried, and ever since you haven’t felt like you need to hide anything from Magnus.

 

Finally, you manage to get up again - not without kissing your boyfriend a few more times - and walk out of your room. “See you later,” you tell Magnus who blows you a kiss.

 

“See you, baby,” he murmurs and then crawls back under the sheets as you close the door.

 

Walking into the bathroom, you quickly check your outfit in the mirror. You’re wearing your favourite black skirt and a light pink sweater. Tugging the skirt down a bit and pulling the sweater into shape, you smile at yourself. On days like today, when three different people show you love before noon, you actually manage to think of yourself as beautiful.

 

You apply some mascara to your lashes and some gloss to your lips, and finally, you tie your hair into a ponytail.

 

With a last content smile at your reflection, you leave the bathroom and pluck your denim jacket off the coat rack in the hall on your way out of the apartment.

 

Downstairs, Chris is sitting on the ground next to the letterboxes. She smiles when you walk up to her and pull her to her feet.

 

“Hi, are you ready?” she asks, linking arms with you.

 

“I think so,” you reply. “Where should we go first?”

 

“I am buying you a hot chocolate,” Chris declares, making you blush and giggle.

 

“Why, what’s the occasion?”

 

“You got Sana’s text, right? Our girl is throwing a party!” Chris laughs and throws an arm around your shoulder. “We have to celebrate that.”

 

You laugh with her, putting your arm around her waist. “Yes, you’re right. Also, we should get her a gift, don’t you think?”

 

“Now you’re talking. We should kidnap Yousef, giftwrap him and sneak him into her room,” Chris calls cheerfully, making you laugh some more.

 

“Can you imagine the look on her face?” you say, almost crying with laughter and thinking that if today gets any better, this Saturday might just be the best day of the year.


	113. Episode 10: Saturday 17th June, 14:13: Love you

_**Text: Magnus** _

 

_You don’t have to ask Sana if I can come to the_

_party Villy. She just sent me a really nice message,_

_inviting me too._

 

_Oh, that’s so cool!_

 

_Yesss. So, Mamma asks if you’ll come for dinner later?_

 

_Yes of course, I’d love to._

 

_By the way, I found the book and got it for you!_

 

_Awwwh, thanks Magnus, you’re so nice._

 

_I read a bit of it. Did you know Angelina Jolie is bisexual, too?_

 

_Oh really? That’s awesome._

 

_You’re awesome, too! And hot ._

 

_Stop it, hihi. See you later baby. I love you_

 

_Love you_


	114. Episode 10: Saturday 17th June, 17:24 : Friends 4ever

**_Sana_ **

_Dear Sana. Thank you so much for your wonderful_

_message. I want to try and say something nice_

_back without seeming fake. I am also very proud to_

_have you as a friend. You are one of the most_

_independent people I know, and I look up to you very_

_much. I will never forget how kind you were to_

_Mamma - she really wants to see you again, by the_

_way - and how patient and lovely you have always_

_been to me. You are a true treasure and I love you very_

_much. Of course I would love to come to your Eid party,_

_thank you so much for inviting me. I’m sure it will be_

_awesome!_

 

 _VILDE, omg . Friends 4ever! And I_ _would love to_

 _see Annalise again! Tell_ _her I said hello!_

 

_Will do. See you on Monday!_

 

_Yes! And I'm so glad that you're coming to the party!_

_Wouldn't miss it for the world!_


	115. Episode 10: Sunday 18th June, 12:14: Is the party happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank my beta Amalie (@Carolus here on ao3) for reading this day to check if I got into this character's head the right way :-)

**_Bahar_ **

 

_Hey! Have you heard from your friend? Can I come to the_

_party next Saturday?_

 

_Yes, she just texted back. You’re invited_

_to be my date._

 

_OMG, your date? Hahahaha, don’t get ahead of yourself._

 

_Love you too, Bahki._

 

_No but seriously. Don’t you think it will be weird_

_if I go to a muslim party with you?_


	116. Episode 10: Sunday 18th June, 15:23: MAHDI

You’ve always been good at Fifa, but you can’t deny that being the first to beat Even after he won at least ten games in a row really feeds your ego.

 

“Fuck, man, are you kidding me?” Even calls out and shoves you with his controls while the rest of the boys all cheer and hoot behind the two of you.

 

Shrugging innocently, you grin at him and hand your controls to Isak, who’s sitting next to you with a smug grin. “Hours and hours of practice are one thing, but I was born with talent, dude.”

 

“Hear, hear,” Magnus calls and pats your back, handing you a beer.

 

“Alright, let’s see if you can beat me, too,” says Elias as Even gets to his feet, announcing he’s going to get a beer from the kitchen.

 

“What makes you think you’re better than Even?” you challenge him, making Mutta and Adam whistle through their teeth.

 

“This guy has balls,” Yousef remarks and then, the three of them sit down behind you and Elias with expectant grins on their faces.

 

“Come on, Mahdi, show them who’s boss,” says Jonas and gestures for Magnus to come over to your side as well.

 

“Where’s Isak?” you ask with a frown, taking a swig of your beer. Both Jonas and Magnus look around the room for a moment, before letting out a simultaneous groan.

 

“He followed Even to the kitchen,” says Mikael, frowning when Jonas, Magnus and you slap your hands to your foreheads with exasperated sighs.

 

“It’s been more than six months, you’d think they’d have learned to keep their hands off each other for more than ten minutes at a time, but noooo.” Magnus sounds half-annoyed, half amused. You and Jonas nod and grin at the other five boys, whose frowns turn to cheeky smiles in a matter of seconds.

 

“You mean they’re making out whenever they’re alone?” Adam asks with a giggle, making Jonas nod darkly.

 

“Not only when they’re alone.”

 

“You’re just jealous,” Isak’s voice comes from the kitchen, making all of you laugh.

 

“Whatever, you’re the ones who are going to miss Mahdi kicking Elias’ ass!” Jonas calls back, and seconds later, Isak and Even appear in the doorway, holding hands and their hair looking as if they’ just gotten out of bed.

 

Shaking your head, you can’t help but smile happily at them. They’re a little too cheesy for your taste sometimes, but you can tell that Isak is very happy with Even. Not to mention, Even is a super chill guy who loves sharing his weed with you - it’s sometimes even better than yours. And of course, you really appreciate that they are happy to host lots and lots of Fifa sessions at their apartment - like today.

 

“Alright, let’s see,” says Even with an encouraging grin at Elias. “Defend my honour, bro.” He then winks at you and you can’t help but grin back.

 

“I apologise in advance,” you tell him, putting down your beer can next to the bed, but Even just shrugs.

 

“I learned all my best tricks from Elias, so …”

Swallowing hard, you try to act like that information doesn’t phase you at all. _I got this._

 

Unfortunately, it takes exactly five minutes for you to realise Even wasn’t bluffing.

 

Where Even’s reactions were sometimes a little slow, Elias is twice as fast as you. He scores three times in the first half of the game, and while you catch up with two scores in the second half, you end up losing 3:2.

 

“Aah, thank you,” Elias says when the boys all clap and cheer for him and then puts an arm around you. “I’m sorry, man! We should do a rematch.”

 

But you just shake your head and stretch out your hand, which Elias happily takes. “Congrats, man, you won fair and square.”

 

Even’s old friends have quickly become a part of your group. You haven’t asked about why they were fighting, since that seemed to be somewhat personal, particularly for Even. But they fit right in with you, and only a few days after you first hung out with them, you already feel like the ten of you have been friends forever.

 

“Thank you, man,” Elias says and shakes your hand, smiling happily. He then digs his phone out of his pocket and groans when he sees the time. “Ugh, it’s still more than three hours until Iftar! I’m starving.”

 

Mutta, Mikael and Adam roll their eyes and nod in agreement, and Magnus frowns at the four of them before he asks: “So, you guys aren’t even allowed to drink anything? From sunrise to sunset, every day for four weeks?”

 

Mutta and Mikael nod in unison with longing looks on their faces. “It’s all worth it when we finally do get to eat and drink again, but yeah ..” Mutta says and then reaches out to pat Adam’s arm. “Are we eating at your place again tonight? I swear, your mum makes the best chorba ever!”

 

That reminds you of a question you wanted to ask anyway. “Uh, Elias?” you say, clearing your throat and Elias turns to you with a slight smile.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Are there like ...any rules for the Eid party next Saturday? Like, should we wear something fancy, is there anything traditional we should bring? Any do’s and don’ts?”

 

Elias smiles kindly and inclines his head. “Well, traditionally, we do wear nice clothes at Eid, but that’s about it.” He licks his lips and then adds: “I would  recommend that you don’t eat too much before you come though, there’s going to be plenty of food.”

 

“Amazing food,” Even adds and puts a hand on your shoulder. You haven’t even noticed him sitting behind you on his and Isak’s bed. Turning around, you find him smiling encouragingly and he winks at you when you meet his eye. “Mamma and Pappa Bakkoush are like the chillest people ever, you have nothing to worry about,” he says then, as if he read your mind.

 

“Okay, cool,” you say and turn back around to face Elias. “So … I don’t know if Sana told you, but she said it’s okay if I bring my sister, Bahar.”

 

Elias nods and grins knowingly. “Sana said you wanted your sister to meet her friends, but she was very cryptic about why that is.”

 

You let out a nervous laugh and hesitate for a moment, looking around at all nine boys. Isak catches your eye and winks at you, but you already know that you can trust them all with what you’re about to say.

  
“Yeah, it’s kind of silly … but my sister…. she recently came out to me. She likes girls and is terrified that people will just mock her if they find out.” You throw a hesitant look at Elias, who just nods slowly, a serious look on his face. “So I wanted to introduce her to Noora and Eva, who just recently got together and are really happy … also, their friends don’t treat them differently, and I thought if Bahki can talk to them .. she might feel better about herself?”

 

Elias nods again with an impressed look on his face. “You’re an awesome brother, man. And your sister is more than welcome, but I guess Sana already told you that.”

 

Letting out a sigh of relief, you smile at him. “Yeah, she did.”

 

“I can’t wait to meet your sister, Mahdi,” says Even with a bright smile, and Isak nods, adding:

 

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s much prettier than you,” but he winks at you, making you grin.

 

“She’s really pretty,” you confirm, feeling a rush of affection for your sister. “Pretty and amazing,” you add and look down at your hands for a moment. Swallowing hard, you look around at the nine boys again, noticing that they’re all grinning. Except for Magnus: He’s frowning slightly.

 

“Dude, is that why you know so much about pansexuality and stuff? Because your sister is gay?”

 

The rest of you laugh at that, making Magnus stare in confusion. Once you've calmed down, you look at Magnus with slightly condescending amusement. “Bahar only came out to me last week, Mags. Also, I just know about pansexuality the way you know about homosexuality … I met pansexual people,” you nod at Even, whose grin is brighter than the sun, “... and they explained to me how they feel about love and so on. It’s not that hard, and I know you’re good at this kind of thing, too.”

 

You pat Magnus’ lower arm, making him look up at you. “Really? You don’t think I’m an ignorant dumb-ass, like the rest of our friends?” He tries to make his voice sound sarcastic, but you can tell he’s not entirely joking.

 

So you make sure he’s looking at you when you shake your head and go on. “No, Mags, you’re not an ignorant dumb-ass. You ask stupid questions sometimes, but you learn from them.”

 

Mags grins gratefully at you and lightly shoves Jonas. “See, Mahdi gets me.”

“Alright, Mags,” Jonas says slowly but winks at him with a grin. “So, what does ‘fancy’ mean in terms of clothes, Elias? Like, will a dress shirt and nice pants do or ..?”

 

Elias groans, covering his face with both hands. “Guys, seriously, stop stressing so much. It’s more about the food and having a good time anyway.”

 

The conversation then moves on to all the amazing food you will be having and while you listen to the boys make plans how they will manage to fast for a day so they can try everything, you dig your phone out of your pocket and type a text to your sister.

 

_To Bahar: Don’t worry, you’ll fit right in. They all can’t wait to meet you, baby sister._


	117. Episode 10: Sunday 18th June, 18:37: You rock

_**Isak** _

 

_Hey bro, I just wanted to say I think it's really awesome_

_you're bringing your sister to meet Eva and Noora. She's_

_lucky._

 

_Uh, thanks, Isak. Why is she lucky though?_

 

_To have you as a brother. Like .. I don't think many_

_brothers would be that chill about ... you know.._

 

_I know. She's my sister. As long as she's happy,_

_I'm happy._

 

_You rock Mahdi. Although, I still can't get over the_

_fact that you call her Bahki? Does she know that?_

 

_Fuck you, she wants to be called Bahki. She thinks_

_Bahar makes her sound like some old-fashioned_

_weirdo._

 

_Alright, chill, bro. See you at school tomorrow?_

 

_Yeah, if you and Even get out of bed that is._

 

_Screw you_


	118. Episode 10: Monday, 19th June, 08:56: Everything chill?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this day, my darlings Wy @wyoheartsmusic and Mackenzie were my betas. Thanks ladies for checking if I got this character right :-)

**_Eva_ **

 

 _Hey, you hang out with Sana’s brother_ _sometimes,_

_right?_

 

_We hung out for the second time_

_yesterday, but I guess so? Why?_

 

 _Uh, did he say anything about what Sana_ _might like_

 _as a gift? We heard that it’s_ _tradition to give people_

_gifts at Eid._

 

 _Haha, why would we talk about our_ _siblings_

_while hanging out just us boys?_

 

_I just figured I’d ask, sorry._

 

 _Don’t sweat it. So how are things with_ _Noora?_

_Everything chill?_

 

 _Yeah. It’s still a bit hard to believe that_ _we’re_

 _actually … together? But it’s_ _really good._

 

 _That’s good to know. I’m glad you’re_ _happy, Eva._

 

_Thanks!  See you later then?_

 

_Yeah, sure. Latest at the party._


	119. Episode 10: Monday, 19th June, 12:51: JONAS

“So, you’re going to an Eid party on Saturday?”

 

You roll your eyes at Thea. “Yes, for the third time, little sister. I’m going to an Eid party, and no, I will not behave disrespectfully.”

 

“That’s not what I was going to ask, but okay,” Thea giggles, shoving you lightly. “Are you nervous though?”

 

Letting out an annoyed sigh, you turn to look at her. “Why would I be nervous?”

 

Thea watches you carefully for a moment, leaning against the wall of the school building. “This is the first time you’ll be at the same party with Eva when she’s there with her new girlfriend, right?”

 

 _Right._ You shrug and grin at your sister, biting back a laugh. “And that should be a problem because …?”

 

Thea shrugs as well, grinning back. “I don’t know. Isn’t it supposed to really scratch at your masculinity that Eva is dating a girl now?”

 

Shaking your head, you stare incredulously at your sister. “Do you know me at all, little sister?”

 

“I guess I don’t,” Thea says and winks at you. “Anyway, I should get going. Thanks for the kebab.”

 

You wrap your arms around her and pat her shoulder. “See you at home, Thea.”

 

“Yes, don’t be late for dinner again, you know how Mamma gets.”

 

You just roll your eyes at her once more and then turn around, entering the school yard. Sure, you love your sister - that’s part of the reason you like taking her out for kebab sometimes when you have a longer lunch. But yeah, she’s still a sister and therefore endlessly annoying.

 

The boys are all sitting on one of the benches, talking and laughing. You approach them with a wide grin, shaking hands with all of them.

 

“How’s Thea?” asks Isak with a cheeky smile.

 

“Annoying as always, so good,” you tell him with a grin, making both of you chuckle.

 

“Why do you have lunch with your sister if she just annoys you, man?” Magnus asks, frowning slightly.

 

You chuckle at that. “I guess I am kind of obligated to be nice to her every once in a while. Also, buying her kebabs will keep her off my case at home … this week at least.”

 

“Dude, you know what’s up,” Mahdi agrees, holding up his hand for a high-five.

 

Slapping your palm against his, you return his knowing grin. “Sisters man, am I right?”

 

Mahdi nods slowly. “I love Bahki, but she can be a real pain.”

 

“Which is why I’m not sorry I don’t have a sister,” Magnus says, looking pleased with himself.

 

“That explains why you have no game with women, “ Isak giggles.

 

Magnus is about to protest when he spots his girlfriend approaching the four of you.

 

“He has me, he doesn’t need more game.” Vilde giggles and steps up to the bench and inbetween Magnus’ legs to kiss him.

 

Magnus kisses her back enthusiastically and when she turns around in his arms, he embraces her, a proud smile on his face. “Fuck having game. I have the hottest girlfriend ever, so …”

 

“Shut up, for fuck’s sake. You guys are more embarrassing than Isak and Even,” says Mahdi, his expression not half as annoyed as his voice would suggest.

 

“Eh, we’re not that bad,” Isak tries to protest, but you hold up a hand, shushing him.

 

“Sorry bro, but you and Even are just as cheesy, if not worse.”

 

Isak blushes a bright red, but his smile only grows wider. “You’re just jealous.”

 

“Maybe, but you always say that,” you tell him, grinning back at him. You’re about to add something when your phone buzzes in your pocket. You dig it out, and unlock it, frowing when you see the name of the person who just sent you a message.

 

**_Christopher Schistad_ **

 

_Hey man, I realise this is a little awkward since_

_you’re Eva’s ex, but I thought since you guys_

_are friends now I can still ask: I guess you know_

_she’s hooking up with that Noora chick at the_

_moment. I mean, I’m all for experimenting, and_

_it’s pretty hot but.... Did she do that sort of thing_

_when she was with you? And how do I like …_

_get her back?_

 

“What the actual fuck?” you all but yell at your phone, looking incredulously at the message, as if hoping it would change or disappear.

 

“What is it?” Isak asks, and you look up at him, turning your phone around to show it to him, Magnus, Mahdi and Vilde.

 

The four of them read the message, their frowns turning into irritated grimaces. “Who the fuck does he think he is?” Mahdi growls, and you nod at him with an exasperated sigh.

 

“Why Eva ever hooked up with that fucking idiot is beyond me,” says Isak, making you stare at him.

 

“Weren’t you friends with him once?” you ask, but Isak just shakes his head, licking his lips.

 

“I only teamed up with him to get back at the Yakuza boys for beating you up.” The look in his eyes is full of pride and you can’t help but return his smile.

 

“Shut up,” you tell him, feeling your cheeks heat up. Mahdi and Magnus look from you to Isak and back, grinning approvingly. “Should I even reply to this idiot, though?” you say to keep the boys from making a joke that might make Isak uncomfortable.

 

By now you've figured out that your best friend had a crush on you last year, but you’d hack your own hand off before confronting him about it. You’ve known that Isak played a part in your and Eva’s break-up ever since you brought your drunk ex-girlfriend home after the Christmas party at Isak’s kollektiv last year. She only said that Isak told you he didn’t like seeing you and her together but that she thinks he lied when he let you believe it was because he had feelings for her. From there, it didn’t take you long to figure out the rest.

 

There was a moment at Eva’s party last week where you thought Isak was going to tell you everything, but you cut him off, asking him about how he and Even were doing instead. It was your way of saying: ‘I know, dude, and it’s fine. Whatever happened, it’s in the past and I’m still here.’

 

“I think if you want to reply, you should just tell him to fuck off,” Vilde interrupts your trip down memory lane. You stare at her: You’re not used to hearing strong words like that from Vilde. But Magnus presses a kiss to his girlfriend’s temple and nods approvingly.

 

“I agree. Chris is kind of a moron, and he probably won’t change. But if you want to do Noora and Eva a favour, tell him to stay the fuck away from Eva,” Isak says, sounding angry and amused at the same time. “I mean, you’re allowed to be pissed at him, if for no other reason than for the fact that he kissed Eva while you were still with her.”

 

Isak gives you a long look and you realise what it is he’s saying. _You should have been angry with me._ So you shake your head, holding his gaze before you reply. “I’m not mad at Chris, Eva kissed him back, so it was as much her fault as it was his. Also, I’ve been over Eva for a long time. We’re friends again now.”

 

You look at all four of them, thinking for a moment. “But I still think I’ll tell him to fuck off,” you add, grinning at Vilde, whose smile grows a little wider.

 

“Good,” she says quietly and then turns around in Magnus’ arms. “I have to  go. See you later,” she trills and kisses Magnus a few times before walking off.

 

“We should go, too,” you tell the boys and point towards the A-building.

 

The other three nod and get up, picking up their bags. “Boys, what are you going to wear on Saturday?” Magnus asks while the four of you walk inside.

 

“A nice shirt and clean pants should be okay, isn’t that what Elias said?” Mahdi asks, frowning at Magnus. “Since when do you care so much about your clothes?”

 

“I just care about making a good impression. Sana is one of my girlfriend’s best friends, so ..” Mags blushes as he speaks, but you pat his back with an understanding nod.

  
“I get it, Mags. We’ll all be dressed nicely, so you won’t look out of place, no worries,” you tell him, suppressing a chuckle.

 

“Thank you, Jonas,” Magnus says with a wink and then jogs ahead up the stairs to catch up with Isak who’s already on the first landing.

 

Mahdi catches your eye and raises his brows at you. “Are you really okay, bro?” he asks, looking at you with a serious expression. “With Eva and stuff, I mean.”

 

Smiling gratefully, you nod at him. “Yeah, I am. It was weird at first, but I see how happy she is. And our friendship works better than our relationship ever did, so …” you let out a long breath and put a hand on Mahdi’s shoulder. “I’m good, man.”

 

“Chill,” Mahdi says, patting your shoulder, and the genuine smile on his face makes you think that you’re insanely glad you asked Mahdi for some weed about half a year ago. With him, Magnus, Isak, Even and the five Briskeby boys you have an epic squad around you who will always be there for you.

 

Girls come and go, but bros like yours … they stay bros for life.


	120. Episode 10: Monday, 19th June, 15:49: Grow up, dude

**_Christopher Schistad_ **

 

_Sorry man, but Eva isn’t ‘experimenting’,_

_what the fuck? She and Noora are together,_

_and I think Eva told you loud and clear that_

_she’s not into you anymore. I suggest_

_you take a hint and leave them alone._

 

_Okay, wow, I didn’t realise this was a touchy_

_subject for you. Chill, man. I was just asking._

_I would have thought as someone Eva cheated_

_on as well you would be sympathetic. I guess_

_I was wrong._

 

_Well, Eva cheated on me because we were_

_fighting - with you, in case you forgot. She was_

_never together with you and ended up giving in_

_to her feelings for Noora, so I think there’s a_

_slight difference. Do yourself a favour and just_

_… Grow up, dude._


	121. Episode 10: Tuesday 20th June, 10:52: It hates me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Anri for beta-ing this day and giving me the kindest feedback ever

 

**_Text: M <3 _ **

 

_Hey habibti, how is school?_

 

_It hates me as usual. What about work?_

 

_Awh no. Work is okay, just can’t wait_

_to get off. Four more hours._

 

_I’m done at 3.15, should I come get you?_

 

_Awesome, yes!_

_See you there then._

 

_See you_

 

_Don't let school hate you too_

_much._

 

_Haha, trying._


	122. Episode 10: Tuesday 20th June, 14:29: CHRIS

You know it’s too late, since you’ve already written the last German exam, but for some reason, you still want to see if you can find the book “Steppenwolf” by Hermann Hesse. Your German teacher mentioned that reading it was like ‘the craziest drug trip imaginable’, and since you would get extra credit for writing a paper on it, you consider trying to read it over the summer. The second half of your social studies class was cancelled last minute, so you’ve decided you might as well go look for it now.

 

Or maybe you just like the fact that it’s quiet in the library, since you really need a moment to think. Because as soon as you’re inside, you don’t even look for the German section but just stand still and close your eyes for a moment, soaking up the silence.

 

Vilde called you last night, asking if you could hang out, and she sounded so sad you were already putting on your jacket and halfway out the door when she suddenly changed her mind. “It’s okay, I think I’ll go to bed soon anyway,” she said, sounding so tired and sad you wished you could hug her through the phone.

 

“I’m on my way, Vilde,” you told her but it was no use.

 

“I’ll see you in school, I swear I’m okay,” Vilde vowed, and what choice did you have but to accept it? But you had barely hung up the phone when an all-too familiar uneasy feeling crept up on you. _You’re not enough. She doesn’t trust you. You don’t do enough._

 

“Hey Chris,” Sana’s voice startles you out of your trance, and you have to blink a few times until her face comes into focus.

 

“Uh hi,” you say, clearing your throat.

 

Sana frowns at you. “Are you alright?”

 

Just two weeks ago, you would have brushed off that question, claiming that everything was fine. But you and Sana had shared a lot since then, and it doesn’t really surprise you that you actually want to tell Sana what’s going on.

 

“Not sure,” you begin, biting the inside of your cheek.

 

Sana’s expression darkens and she reaches out to link arms with you, pulling you with her. “Come with me.”

 

She leads you to the back of the library, where she has spread out her biology notes, apparently going over them again. “Are you still studying? I thought exams are over?” you ask, grinning at her.

 

“I want to repeat everything before the holidays so I forget as little as possible,” Sana explains with a shrug and sits down, pushing some of her notes out of the way to make room for you.

 

You sit down next to her, nodding slowly. “That makes sense, I guess.”

 

“So what’s up?” Sana asks with a kind smile. In the back of your head, you think that Sana has not only been smiling a lot more lately, she also dresses in more colours than she used to. Today, she’s wearing a light blue hijab and a navy blue sweater with black linen pants. You smile back at her, glad that at least one of your friends seems to be doing better than at the beginning of the year.

 

“Well, it’s actually kind of dumb, and I’m probably worried about nothing,” you begin then, but Sana shakes her head, her expression serious.

 

“If it worries you, it’s not nothing, Chris. You’re not exactly a dramatic person,” she says matter-of-factly, making you blush.

 

“I guess you have a point,” you agree and go one before you can change your mind. “I’m … sometimes a little worried about Vilde.”

 

Sana nods slowly but doesn’t say anything, the look in her eyes urging you to continue.

 

“She … doesn’t have it easy at home, but whenever I try to talk to her about it, she blows me off. It’s like … I’m not sure if she doesn’t trust me or if I give her the impression she can’t talk to me ..:” You trail off, hanging your head and letting out a long sigh. “I just … want her to know she can talk to me about anything, you know?”

 

You look up when you feel Sana’s hand on yours. “Well, first of all, I know exactly what you mean,” she says and smiles understandingly. “I don’t know much but I know Vilde has it tough at home. However, at Eva’s party I found out that she’s not alone.”

 

Sana pauses for a moment, apparently waiting for you to connect the dots. It takes you a while but then your eyes go wide. “Magnus?”

 

“Yes,” Sana says simply, her smile slightly incredulous. “From what I can tell, she doesn’t keep anything from him …”

 

Your face must be showing your disappointment, because Sana moves her chair a little closer to you and wraps one arm around your shoulder. “I’m sorry, I know you guys are really close. But I think for Vilde, this isn’t about not trusting us, but about not wanting to seem sad.”

 

Giving her a long look, you can’t help but ask: “You know a thing or two about that, don’t you?”

 

“No, for me it was really all about not trusting you.” Sana bites the inside of her cheek and you could swear she’s blushing a little. Clearing her throat, she goes on. “But that had more to do with the fact that I was so used to people screwing me over, it took me ages to realise that the four of you were not like other people.”

 

Nodding slowly, you purse your lips. “So you don’t think I’m a shitty friend?”

 

Sana scoffs and shakes her head, her fingers tightening at your shoulder, and then she looks into your eyes. “Absolutely not,Chris. You’re the opposite of a shitty friend okay? And I’m sure Vilde will open up to you when she really needs to.” She hesitates for a moment before she adds: “Just like I needed time to realise I can trust you girls with anything, I’m sure Vilde will talk to us when she’s ready.”

 

You can’t help but let out a small chuckle at that. “If a thickhead like Sana Bakkoush can open up, then I’m sure Vilde can too.”

 

Sana shoves you lightly, however her smile grows even wider. “Shut up.”

 

“I’ll let you study now,” you tell her, and when you get to your feet, your heart feels considerably lighter than when you sat down. “See you tomorrow?”

 

Sana nods and then clears her throat.“Chris?” She giggles slightly, but then her expression becomes serious. “I’ll never forget that you were always there for me. So, if you ever need anything …”

 

Her words go straight to your heart, warming it up even more. “You’re so welcome. And “I’ll hold you to that,” you tell her with a wink. “See you tomorrow? I think Even’s got some plans for Isak’s birthday.”

 

Sana groans but smiles at the same time. “Yup, I’ll be there. See you, Chris.”

 

With a happy giggle, you turn around and leave the library. _Who needs silence when you can have a talk with Sana Bakkoush?_

 

You’ve barely walked out of the main building when you see Eva, Vilde and Noora standing close to the gate, chatting and laughing happily. You walk up to Vilde, who throws an arm around you and smiles so brightly you almost want to pinch her cheek.

 

“What’s up, ladies?” you ask, and the smile you give the three of them is genuine.

 

“We’re discussing what to get Sana as an Eid present for Saturday,” Eva says and takes a bite from a chocolate bar in her hand.

 

“I think we should go on a trip together, the five of us,” Vilde says enthusiastically, looking around at everyone. “Not too far, I was thinking maybe Stavanger would be nice? Just for a weekend.”

 

“That would be more of a gift to all of us than to Sana, no?” Noora remarks, smiling kindly at Vilde. “I mean, I like the idea, but we should get Sana a gift that’s just for her, to show her how much we appreciate her.”

 

Vilde nods slowly, and then Eva suddenly puts up a hand. “I’ve got it,” she calls out with a full mouth, making the rest of you laugh. After swallowing her bite, she clears her throat and goes on. “We should write a speech for her!”

 

Noora’s eyes go wide and Vilde nods enthusiastically. “Oh, yes! We can do it together, that’s amazing!”

 

“I like that,” you agree and Eva grins happily at you.

 

“Yes, I agree,” Noora says and leans in to kiss Eva’s cheek. “We can all write down some things we want to say to Sana and then hold the speech together.”

 

The five of you walk to the bus stop together, and most of the way there, you discuss ideas for the speech. And just when you catch yourself thinking that the three of them would probably never come up with anything you ever did for any of them, Vilde suddenly leans her head on your shoulder.

 

“You know what?” she asks, making you frown at her.

 

“What?”

 

Vilde grins broadly and squeezes your upper arm. “I think we should write a speech like that about you, too. The mum friend who brought the gang back together, remember?”

 

Eva nods at that with a broad grin, and Noora smiles approvingly. “Totally! We should write a speech about each of us, like, to boost our egos whenever one of us is down,” Eva declares, and while all four of you laugh, you’re glad you can mask a few tears of joy as tears of laughter.

 

Apart from you, the girls all get on the bus. “Where are you headed, Chris?” Vilde asks, but instead of answering, you just grin and wink at her. “Oooh, tell him I said hello,” she cooes, making the rest of the girls break out in excited “Ooh”s and “Aah”s.

 

“Yes, say hello to Mutta,” Eva adds with a kind smile and a meaningful look that lets you know she hasn’t forgotten your talk almost two weeks ago.

 

“Will do,” you tell her and then wave enthusiastically as the bus doors close. “See you tomorrow, girls.”

 

The walk to the supermarket where Mutta works isn’t far, and you can’t stop smiling the entire way. For someone who prides herself on being rather carefree, you definitely worry too much. And in spite of the dark shadows under her eyes, Vilde seems happier and more herself than she has been in  a long time.

 

By the time you reach Mutta’s workplace, you feel the familiar mix of nervosity and anticipation that always overcomes you when you’re about to see him. It’s only been about two weeks since you’ve made it official that you’re together, and the fact that both his and your friends are very happy for you makes it all the more real.

 

You’ve barely stood outside the store for two minutes when Mutta appears in the doorway of the staff entrance with a plastic bag in one hand and a huge smile on his face. He looks gorgeous as always, wearing black jeans and a grey T-shirt under a black hoodie. You feel yourself blush while walking towards him, most likely with the stupidest grin ever.

 

“Hey,” he says in his low, calm voice and cups your face with his free hand to kiss you.

 

You kiss him back, circling an arm around his waist for a moment. Sometimes it’s still hard to believe that you get to do this on a daily basis.

 

Your croaked “Hey” makes Mutta laugh and he puts his free arm around your shoulder, kissing your cheek.

 

“Did you have a good day?” he asks and when you turn to look at him, you can’t even so much as think of telling him anything but the truth.

 

“There’s a little bit of Chris drama going on today, are you sure you want to hear it?” You try to sound ironic, but Mutta frowns, looking concerned.

 

“That’s why I asked, habibti. Tell me everything,” he says kindly, letting go of your shoulder to take your hand in his. “We have all evening.”

 

You laugh at that and squeeze his hand, looking over at him with a grateful - and most certainly fucking corny - smile. “Alright, you asked for it,” you say and clear your throat.


	123. Episode 10: Tuesday 20th June, 17:28: Not that big a deal

**_Text: Eva_ **

 

_Chris, can I ask you something … a little weird?_

 

_Sure, go ahead._

 

 _Eva:_ _I don’t want to seem racist or something .._

_but do you know how the Bakkoush’s think_

_about Isak and Even? Like, do they have to_

_pretend they’re friends or …?_

 

_Uh, you’ve met Meryem, right? She was so totally okay_

_with you and Noora!_

 

_I know, but there are gonna be a lot of other_

_people there, right?_

 

_To be honest, I don’t think anyone’s gonna care?  For example,_

_I met Mutta’s parents the other day_ _and his mum told me she_

_thinks Isak and Even are really cute together._

 

_Phew okay. Thanks for reassuring me. Also:_

_YOU MET MUTTA’S PARENTS?_

 

_Don’t yell, it’s not that big a deal. But I think they like me,_

_particularly his dad._

 

_Tell me everything tomorrow, when the rest of_

_the girls are around! This is awesome!_

 

_Staap, Eva. But okay, if you insist .._

 

_You bet your ass I insist!_


	124. Episode 10: Wednesday 21st June, 11:11: I fucking love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this very important day, I was lucky enough to convince my darling Lulu @thelordvoldemort to beta for me again. Thank you so much for your efforts, darling!

**_Mannen i mitt liv <3_ **

 

_I fucking love you_

 

_I guess that means you found the video?_

 

 _Who does something like that?_ _I mean, how_

 _much time did_ _you spend with this?_

_Someone who loves you back.  Also, I didn’t_

_watch the clock._

 

 __So what’s the plan for today?

 

_I’m not telling. Shouldn’t you focus on class_

_right_ _now?_

 

_Fuck class, I just turned 18. And shouldn’t_

_I be informed about what happens on my_

_birthday?_

 

_You’re supposed to act like an adult now, not_

_like a petulant child, baby._

 

_Argh, whatever! See you later?_

 

_See you later_

 


	125. Episode 10: Wednesday 21st June, 12:12: EVEN

The setting might as well be the opening scene of a movie. You’re sitting on the bench outside the A-building, and Isak approaches you, half-walking, half-running with that gorgeous, lopsided smile on his face.

 

“Hey,” he calls happily as you get to your feet, smiling back like an idiot. Isak reaches out to cup your face with both hands and presses a soft kiss to your lips.

 

“Hey,” you breathe back, brushing his nose with yours and sliding your arms around his waist. “How was your day?”

 

Isak shrugs and kisses you again before letting go of your neck to take your hand in his. “Normal, I guess. I don’t feel different.”

 

“Haha, are you disappointed?” you ask and start leading him down the street in direction of Uranienborg park.

 

Isak scoffs and shakes his head. “Not really. It’s just a day like any other.”

 

You let out a fake-shocked gasp. “Isak! Don’t say that!” With a wink, you lean in and kiss his cheek. “Today will be the most epic birthday ever.”

 

Isak smiles at you with raised eyebrows. “You’re still not telling me what we’re doing, are you?”

 

“Nope,” you tell him and squeeze his hand. “But if it’s any consolation, you’ll find out soon.”

 

Isak winks at you and nods. “Alright.” He swings your joint hands back and forth for a moment and you marvel at the content expression on his face. Sometimes you wish you could do something for him to always have that expression on his face and to feel accordingly. Content Isak is your favourite Isak, and if you weren’t on a schedule, you’d push him against a wall to kiss him silly right now.

 

But of course, not everyone is as dedicated to giving Isak a perfect birthday as you are.

 

“Excuse me, but what the FUCK do you think you’re doing?” and angry voice calls from behind you, making both you and Isak whirl around.

 

A middle-aged woman stands a few feet away from the two of you, holding a young girl with blond pigtails by her hand. She’s glowering at your joint hands and scoffs angrily when instead of letting go, you lace your fingers even tighter together.

 

“There are children around here, what makes you think this is appropriate?” she says, pointing to her daughter, who smiles awkwardly at the two of you, as if to apologise for her mother.

 

“What’s your problem?” Isak grunts, and you almost gasp when you feel his arm around your waist. You look over at him to see a defiant grimace on his face, and you can’t help but feel proud of him.

 

“I get that this state has decided that all kinds of atrocities are legal now, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s unnatural,” the woman spits, sounding even angrier now.  “You should stop flaunting your lifestyle in public like this, how am I going to explain this to my kid?”

 

While until now you’ve felt horrible and wanted nothing more than to run away, you suddenly feel confident. Because in the same moment that rude person mentions her kid, the girl catches your eye and smiles kindly.

 

“Here, let me,” you say with a fake grin at the mother and then crouch down so your eyes are on the same level as the child’s. “Do you want to ask us something, sweetie?”

 

The girl brings one hand to her eye and giggles, but then she purses her lips and lets go of her mothers hand, taking two steps forward. “What are your names?”

 

The mother stares at her kid with her mouth half-open in shock, but you pay her no mind. Isak crouches down next to you, still holding your hand and smiling at the girl as well.

 

“I’m Isak, and this is Even,” he says, and you love the proud tone of his voice when he says your name.

 

“I’m Linn,” says the little girl, making you and Isak exchange a look.

 

“We have a friend called Linn. What a pretty name,” you tell her, and Linn giggles happily.

 

“I like Isak and Even. So are you two together?” she asks and at that her mother reaches roughly for her hand, pulling her back.

 

“That’s enough, stop talking to them, Linn!” she hisses, but she freezes when you catch her eye and give her coldest stare you can manage.

 

“I’m explaining _this,_ ” you hold up your and Isak’s joint hands, “to your kid, why don’t you let me?”

 

That shuts her up effectively and you turn your face back to Linn. “Yes, Linn, we’re together,” you say simply.

 

Linn giggles excitedly and claps her hands together. “Like Mamma and Pappa?” she asks, the bright smile on her face making both you and Isak laugh.

 

“Yes, exactly like that,” Isak says gently, and the slight shiver in his voice makes you want to hug him close when this is over. His parents have been trying to get their shit together for a while, but it’s still tough.

 

“Cool,” says Linn and tugs at one of her pigtails. “Are you also going to the playground?”

 

You laugh softly and both you and Isak get to your feet again. “No, we are meeting our friends. It’s Isak’s birthday today.”

 

“Oh, happy birthday,” Linn calls happily, but before Isak can thank her, Linn’s mother takes her hand again.

 

“Stop, Linn, we have to go.” She looks visibly flustered and still angry, but she obviously can’t think of anything to say to you and Isak. Linn looks confused, and your heart aches for that little girl. She’s the living proof that hatred is learned and not something anyone is born with.

“Bye, Isak and Even,” she says and waves at both of you while her mother drags her across the street, muttering angrily to herself.

 

You look after them for a moment and then turn around to pull Isak into your arms. He’s kept it together in front of the little girl, but now he’s a bit of a shaking mess. He clutches onto your shoulders and you hear him take one ragged breath after another.

 

After a long moment, you move your head back to look at him, cupping his face with both hands. “Hey, look at me,” you say softly, caressing Isak’s temples with your thumbs. His eyes are closed and he takes a deep breath before opening them. “It’s okay,” you say, holding his gaze.

 

The look in Isak’s eyes is full with a mix of anger and sadness. “Why the fuck …” he begins, swallowing hard. “Why do people think it’s okay to say stuff like that?” he asks, sounding disillusioned and sad.

 

“Because they don’t understand,” you whisper, leaning your forehead against his. Isak closes his eyes again and then wraps his arms around your waist, sighing deeply. “But kids like Linn know better, try to think of that,” you say a little louder, and then lean forward to kiss him.

 

Isak sighs against your lips and pulls you closer, reaching up to cup your neck with one hand while roping his other arm tightly around your waist. And that’s when you notice that the encounter with Linn and her hateful mother hurt you just as much as it hurt Isak. His lips on yours and his hands on you make you realise how tense you are.

 

Your eyes flutter shut and you let go of Isak’s neck to wrap your arms around his shoulders as he pulls you into a firm hug. Feeling his hands gently stroke your back, you relax into your boyfriend’s embrace, and within moments, you feel much better.

 

Still, you have to check if he’s okay. So you gently disengage yourself and put your hands on Isak’s shoulders, looking into his eyes. “Better?”

 

Isak nods and looks at his shoes for a moment before meeting your eyes again. A tiny grin curls his lips upwards, making you smile as well. You lean forward to brush your nose against his, wrapping your arms around him again. Isak’s smile grows wider and you see the hint of a sparkle in his eye.

 

“Better,” he says, his voice steady and calm. Nodding happily, you press a kiss to his lips and then take his hand in yours.

 

“Should we go?” you ask, cupping Isak’s neck with your free hand.

 

He nods curtly and kisses you again. “You still haven’t told me where we’re going,” he says, trying to sound indignant, but failing spectacularly.

 

“We’re almost there,” you tell him and start walking again. Both of you are silent the rest of the way, processing the experience you’ve just had while throwing comforting looks at one another every few moments.

 

By the time you reach Urra park, you’ve almost forgotten about the horrible incident and you feel giddy with excitement, anticipating Isak’s reaction to the surprise you’ve planned for him.

 

Isak sees them before you do.  “Fuck, Even, are you freaking kidding me?” he exclaims and stops to face you, a stunned expression on his face. “You organised all this?”

 

 _All this_ is all your friends sitting on blankets spread out on the grass in a circle and you can tell from afar that they went all out on food and drinks - you can see several big coolers and what looks like a few boxes covered with cloths laden with plates and bowls.

 

You can only nod because the incredulous joy in Isak’s eyes has you tongue-tied. Isak lets out a happy giggle, presses a kiss to your lips and then drags you with him towards the happy group of people, who have all gotten to their feet.

 

Jonas is the first to reach the two of you. 

“Happy birthday, man,” he says and Isak lets go of your hand to hug his best friend.

 

Magnus, and Mahdi follow suit, and you only have a moment to marvel at your boyfriend’s wonderful friendships before Jonas throws his arms around you. “Thanks for doing this, man, it’s an awesome idea,” he says at your shoulder, making you chuckle.

 

“I thought Isak would like it simple,” you say and move your head back to look at Jonas, who smiles and nods approvingly.

 

“Definitely,” he says, winking at you.

 

Magnus and Mahdi both hug you as well and then you walk over to the blankets, sitting down next to Isak. He’s already eating a sandwich and wraps his arm around you, pointing to Vilde with his chin. “Vilde made those, you have to try one! They’re amazing,” he says, making Vilde giggle.

 

“Thanks, Isak,” she says and leans her head on Magnus’ shoulder. You catch Sana’s eye and the smile on her face is brighter than you’ve seen in a long time. It reminds you that Yousef was freaking out when you saw him last Friday, because he was meeting Sana for their official first date. And if Sana’s glowing face is any indication, it must have gone really well.

 

Noora is sitting between Eva’s legs, letting herself be fed with grapes, both of them giggling happily, seemingly oblivious to everything happening around them.

 

On your left, Isak is talking to Mahdi and Jonas, his head leaned against your shoulder, and just when you’re about to ask him if he wants a beer, Magnus seems to read your mind.

 

“Eh, we should do a toast,” he says and reaches for a cooler, lifting the lid. “After all, Isak is now officially allowed to drink.”

 

Everyone laughs at that as Magnus and Mahdi start handing out beers. You throw an apologetic look at Sana, but she seems to have expected it. _“Forget it”_ , she mouths and winks at you, making you both grin.

 

When everyone but Sana is holding a beer, Magnus raises his bottle and looks at Isak with a cheeky grin. “To Isak, the grumpiest and simultaneously sappiest person I know,” he says and Isak clinks his beer to Magnus’, however sticking his tongue out at him.

 

“To the biggest beer enthusiast I know,” Jonas says, winking at his best friend and both of them laugh as they clink bottles.

 

“To the most useful biology partner I can get,” says Sana, making the girls, you and Isak burst out in laughter. Isak raises his bottle to her, nodding and putting his free hand on his heart.

 

“Thank you, partner,” he says and winks at her. Sana winks back and giggles happily, and you think that being in love suits her very well. Her lilac hijab compliments her light green shirt and black pants perfectly, making her look even more radiant than she usually does.

 

Eva then clears her throat, sitting up a  little straighter and lacing her fingers together with Noora’s before raising her beer and looking up at Isak. “To someone who stuck by me through a lot of shit. Thanks for being you, Isak.”

 

You watch Isak blush and nod appreciatively as he raises his bottle as well. “You’re so welcome,” he croaks, obviously touched. The corners of your mouth are starting to hurt from smiling but you don’t care. You remember the evening Eva knocked on your door with a tear-streaked face a few weeks ago all too well. She spent a long time on your and Isak’s couch, telling you how much she likes Noora and that she’s still terrified of what it means to actually be with her. You both talked her through it, but it was mostly Isak who knew which words she needed to hear. If you’re not too wrong, Eva went straight to kollektivet after talking to you guys and Isak told you she was wearing the same clothes the next day …

 

Noora turns her head to kiss Eva’s cheek and then raises her plastic cup with a grin at Isak. “To the sweetest grumpy roommate I’ve ever had,” she giggles, making Isak snigger and nod gratefully at her.

 

“To Isak, who is so much kinder than he likes to admit,” says Vilde then, smiling so brightly you almost have to blink. “Thanks for everything,” she adds and raises her plastic cup as Isak does the same with his bottle, smiling gently.

 

“Anytime,” he murmurs, and then two voices break the solemn atmosphere.

 

Mahdi calls out “Alright, you saps,” at the same time as Chris grumbles “Alright, softies.” The two of them stare at each other for a second and then the entire group burst out laughing.

 

“I love you, Isak, but I’m not one for speeches,” Mahdi says, still chuckling, and Isak grins broadly as he clinks his bottle to Mahdi’s.

 

“Don’t sweat it,” he chuckles and then Chris clears her throat.

 

“What he said,” she murmurs, pointing to Mahdi with a grin. “You’re a good guy, Isak, stay that way,” she then adds, clinking her bottle to Isak’s, both of them laughing.

 

It takes you a moment to realise that you’re the last one who hasn’t said anything yet. Clearing your throat, you think of the ten different toasts you prepared in your mind, but somehow, they all seem too pretentious.

 

You turn your head to look at Isak, smiling happily at him, almost unable to believe that all this is real. That Isak is here in your arms, in the midst of your loving friends, looking so happy your heart is about to burst.

 

“To my everything,” you say simply, clinking your beer bottle to Isak’s, and then lean in to kiss him. Isak smiles into the kiss and he must have put his bottle down right when you pulled him because now his hand is on your face. He’s kissing you back enthusiastically while all your friends are cheering and clapping, and you think that even though it’s not yours, this birthday might just be the best one you’ve ever experienced.

 

And it’s not even halfway over.


	126. Episode 10: Wednesday 21st June, 17:17: Can’t wait

**_Mikael_ **

 

_Hey best bud, we’re invited to the party_

_tonight, right? Where is it again?_

 

_Yes of course! It’s at Eskild, Linn and Noora’s_

_kollektiv, I’ll send you the address._

 

_Awesome! Should we bring something?_

_Adam is threatening to bring his I-pod_

_and terrorise everyone with his hiphop_

_collection …_

 

_Eh, careful. He got some of those songs from_

_me . Also, Eskild insisted on organising every-_

_thing himself. Knowing him, this shindig will be_

_glamorous. Fuuck, Isak is gonna kill me if Eskild_

_showers him with glitter or something._

 

_Have you seen the way he looks at you?_

_That’s not about to happen._

 

_Shut up . See you later then?_

 

_Yes, see you!_


	127. Episode 10: Wednesday 21st June, 20:53: EVEN PART 2

Isak's birthday party is in full swing, and you're having the time of your life.

 

The two of you arrived at the kollektiv about an hour ago, and since then you've danced with Eva, Vilde and of course with Isak - if for no other reason than to see his adorable "I-wanna-hate-you-but-I-love-you" face while swaying him back and forth in your arms. You've also eaten lots of Noora's delicious food, tried Linn's cocktails and enjoyed watching Eskild give a moving speech about his "baby gay officially having grown up." Although you did feel a little bad for your boyfriend: Isak hid his face in his hands during the entire time Eskild was speaking and waving his glass of champagne in his face. However, he did give his former roommate a very long hug when Eskild finally finished, and if you wiped away a tear of joy from your cheek, no one has to know.

Right now however, you’re sitting in Noora’s room, surrounded by the boys. The arrived about ten minutes ago, and you and Isak greeted them together. After making sure they knew where to get beer and food once it would be time for Iftar, Isak kissed you and then excused himself, saying he wanted to talk to Jonas.

So you ended up leading the boys to the room where it all began with you and Isak. It’s Noora’s room again now, but you still remember how it looked half a year ago. Noora replaced the orange curtains with blue ones and hung real picture frames with photos of her and the girls in place of Isak’s crumpled posters. The boys sit down on the floor in a circle and only when Elias clears his throat do you realise you’ve sunk into a trance, watching the familiar walls with a stupid smile on your face.

 

“So, this is where you guys …” Elias begins, making Mutta shove him with an irritated expression.

 

“Dude, we do NOT want to know the details,” he grumbles, and all six of you laugh at that.

 

“No worries, Mutta, I won’t tell you,” you reassure him and Mutta nods his head in appreciation.

 

“But seriously, is this where you kissed him for the first time?” Mikael’s question surprises you, but when you meet his eye, he smiles kindly, his expression showing honest curiosity.

 

Clearing your throat, you sit down between Mikael and Adam and slowly shake your head. “No, I took him to an indoor swimming pool for our first kiss," you say matter-of-factly, propping up your knee and resting your elbow on it.

 

The boys all stare at you. “You mean you planned it?” Adam giggles and puts an arm around your shoulders, leaning his head against yours for a moment. “Why am I not surprised?”

 

“Well, I know we had to be alone and I wanted it to be really romantic,” you tell them, wiggling your knee back and forth and blushing furiously. “And there is nothing more romantic in terms of kisses than the first kiss between Romeo and Juliet.”

 

“Dude, you really are a nerd,” Mikael says fondly and bumps your shoulder with his. “I suppose Isak loved that stunt though?”

 

That makes you laugh. “He cursed for like ten minutes straight afterwards because a little girl caught us and called for her mum.” The boys join in your laughter, and you have to bite your lips to stop yourself from laughing to go on. “We climbed out of the window, sopping wet and ran for it. I had my bike with me but we didn’t have time for both of us to get on so we just ran through the freezing cold for what felt like ages.” You let out an amused chuckle, seeing Isak’s irritated face from that night in front of you as if it had been yesterday.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone curse that much in so little time,” you add, and by now the boys are howling.

 

Elias is bent over his knees laughing so hard you think you see tears in his eyes, and when he finally sits up straight again, he shakes his head. “Even, I know the six of us have done some crazy shit,” he huffs and lets out another giggle while the rest of you all nod in agreement. “But this has got to be the craziest first kiss story I have ever heard.”

 

You’re still laughing but nodding at the same time. “I know, and I don’t think either of us are ever going to forget it.”

 

“That was the point, wasn’t it?” Yousef asks, his expression suddenly rather pensive. “To make it unforgettable, I mean.”

 

You look over at him, nodding again. “Yes, of course. The first kiss has to be memorable. Like all important moments in life, you don’t want to forget the first time you kissed someone you like,” you tell him, looking straight into his eyes.

 

Suddenly, no one is laughing anymore. Yousef looks lost in thought, Mikael is chewing his lower lip with a somewhat guilty expression on his face and Adam, Elias and Mutta are exchanging hesitant looks, as if they were trying to silently agree on who was going to talk first.

 

Finally, Elias clears his throat and looks into your eyes. “Even … this is kind of hard, but I just have to know.”

 

You nod and smile bravely, although your insides are twisting uncomfortably. You knew this conversation was coming, and although it’s a little scary, you feel ready.

 

Elias takes a deep breath and looks around at the rest of the boys for a moment before clearing his throat again. “Did you try to take your own life?”

 

Despite having expected the question, you still suck in a breath. Hearing someone - particularly one of your childhood friends - say those words out loud makes the whole thing sound so much worse than it feels. Maybe it’s because the pain on the boys’ faces is something you recognise from the time right after you stopped talking to them and by now it feels foreign to you.

 

You nod quickly and take a deep breath before answering. “Yeah, I did. But it wasn’t your fault. Please don’t think that.” While you speak, you look at Mikael, whose eyes go wide at your words.

 

“Shit,” he breathes and buries his face in his hands. You put an arm around him and pull him close, kissing the top of his head. Mikael sighs deeply and puts both arms around you, as if he were scared you could slip away any moment.

 

“I swear, you couldn’t have stopped me. I just wanted to escape my own head,” you say quietly, tapping your temple with your finger, still holding Mikael with your other arm.

 

Elias snorts and when you look up at him, you’re shocked to see his eyes are glistening with tears. “We should have tried, at least. You’re our brother, man,” he croaks, sounding so broken you almost wish you had lied. But you manage a smile and stretch out your free arm, encouraging Elias to hug you.

 

And before you know what’s happening, Elias, Mutta, Adam and Yousef are tackling you and Mikael in a group hug. You let out a soft laugh, but none of the boys join in this time. They all hold on to you and each other, breathing deeply for a long moment.

 

It’s Yousef who breaks the silence. “Thank fuck you’re still here,” he says and you’re glad to hear that his voice isn’t breaking.

The other four grumble in agreement, making you feel warm from the inside out. “I’m glad, too,” you admit, your fingers tightening at Mikael’s and Adam’s shoulders.

 

The boys all tighten their holds on you for a moment and then they disentangle themselves from you. Elias wipes his face and when he looks into your eyes again, he tries to smile.

 

“We’ll never leave you alone again, I promise,” he says solemnly and Mutta nods slowly before he adds:

 

“You’re not getting rid of us a second time. Count on it.” He points at you with a crooked smirk, and you nod gratefully at the five of them.

 

And finally, the six of you laugh again. It’s quieter than before, but contrary to what you expected, you don’t feel exposed. Looking around at your five brothers, you feel  - at home.

 

“Thanks, boys. I missed you,” you tell them, smiling happily. “But I haven’t been alone all this time, you know.”

 

Mikael smiles knowingly and nods. “Isak is a good guy,” he says and that makes your heart swell. Sure, you never really doubted that your boys would get along with Isak - how could they not? But Mikael’s voice is full of honest admiration, and you just have to hug him again.

 

“I know,” you say at your best friend’s shoulder, feeling his chuckle run down your spine like a warm shiver.

 

Pulling back, you dig your phone out of your pocket to check the time. “Oh, shit. It’s 21:16! I have to find Isak.”

 

The boys frown at you. “Why, are you guys on a schedule? On Isak’s birthday?” Adam asks, winking at you. “Do you have some plans?”

 

“As a matter of fact, I do,” you tell him, winking right back. All five boys hoot at that, making you blush as you get to your feet.

 

“I’ll see you guys on Saturday latest,” you say, and they all nod slowly.

 

“Ah, I can’t wait for Eid,” Adam exclaims, and then Yousef gets up as well, patting your back.

 

“Go get your man, I’ll go talk to my girl,” he says, and to your surprise, Elias grins brightly at that remark.

 

He notices your frown and chuckles, shaking his head as if he can’t believe you’re even surprised by his reaction. “Have you seen my sister’s smile lately, Even?” he asks, sounding proud. “That’s all Yousef’s doing, and as long as he keeps it that way, I have no reason to kill him.”

 

All five of you laugh, but Yousef blushes a little. You put your arm around him, grinning encouragingly. “She really likes you man.”

 

Yousef smiles happily at you, nodding slowly. “I know,” he says quietly and with that, the two of you are out of Noora’s room, waving at the rest of your boys.

 

“See you on Saturday?” Yousef says from beside you while you’re already looking for Isak’s curls in the crowd.

 

“Uh yeah” you reply absent-mindedly, and you barely hear Yousef’s chuckled “Alright then,” because you spotted Isak on one of the couches in the living room. He’s talking to Eva, and you decide you don’t want to interrupt their conversation - at least not in person. So you pull out your phone and open the messenger app.

                                                     ** _Mannen i mitt liv <3_**

_It’s almost 21:21_

 

You watch Isak dig his phone out of his pocket and look at the screen. The slow tugging at his lips makes your heart jump in your chest, and a second later, your phone buzzes in your hand.

_Damn! Where are you?_

 

Still smiling like an idiot, you type back:

_Look up._

 

Isak does and the expression on his face when he sees you goes straight to your crotch. It’s not just a loving smile, it’s a hungry, lustful one and you already know Isak isn’t going to bother typing a reply.

 

You watch him excuse himself to Eva and then get to his feet. In a few long strides, he reaches you, cupping your face in his hands and pressing his lips to yours.

 

“Hi,” you breathe against his mouth, loosely linking your hands in his back.

 

Isak grunts impatiently and pushes you against the wall behind you, kissing you again, more urgently this time. “Wanna bail?” he asks, releasing your lips only to latch onto your neck.

 

Suppressing a moan, you wrap your arms around Isak’s shoulders. “We’re at your birthday party, we can’t just bail,” you breathe into his hair, your breath hitching when you feel Isak’s teeth grazing your collarbone.

 

“Fuck that, it’s _my_ birthday, I get to decide,” he grumbles and then claims your lips with his again.

 

“You really are a brat,” you say, your tone more admiring than chastising, and Isak just shrugs and kisses you again.

 

“A newly eighteen year old brat, and I want to take my boyfriend home, NOW” he all but growls into your ear then. As if to emphasise his words, he nibbles at your earlobe, sending violent chills down your spine. Not to be outdone, you slip both hands under his t-shirt, your fingers digging into the sensitive skin at his hips.

 

Isak lets out a soft moan and kisses your throat again before taking your hand in his, dragging you with him to the hallway.

 

“Alright, you win,” you pant against his lips minutes later right after Isak has pushed you against another wall - this time on the first floor landing. Isak hums in agreement, but he only kisses you harder, seemingly with no intention to stop any time soon. “But let’s get you home before I rip your clothes off right here and now,” you add, cupping his face with both hands to make him look at you.

 

Isak looks so genuinely happy your heart almost bursts. “I dare you,” he whispers and challengingly raises his eyebrows at you.

 

Softly stroking his cheeks with your thumbs, you capture his lips in a soft kiss. A quiet hum escapes Isak's mouth and you close your eyes, pouring all the love and affection you have for Isak into the kiss. You move your hands to his hips, feeling him melt into your embrace with a soft sigh as you kiss him again.

 

“I thought you wanted to take your boyfriend home,” you murmur against his ear and pull him into a hug. Isak runs his hands up along your back, burying his face at the crook of your neck.

 

“Mhmm” he murmurs and then raises his head to press his lips to your throat again. “Let’s go.”

 

He moves his head back, placing his hands at the wall on either side of your head. “I love you,” he murmurs, leaning in to brush your nose with his. Isak’s words combined with the intense look in his eyes makes a shive run down your spine. You wrap your arms around his waist again and pull him closer until your foreheads are touching.

 

“I love you too,” you breathe back before kissing him, short and sweet. “Did you have a good birthday?” you then ask, grinning broadly at him.

 

“Best birthday ever,” Isak replies without hesitation, and then he gently disengages himself and takes your hand in his. “About to become even better,” he adds with a wink, pulling you with him.

 

Chuckling quietly, you follow him down the stairs, and by the time you’re outside, you’re suddenly in a big hurry to get home.

 

“I’ll make sure of it,” you whisper in Isak’s ear, putting your arm on his shoulder and kissing his neck. The desperate sigh that escapes Isak makes you pick up your pace a little.

 

You are certainly very glad that Isak isn’t living at the kollektiv anymore. Sure, you have to walk home now which could prove to become harder with every step. But at least you know that the second your front door closes behind the two of you, Isak is all yours.

 

And you’re all his. With every fibre of your being, most likely for the rest of your life.

 

The thought makes you walk even faster.

 


	128. Episode 10: Thursday 22nd June, 11:48: Disgusting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to my dear beta Marie @naescar for looking over this day for me! I love you darling :-)

**_Sara_ **

 

_Just had to watch our favourite blond slut_

_stick her tongue down her imbecile’s throat._

_There goes my lunch._

  _Do you want to hang out later? I’m done_

_at 13:30._


	129. Episode 10: Thursday 22nd June, 15:22: INGRID

Reaching your locker, you’re glad that not many people have class after two o’clock on Thursdays: The hall is deserted, which gives you a few quiet moments to recover from a long Spanish lesson before leaving school.

 

While you sort through your books and folders, your thoughts wander back to the text Sara sent you earlier, making you feel uneasy again.

 

You haven’t been comfortable around Sara for quite a while now. It started after the party at Penetrator Chris’ house where Sara and Laila pulled off their stunt to ‘expose’ Sana to her friends. You had no idea was Sara was up to and were just as blind-sided by her attack as Sana, Eva and their friends. A part of you wanted to run after Eva then and there and tell her that you miss her and don’t want to be friends with Sara anymore.

 

But you’ve always been a scared coward, so naturally, you ducked your head and pretended you had to go to the bathroom to avoid watching Sara laugh her ass off at Eva’s and Sana’s despair and their friends’ utter confusion.

 

Before the three of you went to Nissen, you thought your friendship with Sara and Eva was going to last forever. However, after Jonas cheated on you with Eva, Sara became a different person. You’re not sure if it’s partly your fault: During the first week after breaking up with Jonas, you bitched about Eva every day and swore to hate her forever. But that subsided after Eva reached out to you before Christmas in your first year at Nissen. The two of you didn’t become friends again, but neither of you hated the other anymore.

 

It took you about half a year to figure out that Sara was pissed off about that fact. One night at a party she exploded in your face, saying that stealing your boyfriend was an unforgivable offense and the fact that you were anything less than horrible to Eva only proved that you didn’t have any backbone. So you tried to not let Sara catch you talking to Eva anymore and nodded along whenever Sara went on a rant about how slutty Eva was or about Eva’s ‘pathetic group of friends’, never really adding anything but also not contradicting.

 

A loud laugh startles you out of your trance. Looking up, you see Eva and Noora walking down the hall, hand in hand, looking so happy you can’t help but smile.

 

Sara has been bitching about them non-stop ever since she saw them strolling through the hall holding hands on Tuesday a week ago.

 

“It seems the self-proclaimed biggest losers of the school are trying to be special AGAIN,” she said during lunch while watching Noora, Eva, Vilde, Sana and Chris walk across the yard. “Apparently, being gay is the new trend, eh? First my stupid ex gets together with a guy and now we have pretty girl Noora slumming it with the school slut.”

 

Just remembering Sara’s words makes you feel horrible. You swallow hard and shake your head as if to get rid of the memory. _Enough_ , you think to yourself, and you’re not sure if it’s the anger at yourself or at Sara that sparks your next move.

 

Slamming your locker shut, you pull your phone out of your pocket and open the conversation with Sara. Walking down the hall, you start typing.

 

**_Sara_ **

 

_No, I don’t wanna hang with you. I’m sorry Sara,_

_but I’ve had enough of you and your hatred_

_towards everyone. I know you’ve talked shit_

_about me behind my back as well and I can’t_

_ignore it any longer. You’re not a good friend_

_and I really hope you will one day realise that_

_there are more important things than being_

_popular and looking down on everyone else._

_Have a nice life._

 

You don’t hesitate before hitting send, and instantly feel a great wave of relief wash over you. Reaching the main entrance of the building, you push the door open with your shoulder, letting out a big sigh. You put your phone back in your pocket and have crossed half the courtyard when you see Eva and Noora sitting on the bench next to the gate.

 

You only think for  a short moment before approaching them, clearing your throat.

 

“Hey,” you say, stepping in front of the bench, forcing yourself to look at Eva.

 

Eva stares at you incredulously for a moment but then sits up a little straighter, lacing her fingers together with Noora’s. “Hey Ingrid, what’s up?”

 

Her expression is still dumb-founded, but she smiles hesitantly, and next to her, Noora watches you with quiet curiosity.

 

“Uh, I just wanted to apologise for being a bitch to you, and your friends. You didn’t deserve that. Also, I know you probably don’t believe me, but I wasn’t in on that stunt Sara pulled with that tinder and insta account.” Closing your eyes for a moment, you take a deep breath before you go on. “I just sent Sara a text saying I want nothing to do with her anymore. She’s a very angry person and I don’t want to be friends with people like that. I thought you should know.”

 

You take a deep breath and look into Eva’s eyes again, although you’re sure your expression gives away just how much you miss her friendship. But instead of looking confused or doubtful, Eva is smiling broadly and holds out her hand to you.

 

“That’s pretty awesome, Ingrid! I’m happy for you!”

 

Taking her hand, you shake it and smile back hesitantly. You’re not sure where all this bravery is coming from, but before you can stop yourself, you hold on to Eva’s hand and look into her eyes. “Do you think … Can we start over?”

 

Eva doesn’t let go of your hand right away, that is the first thing you notice. When she does, she leans her shoulder against Noora’s as her girlfriend wraps an arm around her waist.

 

After a long moment, Eva clears her throat and then nods slowly. “Maybe it’s because I’m so damn in love,” she raises her and Noora’s joint hands and kisses her girlfriend’s wrist. “But I really don’t want to fight with anyone anymore.”

 

And with those words, she disentangles herself from Noora’s arms and gets to her feet. You’ve barely registered what she just said before Eva’s arms are around you, pulling you close. “I forgive you, let’s start over,” she whispers at your ear, and you have to squeeze your eyes shut to stop tears of joy from welling over.

 

“Okay,” you whisper back, clutching on to her, hardly believing that his is really happening.

 

“I missed you,” Eva says then, and you’re almost relieved to notice her voice is shaking slightly. At least you’re not the only one losing it a little. Taking a deep breath, you hug her a little tighter and whisper back: “Same, Eva.”

 

With a happy chuckle, Eva then lets go of you and Noora gets to her feet, smiling kindly at you. "Welcome to the family then," she says warmly and pulls you into a one-armed hug.

 

Your knees are shaking a little which is why you hug Noora back a little longer than intended, but she doesn't pull away. "Thank you," you say happily, smiling so hard the corners of your mouth are starting to hurt. "Fuck, I should have done this ages ago."

 

Eva links her left arm with your right one as Noora takes her other hand, and the three of you walk off towards to bus stop. "Well, I'm glad you did it now," she says and then purses her lips before adding: "What exactly did you say to Sara?"

 

You dig your phone out of your pocket and open the messenger app to show her the text you sent Sara what seems like hours ago, although it can't be more than ten minutes. "Here, read it," you say and hand the phone to Eva. Both she and Noora look at your screen and only seconds later, both of them are staring at you with a mix of shock and awe.

 

"Ingrid, fucking hell!" Eva exclaims and squeezes your arm, laughing incredulously. "You're a badass!" She lets go of you and raises her hand, and you laugh as well, slapping your palm to hers.

 

"Congratulations, Ingrid, I'm so glad you told her off," Noora says and you smile gratefully at her. You've never really spoken to her before, but after merely five minutes with her, you already know you like Eva's girlfriend.

 

"Thank you," you say again, looking into Noora's eyes. "And by the way, I am so glad you two are together. Eva has never looked happier," you say, blushing furiously.

 

Both Eva and Noora giggle and blush a little as well, exchanging a glowing look. "Thank you, you're so sweet," Noora says quietly and then clears her throat. "Do you two want to catch up a little? I could make dinner for the two of you later if you want, but maybe you guys want to talk alone?"

 

Eva's eyes widen with surprise but then she turns to you, smiling mischievously. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

 

For a second you aren't sure what she means, but when Eva wiggles her eyebrows, you instantly remember the countless afternoons the two of you spent in front of the TV, laughing until your bellies hurt.

 

"Yes, I am! Should we go to my place?" you say, and Eva nods enthusiastically, squealing like a little child who just got the best present ever. Noora frowns at the two of you for a second before shrugging with what is certainly a fake-exasperated sigh.

 

"I am going to leave you to it, ladies. See you both tomorrow?" Noora sounds happy, and not the least bit jealous, which is both fascinating and incredible to you.

 

"I'm sorry for stealing your girlfriend away, I promise you'll have her to yourself tomorrow," you say, looking into Noora's eyes to make sure she knows you're serious.

 

A bright smile lights up Noora's face and she nods at you. "Don't worry, I'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do."

 

"Thank you," you say for the third time in half an hour, and just then, your bus arrives. Eva pulls her girlfriend into a long kiss, sighing happily when she lets her go again.

 

"Bye babe, see you tomorrow," she chirps and then links arms with you once more, pulling you into the bus. The two of you wave goodbye to Noora, and by the time she's out of sight, you almost feel tempted to pinch yourself.

 

Did you really just end a toxic friendship and mend the best one you ever had in less than an hour?


	130. Episode 10: Thursday 22nd June, 17:11: Proud of you

**_Mamma_ **

 

_Hey darling, are you coming home  for_

_dinner today? I'm off work in about two_

_hours and will make spaghetti._

 

_Hey Mamma, yes I’m already home! Do you think it_

_would be okay if Eva stayed over?_

_Eva? Your old friend Eva? Are you_

_talking to her again?_

_Yes! We made up, and her friend Sana_ _just_

_invited me to her Eid party on Saturday!_

 

 _Ah, how nice! I’m so proud of you,_ _Ingrid._

 _And of course Eva is welcome,_ _as always!_

_Cool! See you later then._

 

_See you soon!_


	131. Episode 10: Thursday 22nd June, 18:59: Piss off

**_Sara_ **

 

_Uh, omg Ingrid, please tell me someone_

_hacked your phone? Was it that bitch Eva?_

 

_Hi Sara, wow, you reply after four hours and_

_this is the best you can come up with? Try_

_again._

 

 _What the fuck? When did you become_ _such_

 _an idiot? You know that by_ _dissing me,_

 _you lose EVERYONE?_ _You’ll have no friends_

 _left, and as_ _much as it pains me, I’ll have to_

 _make_ _your life a living hell._

 

_As of today, I’m a part of Eva's crew of losers, and_

_believe me, that was the best decision I’ve_

_ever made._

 

_You’re fucking pathetic Ingrid! If you think_

_those idiots are actually your friends_

_you’re even dumber than I thought. Don’t_

_you see Eva is just trying to get back at_

_me? She’ll toss you away as soon as she’s_

_done with whatever scheme she has_

_planned._

 

_I’m sorry, Sara, but we are not going to_

_fuck Ingrid over, that’s the kind of thing YOU_

_do._

 

_What the hell, who is this? I knew_

_Ingrid’s phone got hacked!_

 

_Ingrid gave me her phone you moron, she’s_

_dying of laughter right next to me. And now_

_we’re done putting up with your shit. We’re_

_watching Fresh Prince, and you are sooo not_

_invited! See ya, you poisonous BITCH!_

 

_Piss off, both of you!_


	132. Episode 10: Friday, 23rd June, 13:24: Watch me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big shoutout and thank you to Wy @wyoheartsmusic and Rose @roseknowsbest for looking over this day for me :D

**_Sana_ **

 

_Hey Sana! Again, thank you so much for the_

_invitation to your Eid party. I was wondering if_

_I can bring something as a gift? I heard that_

_it’s traditional to exchange gifts at Eid._

 

_Awwh, you don’t have to bring anything!_

 

_So no particular wishes, that’s good! Gives me_

_more things to choose from._

 

_Haha you’re too sweet._

 

_Well, likewise, dear Sana! Now, if you’ll excuse_

_me, I have to go shopping for farashas._

 

_Wait, what?_

 

_Oh, yeah, I want to buy traditional clothes for_

_my dear ladies. We will attend the party in_

_proper style._

 

_Oh wow, I would love to see you try_

_get Noora to wear a traditional dress._

 

_Watch me, dear Sana. Watch me._


	133. Episode 10: Friday 23rd June, 15:03: Whatever

**_Kollektivet_ **

 

 _Eskild:_ _Ladies, I have a surprise for you!_

_when will you be home?_

 

_I’m in my room. What’s up?_

 

_Eskild: Awesome, Linn. Stay put, I’ll_

_be home in about an hour._

 

_Noora: What are you up to now, Eskild?_

 

 _Eskild:_ _You’ll see Noora! Are you coming_

_home today?_

 

_Noora: I’m sitting at KB with Eva, we_

_can be there in about an_

_hour too._

 

_Eskild: Perfect! See you both there._

 

_You still haven’t told us what the fuss is about?_

 

_Eskild: It’s a surprise Linn, you’ll see!_

_Whatever_


	134. Episode 10: Friday 23rd June 16:07: ESKILD AND LINN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this clip, credits are due to my dear Sabrina @whenbluemeetsgreen who gave me a way into Linn's head with one tiny little sentence :-) Thank you babe!
> 
> And of course, I owe a big thanks to Annika @SilverySparks for looking over this clip to check if I got Linn's state of mind right!:-D Thank you so much dear!

**Linn**

 

Sitting on your bed, you’re staring at your phone. More precisely, at Eskild’s message in the groupchat: You’re trying to hypnotise the words, to get them to tell you what the heck Eskild is up to now.

 

Of course, that doesn’t work. Finally, you toss your phone aside and get up, making your way to the kitchen. Opening one of the cupboards, you take out a glass and fill it up with water from the tap. Just when you get back to your room, you hear your phone vibrate again.

 

With a sigh, you plop down on your bed and reach for your phone, expecting to have gotten another message from Eskild or Noora. However, the name on your screen makes you let out a tiny laugh.

 

**_Even_ **

_Hey Linn, thanks again for letting me win last night!_

_I had fun :-). Are you coming to the Eid party_

_tomorrow?_

 

You roll your eyes, however still grinning. Even is being an idiot: You didn’t let him win, but he insisted you play Fifa again. As much as you enjoy cursing and yelling at your fictional football players, you don’t exactly enjoy losing to Even every single time.

 

You have no idea how exactly you and Even became friends, but you know it started when Even came to your room the morning after the christmas party last year. He’d made breakfast for Isak and Noora - you didn't feel like joining them, so you stayed in your room. A little while later, there was a knock on your door.

"Yeah?" you grunted hesitatingly, expecting it to be Eskild, coming to tell you all about the party last night - even though you were there. But instead, it was Even who stuck his head through the door.

 

“Noora and Isak are doing the dishes, can I talk to you for a second?” His voice was hesitant yet kind, and although you usually never let anyone into your room, you nodded, and Even walked in with a sigh of relief. Closing the door behind himself, he then just stood there for a moment. You instantly liked the fact that unlike Eskild, Even didn’t just sit down and babble on about things you weren’t interested in. He just watched you for a moment until he finally cleared his throat and waited for you to look at him.

 

“I just … wanted to say thank you … for Wednesday,” he began, his eyes darting back and forth between the door and your face, as if he weren’t sure whether or not he should leave again right away. “You were nice, and I … just want you to know, if you ever need someone to play video games with you again, I’ll gladly volunteer.”

 

He let out a shivering breath, and you instantly knew he wasn’t actually talking about video games. From the first few minutes you spent with him the Wednesday before, you knew that Even didn’t like to talk about his mental state, and you understood him so well it almost hurt.

 

“You’re welcome,” you told him, swallowing hard and trying to smile. “I’ll definitely ask if I want to get my ass kicked again.”

 

Even nodded nervously and then gave you a quick, awkward hug, before walking out of your room, wishing you a good weekend.

 

From then on, Even was at your place a lot, and you soon noticed that he was one of the few people you could truly be yourself around. He never asked stupid questions about why you were grumpy and slept so much, which was probably why about a month after the christmas party, you finally got up the courage to ask _him_ something during one of your gaming sessions.

 

Putting down your controls on Isak’s mattress, you looked over at Even and cleared your throat. “So .. do you think I could … have something like .. depression?” You hated how shaky your voice sounded, but Even just smiled kindly, putting down his controls as well to touch your shoulder.

 

“Do you feel like you might have it?” he asked gently, sounding almost scared.

 

Smiling uneasily, you shrugged and took a deep breath. “I don’t know?”

 

Even nodded slowly. “I think you shouldn’t let others decide for you what’s wrong with you or what you should do,” he then went on, his expression serious and full of a respect you weren’t used to. Most people had a tendency to either pity or patronise you, be it with looks or words or both.

 

But everything about Even’s demeanor was careful and kind. You felt respected and taken seriously. So you finally uttered the words that went through your mind a million times before but never had the courage to say out loud. “I think I’m depressed, and I want … I think I need help.”

 

Your voice sounded so small you felt like sinking into the floor from embarrassment, but Even pretended not to notice. “Alright,” he said, giving you another kind smile. “Do you have someone in your life whom you can really trust?”

 

Thinking for a moment, you nodded slowly. “Eskild,” you said, surprising yourself. “He’s … too much but he’s also … always there, you know? He doesn’t judge.”

 

Even chuckled and nodded again. “Yeah, I get that impression, too. So, if you think you’re ready, you could maybe ask Eskild to go see a doctor with you? So you don’t have to go alone.”

 

The mere thought of bothering anyone with your mental state made you cringe, but still … You and Even went back to playing Fifa after that, but the next day, you asked Eskild if he’d go to your doctor's office with you. To your surprise, he didn’t make a fuss but just said yes and asked if you needed anything.

 

So that’s why you’ve gone to your second appointment with your therapist just two days ago. Her name is Agnes and she’s really nice. She doesn’t beat around the bush and asks questions that make sense and help you understand yourself better. You didn’t tell Even any details when he came over yesterday, but you did mention that you have a therapist now. He didn’t overreact, but just said that was good and asked if you felt comfortable with her. After you confirmed that, Even dropped the subject, and once again you were thankful that Even never needed many words to make you feel better.

 

“Linn?”

 

Eskild’s trilling voice interrupts your line of thought and you sit up a little straighter, still holding your phone in your hand. You look down at Even’s message again and decide to reply to him first, before facing your flamboyant roommate.

 

**_Even_ **

_You’re welcome I guess. I believe I’m invited, yes._

You’re about to put your phone down when you see that Even’s typing.

 

_That’s not what I asked. Do you_

_feel like coming?_

 

That makes you smile. And while until now you were worried sick that whatever could go wrong would go wrong if you let Eskild drag you to that party, you suddenly remember Sana’s kind text from last Sunday. You have only met her a few times but she was always kind to you. So without thinking too much, you type back an honest answer.

 

_Sana is nice. So I think I’m coming._

Again, Even replies instantly.

 

_Awesome! You’re going to love the_

_food!_

 

You don’t really know what to answer to that, but you do know that Even won’t mind. So you drop your phone on your bed and get up just as you hear a soft knock on the door.

 

You open it to find Eskild grinning at you, holding up three big paper bags. “Surprise!”

 

Rolling your eyes at him, you push past him to walk to the living room. “What is it?” Your voice sounds only half-annoyed: Whenever Eskild smiles this happily, you can’t really be mad at him for disturbing you. Also, he did at least announce that he would come home with a surprise, which you are grateful for.

 

So when you sit down on one of the couches, you give Eskild your kindest smile.

 

He winks at you and sets one of the bags down on the table in front of you. “Take a look,” he trills and sits down on the other couch, setting his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his palms.

 

You look at him hesitantly for a moment but then reach for the paper bag and peek inside. “You bought me clothes?” you ask, but Eskild inclines his head to the side, sighing with faked impatience.

 

“Not just _any kind_ of clothes, Linn. Go on, take it out.”

 

Frowning slightly, you do as he asks. You pull out a heap of emerald green fabric, adorned with golden threads and sequins. Carefully unfolding it, you notice it’s two pieces: A long-sleeved dress and what looks like a headscarf, already folded and sewn together. For a moment, you let the soft, silky fabric flow through your hands.

 

“It looks nice,” you admit, looking up at Eskild, who is staring at you with a mix of worry and anticipation.

  
“You like it?” he asks, and now he almost looks shocked. “So does that mean you’re going to wear it?”

 

Stiffening slightly, you stare at him. “What?”

 

Eskild clears his throat and sits up a little straighter. “Now, don’t worry Linn, I will wear something similar.”

 

He reaches for one of the bags he set down on the floor in front of himself and pulls out another piece of emerald green cloth and a pair of wide black pants. “This is my kaftan, see? We match,” he says, sounding a little nervous as he unfolds the green fabric. It looks like an overly long dress shirt, decorated with golden embroidery on the chest area.

 

Watching you carefully, Eskild gets up and points to his room. “I am going to go change, do you want to try yours on as well?”

 

You’re about to tell him you don’t want to play dress-up, but the hopeful look on  his face makes you think you might as well humour him to get him to shut up. Maybe he would settle for you wearing the thing at home ...

 

“Okay, I guess.”

 

“Wonderful,” Eskild trills and reaches for your hand, pulling you to your feet and leading you to your room. “You will look even more beautiful than you usually do.”

 

And when he kisses your cheek, you can’t help but smile, feeling a warmth in your heart only a few people have ever made you feel.

 

You still catch yourself hoping the dress won’t fit though.

 

**Eskild**

 

The kaftan looks just as good on you as it did when you tried it on in the store Elias recommended. You asked him for help via facebook yesterday, and although he seemed taken aback at first, he still kindly advised you to go to a nice little store on Grønland. With the help of a lovely elderly lady, it took you less than an hour to pick out two farasha’s for Noora and Linn and a kaftan for yourself.

 

Running your hands over the smooth fabric, you smile to yourself. Sure, buying traditional clothes for you and both your roommates may be a little over-the-top, but you can’t bring yourself to regret it. The lady at the store asked you what you need the clothes for and when you told her that you and your roommates were invited to an Eid party tomorrow, she was nothing short of ecstatic.

 

“Oh, that is so lovely! You will all look so beautiful, Masha’Allah,” she said and cupped your cheek with her hand.

 

Taking a deep breath, you look at yourself in the mirror of your wardrobe again and then decide you’ve given Linn enough time to get her dress on.

 

She’s been doing much better lately. When she asked you to go to the doctor with her a few weeks back, you almost cried. Although you always knew she trusted you, it still surprised you that she wanted you to be there for her.

 

You didn’t ask too many questions, but you know that she’s been to therapy at least once, and of course, you’re no expert … However, you have noticed that Linn smiles more often and has started talking to you more out of her own accord. You also know that she has been talking to Even, and you are convinced that whoever opens their heart and mind to Even Bech Naesheim can only benefit from it.

 

Clearing your throat, you stand up straighter and give your reflection a quick smile before you walk out of your room. You wait in front of Linn’s door for a moment before you knock three times.

 

“Almost done,” Linn calls, sounding a little indignant, but not frustrated, which is encouraging.

 

“How’s it going?” you ask carefully, making a face.

 

You hear Linn let out a sigh and then she opens the door. A shocked gasp escapes your throat when you see her. You knew the green dress was a good idea since green is Linn’s favourite colour and it really suits her. But nothing prepared you for the happy smile on her face as she steps out into the hallway, watching the fabric move over her naked feet as she sways back and forth.

  
She’s not wearing the hijab and you catch yourself feeling happy about that: Linn’s red hair perfectly matches the colour of her dress, it would be a shame to hide it.

 

“Linn, you look beautiful,” you tell her, making sure she’s looking into your eyes as you say it.

 

Blushing a bright red, Linn looks down at her joint hands. “Thank you, Eskild.”

 

You think she’s going to say something else, but then the front door opens and Noora and Eva walk in, chattering excitedly.

 

They stop dead in their tracks when they see you and Linn, looking the two of you up and down with a mix of shock and curiosity. “Hi guys,” says Noora hesitantly after a moment, smiling at both you and Linn. “What did we miss?”

 

“Linn, that’s a gorgeous dress,” Eva says then, stepping forward to hug your roommate, and for what feels like the millionth time, you thank whatever universal force made Noora fall in love with this girl. You’ve always liked Eva, but since she started coming over more, her unabashed kindness towards Linn has both shocked you and warmed your heart every time you witnessed it.

Linn giggles happily and hugs Eva back. “I like green,” she then says with a wink at you. “Eskild bought it for me, and there’s one for you, too.” Linn looks at Noora, who lets out a gasp and stares at you.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Oh man, I can’t _wait_ to see that,” Eva says and gives you a hug as well. Letting go of you, she leaves a hand on your shoulder, looking into your eyes. “Are you on a mission to dress us all in traditional moroccan clothes?”

 

Both of you laugh at that and you take Noora’s and Eva’s hands to lead them to the living room. “I just thought it would be nice if the kollektiv showed some respect for Sana’s family’s traditions,” you explain.

 

Eva nods slowly, winking at Noora, who still looks a little overwhelmed. “I like that,” she chuckles and watches with delight as Noora approaches the third paper bag still standing next to one of the couches. She watches it as if she’s afraid some kind of monster will jump out any second.

 

“Just try it on, Noora, I’m sure you’ll like it,” you tell her, squeezing her hand and then letting go. Noora smiles hesitantly and then bends down to reach into the bag. She carefully pulls out the royal blue farasha and unfolds it, holding it up in front of herself.

 

“It’s blue,” she says slowly. “And it’s a dress.” Noora clears her throat and then turns around, frowning at you. “I don’t wear dresses, not long ones anyway.”

 

Eva giggles again and steps forward to wrap an arm around her. “Awwh, Noora, the colour matches your eyes! Just try it on, come on!”

 

Linn nods with a smile and runs a hand over Noora’s hair. “She’s right. I bet you’ll look awesome!”

 

Noora looks at both of them with a hesitant grimace, but then she looks up at you, clearing her throat. “Thank you, Eskild. I think I will try it on, but there is no way I’m wearing it to the party. It’s too … colorful for me.”

 

“Noora, for fuck’s sake! You’ll look out of place if you don’t dress up! Everyone will wear colours, even Sana!” Eva exclaims, pressing a kiss to her girlfriend’s forehead. “I’ll buy one too tomorrow, I’m sure Eskild can tell me where he got this one.” She turns to look at you with a questioning expression. “What do you think of purple?”

 

Have you mentioned how much you love Eva? “Purple would make you look like the queen you are, sweety,” you tell her, folding your hands over your right shoulder, smiling brightly at Noora’s girlfriend.

 

“Alright, that’s settled then. Now put it on,” Eva repeats, kissing Noora’s red lips.

Noora kisses Eva again, smiling against her girlfriend's lips, and then she takes a deep breath, carefully folding the dress. “Okay, I guess I can try it on. But I’m not wearing the headscarf, Sana would laugh her ass off.”

 

Linn points to her own head, rolling her eyes. “That’s exactly what I thought.”

 

Noora smiles kindly at Linn. “I really like green on you, Linn.”

 

And with that, she’s off to her room, closely followed by Eva. Both you and Linn look after them for a moment, and when you turn to her, you know she’s thinking the same as you. “I’m so fucking glad William’s gone,” Linn says, making you chuckle.

 

You put your arm around her and kiss her cheek. “Ah Linn, I could not agree more. He took Noora away from us, but Eva just joined our little family.”

 

Linn snorts out a laugh, but still nods. “Family.” Her voice sounds a little sad at that, so you turn her around and look into her eyes.

 

“Linn, you know I’ll always be around, right? You can be as grumpy as you want around me, I don’t care. You’re my little sister and I’m your big brother. We’ll always take care of each other, right?”

 

You can’t fight a little tear escaping your eye, and to your surprise, Linn puts her hands on your shoulders, looking back at you with watery eyes. “Right,” she says simply and then pulls you into a hug.

 

Resting your chin at her shoulder, you think that no matter what, the Eskild Tryggvason who invited Linn to live with him two years ago - after babbling to her about your boyfriend troubles over coffee at Stockfleths for two hours straight - was a really smart man.


	135. Episode 10: Saturday 24th June, 10:54: If you hurt her, you're dead

 

**_Muttassim Tatoui_ **

 

_Hei Sana, Nasser is wondering if he will_

_meet the girls who got you in the toilet_

_paper mess last year today? I have no_

_idea what he's talking about._

 

_Haha, yes, he will_

 

_Oh good. Wanna fill me in on what's funny_

_about _it? I tried asking Chris but she_ _has been__

_laughing non-stop for ten minutes_ _now ..._

_gotta love her_

 

                                                                                 _Haha, that's Chris! Say Hi from me. And we'll_

_tell you later at the party._

 

_I will, once she can breathe again. Thanks for_

_being cool with us dating, by the way._

_I'm cool as long as you're good to her. If you_

___h _urt her, you’re dead, is all I’m saying.___ _

 

_So are you if you hurt Yousef._

 

_Sounds fair  See you later, Mutta. Are your_

_parents coming?_

 

_Yes, we’re all coming! See you soon!_


	136. Episode 10: Saturday 24th June, 14:14: The Bakkoush surgeons

“No, wait my dear, you have to pour the honey sauce last!”

 

Mamma sounds panicked, but you can hear the smile in her voice as you walk into the kitchen. As always on Eid, it’s a mess in there: pots, cups, spoons and forks are lying around everywhere, some used, some clean and this time, Mamma didn’t even ask for your help.

 

The reason for that awesome turn of events is standing at the counter, brandishing a ladle in front of your mother’s face. “Meryem, trust me, I always do it like this, and it works,” Even says calmly and then looks up, smiling broadly when he sees you.

 

“Hi Sana, do you want to help?” he asks, pointing to the table, where you see a steaming pot of couscous. “We could use some help with the Taboulé, someone has to cut tomatoes.”

 

You frown at him, but Mamma’s eyes light up as she nods. “Yes, you could ask Pappa to join you, he’s just sitting around anyway.”

 

“Nonsense,” you hear your father’s voice from the living room, and moments later he appears in the doorway behind you, frowning at Mamma and Even. “What are you two still bickering about?”

 

He puts an arm around you as Mamma sighs and throws a hesitant look at Even, who is grinning confidently at her. “Even is showing me how he makes Baklava, but I’m not sure it works,” Mamma says, making you and Pappa laugh.

 

“Meryem, my love, do you remember who taught Even to make Baklava? I’m sure she did a great job!” Pappa sounds so proud of Mamma you almost blush as much as she does.

 

“ _I_ didn’t teach him like this,” she protests, but Even has already poured half the honey sauce from the glass in his hand onto the Baklava mix on the baking sheet in front of him.

 

By the time he’s done, Mamma’s expression has gone from horrified to intrigued and she leans forward to peek at the mass of Baklava over Even’s shoulder. “It doesn’t look too bad,” she admits, making Even, Pappa and you laugh.

 

“Alright, where are those tomatoes?” Pappa asks then and Mamma stares at him for a second before she remembers why he’s asking.

 

“Oh, over there in the green bowl, I washed them already.” She points to the table with a kind smile at you and Pappa. Shrugging with a grin, Pappa sits down and gestures for you to the same.

 

“Alright, the Bakkoush surgeons will take care of the tomatoes,” he chuckles and you wink at him, sitting down as well.

 

Mamma brings two cutting boards and knives for you and then joins Even again, no doubt starting a discussion about which pastry to make next.

 

Pappa reaches for a tomato and throws a curious look at you, clearing his throat. “So how is school going, Sana?”

 

“Good. I got a six in that biology exam last week,” you tell him, smiling proudly and also take a tomato from the bowl.

 

“Ah, that’s not a surprise, but congratulations! You like biology don’t you?” Pappa smiles proudly at you while starting to cut the tomato into small cubes.

 

Nodding slowly, you smile back. “Yes, I really like it. We’re learning about the immune system right now.”

 

Pappa grins knowingly. “Do you still want to become a surgeon, Sana?”

 

You look up into his eyes, nodding slowly. “Yes, I do,” you tell him and then do your best to cut the tomato in front of you into halfway neat slices.

 

“I believe you will be a great surgeon, Sana,” Pappa tells you and this time, you smile without looking up, fearing you’ll cut off your finger if you do.

 

“Thank you,” you say, feeling yourself blush.

 

For a few moments, Pappa is silent and the two of you keep on cutting tomatoes while listening to your mother and Even discuss whether or not to roast the sesame seeds for the salad they’re making.

 

“I’m so glad Even is back, Mamma missed her cooking buddy,” Pappa says quietly, making you look up at him with a grin.

 

“I agree, she can’t use either of us for anything but cutting stuff, can she?” you tell him, making both of you laugh.

 

Pappa’s eyes search your face for a moment before he purses his lips with a thoughtful look in his eyes. You have a feeling you know what he’s going to ask next, but strangely, you’re not afraid.

 

“I don’t have to ask about your friends. They are so good to you I sometimes fear your mouth hurts from how much they make you smile.” Pappa giggles and you can’t help but join in. He’s right. During the past ten days, you have had many reasons to smile, and most of them were caused by your friends.

 

“I do wonder about your heart, though,” Pappa adds, his expression curious. But something about the look in his eyes makes a shiver run down your spine. It takes you a moment to realise what it is: Pappa trusts you. Somehow, you know that no matter what you are about to tell him, he’s not going to judge you.

 

And although you hadn’t planned to lie to your father, that realisation makes it all the easier to tell him the truth. “My heart is in good hands, Pappa,” you say in a low voice, blushing furiously.

 

“Yousef is a good person,” Pappa says with a small nod, putting down the knife to take your hand in his. “I know he’s not muslim, but I also know that you are not reckless. And if you trust him, I know you have the best reasons to do so.”

 

His words make you feel warm from head to toe, and with a deep breath, you set down your knife and look into his eyes, squeezing his hand. “I do trust him. But I’m also a bit scared of what people will say about the two of us,” you admit, biting your lower lip.

 

Pappa shakes his head, covering your hand with his free one. “You should only care about what people you love think. If they love you too, they won’t care about anything but you being safe and happy.”

 

You feel tears of joy welling up behind your eyes, so you just nod and bend down to kiss the back of Pappa’s hand.

 

Taking another deep breath, you smile at him and then let go of his hand, picking up your knife again. “Thank you, Pappa,” you whisper, and your father winks at you, going back to cutting his tomato.

 

“Even seems so happy,” he suddenly changes the subject, and you’re pretty sure he does it because he doesn’t want to make you actually cry. “I can’t wait to meet Isak, he must be a really charming boy to make our Even speak of him in such high terms.”

 

You remember seeing Pappa and Even sit in the living room earlier while Mamma was out shopping. That was probably when Even talked to him about his boyfriend. You don’t know whom you’re prouder of: Even for just telling your father about dating a boy without a trace of prejudice, or your father for not even hesitating to accept that Even has a boyfriend.

 

“Isak is a useful biology partner, but I think he’s an even better boyfriend,” you tell your father, making both of you laugh.

 

“He does sound like a good friend as well,” Pappa chuckles, and you nod at him with a slow smile.

 

“Oh yeah, he is.”


	137. Episode 10: Saturday 24th June, 18:29: He told you?

 

**_Noora_ **

 

_Hey Sana, I completely forgot to ask, but can I bring_

_something for the buffet? I made tortilla because your_

_mum said she would like to try it._

 

_Oh my gosh, of course you can bring it! I_

_remember your tortilla from the time you_

_made it at the cabin, it was so good!_

 

_Awesome! Eva and I are going to wear traditional_

_clothes, just as a warning. Eskild bought them for_

_us, apparently he thinks it will be the most respect-_

_ful thing to do._

 

_Haha, I can’t believe he convinced you AND_

_Eva!_

 

_Wait, he told you?_

 

_He asked me what he should bring as a gift_

_and then mentioned he was going to buy_

_farashas for you guys, yeah._

 

_Haha I can’t believe him. So it won’t be_

_offensive for us to show up like that,_

_right? You would tell me?_

 

_Don’t worry, I can’t wait to see you, Linn and Eva_

_wearing traditional Moroccan clothes!_

 

_Gosh, I hope I won’t look silly …_

_You’ll look gorgeous, I’m sure._


	138. Episode 10: Saturday 24th June, 22:49: For all the right reasons

**Sana**

 

You’re standing next to Chris, Vilde, Muttassim and Nasser, Muttassim’s older brother, finally telling your friends how you got rid of the toilet paper last year.

 

“Nasser bought all of it,” you say, giggling happily, and Chris stares at Nasser incredulously.

 

“What did you do with it?” she asks, evidently expecting a spectacular story. Nasser however only chuckles and shrugs while Mutta is bending over with laughter, patting his brother's shoulder as if to congratulate him.

 

“I just sold it to a few different people at the mosque. One guy is a coach at a local football club, he bought about half, and the rest went to a few families. That was it.” All five of you laugh and Vilde pats Nasser’s arm, looking impressed.

 

“You’ve got some nerve, I don’t think I would have had the confidence to pull that off,” she says, and Nasser blushes slightly.

 

“Thank you.” He clears his throat and takes a sip of his water. “I’m a business major at UIO, so I thought of it as a kind of exercise.”

 

Chris nods appreciatingly and smiles at Mutta, who's just come up behind her, wrapping both arms around his girlfriend and kissing her cheek.

 

You watch your friends question Nasser about his studies, realising that the minor worries you had about them feeling comfortable at this party were completely unfounded.

 

And just when you’re about to ask when Eva and Noora are coming, you see the two of them step out of the back door in between Eskild and Linn. Their outfits are always on point, but nothing could have prepared you for how beautiful they all look in traditional Maghrebi clothes. The girls are all wearing farashas, Eva one in purple with gold decorations, Noora is dressed in a blue one with silver threads and sequins, and Linn’s is emerald green with gold decorations. Their hair is down, and particularly Linn’s compliments the colour of her farasha perfectly, making her look like a queen. And Eskild looks like a proud big brother in his black pants and emerald green kaftan, smiling brightly.

 

When the four of them spot you, you realise you’ve been smiling at them like an idiot for a full minute.

 

**Eva**

 

While you felt a little awkward on the tram, sitting next to Eskild, Linn and Noora, the four of you dressed in colorful Maghrebi clothes, that feeling is gone the second you step out into Sana’s family’s backyard.

 

All eyes are on you by the time you reach Sana, but the looks are full of admiration and kind curiosity. You grip Noora’s hand a little tighter and put your other arm around Linn, and then the four of you walk up to Sana with matching grins on your faces.

 

“Hi you guys,” she says, smiling happily and looking all four of you up and down. “You all look so beautiful!”

 

“Thank you, Sana,” Eskild says brightly, stepping forward to shake her hand. “And Eid Mubarak to you all,” he adds, looking around at Yousef, Chris and Mutta, who are all standing next to Sana.

 

“Eid Mubarak,” Sana replies and then steps forward to hug you, Noora and Linn one after the other.. “Ah, I can’t believe Eskild actually convinced all of you to wear farashas, I love it!” she calls after letting go of Linn, marvelling at the three of you with sparkles in her eyes.

 

She’s wearing a pink farasha herself, decorated with silver and gold sequins and threads and a matching pink hijab. You’ve never seen her look so beautiful. “You look gorgeous yourself,” Noora says out loud what you’re thinking, reaching out to touch Sana’s shoulder.

 

Sana laughs happily, blushing a little but before she can reply, Eskild holds out the pretty grey box in his hand. “We brought you some Turkish delight, I hope you like it,” he says, blushing slightly when Sana’s eyes go wide and she gasps with surprise.

 

“Oh, I haven’t had Turkish delight in ages, thank you so much,” she says, taking the box from Eskild and then pulling him into a brief hug.

 

When she lets go of Eskild, you notice Yousef is holding Sana’s hand. He looks handsome in his light green kaftan complimenting his dark brown eyes, but what strikes you the most is the adoring expression on his face whenever he looks at Sana. His whole face lights up with a mix of admiration and incredulousness, as if he couldn’t quite believe she was real. Smiling at the two of them, it hits you that you can’t think of anyone more deserving of being adored like that than Sana.

 

Still grinning happily, you look around the garden. There are lots of people here, everyone talking and eating, and you’re about to ask Noora to walk over to the buffet with you when you hear a familiar laugh from the centre of the garden.

 

Isak is sitting on a bench at a table next to Even, the two of them talking animatedly. Your smile grows impossibly wider and you squeeze Noora’s hand, making her look at you. “What is it, Eva?” she asks, leaning her chin on your shoulder and putting both arms around you from behind.

 

“Can you believe that guy over there is Isak? Grumpy, cynical Isak who hated everything and everyone only a year ago?”

 

Both of you laugh softly and then Noora sighs and plants a soft kiss on your cheek. You lean into her embrace as she whispers in your ear. “No. But then again, I can’t believe … us, either.”

 

A shiver runs down your spine at her words and you turn around in Noora’s arms to cup her face between your palms. It still feels a bit awkward, touching your girlfriend like this in public, but you feel comfortable here, in Sana’s home. “Neither can I,” you whisper, looking into Noora’s eyes before leaning in to kiss her.

 

Feeling her sigh against your lips, you think that this must be how Isak felt last year at the Christmas party, where he finally dared to kiss Even in public, at least you hope so. Because you’ve never felt more loved, free, and completely like yourself.

 

**Isak**

 

You’re sitting next to Even on one of the benches in the centre of the Bakkoush’s backyard, letting him feed you one spectacular-tasting food after the other.

 

“What’s this called again?” you ask with a full mouth, pointing to the salad Even just fed you from.

 

“Taboulé, baby. You and Said cut the mint leaves for it, remember? When Sana ran off to get changed and you took over?”

 

Even gives you a look that would make you feel bad if he wasn’t smiling at the same time.

 

Nodding slowly, you smile back. “Right, that’s why it tastes so good,” you tell him, making Even laugh. You’ve always loved his laugh, but ever since he made up with his old friends, it has begun to sound even more cheerful. For that alone, you love Elias, Mutta, Yousef, Adam and Mikael already. At first, you were a little jealous of them because they got to spend their childhood with Even and know him better than anyone. But they welcomed you with open arms, just as if you’d been a part of Even’s life for as long as they have, and before you knew it, you realised you care about them as much as Even does.

 

“I’ll let you believe that,” Even giggles and brushes a piece of a mint leaf off your cheek, looking into your eyes. “Have you tried the spicy potatoes?”

He picks up one of them with his fork and raises his eyebrows at you.

 

You open your mouth with a shrug as a silent request to be fed, and Even obliges with a happy laugh. He watches you chew for a moment, a questioning look on his face, until you nod approvingly. “Spicy, but I like it,” you tell him.

 

“I know, right? We used to eat this kind of food every day after school,” Even says, his face lighting up at the memory.

 

“So you know how to make this?” you ask, loving the sparkle in your boyfriend’s eyes when he realises you are about to ask him to cook Moroccan food for you.

 

“I do, Meryem taught me everything,” he says, reaching for your hand to pull you close until your faces are so close to each other your noses are touching. “Do you want me to make Moroccan food for you?” Even murmurs in a low voice that makes you want to drag him into a dark corner to kiss the living shit out of him.

 

Swallowing hard, you nod slowly, your nose brushing Evens. “Yes, please,” you breathe back and Even presses a brief kiss to your lips, still grinning.

 

“Alright, that’s a date,” he says and moves his head back, looking down at his plate, undoubtedly trying to decide what to feed you next.

 

“Is it good?” someone asks and you look up to see Meryem watching the two of you with a mix of worry and adoration.

 

“Meryem, you and I made the food, so of course it’s good,” Even reassures her instantly, reaching out for her hand. Meryem laughs happily, squeezing Even’s hand for a moment and then sitting down on the bench facing yours, folding her hands in her lap.

 

“Do you like it too, Isak?” she asks, winking at you and you can’t help but chuckle at that. Looking up at her, you notice she looks very nice in her dark blue dress with a matching hijab and silver jewelry around her neck and wrists.

 

“I love it, Meryem, the food is really amazing,” you tell her, looking into her eyes. She winks again, letting out what you hope is a fake sigh of relief.

 

“Oh good, I’m glad.” She’s about to get to her feet again when Even holds on to her wrist, looking into her eyes.

 

“I have no idea how I survived without your cooking for so long,” he says earnestly, and you can see in Even’s expression that he is not just talking about food.

 

Looking at Meryem, you can tell she knows that, because as she gets to her feet, she purses her lips and swallows hard as if she’s fighting tears. “You’re back now,” she says as Even gets up, setting his plate down on the table.

 

“I’m back now,” he says cheerfully and wraps her in a hug. Meryem hugs him back, chuckling happily and when she lets go, you could swear you see tears of joy glistening in her eyes.

 

“Enjoy the food,” she then says to both of you, and you just nod with a kind smile as she turns to walk away. But then she pauses, turning back to face the two of you again, hesitantly clearing her throat. “You know that both of you … you’re always welcome here, to eat and … spend time with us?”

 

You share a look with Even before both of you turn to Meryem with matching smiles and nods. “Yes, we do,” Even says softly, making Meryem blush.

 

“Thank you so much,” you add, and Meryem winks at the two of you before walking away towards Said, who has apparently been watching the three of you from where he’s standing beside the buffet. He opens his arms and Meryem walks right into them burying her face in the crook of his neck.

 

“Can you believe they’ve been married for over twenty years?” Even asks, lacing his fingers together with yours and pointing your joint hands to Meryem and Said.

 

Shaking your head, you wrap your free arm around Even’s waist and kiss his cheek. “I hope to be like that at their age,” you admit, blushing slightly. You don’t want to be the cheesy sap saying you want to still be happy with Even at that age, although you are thinking just that.

 

“We will be,” Even says softly, as if he were reading your mind, and then his thumb raises your chin until your eyes meet his. He’s blushing as well, but before you can say something even sappier, he captures your lips in a kiss, making you forget why you were embarrassed a second ago.

 

It’s always like that with Even. He takes away your fear of being exactly who you are and makes you feel strong instead.

 

And although you can’t tell the future, you can’t help but think that it will always be that way.

 

**Magnus**

 

You’re sitting in between Mahdi and Jonas, listening to them arguing about which food on their plates is the best. It’s pointless, but those two have always enjoyed bickering about little things. You exchange an eye-roll with Mahdi’s sister Bahar, who’s sitting next to you, visibly enjoying herself.

 

“My brother thinks he knows everything about food,” she tells you, giggling happily.

 

Scoffing slightly, you nod. “He thinks that about other stuff, too.”

 

The two of you laugh at that, but then you notice Bahar looking up at Chris sitting down next to Vilde, who’s eating happily across from you.

 

“Hi girl,” Chris says, throwing a hesitant look at you. Getting the hint, you stand up and clear your throat.

 

“Can I get you anything, Villy?” you ask, but Vilde just winks at you with a grateful smile.

 

“Thanks, I’m still eating.” Her voice is full of kindness and you wonder how on earth you deserve her. She may have her problems, but whenever you’re feeling down, no one can make you feel better as fast and effectively as Vilde. Just last week when your mum was feeling down, Vilde cheered you up just by being there and telling you about how she and her friends got their shit together, finally understanding Sana properly. She never needed many words, and she didn't even have to address your mother's illness to make you feel understood and taken care of. It also doesn't hurt that she’s the funniest girl you’ve ever met and has a way of turning the most serious situation into one where neither of you can stop laughing for ages.

 

Nodding slowly, you walk away to the buffet, where you bump shoulders with Elias, who is loading different kinds of food onto his plate. He looks up at you with a hesitant grin, offering you the spoon of the salad he’s just been helping himself to.

 

“Have you tried the Zaalouk?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at you.

 

“Uh, yeah actually,” you tell him, chuckling slightly. “Cucumber aren’t usually my thing, but this is really good.”

 

Elias nods with an approving smile and then puts down the spoon, looking into your eyes. “Listen, Magnus … “ He wipes a hand over his mouth as if to steel himself before going on. “I’m sorry about what happened with Vilde and I at that party. I was out of control, and if we hadn’t been drunk out of our minds, neither of us would have even touched the other.”

 

You can’t say you’re surprised to hear Elias address the reason you hated him before you met him. During the two times you have hung out with him and the boys, you noticed that he is an utterly honest and upfront person. Apart from the fact that you know his sister is too much of a no-bullshit person to ever lie, that realisation fully convinced you that Elias didn't sleep with Vilde.

Not quite sure what to say to him, you just nod slowly and pat his shoulder.

 

“I swear to God, even though nothing actually happened, I feel horrible about it. And it made me never want to drink again,” Elias adds with such a guilty-conscious look on his face you just have to smile at him.

 

“It’s okay, Elias,” you say quietly. “I believe you. Vilde called me that night, and she can’t lie when she’s drunk. She didn’t tell me about you, but she did say that she would never cheat on me and that she is very happy to have me.”

 

Elias smiles kindly at you, reaching out to put a hand on your shoulder. “I’ve gotten to know your girlfriend a bit, and she is definitely very much in love with you, man. You’re lucky.”

 

You nod absentmindedly, almost automatically turning around to look at Vilde, who’s still talking to Chris. “I guess I am, huh?” you say, watching Vilde hug her friend with happy tears in her eyes. When she moves her head back, she says something to Chris that makes both of them turn to look at you.

 

Vilde smiles fondly at you while Chris stares, looking confused for a moment, until a knowing smile spreads on her face. You’re not usually good at guessing what people are saying while you’re not listening. But you’re pretty sure that whatever it is Vilde just told Chris is another part of the reason you don’t feel stupid for believing her and Elias that nothing happened between them.

 

So you turn back to Elias, pulling him into a short hug. Elias scoffs with surprise but then hugs you back before letting go and looking at you with a confused but relieved smile.

 

“You’re a good guy, Elias,” you tell him and then reach for a new paper plate. “Now, can we stop being saps and eat?”

 

Elias laughs with relief, nodding slowly and picking up the spoon of a bowl filled with what looks like a delicious potato salad. “Absolutely, I’m still starving.”

 

**Noora**

 

You always knew Eva loves good food, but you’ve never enjoyed watching her eat as much as right now. Every bite she takes makes her let out a happy sigh or even a little moan, and a small part of you wishes you could drag her away to a bedroom somewhere.

 

“Gosh, Noora, I love Moroccan food,” Eva sighs and kisses your lips. Tasting a variety of spices on hers, you think that you should definitely cook Moroccan for her once if it makes her this happy.

 

Someone clears their throat next to you, and you’re surprised to see Mahdi standing on the other side of the table, holding a young girl by her hand. “Can we sit here?” he asks and points to the girl next to him.

 

“Sure,” you and Eva say in unison, eyeing them both curiously.

 

Mahdi chuckles quietly and puts his plate down on the table while the girl sits down across from you. “This is my sister Bahar,” Mahdi explains and sits down as well, smiling hesitantly at the two of you.

 

“Hello Bahar, I’m Eva and this is Noora,” says Eva and reaches across the table to shake the girl’s hand. A wave of affection for your girlfriend washes over you. She’s always kind to everyone she meets without hesitation, a fact you absolutely love about her.

 

Bahar smiles happily at both of you and nods. “I know, Mahdi told me about you two. And please call me Bahki. Bahar sounds so ... stiff.”

 

“Of course, Bahki. So, your brother told you about us?” you ask, shaking her hand as well, smiling curiously at her and Mahdi.

 

Mahdi looks down at his hands for a moment before clearing his throat again. “Uh, yeah, I wanted her to meet you two.”

That makes both you and Eva frown at him, but before either of you can ask anything, Mahdi goes on. “Bahki … she recently told me something that made me think meeting you girls might be good for her.” He speaks so fast it takes you a moment to take in what he said.

 

But then, Bahar lets out a gasp and drops her fork. “Seriously?” she asks her brother, staring at him with a mix of shock and adoration. “Mahdi, I can’t believe …” She swallows hard and then turns to you and Eva, blushing furiously.

 

Mahdi watches his sister with a fond look in his eyes, putting an arm around her shoulders as she searches for words.

 

“Uhm, so this is a little weird, but last week, I told Mahdi something about me …” Bahar says with a low voice, looking around to make sure no one else is listening. Both you and Eva lean in closer so Bahar doesn’t have to speak up too loudly. She smiles gratefully and throws another look at Mahdi before she takes a deep breath and goes on. “I think… no, by now I know … I’m gay.”

 

Eva reaches out to cover Bahar’s hand with her own, smiling warmly at her. “I’m glad you were able to tell him, Bahki,” she says and you squeeze her hand at hearing the slight shiver in her voice.

 

Bahar lets out a long sigh and leans her head on Mahdi’s shoulder. “I was so scared, but all he said was that he’s glad I told him and that he has two female friends who recently started dating …”

 

You smile happily at Mahdi, thinking that you have seriously underestimated him. _If only every queer child had a brother like him._

 

Mahdi laughs shortly and then purses his lips. “I’m sorry if this is too random …” he begins, but you put a hand on his arm and shake your head.

 

“It’s more than fine,” you reassure him with a wink and then turn to his sister. “So, are you in love with anyone, Bahki?”

 

Bahar giggles nervously and closes her eyes for a moment. When she opens them again, you see a familiar sparkle in her eye. It takes you a minute to realise it’s the same one you saw in Eva’s eyes after the first time you kissed her.

 

Turning to look at her, you find Eva staring at you with that exact same expression, and you just have to kiss her. Eva sighs against your lips, cupping your face with her hands and when she moves back, she pulls you close by your waist until you’re almost sitting on her lap before both of you turn to Bahar again.

 

“Tell us everything about her,” Eva demands, making all four of you laugh, and then Bahar leans forward on her elbows and clears her throat to tell you all about her crush.

 

**Jamilla**

 

“So, you can’t even drink during the day? Isn’t that really really hard?” Ingrid asks with a mix of admiration and shock on her face. She’s standing in front of you and Ayaan, watching both of you with a curious expression.

 

“You get used to it, but the first few days are quite rough, yes,” you admit, taking a sip of your juice.

 

As you understand, Ingrid has only recently become friends with Sana, and you can tell: She seems a little scared of offending people with her questions, but you don’t understand why: her curiosity is kind and not judgmental.

 

“Wow, I admire you, really,” she says, smiling kindly and taking a bite of the Baklava on her plate. “Oh, and this food … I mean, I’ve only ever had Lebanese pastry from stores in terms of Middle Eastern food, but this is entirely different.”

 

You decide not to correct her: Morocco is in Northern Africa, not the Middle East, but since the food is similar, you can let it slide. “I know, right? Sana’s mum makes the best Baklava ever,” you tell her and Ingrid nods with wide eyes.

 

“I’ve only ever tasted this one, but I’m sure you’re right,” she giggles and then looks at Ayaan with an admiring expression. “I love your style, by the way.”

 

“Thank you,” Ayaan says and adjusts her bottle green hijab, looking down at her white linen pants and dark blue shirt. “You look great, too.”

 

Ingrid seems surprised, but her cheeks blush a bright red, perfectly matching her red summer dress. “Uh, you think? Isn’t it like .. too short?”

 

Ayaan smiles kindly and exchanges a knowing look with you before she replies. “No, I think it’s a good length, it shows off your legs. I like it,” she reassures Ingrid, who blushes even more.

 

“Sara always said my legs look like sticks in short dresses,” she says so quietly you can hardly hear her.

 

You feel a sting in your heart and step forward to put a hand on Ingrid’s shoulder. “She’s wrong, Ingrid, you look great,” you tell her, looking into her eyes.

 

Ingrid lets out a long sigh, smiling gratefully at you. “I’m sorry,  I don’t want to bother you with my girl drama.”

 

Ayaan and you both start laughing at that. “Don’t worry, we know a thing or two about girl drama,” your cousin says, patting Ingrid’s arm and then looking at you. “Remember that little bitch who kept trying to tell us how to wear our hijabs in sixth grade?”

Now Ingrid looks intrigued, leaning forward with an amused smile.

 

“Insha’Allah I’ll forget her one day,” you grumble with an eyeroll, making both Ingrid and Ayaan laugh.

 

As Ingrid takes a step closer and Ayaan starts telling her about the infamous Elif from middle school, you spot Sana talking to Isak. They’re standing next to one of the tables, both eating watermelon and smiling happily at each other.

 

You can’t help but smile too at the thought that God must really love you: Not only did He bring Sana back into your life, but along with her, you got a whole new group of friends. Looking around the garden, you catch Eva’s eye who is watching the three of you talk with a content look on her face, reminding you of how happy she looked when she introduced Ingrid to you earlier. You don’t know the details, but you’re aware that the two of them used to be best friends before a lot of girl drama tore them apart.

 

Maybe that’s why you feel so close to Ingrid, in spite of the fact that she’s a little awkward around you. Both of you know what it’s like to lose your best friend, and both of you got said best friend back.

 

If that’s not a reason to bond over sharing girl drama stories, you don’t know what is.

 

**Sana**

 

You’re standing in front of Isak, watching him eat his watermelon while enjoying your own. Both of you can’t stop grinning, since Isak just told you he got a five on his biology exam.

 

"Did Even distract you too much for you to study properly?" you tease, winking at him.

 

Isak blushes slightly, shaking his head. "No, I was just a lazy ass," he admits, biting his lower lip. When all you do in reply is giggle maliciously, he adds: "Shut up, Sana." But you can hear the laugh in his voice and he obviously has trouble hiding a smile.

 

"I'll help you study again next time, maybe more than once? You could join me with Jamilla, she kicks ass at biology," you suggest, and Isak's eyes go wide.

 

"Oh wow, that would be awesome, yeah."

 

He takes another bite of watermelon, nodding with appreciation before clearing his throat. "I never knew I liked watermelon this much," he says, making you giggle.

 

"You've never had it?" you wonder, frowning at him. "This isnt' a Morrocan thing, you know?"

 

Isak chuckles slightly and nods again. "I know, but it's better than other watermelons I've tasted."

 

"Well, that's good then. You should eat them more, they're good for you," you say, raising both eyebrows at him.

 

Isak looks at his feet for a moment and when his eyes meet yours again, his expression is amix of warm and slightly mischievous. "So ... I have to admit, I kind of like the way Yousef looks at you."

 

You blush furiously at that, covering your face with your free hand. "Shut up," you say, sounding way too fond for Isak to stop grinning. For a long moment, the two of you just look at each other with dim-witted smiles, eating watermelon and exchanging meaningful looks. In all the time you've known him, you think what you've come to love most about Isak is that he's just as awkward as you.

 

“So, are you happy with him?” Isak finally asks, blushing furiously again.

 

You nod at him, swallowing your bite before replying. “Yeah, he’s alright.”

 

Isak giggles and takes another bite of watermelon. “You are the worst liar I know.”

 

“Oh shut up, like you’re the expert at lying,” you tell him shoving him him lightly. “I bet you can’t lie to Even about anything.”

 

Opening and closing his mouth a few times with a shocked expression, Isak finally deflates and gives you a defeated look. “Fine, you’re right, I can’t lie to him.” He sighs deeply, looking over to the buffet, where Even is standing with Mutta, Mikael and Yousef, the three of them laughing together. Isak’s eyes light up and although it’s not the first time you see that look on his face, it still fascinates you how obviously in love with Even he is.

 

“I don’t have to ask you if you’re happy with Even,” you say, making Isak shake his head with a bashful smile. “You’re lucky to have him,” you add, hoping Isak doesn’t find your tone patronising.

 

“I know,” Isak says simply, looking into your eyes with a grateful expression that makes you blush. “Thank you again, Sana. For ...everything.”

 

“You’re still welcome,” you say, trying to think of something to lighten the mood and make your blush go away, but then you suddenly notice your four best friends standing in the middle of the lawn with their arms linked, facing you.

 

Someone clinks a glass, and everyone goes quiet. Before you can ask what’s going on, Noora clears her throat, making you look at her. She’s standing very upright in between Chris and Vilde, obviously nervous. But her smile is warm when your eyes meet hers.

 

“Everyone, can you stand next to Sana please, we would like to give her a little gift,” Noora says with a shaking voice. The guests do as she asks and only a minute later, everyone is gathered behind you. Yousef slips his hand into yours, exchanging a soft smile with you, and Jamilla takes your other arm, smiling happily at you and then your four friends. You notice that Vilde is clutching Noora’s and Eva’s arms nervously, but her smile is full of love. And suddenly, you find yourself getting impatient to find out what the girls’ gift could be.

 

Finally, Even shushes everyone and then puts his arms around Isak’s waist from behind, looking expectantly at the four girls in front of you, and the crowd goes completely silent.

 

Eva then clears her throat as well and unfolds a piece of paper, throwing a quick glance at it before raising her voice. “Dear Sana. This speech is for you.”

 

Eva hands the note to Vilde, who doesn’t seem to need it though. She looks straight into your eyes as she speaks. “We thought long and hard about what we could give you to tell you how much you mean to us.”

 

Noora takes the note from Vilde but barely glances at it before adding: “And we know that actions speak louder than words, but since the five of us recently learned how much good kind words can do, we decided to use words to show our love.”

 

Chris doesn’t even take the note, so Noora reaches behind Vilde’s back to give it back to Eva as Chris says with a warm voice: “So bear with us, while we pour our heart out to our best bud, folks.”

 

The crowd chuckles softly and you feel yourself blush, not sure what to expect but absolutely certain you will love every word you’re about to hear.

 

Eva holds up the note in front of her face for a moment and then looks into your eyes. “Sana, you are so brave to live your life the way you believe is right, no matter what people try to put in your way. So what if some people think you should hook up with guys and get drunk every weekend?” Eva winks at you, making you chuckle happily, before she goes on.

 

“You are a kick-ass girl who rocks at basketball – honestly people, if you ever get the chance to go watch one of Sana’s games, DO IT!” Yousef lets out a small cheer at that, making everyone laugh again. Eva waits for the laughter to die down and then continues. “You also don’t care about what other people think of you, something I want to learn from you.”

 

You smile gratefully at Eva, thinking that you couldn’t be prouder of her. She’s attending this party with Noora as her girlfriend after being afraid of what that means for a long time, and you can only imagine how much strength that took. You’ll also never forget that Eva forgave you in the blink of an eye for saying horrible things about her, just because she trusts  and loves you.

 

With shaking fingers, Eva hands the note to Vilde, who looks at it a little longer this time, before her eyes find yours. “You have so much love in your heart, Sana,” she starts, and you can already tell you’re going to tear up. “You’ve thrown water at people who insulted me, you gave me your honest opinion on things I was being naïve about, and you have treated my family as if they were your own.  And you did all that during times when I was being unfair to you. I hope to somehow be able to give that love back in a way.”

  
A single tear of joy runs down your cheek but you keep smiling bravely at Vilde, the first woman you’d take to war with you. She’s proven you right more than once already, and you can’t wait to see what kinds of amazing things she will accomplish in the future.

 

Noora takes the note from Vilde, clearing her throat again - as she always does when she’s nervous - and then looks into your eyes. “Sana, I am so proud to call you my friend. We have misunderstood each other sometimes, but I know that no matter what, you stand by my side and accept me for exactly who I am.” You notice Eva reaching out to squeeze Noora’s arm at those words and you have to bite your lip to stop yourself from crying.

Noora smiles at Eva for a second and then goes on. “We are different, but instead of letting it separate us, you have shown us all that our differences make us stronger if we just stand together and care for each other no matter what.”

 

 _Oh, now you’re giving me too much credit,_ you think but you can’t say anything, because you’re sure you’d start bawling your eyes out if you tried. So you blink a few times, smiling bravely as you watch Chris frowning at the note for a moment before looking up into your eyes with the most gentle expression you’ve ever seen on her.

 

“Sana, you are one of the fiercest people I know. I admire you for the strength with which you stand up for what you believe in. Not even once have you ever backed down just to make things easier for yourself.” Chris takes a deep breath and you do the same to try to loosen the lump in your throat. “You are you, without excuses, and that is why I trust you one hundred percent. I would one day like to be able to be as bluntly honest as you. It is refreshing and healing at the same time.”

 

And that’s it. You can’t hold the tears back anymore. Before you know it, you let go of Yousef and Jamilla and run towards your friends, throwing your arms around Chris and Noora, who laugh softly and hug you back.

 

You hear Eva emit a half-laugh, half-sob before she raises her voice once again. “So, before we all start crying too, let’s just wrap this up: Sana, you’re amazing and we are all so glad to have you. And to celebrate that we all have each other, we decided to do something silly.”

 

Disentangling yourself from Chris and Noora, you’re faced with Vilde holding out a white envelope to you with blinding smiles. “Thank you,” you say with an unsteady voice, taking the envelope from her and opening it with shaking fingers. “I’m sorry, I can’t read right now,” you say with a laugh after staring at the papers inside for ten seconds.

 

Vilde giggles and then turns to the crowd, holding up the papers you just took from the envelope. “We are going to Tromsø for a prolonged weekend. A friend of Chris’s mother has a little cabin there that we can use and we will take little hiking trips and stuff,” she explains, making the crowd cheer and clap.

 

And finally, all four girls wrap their arms around you in the messiest of group hugs, under the applause and cheers of the other guests. You’re almost relieved to notice that all five of you are crying happy tears while letting out shaky giggles in between.

 

“You really are my favourite people of all time,” you finally tell them, taking each of the girls right hands in both of yours and kissing their knuckles, one after the other.

 

“Likewise,” Noora whispers, and the other three nod in agreement.

 

“No more drama now, eh? Only the drama we cause together,” Chris says with a chuckle, wiping her eyes.

 

Vilde giggles happily and bops Chris’s nose. “I’m on board with that.”

 

“Hear, hear,” Eva agrees and then the four of you hug again for the longest time, while the crowd of guests dissolves around you, everyone spreading out to the tables and the buffet.

 

When the five of you finally let go of each other, Eva and Noora declare they have to go to the bathroom and Vilde pulls Chris towards the buffet, saying she has to try some of the ‘delicious Taboulé’. You watch them walk away with a happy smile, but before you can disappear into the house to check if your make-up needs touching up, you feel a familiar hand slide into yours.

 

“Your friends are pretty awesome,” Yousef whispers in your ear, and you turn to look into his eyes, nodding slowly.

 

“I can’t believe this just happened,” you tell him, your voice still a little croaky.

 

Yousef laughs softly and pulls you into a hug, kissing the back of your hijab. “Oh, believe me, it did happen. And you deserve it so much,” he says at your ear, making you giggle happily.

 

“Thank you, Yousef,” you say then, moving your head back to look at him. “For everything.”

He frowns slightly, taking both your hands in his. “What is ‘everything’?” he asks gently, and you try to look casual, shrugging and pursing your lips.

 

“Your patience, mostly. I was one thick idiot and took way too much time to figure out …” you begin, but Yousef interrupts you by putting a finger to your lips.

 

“You _needed_ time, that’s okay,” he says gently and then you see him stare at something behind you.

 

Turning around, you see your parents and your brother looking over at you and Yousef. At first, you’re almost nervous, worrying about what they are thinking, but then you catch Mamma’s eye. She smiles at you and then nods approvingly at Yousef. Your father just grins like an idiot, as if he had just caught you doing something naughty and was looking forward to tell your mother about it, although she’s right there.

 

Yousef squeezes your hand then and nods at your parents, blushing furiously but that only  makes him look more handsome than he already is. “Come on, let’s go sit over there,” you tell him, pointing towards the table your family is sitting at.

 

To your surprise, Yousef doesn’t even hesitate, but squeezes your hand even tighter before following you. “Sure, why not?” he says with a nervous chuckle, but the look on his face is calm and happy.

 

And as you walk over to join your family, you think that although Eid has always been your favourite day of the year, you think that this is the one you will never EVER forget.

 

For all the right reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I actually finished this project!! After the last clip of season 4 aired, I had the crazy idea to write my own version of Sana's story. Four months of extensive research, writing and emotional rollercoasters later, I am actually really totally done :-) I want to thank some people who helped me get here:
> 
> My main beta Fee! I can't thank you enough for your kind support, constructive criticism and incredible support! Thanks to you, I have learned so much about your and Sana's shared religion, and you really made me come visit Istanbul again! I love you very very much 
> 
> My main girl Megan! Without you, I would have given up on this season before even writing the first word. Our discussions in Birkelund parken in Oslo and the follow-up Whatsapp conversations gave me so many inputs and ideas I was able to build an outline that made sense! Thank you so much for believing in me and supporting me through all of this! All my love to you <3 
> 
> My amazingly patient and kind beta Lulu @thelordvoldemort! You made sure that the scenes where Even's mental illness is featured and Linn's part of Friday of the last ep make sense and are as accurate as possible! It never ceases to amaze me how dedicated you were to helping me make this work! They may have been just a few scenes in this fic, but they were about characters that are so important to me! Also, having no idea about mental illness myself, I am so freaking grateful to you for your unwavering support!! <3 I love you :-) <3
> 
> And last but not least, I am so incredibly grateful to my readers, in particular the ones who shared their feelings with me in kind and elaborate feedbacks! Marie, Wy, Isabell, Yan, Ally, Gaya, Ilana, Vero and Sarah, you are all so wonderful and as a writer, I could not wish for kinder and more fantastic readers! You're all amazing!
> 
> Now, I hope I'll get my project for the Big Bang done in time <3 I can't wait to share that one with you :-) <3


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